Are you Friends with the Queen?

Knowing royalty comes with its perks and duties. You may get invited to fancy soiree events but you’ll also be expected to keep secrets to earn their trust. You’ll be invited to exclusive locations with the most elegant food and extravagant entertainment. You may even be sworn to a conspiracy or two depending on the events that occur. You’ll be asked not to spread any gossip and maybe deny the presence of their company to others, but it’s all worth it for the invite to the next black-tie gig. Or you might merely correspond with her for business. You’ll deal with the administrative team and receive the stationary with barely a whiffle of one’s knowledge of you. If you’re lucky, you might receive a Christmas card signed with a rubber stamp. But you might use this arrangement to persuade others to do business with you so long as you keep the correspondence.

Curtailed Court

I hope that this building will be put to good use. It’s hard to say what it might have been in previous years other than for storage, but there’s little practical use for it now. It’s a shame to see it fenced off. I know it’s for safety but hopefully it will be restored and put to good use rather than be demolished. The building seems sturdy enough; it’s just the tower that seems to have suffered. Hopefully it’s just a case of the weather. It might be well restored inside, and it’s just the roof that’s suffering. It could make a great focal point, though you might not have any great views and you’ll probably have to knock a hole into it to create a window. The adjacent building could also make an interesting space but it also needs some windows. Perhaps the traditional design of the building isn’t up to today’s standards.

Shake and Bake #titannabell 17

His hearing was a bit muffled, and he couldn’t see much, but he could make out some girlish laughter followed by his colleague laughing nervously. Titannabell scooped up the other guard in one hand. Her red nails hovered over the guard’s cuisse then began to dig into the armour. It didn’t take long for the nails to make a hole, then she peeled off the entire lower suit as if it was a banana. She then lowered the guard over her vagina.

‘Hold on tight boys’ she said. She slowly rolled over and used her huge weight to pound the guard into the floor. With each thrust, the whole room began to shake, and more dust descended from the ceiling, followed by a few extra cracks. On and on it went, and the guard couldn’t hear anything of his colleague because of all the noise of metal on concrete. ‘How isn’t anyone else hearing this?’ he thought.

Bridging the Gap

It might seem nice when you bring a bunch of friends together at a spur of the moment encounter, but you also need to read the situation. It might not be polite to keep everyone hanging, especially if you’re on your way to another destination. Something’s not right when you’re not offered any refreshment either. It’s almost as if you’ve invaded the moment, especially when all the host wants to do is to sit outside in the fresh air with a spot of lunch. And you’ll forever be seen as an invader desperate to make a connection to see what you can extract from them, even if it’s just a glimpse around the premises. It wasn’t anything special, just a plain cottage in the countryside that was newly built. There wasn’t even a garden, just a large drive and a lawn. But at least you can demonstrate that you’re not afraid of anything. 

Island of Fire

Despite the film featuring a main leading actor, his actual role in the plot of this film is quite significant. There’s also some confusion about the motif for the plot in the first place. I was under the impression that they were undercover cops but they seemed to have very little support. There’s some great comic appearances from the other characters who just seem to love doing what they do. And there’s a couple of bullying habits as well to add to the corruption. It was also hard to keep up with what was happening when. I didn’t understand the logic of going undercover to investigate someone who was already dead only to become a product of that system. The final scene has very little odds of them succeeding, and makes the whole journey unrealistic. The title doesn’t really reflect the film, and a lot has been lost in translation.  

Taking you off the table

There’s something missing in this story. How did the seller know that the caller was a black man. Was it a video call? Or was it an overaction on the part of the caller making an assumption? The seller could have had their own preference of seller and was only required to advertise the sale for legal reasons. Or perhaps the buyer wanted to emphasise his own traits. Some may see this as the end but it’s really up to you to keep these issues in the limelight, and you might persuade them to give you a second chance or find someone at a different table who will want to make a similar or better offer. There are many ways to achieve your goals, and if one path closes there’s no reason as to why you can’t build your own. But beware of using cliches, especially if there’s no explanation as others may take them to be literal.

A not so elegant evening #Sherduck 12

Sure enough, Sherduck headed straight for the bar. He didn’t even take his coat off. The barman sighed as he ordered his usual bottle of absinth over ice. All this guy did was talk down to people. At least his sidekick had already put some money down for the evening. He wondered if that included a tip.

‘So it may be nothing’ said Sherduck, but I think that our perpetrator has a nicotine addiction. A little like mine, but in poorer taste.’

‘How so?’ said Buttons.

‘Well, I found a few discarded ends by the church door. We might get a DNA match if it’s a known offender.’

‘And if it’s not a known offender then it’ll be a complete waste of time’ said Buttons.

‘Not necessarily’ said Sherduck. We can ask any suspect to take a DNA test to prove whether they were in the vicinity.’

‘But surely it’d be easier to check the body’ said Buttons.

King of the Hippies

He’s going for that hippy Jesus look. He has his hair long and curly if he’s going for the casual look, or straight tied back into a ponytail if he’s being more formal. His clothing is always threadbare, plain, and minimal. Expect shorts and sandals at most times. A perfect beard surrounds his pointy chin. He’s open to a pint and an odd strong puff or two if he can get it and he’s only representing himself. He’s in a position of power, maybe because he’s studied philosophy, but he doesn’t have that natural loud voice to be a leader. He prefers to listen rather than take part. But at least he’s honest and likes to ask others for their opinions before expressing his own, so he has the advantage of knowing when there’s conflict and can steer the conversation accordingly. He’s not afraid to express that something amuses him.

Who Lives in a House like This? #hadzor

On the righthand side of the road is a triangular entrance to a wood. At the end of the drive is a rather large house, the kind of house you’d expect to find in a Western with prostitutes lounging on the balconies. The footpath will take you right past the entrance and into the field beyond. Bear northeast until you reach the road, and you’ll see the golf course opposite. Follow the road north past a cluster of cottages and the memorial hall on your left until you come to the entrance of a cul-de-sac. Continue directly north passing the remains of the tower, and pass the farm buildings. Before you reach the next farm cottage, you’ll see a sign for a footpath on your right. Follow the footpath east and it’ll link you up with a track road. After passing a wood on your left, take the north track which will take you across a series of fields to reach the main road. Once you’ve crossed the road there should be a gap which will allow you to access the towpath next to the canal, follow this west to return to the car park.

 

Water Park #dreamdiary 164

I’ve returned to the water park. It’s at a holiday resort that we’ve stayed in before. The adventure playground is amazing. Last time I spent ages looking for a specific waterslide section and it took me ages to find it. It didn’t take me long this time though. The tiled tunnels were a little small, but you could still scoot through on your bum and legs. At the end was a regular swimming pool for normal exercising. On the following day, I decide to get up for a walk and explore the treetop area. I remember that there used to be an amazing zipline. I find the bottom of the hill, but I discover that the zipline itself is no more. There’s a long ladder lying on the grass, but it’s broken into two pieces. It's a shame that no-one has made an attempt to fix it. At the top of the hill is a Taj Mahal which overlooks the cliffs of the sea. From there I can see the town. 

Haznot It Ain't #hadzor

Nestled on the east side of Droitwich on the country road out of town is a gateway park. It’s a space created to explore the local countryside to encourage people to drive out and take walks. As well as the local marina and the canal, there’s also the site of the local rugby club. There’s also a small play area in the car park which is quite built up around a roundabout to make a centrepiece while giving it a small feel. Head east along the canal and you’ll climb a flight of locks to reach the interchange for Worcester and Birmingham. You’ll need to head up to the main road by the pub to cross it and follow the canal south to continue on the towpath, passing a smaller marina on the opposite side. Follow the canal south until you approach the fourth bridge, then rejoin the road and turn right onto Hay Lane.

"My goal now is to remember every place I've been, only do things I love and not say yes when I don't mean it."

This is a delicate balance between treasuring everything you’ve experienced and the ultimate quote of the self. It may seem like a dementia patient trying to recall what they’ve done throughout their lives, or it could be someone that wants to recall their experiences in life no matter how exciting or unpleasant they are. But to only do things that you love is a bit of dictatorship. How do the people that share your life feel, or has it become empty? What about the things that you have to you like pay your bills, eat sensibly and doing basic maintenance? It must be great to have someone do all these things for you, but it’s hardly inspirational to the common person that you’ve got someone else to undertake these tasks. Perhaps the goal is to remember your journey so that others can aspire to be a lazy item like you. At least you’re being honest with everyone about it.

Hoppy Beer Day

 

This is a phrase that I should have copyrighted a long time ago to put on greeting cards. It’s the standard message that I send to my beer-drinking friends on that special occasion. Rather than wishing you a nice beginning to another year like everyone else, I like to focus on the celebration itself and be sure that they take the time to enjoy something that they like. But it’s not so rewarding if you don’t like tasting hops in your beer. On this particular occasion we couldn’t go out to celebrate owing to the lockdown, so my friend’s son asked for as many of us as possible to send him video birthday greetings. It’s a shame that my hair was so short and that I didn’t pick a more suitable background other than my bedroom. He probably thought that I was undergoing a Buddhist monk regime when I sent this.

Beer in the Clouds

It’s quite nice to be able to have a beer up in the clouds. Apparently the effects of drinking alcohol while on a flight are different to that on the ground, but I don’t see how. Perhaps it’s stewardess talk to try and persuade people to drink less. Which is odd considering they’re coming round with the trolley as often as they can when it’s not complimentary and try to hook you into multibuy schemes when you don’t really want to. Maybe it’s secretly because you’re the entertainment. There’s quite a range out there as well, which explains why you’ve hardly got any room in your seat. You’ve also got the fun of pouring your drink into tiny plastic glasses and raising them to your lips while hoping that you’re not going to experience any turbulence. It might be a while before you get an opportunity to clean up any mishaps.

Something Fishy's going on

The takeaways have finally been permitted to open. Everybody’s scrambling for the phone. It’s been three months since the restaurants have closed which means that everyone’s had to cook for themselves. Suddenly the phones are buzzing and the queue is at least a quarter of a mile long. You’d think they’d offer an online pick-up but then they’d need a separate kitchen to keep up with demand, especially if they offer a delivery service. At least with phone calls to collect from a window with timed pickup slots, they can focus on what they have and if they’re busy and can’t answer the phone then people will get the message. All they’ve then got to worry about is people who turn up in the wrong place at the wrong time. I just wondered how long the wait was and whether everyone got what they came for or how good the communication was if supplies ran out.

 

The Lottery

You’d like to think of it as the local raffle. You don’t expect to win anything but you’re contributing to the local economy. But this thing’s on a bigger scale. It’s the ultimate get out of free card. You’re probably already fantasising about how you’ll quit your job; watch your boss’s jaw drop and walk out to begin your dream spending spree, whatever that might be. But it’s all about the odds. You might get a small win while helping local causes regardless of your opinion of them. But there’s nothing to say that you won’t win the big one, but at the same time the odds are against you. There’s a lot of people out there who say that it’s all a big risk and that you’re better off staying away from it altogether rather than throwing your money down the drain. But you also run the risk of losing out.

The Bribe #Sherduck 11

Buttons sighed. While he was perfectly happy tucking himself in for the night, he knew that Sherduck would spend a late evening propping up the bar making deductions to any and all sundry; and after creating an audience Buttons would need to apologise for any outburst in case they’d need to take advantage of that particular team member’s services later. Buttons was sure that there was a retirement do for one of the office workers that evening so things could get rowdy if Sherduck didn’t get his way. He wondered if Sherduck was going to push them to work overtime; and after witnessing a lot of arguing and a packet being pushed in front of one of the technicians, he decided to open a tab. Little did he know that Sherduck had already told them that it was Buttons who would be sorting out a few drinks for them at the bar when they had finished the investigation.

 

What was it like to be a Native American on the Trail of Tears?

Devastating. You’ve just been kicked out of the place you call home. You may be able to take your hone with you, but your camp, your familiar surroundings and your comfort have all gone alongside the landscape that you’re used to. Everything is going to become new and unfamiliar. You’ve also got a long way to travel before you’ve got any hope of setting up that familiarity again. Each morning you wake with a sense of loss as you try to remember your situation each time. The only comfort that you can take are those that are with you; and you all grow weak with weary of the journey. Some of you may not survive. They’ll be buried or left behind, and you’ll either have to start recording your surroundings in more detail to memorise the grave or take the burden with you for burial upon arrival of your destination. You’ll also need to seek out supplies so the most direct route won’t be possible; and you may even have to go back on yourself to travel in a different direction as you’ll need to be re-supplied which will make your journey even longer.

Onwards?

There was a footpath through the fields, but it wasn’t particularly glamourous and it only led to the main road and we’d have to follow it back to the village to get back to our starting point. It would be the long way round. Instead, we headed to the fishing ponds where there were a few vehicles scattered around. We were tempted to do a circuit around the ponds but there were private property signs dotted about and there quite a few fishermen exhibiting their territory. We moved down one side of the road to see if there was anything interesting and we were beginning to get the stare. The only thing we could do was walk back the way we came, but when we got back to the castle it was easier to follow the road back. We were treated to some nice refreshments afterwards in my uncle’s garden with a bit of cake.

Help me get Fit

This could be a regular morning routine. It could learn about my attributes and offer me a tailor-made program after asking a few questions. It could give me a small exercise program to complete each day, maybe to music. It could alternate in difficulty as the weeks go by. Or it could just give me directions to the nearest gym. My first attempt ended up with a five-step program giving me advice as if I was having a fit. Maybe it misheard me. I’m not panicking, I’m just confused. If I was panicking, I’d struggle to remember all these steps in quick succession. It asks me to understand that I will be tired (which I probably will be after exercise), and to get some rest as soon as I can. It’s an interesting regime. In summary, there’s very little that I do need to do to get fit. But this is coming from a device that just wants me to sit there and buy stuff from it.

Earthquake #empress 17

Above the ground, the birds were chirping. It was a nice cloudless day, and the sun had just crossed over the horizon into the sky. Then the ground began to move slowly up and down rhythmically as if something was manipulating it from below. A rumbling noise followed like a crash of thunder followed by a giant sigh of frustration. Cracks began to appear in patches of bare soil, and parts of the fields began to sink as if they were being lowered down to something. Finally, they gave way to small holes which started to interconnect. Then three giant pink objects started to appear. As they rose into the air, a fourth began to emerge alongside it before they all retreated into the hole again. A giggle came out of the earth, then a giant hand emerged followed by an arm followed by a second one some distance away.

Hotel Invaders

We headed north through the woods which bought us to a boundary with some fields. We could see the newly developed parts of the castle in the distance which had our surroundings in their sights. The footpath followed through the edge of their site to the road. We passed an outside decking bar lounge and their rifle range before reaching the main road to the castle. We wondered down the road to the main gate where a security guard came out to watch us. Oddly, he didn’t seem too concerned when we were an arm’s length from the patio. We carried across onto the opposite footpath and followed a brick wall which was opposite a garden centre followed by a lone country cottage. From here we entered a wood and inside was a series of fences to divide us from private land. On the other side was a series of open fields and fishing ponds.

 

Ghosts (Series 5)

There’s some brilliant gags in this series, especially the opening one. Some things work out to be so much funnier if you’re dead. The final character’s deaths are revealed, but there’s also a disappointing faux pas that occurs after a build-up that one of the characters is exiting, especially when the series is ending. I really hoped that one of the annoying characters would disappear, though I felt sad and glad if Robin was given his moment. What this series does do is focus on one plot rather than several which allows for greater character development. There are also a lot of misunderstandings which creates a complete waste of time for the viewer, though it’s refreshing for all the characters to attempt to work together. It’s also a shame that the series can’t reach a final conclusion or ending for the characters, though it does leave it open to be readdressed in the future.

The Station #Sherduck 10

The station was a special place. It was originally built as a hide by the humans to watch swans on the canal before they discovered that swans were too afraid to venture there. After some trees were felled, the humans decided to create a pond there to attract the swans and to help keep the canal from flooding. At the same time, they discovered that the forest was teaming with species so they fenced it off to stop the human boaters from interfering. This made an excellent base for the ducks since it was near a major water network. The humans were too lazy to reclaim it but just in case it was always patrolled by a surveillance team consulting of decoy ducks and a second security assault team at all times. This made it a fortress for the ducks. Buttons had just spotted Sherduck flying in across the reflection pool. He turned to one of the investigators.

‘Any news yet?’

‘Not yet sir, it could take a while. You may as well find a nest for the night.’

Exam Crunch #dreamdiary 163

It’s exam season. There’s only one part of the test that I’ve studied for as I’ve got no interest in the rest. Because of this, I’ve decided to save myself some time and treat myself to a lie-in so that I only answer the questions that I want. On the morning of the exam, it only occurs to me that I’ll only pass the course if I get 100% on the section that I’ve studied for. If I muck up, I’m going to be in trouble so it’s probably to answer some of the questions in the other sections as a back-up. I frantically dash into the examination hall and start scribbling. Hopefully I’ll be able to jot down a few short sentences to demonstrate my understanding of the subject. I realise that my results will be plotted on a graph like a set of rolling hills and that it’ll be a toss of the coin as to whether or not I’ll pass. Why do I always dream that things go wrong for me? Am I ever destined to get something right?

Sniffing Around #Sherduck 9

Sherduck knew that it would be a while before the forensics team would have any useful information and Buttons would let him know as soon as it was available, so there was no point in heading back to the station straight away. He’d be better off using the solitude to do some pondering which was non-existent at the hide.

There’s something wrong with that duck’ he mused as he spotted a discarded half cigarette near the church door and sparked up with a lighter he kept under his wing. ‘All work and no play.’ As he leant against the door puffing away he noticed a lot of the other cigarette ends had been pecked at. ‘Might be worth prying into’ he thought. He opened a plastic seal bag, swept a couple of ends into it with his wing, sealed the bag shut with his beak then took off for the station. 

 

Who is the rudest celebrity you have met, and who would be the nicest?

I haven’t met many celebrities. I’ve met Joanne Mailin at a beer festival, and Prince Charles before he became King. I’ve got Stephen Henry’s autograph, and I’ve also met some local MPs. Of course, not everyone knows these people. And there might be some big names out there that I don’t have a clue who they are or what they’re famous for. I might have brushed shoulders with some without even knowing since they’re not in their trademark clothes. It’s also a bit nerve racking when you do meet them since you’ve got to find a common ground for a nice conversation, especially if the encounter is unexpected. If it’s a public event, most will just sign what you put in front of them then ask you to move on unless you’ve got something to contribute. The easiest answer is to tell them what you admire of them, which adds to their ego; but you need to know what they do rather than just recognise their face on a screen. Otherwise it could be a bit embarrassing.

A Question Too Far #Sherduck 8

‘JIMMY WHY ARE U SPEAKING TO THAT STRANGER’

‘I’m sorry Mum, he only asked me a question, he already told me who he was.’

‘GET AWAY FROM HIM THIS INSTANT! I DON’T WANT ANYONE THREATENING OUR HOME!’

‘Sorry Mum. Sorry Sergeant Buttons.’

‘Is someone threatening you Madam?’ asked Sergeant Buttons.

‘Goodbye Officer’ said the Goose and scooped up Jimmy in her wing and swam towards the lock while making sure all her other ducklings were following her.

‘Well, that’s interesting’ said Buttons to himself. ‘I wonder if Sherduck has found anything.’ He flew back over the hedge towards Sherduck and updated him on the conversations that had just transpired.

Right, I don’t think we’re going to make much more progress here’ said Sherduck. ‘Let’s get this shipped off to forensics and see if their report matches up with what you’ve described here. I’ll see you back at the station’.

‘Right you are sir’ said Buttons.

Sherduck waited until everyone had gone then flew over to some bushes and deposited a massive shit. ‘Thank fuck for that’ he said.

"Don't Stop Chasing Your Dreams, because Dreams do come True"

-Sachin Tendulark. 

It’s nice when things go your way. You might have to put a bit of effort in to achieve your goals, but it’s better than seeking out rainbows. Sometimes they look impossible and all the odds are against you, but if you know there’s a chance then why not give it a try? If you spend enough time and energy, you might be too tired to follow through in the real world but at least you’ll have a chance of dreaming up your dreams while you’re asleep. You may be in control of them, but you might wake up with a shock as you realise that there’s still a lot of work to do. And you have to believe. If you’re negative about them then things won’t go the way you want to. Keep moving forward, even if it means taking tiny steps. And the moment you stop trying is the moment that your dreams end.