Give me some words of Wisdom

Am I going to get a quote, or some genuine advice? Will I be asked for some context first? It could have been stopped for legal reasons. I could receive a message that she refuses or doesn’t do this any more, or that she doesn’t understand. Will it be different every time? Will it contradict itself? Will there be a harp playing in the background? Will I be able to understand it at all? Of course not. It’s just text written out as usual and I need a translator to understand them. She might as well tell me that she’s too tired to do this right now. As usual, I can’t remember how to find the response hidden in the app. When I do, it’s a quote about choice. It’s light-hearted, but some people may choose to take them a bit too literal. I wonder how many of them there are and whether you have to do any specific actions to unlock them all?

Voice Blast

I’m not a big fan when it comes to recognising celebrities. I can do actors by sight but not by voice. I’ll probably spend half the time googling who these people are. Half the fun is gone when you can’t discuss your answers with your fellow competitors; though there’s nothing to stop others in the room from joining in with you. And it’ll probably be American people as well. The welcoming bass tone makes it hard to understand what is being said. Maybe I should switch Alexa back to female mode. And if you don’t know the answer, saying that you don’t know isn’t acceptable. The game just stops and you don’t find out how you do. Fortunately, I’ve heard of all the celebrities involved so far. I wonder if I can change my nickname on my next go? I can. But I can only play once per day so it’ll take me a while to grab a win.

Baking Innuendos

This is going to cause a bit of a stir. There might be some interesting sound effects of things getting longer. Or I might come home from work tomorrow night to find a strange and kinky package on my doorstep. I wonder if many of them were used by chefs that have since been banned from taking part in any further shows. I might have to verify my age. Or maybe the whole phrase has been deleted from the databank. But I’m just given a random statement. There’s not even a call to action. But it’s something to work with, though you might get into trouble using them in the workplace. And I haven’t had one repeated yet. But it’s hard to understand her sometimes when she uses that same monotone, and if she’s going to say something that you’re not expecting, it can be hard to understand. But they’re short and sweet.

Halloween: Feel the Pressure

This game was written nearly four years ago. I’ll be impressed if it’s still in operation. I guess a lot of these third-party features realise that they’re no longer going to make any money off it any more and pull the plug on the platform. But it works. It starts with spooky sounds but Alexa’s introduction is a bit annoying as she puts long sentences into annoying pauses which makes them difficult to understand at times. The phonetic alphabet isn’t one used internationally, it contains inappropriate words and it sounds like one that the creators made up. They’re not hard questions but get one wrong and you have to start again. I’m often asked for my final answer, but it’s strange that it doesn’t always ask it. When I do give it, it’s not going to be my final answer because if I get it right, I’m asked another question straight after.

Make me Laugh

Is it going to be a one-liner? Is it going to tell  me a story? Or will it be tuned to my needs? It’s known me for a while now. It gives me a simple one-liner that I’ve heard before. I didn’t even hear the question properly to know that scarecrows ae so smart because they’re outstanding in their field. It didn’t even bring me a chuckle. It’s a shame that these things don’t come with sound effects. I’d expect at least a drum. I wonder if it’s listening to hear me laugh so it knows whether it’s been successful. It doesn’t ask for any feedback directly. Maybe she’s ignoring me completely because I didn’t laugh the first time round. The third result is a geography joke which does put a smile on my face but again it’s not original. It’s a shame that there’s no adult mode or that it’s not afraid to reference other materials.

Top Bin

What a strange name for this game. Surely it would be something like Fan Battle or Top Fan. Will it be knowledge about specific teams or about rules of the game? Will there be a mode where I can subscribe for more questions? Probably. Hopefully it’ll open with a cheesy theme tune and a decent host. Because there’s no way that I’m going to know any of these questions. I’m wondering if there’s going to be an automatic bin out there somewhere that’s going to raise its lid with this command. She’s actually giving me the silent treatment. She recognises that there’s a command as she’s not apologising for misunderstanding but she’s not doing anything either. Maybe the makers got tired of writing new questions. Maybe it didn’t get enough hits as was hoped. It would be nice if it actually told you rather than you sit around waiting for a response or keep yelling out the command.

When should I put up my Christmas tree?

I’m guessing that this isn’t going to be a game but whatever someone feels like writing. It might be surprised as to why it isn’t up yet. Or it might actually look at a calendar and decide that I’m made for asking. The answer is a very long-winded opinion. December is the earliest, though it does advise that some people put it up as early as possible. You can also ask for help in decorating the tree, though I suspect this involves a link being sent to make purchases. But it actually doesn’t. Instead I need to choose a theme. I thought the theme would have been Christmas. On top of this, there’s also a warning to make sure that people take them down in the first week of January. I wonder if people genuinely rely on these answers for their queries. They must obey. Next question: when should I change my underwear?

Do you like my Christmas Tree?

I wonder if this is going to be a similar response as the ‘Christmas Jumper’ question. Should I get ready for an onslaught of insults? Or will it do the opposite and recognise my hard work of untangling strings of lights and knot-tying skills? The first response sounds as if I’ve only put it together and haven’t added anything to it at all. Maybe you can never have a tree that’s too decorated. I’ve got to add some more tinsel. I wonder how many of these phrases does she have before it get repetitive? They are a bit boring though, and it does feel strange asking this in March when there’s no tree to be seen. And I could be referring to something completely different as well. It’s enough to turn you on. The response is different every time. She tries to please but she’s never satisfied herself. I wonder what I’m being compared to?

Do you like my Christmas Jumper?

So this is a new one. The ultimate kiss ass machine. How is it supposed to see you? I suppose I’ve you’ve got the later model with a built-in camera then it might be able to compare it with others, but for the unit solely with a microphone, how is it going to judge? Will I have to give it a detailed description? Will it tell me to bugger off for being sad since I’m two months out of date? Will it ignore the whole request and feign ignorance with the view that I’ll get a more favourable response in the lead-up to Christmas? I actually get insulted. At least it’s an honest response. Maybe it varies. The adjective is still the same, but the verb and metaphor is different. Santa, Rudolph, and a snowman have all retreated in disgust. I can only hope that it’s more complimentary in the month that I’m supposed to wear it.

Play the Queen's Christmas Day Message

Well, she’s gone. So I’ll be surprised if it’ll be there any more. It might be replaced by the King’s Christmas message, though it’ll probably prompt me for it. Nope, I’m told that the content isn’t available. There’s no alternative for it either, just an apology. So I’ll ask for the King’s instead. You’d think that it’d have the intelligence to suggest an alternative though. But when I ask for a King, I can’t get that either. I suppose that the Queen was a bit more fun-loving whereas the King could be a bit anxious of AI replacing jobs that a human could do, though in this case it is probably an advantage since it’s another medium to broadcast his message. I suppose seeing it is a lot different to hearing it, and perhaps some context could be lost if it’s only heard. But we didn’t even get a welcome this year, just a backlog of his engagements.

Song Blast

Is it a musical melody of people singing? Am I going to be showered with music from the charts and I have to guess the song and artist? Or is it a continuous mixture of songs blended together? Will there be a daily scoreboard which I will have to subscribe to? And will Alexa be the host or will it be someone else? The first thing I have to decide is whether I want notifications sent or not. I decide to give it a go. I’ve then opt for subscriber information which I abort. Next comes the playlists to choose. The songs start but I’m not told what I have to do, possibly because I’ve played before with the girls but it’s easy to figure out. I try to instruct Alexa with another task halfway through but she ignores me, but I still beat my opponent. I now rank ten thousand and something but I don’t know who my rivals are or how many are below me or whether it resets every week. I could be at the bottom.

Fart

It was just what I asked for and what I expected. She just gets right into it and lets herself rip with no introduction at all. There’s no doubt that she could have misheard me for another command. It’s as if she’s been waiting for ages to ask for my permission. A little noise comes out. It’s followed by a description of what it was, just to be sure. I’m then given the option between choosing a recommended fart or asking for a random one. I’ve now learnt the difference between crispy farts, wet farts and frosty Christmas farts (supplied by Santa). I thought a non-wet fart would be a dry fart, but apparently it’s crispy. There’s also the  option to learn about purchasing an extension pack if you’re really riveted. I never thought she would be so immersive with this. I’ve just asked for a fart alarm and tomorrow I’m going to be treated to a whole song. At least there’s no smell to follow.

Give me a Vegetarian Recipe

It may seem a great idea at first to try something new, but it’s all done through the power of speech. Even if it’s a suggestion, you’re still going to have to google the whole thing including the ingredients and the method, or be prepared to write it down. Unless, of course, with a simple verbal agreement, Amazon has all of the ingredients boxed and ready to deliver to your home complete with an instruction card. Let’s just hope that you’ve got all the tools required to hand to prepare it. At least it tells you how long it takes to make it. It also gives you time to gather the ingredients, though you need to cook some of them first. Although by the time I’ve gathered them, Alexa seems to have forgotten what I was doing so I have to start the whole process over again. There’s also a lot to do in between steps.

What's the medal count?

I assume I’m going to find out some sport results rather than expect a definition. I’m also wondering if this feature works when a tournament isn’t in session. Will it default back to the latest international tournament or will it find an event that is taking place currently? Will I get a response at all or will it ask me to back another time when a tournament is taking place? I get a lengthy list of the top five countries and how many medals they have won. For the winner, I get a full list of bronze, silver and gold totals. But I can ask for a specific country to be told its bronze, silver and gold totals. If I ask for the event, I’m told that Team GB didn’t win anything this year, though to be fair I did specify UK rather than Great Britain. When I get the phasing right, I’m told that it doesn’t know. I guess it’s back to Google.

Insult Me

It’s probably going to be a short but concise noise followed by a fart sound. It might vary depending on the time of day. Or she could be too polite to engage in such an atrocity. Apparently I’m a cure for insomnia when I talk about myself and I’m hailed as a medical wonder. So it’s an insult of wit. How can I make someone laugh in a bad way? Is it an uncontrollable fit of the giggles that leaves them in a bout of pain? Is it too loud? Or is it terrible and they’re just being polite? Either way, they all seem to be about my company rather than any physical or olfactory characteristics. I wonder how many there are? She hasn’t repeated one yet. And there’s no subscription either. Still, if you want to feel down without any swearing or conversation, this is the way to do it. At least you can unplug the thing.

UK Tides

I’m expecting to learn about high tides. Will it be different from an island on either side? I wonder what it will say about my landlocked location. There might even be some wave sound effects and some seagulls. The response is very detailed. You can ask for a place, town or whole area. A successful response does give you some wave sounds, but a negative response results in a narrative. Sometimes you will get the weather instead of tidal information, as you have to open the app first. Sometimes you’ll get a comical opening response but it’s hard to understand as you’re not expecting it. Asking for landlocked locations results in a response that there’s no information for high tides at the moment. That’s a bit worrying. It’s as if it’s expected to have some tidal data about a landlocked location someday. It’s as if it’s predicting that flooding is imminent.

What Sound do Hamsters make?

I could be played an actual audio file of a hamster. Or it could be a joke. Either way, I’ve owned a hamster and I’ve never known it to make any sound unless it’s in distress; in which case it does squeak; unless it spent its life in terror as it spent most of its life in a cage trying to escape. Perhaps that’s the modern role of a hamster. It wasn’t the hamster itself, but what it constantly made was a rattling sound as it loved to gnaw on the cage bars, if only to try and trim its teeth. I suppose I should have provided a block of cork to help it. It only ever escaped if the door wasn’t shut properly, even if it was the roof section. It loved to do the monkey bars. It was only quiet when it was asleep or if it was eating something; though it never went nom gnom nom.

What Wine goes well with Salmon?

It’s got to be a white. I can’t envision something that’s dark. And probably the sweeter the better. So is it going to be an opinion or some pre-recorded research? Or is it going to get real with me and tell me that it doesn’t have a mouth so it hasn’t a clue? But it goes on the internet to recommend assorted styles of wine. It doesn’t recommend a particular bottle, where I can get one from, or even offer to deliver it for me. I’m kind of embarrassed for asking. It’s a very broad answer but at least it gives me the confidence to do what I want. If I ask it to pair salmon with another beverage, it tries to tell me about a bagel instead. But it may have misheard me the first time. Sometimes it would be nice if it just thought, ‘Does this answer make sense? Would someone really ask that? Shall I ask for clarification?’.

Fart that Tune!

What is this! Do I get to guess what comes out of the speaker? It’s going to be a delight. We’ve always heard it done in cartoons but it’s physically impossible without prerecordings and re-arranging them to suit the tune. Will there be bass and tenor? Oddly, this is all happening on International Women’s Day. Will you be able to tell who’s farted? If I refuse to play, I’m told that that’s no fun, followed by a sad, slow, quiet fart. Unfortunately, it’s multiple choice followed by a bit of bass. It’s a bit obvious once you hear the choices, but you do hear the real thing afterwards, and there’s a bit of a pun in it as well. The real art is guessing it before the tune ends. Thank goodness Alexa doesn’t ask you to do the same. You’d need a large can of beans and an airy room. But you can only hear three tunes a day before it asks you to subscribe.

Voice Arcade

It starts with an interesting beat to get its audience excited. It then asks me if I want recommendations. I haven’t played this before so it should know my browser history. I’m given a variety of games and a brief description of them. I opt for the first which is the daily quiz. I have three minutes to answer three multiple choice questions while eighties pop music plays in the background. I’m not told if I get the questions right, I’m only told if they’re wrong. I assume I have to wait until the final question is read, then I’m told afterwards that I need to get all three questions right to continue playing. It tries to switch me to another game and I ask it to stop. It then repeats itself so I ask it again to stop in mid-sentence. There is a huge pause when I mention the game that I want to play, then I’m asked again. There’s a lot of repetitiveness in this.