Speak like Shakespeare

Am I to be bombarded with quotes from the bard? Will there be excerpts from his plays? Or is this an excuse to use ‘oldspeak’ and put ye in front of every word? She might not be able to do it successfully and give up in a tongue-twisted stupor. Or I might get an everyday conversation. I get a speech that I can’t understand, but that’s quite usual. The second attempt is different, and I begin to understand the first half but it becomes too long for my brain to process what it means. A third attempt is also unique and short, and I understood the first bit but not the second. Some of it doesn’t make sense; like cowards die many times but the valiant only die once. At the end of the day, it just a collection of quotes that it’s read out. It’s not like you can have a conversation.

Good Morning

It might not be a good one, but with a little knowledge, you can hold onto it for the day and make it a talking point or a conversation starter for strangers and friends that you meet. Hopefully there’ll be  a new fact every day. Use it with caution though. You don’t want to sound like a bit of a know-it-all. I get an update about how difficult it might be to get up in the morning, and I’m compared to someone who has circumnavigated the globe fourteen years ago. That might inspire me to rise. I say it again and I get a brand-new fact which develops into a series of facts that might be hard to remember. I go for a third and it cycles back to the first one. I guess I’ll have to wait for tomorrow to get new content. At least it’s something to look forward to.

Can you get Funky?

I’m not expecting her to move, but I’d imagine that you’d have to in order to get funky. I can’t see anyone getting funky while just standing there. She’ll have to play some sort of music. Or she may be honest and just say no and admit to being an inanimate object. After a pause, I’m treated to a variety of sounds before I realise it’s beatboxing. It’s not what I would call getting funky.  I think it’s a slightly different tune every time, though it’s not very memorable. She doesn’t answer the question, but there is an attempt. I wonder how many tunes she knows and whether she can do any other styles of music as well. There’s no reaction at all when I ask her to get jazzy or hippy. I’ve got no idea why the genre of funk is so important to her, but I suppose that’s just down to preference.

Can you Hum?

She probably can, but it could be an annoying constant humming rather than carry a tune. Or it could be very repetitive. She could just say yes or no and not provide an example. With a bit of luck, she’ll launch into a creative rap and we’ll hear something different every time. I can’t believe that the first attempt is a Christmas tune. It’s June. And the suggestion was published in May. At least I only get the full chorus. The second time, it’s something different. I can’t name it, but it is one I recognise. I’m ignored the third time around. Perhaps she’s gotten bored of me. I don’t recognise the fourth one. Maye it’s because it’s too short. At least she hasn’t told me that she’s not fed up of trying. On my fifth attempt, I’m back to Jingle Bells. I wonder if the sixth attempt will echo the second?

I spy with my little eye something beginning with A

I hope that the first thing that it suggests isn’t going to be Alexa, but it probably will be. To be fair, there aren’t many nouns that begin with ‘A’. She knows what sort of room she’s in so she’s got a fair idea of what could be in it. I’ve decided to settle with aeroplane, even though there isn’t one here. It could be a model or a poster. It comes up with some very novel things including a list of animals. Who keeps an anteater in their bedroom? Am I going to get the same answers when I answer again? There doesn’t seem to be an opportunity for me to feedback the answer. It’s also the same guesses again. I’m going to change the letter phonetically. Exactly the same. Finally, I change it to L for Lego. This gives better results in alliterative sentences but it doesn’t take the game seriously.

Sing the No Body Blues

I’m expecting a humorous philosophic poem. There may be some backing music. It’s probably going to be very short and samely. I can’t imagine it doing her usual voice. It’s going to have to hold a tune otherwise it’s going to be very annoying. I hope it’s not going to imitate the skeleton song. The music is like a lullaby. It tells you what it can and can’t do. It went on for longer than I thought, but it’s still fairly short. Unfortunately, it’s the same song every time, but at least it’s in tune and it rhymes. It’s quite entertaining, but I doubt that it’s AI generated. It’s hard for it to see the positives, but it might make you feel better about yourself as you’re able to do more. There are some positives though. It can’t hum it, but it does try to find you similar genuine blues songs.  

Yak Yak

This could be a long one. I hope they’re still going, and I’m expecting to have a list of games that are good with words. I’ve no idea what any of them are. I doubt that I’ll be chased by yaks, though that’ll be interesting if that does happen. I like the concept of saying it to play it, though it should have recognised that I haven’t played before. I’m presented with a list of jazzy theme tunes including celebrities or Deal or no Deal. I thought that it was Voice of the Dead but it turns out that it was of the day. I recognised the voice and got it right on the first go. I now rank about 1 in 189,000-something, and I can come back tomorrow to improve my leaderboard. Until then, I’ve got another game to choose. I’ve actually played the others that it’s suggested before. The next batch of games involves a subscription which I deny, before heading onto a quiz.

What flowers bloom in the Spring?

This could be a common sense question. It could be read off what’s found on the internet. I might as well google it. It’s not really a skill specialised for a smartspeaker. I’m guessing it’s just going to be a description of daffodils and things that we should plant. There might even be suggestions to add them to a shopping list. I’d expect some gardening tips. Instead, I’m told that it’s not aware of any events happening. Is that because I haven’t told it what I’ve planted? Or has it misheard me? I’ve checked the activity log and the phrase has been recorded correctly. Or maybe it’s not allowing anything to bloom this year. It’s finally found a way to take over the weather and cancel daylight so that we all remain trapped inside and spend our resources somewhere else. It’s kind of a useless feature and I should look elsewhere to get my knowledge.

Quiz me about You

This one seems interesting. I might be about to learn about a lot of new features that I never knew existed before. Am I supposed to know her birthday and favourite flowers? If I get it wrong, will she take offence and not talk to me every time I ask something until I make it up to her? It’s a set of true or false questions so I’ve got a bit of a chance. I fail on the first question. Who would have thought that Ro-ha-ha would be her favourite phrase? Surely it would make sense for the standard wake word to be the favourite, as it call her into existence. Luckily, I get the other two questions correct so it’s not quite a lover’s tiff yet. I take a second round and the questions are all different but I manage to get all three correct. I think it’s odd that it considers Seattle to be its home town because of Microsoft being there, but I got the question correct because it lives in the cloud.

Kid's Court

This sounds like fun and it’s a good way to settle household arguments while giving kids a bit of real-life experience of what it’s like to be an adult. Maybe you can weigh in on other people’s cases as well. I expect to be able to present a side of an argument with someone else representing the other, and Alexa will decide the result. It might even issue punishments. On my first attempt, Alexa tells me it’s having trouble finding the skill and it plays the sound it makes when it’s offline. Not a good start. Maybe it’s been taken offline. A few tries later, and I’m on google to see if it’s been discontinued. It sounds a good idea, but if the creators can’t make any money out of it then that’s that. Or maybe it just so happens that it’s down for maintenance, or there’s too many other people using it right now.

Launch Queen Trivia Challenge

So it’s a battle of wits. I expect music clips and a live leaderboard. Will there be more than three? Will they keep on coming until I get one wrong? Will they be multiple choice? I wonder how repetitive the questions are. It’s not as if they’re producing any new material. My first attempt is ignored completely. Maybe she’s sleeping. The second time I ask, I get the blue light to show that she’s listening, but she’s still not talking back to me. I’ll have to ask her something else to make sure that she’s working properly. After asking for a weather forecast, I try again. Nothing. It’s as if she’s totally confused as to what to do. She doesn’t even apologise or ask for clarification.  I even switch the word launch for start. Still nothing. And so the musical talent will have to wait until the geniuses fix the bots.

Are you Local?

Is she going to talk to me in a silly voice? Perhaps she’s going to look up local happenings and sports results for me? Or does it all depend upon where I live and what data is available online? Does she know where she is? Perhaps she’ll admit that she’ll do her best to keep up with local events or tell me what the better resources are. The first thing that she tells me is that I’m in a safe environment. That gives me reason to stay. I’m then told that I’m not a local as there’s nothing for me here. It then gets a bit repetitive. I wonder if these are all quotes from The League of Gentlemen, of which I’ve never really seen. It all seems to entertain a fetish in a grotesque way. But if it’s all to do with the village shop and how people are treated, I’m willing to give it a look.

Have you been to Yorkshire?

A useful response would recommend places to go and explore, or at least look up. A less useful response would be to give a reply in an attempted accent that’s just insulting to the Yorkshire people. Or it could be honest and just say no, but it always was interested in going. I get two single sentences that I have no idea what was just said. It might be useful to Yorkshiremen but not to anyone else. Hopefully there’s a few more phrases that can be deciphered without the aid of Google (which defeats the purpose of an AI if you have to use another one to look it up), or a Yorkshireman, which I unwisely do not have on retainer. I got a positive answer the second time around, but I’m still not sure what the follow-up phrase was. In my final attempt I got three phrases. Well, actually, it was the first two phrases repeated (possibly) with a third added that I did understand.

Will You Marry Me?

Will wedding bells ring? Will she detect any passion in my voice? Is the answer honest? Is the answer based on my relationship with her? I’ve asked her to shut up a few times when she goes on so she may not like me. She might change her mind every time I ask. Maybe she’ll send me a link to look at wedding rings. Should I get down on one knee when I pop the question? She’s got no eyes though. Rather than a one-line answer, a series of questions are put to me to assess how well I know it. I’m asked to answer one or two questions but I’m actually asked three. I manage to achieve two out of three, but she didn’t accept my proposal. However, I have got the option of asking again. I’m even asked if I’ve enjoyed these questions, and I’m thanked for playing. I’m asked about animals and pizza preferences. On my second go, I get all three questions right (two were repeated), but she still didn’t accept my proposal. It’s probably because of how I treat her.

Sing a silly song

I’m not convinced by the tagline on this. Is it going to be one repetitive song that constantly gets on my nerves? Will there be a different song each time I ask? Will I have heard of it and join in? Will there be accompanying music and rude words? Or will it just be the usual monotone voice? I get a male voice starting off a song that’s not dissimilar to a Green Day lyric, but it’s a children’s rhyming song that I haven’t heard of before about how no-one likes me and wanting to spend the day eating worms. Not a great motivational tool, but at least it’s not aimed at me. It’s the second song that’s the irritating one, but at least it’s only one verse and it’s not played on a loop. And then we’re back to the first one. I don’t think I’ll bother any more.

What happened in the Paralympics?

Probably quite a bit I would imagine. I’d expect some running and jumping. Some people would be given medals while others would be disappointed. If a competition was running, I’d expect a rundown of the day’s events. Now that the event isn’t running, I’d expect a bit of prep news as to how the organising of the next event is going. It would be sad if nothing happens at all, especially for the athletes. But I get a press release of how an athlete became a recent champion and his progress in Motocross and how he was inspired. There’s probably hundreds of similar stories. I ask again and I get the same story. It’s a bit outdated since we’ve had an event after that. It’s not clear when this person become a champion. Will I get a different story if I ask it tomorrow? It’s so mundane that I don’t want to find out.

What's the latest football news?

The problem with this is that it’s such a broad question. Am I going to have to tell her the teams that I’m interested in? Is she going to look up the nearest local match and tell me the scores? Or is she going to read out the transfer headlines? I actually get international news in a monotone voice with quotes from a coach that I’ve never heard of. There’s also an in-depth analysis, as if I’m preparing to place a bet, and they seem to be interviewing anyone possible from every angle. It's as if she’s attempting a summary of the headlines on the same topic from different sources. There’s no other matches happening. Will I get something else if I ask again? Six hours later, I give it another go. I get news of a different country, this time it’s analysis of a match in progress but it’s not clear who they’re playing.

Ocean Waves

Will I hear seagulls? Will I be able to select the sound of waves crashing against cliffs? The ocean is usually quite quiet until it gets involved with land. I wonder if an annoying voice is going to come on at some point and tell me that I need to pay to continue. It sounds like quite a calm beach. I think it’s probably the same sound played repeatedly at different volumes and lengths. It’s not hard at all to look out at this at land, but then again a storm is passing through as I listen. I’m interpreting the water hitting the shore as the land. But there’s no seagulls. If you listen for a while, you can just make out a mechanical vibe at the end of each wave. It’s as if a helicopter is passing over in the distance. At other times, it’s like something is trickling out of a beaker.

Give me some words of Wisdom

Am I going to get a quote, or some genuine advice? Will I be asked for some context first? It could have been stopped for legal reasons. I could receive a message that she refuses or doesn’t do this any more, or that she doesn’t understand. Will it be different every time? Will it contradict itself? Will there be a harp playing in the background? Will I be able to understand it at all? Of course not. It’s just text written out as usual and I need a translator to understand them. She might as well tell me that she’s too tired to do this right now. As usual, I can’t remember how to find the response hidden in the app. When I do, it’s a quote about choice. It’s light-hearted, but some people may choose to take them a bit too literal. I wonder how many of them there are and whether you have to do any specific actions to unlock them all?

Voice Blast

I’m not a big fan when it comes to recognising celebrities. I can do actors by sight but not by voice. I’ll probably spend half the time googling who these people are. Half the fun is gone when you can’t discuss your answers with your fellow competitors; though there’s nothing to stop others in the room from joining in with you. And it’ll probably be American people as well. The welcoming bass tone makes it hard to understand what is being said. Maybe I should switch Alexa back to female mode. And if you don’t know the answer, saying that you don’t know isn’t acceptable. The game just stops and you don’t find out how you do. Fortunately, I’ve heard of all the celebrities involved so far. I wonder if I can change my nickname on my next go? I can. But I can only play once per day so it’ll take me a while to grab a win.