Destination: Housewife

Why would anyone want to choose to be a housewife?  You might be taken of and have all your worries catered for; but that’s only if you end up in the right situation. And that’s only if you’ve mastered the correct skills. You’ll need to be an expert in cooking, cleaning and caring for other individuals; and that’s only if they value you as a person. Add in the fact that you’re confined to cater to the same household day after day without any variant and you’ll find that your day can get quite dull quite quickly. You’ll also lose your independence and have very little say in how the household is run; let alone any future decisions. And the biggest risk of all is trusting one person to make your decisions for you. To many it might seem like an easy way out, but to me that sounds like a life of slavery.

Work Deboxed

It’s annoying when you’re trying to get things done when you know that the person who’s responsible for the process before you hasn’t played their part. It might be a broken item that’s been allowed to slip through or a manufacturing process that hasn’t been completed; or even an item that’s gone missing in transit. The trouble is that because you’re so near the product’s end journey is that you’re the link between the customer and the item. This means that you end up chasing manufacturers and despatch centres to correct their error, all the while trying to explain to your customers how the fault occurred and what you are doing to rectify it. In the meantime, you’ve got to find a solution to please the customer who magically expects their item to be there in perfect condition. And it’s not always possible to get a fast resolution, if one at all.  

Cracks in the System

You’d think that if you order something fragile through a mail order company that they’d have the sense to pack it correctly so that it wouldn’t break. This wasn’t the case with ransomware. The item arrived on the last possible day that it was due, and when I opened it my cereal bowl was cracked into three pieces. What was the clincher was that they’d used a pre-inflated plastic bag on one side of the box, but not on the other. I had to take pictures to e-mail them to the seller, who had to source another bowl for dispatch. After a working week nothing had arrived so I contacted the seller and was told that I had to wait another week simply because they wouldn’t pay for a faster method of shipping. What was annoying is that I saw a bowl and spoon as a set in a shop at a cheaper price; but I couldn’t buy it at the time as the person I was purchasing the items for was in my presence.

Something doesn't Add Up

It’s strange when you find it hard to climb the ranks. You apply for training courses then find that you’re not accepted while others that you have trained race ahead of you. You ask for extra training to learn new skills which somehow aren’t delivered to you. The people that recognise you for the hard job that you’ve been doing suddenly turn their back on you when you decide that you want a different position. Here’s why: people don’t like change. So when you’re doing a good job they don’t want to go to the effort of replacing you. But at the same time they don’t want to go to the effort of improving you for fear of you bettering them; yet they refuse to accept help from yourself when you’re trying to do the same to them.  And when they promote others that you’ve helped to train, it really puts the sting in things.

Proving them Wrong

"If you hear a voice within you say, 'You cannot paint,' then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” -Vincent Van Gogh

I once stopped over at a friend of a friend’s house. We’d just finished a camping trip and on the last night we both got invited over for drinks. Among the many weird and wonderful conversations that we had; one of them got me talking to him about my future. And of course, the ultimate question that he asked is what I want to do in my life. Inevitably we got into an argument that I’d never amount to anything if I continued to pursue my current career path. We didn’t exactly figure out a strategy, but deep down I think he was trying to use reverse psychology to get me to prove him wrong. Unfortunately, it hasn’t happened yet, but I like to think that I will. I’ve just got to get on with it so that I can go back to him and rub my success in his face.  

Trenches

Once we’d sorted out the customers and had enough staff to run the shop, the next stage was to prepare for the delivery that we’d had to cancel the night before. They don’t call them artic lorries for nothing. The driver had to wait a while but he was happy to take his break before we offloaded him. This gave us enough time to clear a path from his parking spot to the warehouse door. It took us about half an hour to get the job done, and we found that the ground thawed much quicker after we’d cleared the drains. After much digging and gritting we’d cleared a decent path and the friction of pushing the cages across the loading bay melted the rest. Then it was business as usual and the day got easier and easier as more staff were able to make the journey in. We even helped our neighbours out as they were able to use our parking space to unload their vehicle; though they still had to struggle with the ice leading up to their door.

A Room With A View #GC04

Lizzie climbed the wooden staircase and unlocked the door. It was a large wooden one with traditional bolts and a giant keyhole to match. The key itself would take up half her pocket and the door had a good half inch gap between its base and the floor. As she entered, she inhaled a stale smell of old wooden furniture and musty books. She wondered who the previous occupant was. Outside she could hear a lot of banging on the wooden staircase; evidently Reuben had decided to drag both her bags up in one go rather than risk two trips. Still, at least it was early evening so she wouldn’t have to wake any of her new neighbours up; and maybe there might be a nosy parker willing to lend a hand and an opportunity to make a new friend at the same time. She flicked on a light switch but nothing happened; it looked like the previous occupant had took the bulb with them.

Donuts

I’d got called into work to cover a manager who couldn’t get there. He was sending regular traffic updates and videos showing whereabouts he was and the traffic moving in front of him. I’d texted the other colleague and gave him an ETA who said that he was on his way and that his dad would give him a lift as he was looking forward to driving in the snow. Our local deliveries had been cancelled which meant that our early start was a bit fruitless once we’d prepared the store for trade. But while we were waiting for more staff to ring in to try and find out whether we’d open the shop or not; another gentleman decided to drive into the car park to do some donuts in the snow. He spun around three times and we secretly hoped that we would crash into a lamppost but there was no such luck. Eventually he saw us watching him and decided to speed off.

Animal Club #dreamdiary69

It’s a hot and sunny afternoon and I’m queuing to get into a nightclub that has a good reputation for drinks and an excellent outdoor beer garden. It’s in the bottom middle row of a two-storey glass complex where each unit has glass windows and has a concave glass design with a staircase either side while the rest of the structure is made of pale brick. Even though it’s only 4pm, there’s a bouncer present in a round beige suit. There’s five of us in our group and as we pass through the entrance, I’m told that the only reason that we’re being let in is that there’s an Italian in our group. As we walk through, I wonder which of us he assumes to be an Italian. We pass through a series of booths and head straight for the outside beer garden where several sofas are laid out attractively in a concave shape. We’re shown to a seating area and we’re presented with a drinks menu. As I browse the menu I look around and happen to catch a glance at the being on the next table. It’s a six-foot man in a blue suit with a squirrel for a head.

Snow Angel

I don’t think I’ve ever had the courage to lie down in the snow and make a snow angel. For one thing, I’d get absolutely soaked unless I’ve got a really good waterproof hood or hat that covers the back of my head. The snow would also have to be quite deep so that there’s no risk of injury or debris or yellow snow hidden within. Good gloves and boots are also essential, and the snow would have to be quite soft for ease of movement. You also need to take care that you don’t emphasise your arm and leg movements too much to ruin your outline. The next problem is how to get up without ruining your shape. The easiest way is to have a friend to pull you up, and if you’re unfortunate enough not to have one then there’s no fun in you making a snow angel in the first place.

Computers don't Care

It’s official – computers don’t care; or at least the latest version of Microsoft Word doesn’t. I’ve just the phrase ‘take care’ in a comprehensive sentence and the spellchecker identified the word ‘care’ as a mistake. And not just as a grammar error or to clarify the sentence; but as a genuine spelling error. Put simply, ‘care’ is not in the computer’s dictionary. And there’s no alternatives or suggestions either. I’ve since used the word in a different document and it worked fine; it must have been how the document was set up when I typed over a previous sentence. But if computers don’t care then how are we to rely on them? If we ignore our alarm and turn it off, it the computer going to get us up out of bed in the morning? If we trust them to send e-mails then how do we know that they’ve actually sent it until the person receiving the e-mail complains that they haven’t received it? It just goes to show that you can’t trust a computer.

Optical Antlers

Reindeer specs are a great idea. I once owned a see-through glitter pair with a Rudolph above each frame. They were in high demand and were borrowed often by other people for parties. The last time I saw them was when I put them in a cage for safekeeping; little forgetting that I had to load the same cage onto a trolley within the next half hour. I only realised my mistake when I’d sealed the lorry up and I couldn’t be bothered to go through the hassle of unsealing the lorry and make the driver fish them out. I’d had a good three year run with them, and no doubt they’ve either been discarded or passed on by a warehouse worker as well. Unfortunately these antlers didn’t make me fly. I’m not entirely sure that these are antlers either. They’re more like wacky ‘W’s. Maybe they’re balloons which make the glasses fly off my face so that you can see the handsome me underneath.

Promoting Your Vote

I get a lot of e-mails from lots of different organisations. Some just want my money while others want to help me out. But what I really hate is them asking me to take action to benefit them just so that they can get an award. Sure, their competitors are probably doing the same, but how do you know which is really the best? Are we suddenly expected to switch to our competitors to try out their products to create an honest answer? Or do we just quickly answer yes to everything in the hope of being the first out of the hat in the prize draw? It’s a bit selfish, but if there’s a prize up for grabs then it’s anyone’s game. Bigger companies may even offer more incentives to encourage their customers to vote. It’s a shame that politicians don’t offer similar incentives when it comes to election time.

The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough

The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

This is a long novel stretched across the outback and beyond. There’s some great descriptions of the natural scenery and how life progresses into the twentieth century. I found the idea of Cleary life quite quaint because of the fact they’re millionaires that choose to be quite reclusive and hide themselves from the rest of the world on Drogheda. It must be quite a contempt life to do this rather than exert their influence upon the world. Paddy’s death was quite heart-breaking but most of the other female character seem set to outlive the sun itself. It’s a shame that McCullough didn’t reserve the identity of Dane’s father. I felt that this would have had a much more dramatic effect. I also found that Justine was the only humorous character in the whole novel; all the others seemed bland enough to stick to the tradition of going with the flow; with the exception of the inner yearnings of Mary Carson whose values seem to be inherited by Justine.

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America's Worst Driver

This is a non-stop show where nothing is paced and there’s a dramatic moment at every second which is over-emphasised by the show’s sound effects. It’s great to see the drivers out on real roads; though you have to measure the realness of the show when you ask them to parallel park between two parked cars. There’s also no sense of contestants learning from their trials or evidence of them trying to improve; it’s simply an idiom of watching bad drivers knowing that they will crash. It’s weird that the people who nominate the contestants suddenly decide that they want to help them; though the motivator of winning a holiday might have something to do with it. The contestants had some real character, but the presenters just seemed too fake and strict and didn’t really offer an opinion. But then again, they have to be if they get to wreck one of their contestants’ car at the end of each episode.

Elfing Around

It’s hard work being an elf. You’d think that it would all be sitting at a conveyor all day hammering away at wooden toys; but the reality is that Santa has given up on today’s society and very few children make it to the Nice List. To be honest, it’s probably just the Elf’s children themselves. This means that there’s a problem at Santa’s Workshop as the lack of labour creates job shortage for future elves. Santa has to be very careful as to allow who can co-habit with whom to ensure that the population of the North Pole is kept in check. Banishment is no longer an option as refugees would pledge their tales to the outside world. So the only other option is execution in Santa’s dictator’s state. And the elves that are allowed to exist do so in the knowledge that if they go against the rules, their service will no longer be required.

The Bargain Hunter

A cautious lady, she’ll come in to browse and sniff the bargains out. Like a ferret, she browses the catalogue unsure of whether to part with her cash or not. Each item has to be absolutely perfect, so she has to look at every single aspect of it first, and this will follow with a million questions that we have no idea how to answer. We then take the trouble to get the item out of the box and break the seal so that she can view it in its entirety. After that she’ll disappear to do some comparisons and work out where she can get it for the cheapest possible price. When she does put her cash out to buy it, she’ll want to be absolutely sure that it’s what she wants. And if one thing isn’t to her liking, the whole thing will come back used and in bits and she’ll expecting a full refund.

Post Party Breakfast

After drinks I’d planned to call a taxi back and sit up late into the night with my boss for a nightcap. I’d even got some Christmas ales planned. Instead a colleague offered to drop us off and he wanted to turn straight into bed. After a cup of tea, I’d left him a bottle of water for the night and turned in myself. When morning came, I got myself a morning cuppa and a quick shower then settled down to watch Game of Thrones to await his awakening. I discussed breakfast options and we decided that the Pitcher Oak Golf Course would be the most favourable. We settled into a par 4 breakfast with mushrooms and par 5 breakfast respectively; which amazingly he couldn’t finish. He did enjoy the atmosphere and the fact that he could watch the live cricket on the café’s TV while checking his e-mail on the café’s wi-fi at the same time.

Do Blind People Turn on Lights in their House?

Your first thought would be that it would be a waste of money. You might have no idea as to how long you’ve left your lights on for. It’s kind of like outdoor Christmas lights as you’re not unlikely to spend hours sitting outside the house watching them. But it also makes you wonder how many blind people live on their own. It’d be nice to think that these people would have someone to look after them or keep an eye out for them by living in the same house. Some might find the warmth of the light comforting; especially if they were only partially blind and may be able to see something. Also, it would be common sense for a blind person to turn a light on if they were going out for the evening just as if any other person would, to give the impression to potential intruders that someone was home. They might even do this regardless, just so they wouldn’t get the bother of potential intruders coming up the driveway.

Party Champion

We arrive at our venue and we’re shown to our table but the first thing that the boss decides is that the area isn’t set up to his liking. We’re all split up into smaller tables and people have their backs to each other so that not everyone can see one another. Like a military sergeant, he begins barking order and soon enough we have one large square. Two other problems then become apparent. The new seating arrangements encompass some booth seating which makes it hard for people to access; especially the waiters. The second problem is that there aren’t enough seats for everyone. Also, our party organiser isn’t feeling very well, so it’s down to me to ensure that everything happens. When our complimentary prosecco doesn’t appear, it’s up to me to make it materialise which arrives during the main course rather than on arrival as planned. It’s not my role to do this; though it falls on me to make it happen.

Double Your Memory

A while ago, I discovered that I had two of the same camera. Rather than send it back, I decided to give it away to a family member which meant equipping the second one with a memory card. It took a while to find the right card as I was under the impression that this camera took an old-style XD card. I ordered one off e-Bay but it had to come from China. When it arrived, I opened the camera to pop it in and I found that I’d already managed to put a standard SD card into the slot. I got onto the seller and asked about the returns procedure, who said that I could get a full refund so long as I send the thing back to China. This in itself would cost more money that it was worth, and I wonder if the seller made any money off the transaction as well.

Out with Da Boss

It’s Christmas time and more importantly it’s the office Christmas party! Oddly, my boss has decided that he’s spending the night at my house so that he can roll into work the following morning. And because he’s on shift the day before; the plan was to leave the car at my house then get stuck into a few pre-meal pints at the local Wetherspoons before heading on down to the restaurant. Unfortunately, he got stuck at the shop so I had to wait around a while before I could meet up at the bar with my fellow co-workers. We managed to get through three pints in about an hour before deciding how to get there. Some folks managed to grab a lift but we decided to walk it and get some air along the way, allowing those who were in posher clobber than us to keep dry. It only took twenty minutes and we gave him a very brief tour along the way.

I've got the Power

Smartphones use a ton of energy these days, especially when it’s a phone that’s been active for more than a year. And because we’re on the go so much nowadays, we’re on our phones all the time trying to organise everything while we’re out and about. So for Christmas this year I’ve decided to get my brother a powerbank to keep his mobile phone charged while he’s out and about. Hopefully he’ll be able to stay in touch with the rest of the family while at work. I’ve got him a branded one rather than the cheap metallic thing I got off e-Bay which I have to wonder how much charge it actually gives. The grip surrounding the charging socket is soft so there’s less chance of scratching the actual item; although it’s still likely to be buried somewhere within the depths of my brother’s van. Hopefully it’ll give him some incentive to clean it more.

Mustachio Me

I once entered into a pact with a friend at work to let our facial hair grow for thirty days. We decided to do this in Movember to raise money for a cancer awareness charity. Every week I had to publish a selfie on social media to show my progress and encourage friends and family to make donations. Amazingly, I managed to raise £25, which is more than my colleague raised who was the protagonist in this venture. At the end of the month, I published a final photo with a poll to let people decide whether I should keep the ‘tach or not. The consensus was that the moustache itself should go but I should leave a bit of stubble on the beard. I managed to keep this up until it got too embarrassingly messy to trim, and got rid of the whole thing in time for Christmas. I still like to keep a bit of stubble, but usually it’s because I don’t take time to touch it up properly.

Winter Theatre #dreamdiary 68

I’ve returned to college to visit some friends. I’m being put up at a friend’s house who now lives there permanently. The only trouble is that I don’t know where he lives and I don’t have his number; we’ve only managed to keep in touch through Facebook which has managed to become suspended through a lack of power on my phone. So I’ve taken to wandering through the backstreets of a new residential part of town where I think I might be living. There’s no sign of him, but I do bump into another friend who has no idea that I’m visiting but agrees to put me up for the evening while my phone makes a recovery. As I bring my things inside, I begin to sing an old number from one of our old productions. My friend overhears me and joins in from the other side of the road; giving his neighbours a winter performance in the middle of the street.

Turkey in your Face

All I want for Christmas is a real turkey dinner that’s fresh with all the trimmings. But that’s hard to find nowadays. Last year we went to my Sister-In-Laws and there were fourteen of us all in one room. She’d cooked the meal the night before and her plan was to let everyone help themselves then your dinner would be warmed up in the microwave once one became available. We didn’t quite get why every other family was bringing a microwave into the kitchen until it was dinner time, and it didn’t quite feel the same. We ate some of the leftovers the day after, but I think some of the food wasn’t stored properly and I was unwell the following day. This year looks to be the same way only with the addition of two little ones. It’s going to be crawling with kids crying and running around demanding attention with lots of chaos and very little room for sitting and relaxing.

Somebody Stop Me!

"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

What can stop you when you really want to get something done? Well, anything really. People can stop you when you have a simple idea and you just want to carry it out by getting involved and doing it their way. There are obstacles to charge through and fences to dodge; and if you get caught up in just one of them then it’s going to be a real struggle to get yourself back on track; especially if you’ve exhausted yourself from jumping through the hoops of other people. It’s not that people don’t necessarily want to stop you; they just rely more on you than you on them which makes it difficult for you to focus on your goals and make progress. If you really want something done, you really have to do it yourself and isolate yourself from the world around you, and recognise that you have to teach them how to help you.

Too early for a Tree?

This year we bought a new Christmas Tree in the Black Friday sale. We bought it with some loyalty vouchers together with our weekly grocery shop. One evening I got home from the pub and thought; I’d better make sure that it all fits together otherwise if we need to take it back to replace it they may have sold out. And so in late November, construction began. It took a while as I had to smooth out all the branches and work out which clump fitted into where. When it was done I decided to leave it up to show Mum that it was OK before putting it back in its box. She was quite proud when she saw it built up in the dining room, but rather than asking me to take it back down again she went one step further and began the decorating. It was kind of like having Christmas in July.

Ill Woes

I haven’t been feeling too well for a while now. I had a bit of a chesty cough which I took for a winter cold. It went away but a few weeks later I began to feel stomach cramps. I also had problems processing food as normal. It started to come out extra watery and smelly, and I can’t seem to process meat at all. At times I feel nauseous; especially after mealtimes. I also haven’t been having a large appetite as usual lately. Amazingly, I managed to get an appointment to see a doctor quite quickly, though there’s little sign of a diagnosis other than to provide a sample. This is getting difficult to provide since I can’t create anything solid. I’ve also been asked to stay away from meats and spicy foods and stick to bread and biscuits. I’m no longer in pain or have a churning stomach, but I’m also not feeling like I’m returning to normal.  

Advent Awesomeness

I decided to treat Mum to an Advent calendar this year. It had been a difficult one, so I bought one of the expensive upmarket calendars as a treat with posh chocolates. I also decided to treat myself to a photo fun one where you could take a different selfie every day with a photo filter in the background. There’ll be a chocolate on your head or a pair or reindeer ears, and sometimes the picture would be aminated so that the chocolate would drip down the screen. It’s a bit annoying as you need to download the app first then wave your phone in front of the calendar to activate the image. You then have to try and upload the photo to social media for everyone to see. It turns out that she bought one for me as well, so we’ve now got three in the house. Still, it comes in handy when the girls come round to visit so that they can open up a door too.