Cloud King

As the cloud king ascended the steps to his throne, he turned around and looked back at the world that he was about to leave behind. As he paused to rest his arm on the ramparts, he turned to look at his friend below.

‘Are you sure you don’t want to join me?’ he said. ‘The adventure’s going to be greater than what’s going on around here. There are great opportunities for development. You get to travel all over the globe as often as you like without the need for airports; and you can also put the world to rights by spreading karma to wrong-doers.’

‘But what about the folk you’re leaving behind?’

‘Well, there’s too much worry for that. Becoming elemental is a lot less bothersome; and if your family can carry on without missing you too much then it’s a win-win situation. It’s time to get blown away.’

The Night before the Morning After #Titannabell 4

From the top of the castle tower, Olivia had access to some startling views. Not only was the castle situated at the highest point of the Kingdom, it was very close to some of the Kingdom’s borders too. One thing that the children were told about but were never permitted to visit was the giant kingdom beyond. But on this night of all nights, all Olivia wanted to do was just get away. Because of all the extra lessons, she felt that she had no-one to confide in. No-one would notice; they would be much too busy making their own preparations. And so, as soon as the thuds of castle life became less and frequent, she slipped out into the darkness wearing nothing but her nightgown. And there, with the freedom of glass clenched in her toes, she ran across the border into the giant kingdom, pausing outside a large cave for some rest.

Message in the Mirror

I’ve been trapped in limbo for a long time now. I know not of how I got here; I know only of my being. There is very little means of escape in this cold, compressed world. I’m forced against a window, devoid of all movement and my only motion is to look out into the reality beyond. My only hope is to send a message to the other side. In deep water it’s never revealed as the bottom of their world must come first. After all, there’s the land which they haven’t fully explored. But in the shallow where they dare not tread in fear of greasing their feet lies herein my greatest hopes. Here I have a chance to capture their eye and hope that for one moment that someone must take a risk and frisk their way into our unknown plane. Who will spot the difference between worlds? And who will come forward and try to cross between them?

Space Travel

I’ve always wondered that if I jump straight up into the area while everything around me is moving, I will land in a different position to that of where I took off from. I’ve tried it on a quiet evening train where I can just straight up in the aisles, but I always land in the same place. Science will tell me that because I’m already travelling inside the train at the same speed, I will be travelling at the same velocity no matter how high I jump. I suppose that if I stood on top of the train and jumped; it would be a different matter because of the air resistance against me. As I’m unlikely to fulfil that opportunity, I’ll have to pay more attention to the movies. In the meantime, I could try it out at the gym on a running machine; though I’ll have to wait for a quiet session and hope that I don’t break the machine or damage myself in the process.

Poems Published in 1842 with an Introduction by A.M.D Hughes

Poems Published in 1842. with an Introd. and Notes by A.M.D. Hughes by Alfred Tennyson
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

What a crashing bore this Hughes must have been. He’s edited this book in such a way in so that it only appeals to academics. His actual introduction to the life of Tennyson does give a good insight to the man behind the poems. It’s also not clear as to why the author selected 1842 or whether he has published volumes in other years. Now I’ve got to go and look for a set. The book itself is not an easy one to browse. If you’re looking for a particular poem, first you have to browse which contents page to read before scrolling through to find the page number for the poem itself. There’s also an index of first lines. What use is that in today’s society? But the final nail in the coffin is Hughes’s appendix. As well as notes; there’s a separate appendix of different versions of the poems. Even if you did want to compare versions through the ages; you still have to go to the front of the book to re-browse the contents page to find the poem again. A small footnote under each poem would have been much more useful. Still, it’s nice to have a musty old book on the shelves that you can say that you’ve actually read; even if it did take three months.

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Car-jacking #dreamdiary 76

I’ve taken Mum to the historic city of Oxford to do some shopping in my old Fiesta Zetec. We’ve arrived early to avoid the traffic and get a good spot in the city car park. We come back to the car to find that the car park’s absolutely rammed and some idiot has parked too close to the passenger side so that she can’t get in. Other idiots are whizzing around the car park at break-neck speeds looking for a place to park and Mum fears for her safety. I back out of the space and find a safe place where she can get into the car. It’s that busy that she ends up diving into the back seat to avoid being run over. I get out of the car to pick up Her shopping bags and put them into the boot. As I close it, my front door shuts too. I walk to the front of the car and there’s a young Chinese woman sitting in the driver’s seat. I open the car door and pull her out. A passing toff thinks that I’ve car-jacked her and tries to intervene. The Chinese woman runs off while the toff keeps telling me that I’m on camera. I tell him that it’s my car and he can call the police if he wants. He then comments on my parking which I explain that I only stopped to pick someone up. He walks off and disappears into a nearby historic building.

King of the Castle

So here I am, King of the Castle at one of my all-time local favourite places to visit. It’s reflective; it’s got a castle; and you’re rewarded with views when you reach the top. But there’s no throne, servants, or minions yet; I guess that I’ve still got to earn those. But I doubt that those clouds are going to be in the same position every day. And of course, you must visit it at the right time for those quiet serene moments. It is after all a park for all. I’ve since had visions of returning to the park for constitutionals on a regular basis, but it hasn’t happened yet. I really wanted to continue exploring the pack and head over to the war monument, but my friend was knackered. And our map wasn’t that accurate; it was a struggle itself just to find the castle. So therein ended my reign. Maybe another day.

Hanging Out at Halfords

It was time for the car’s annual inspection. I’d booked an afternoon slot without a service as it had already been in last month for a tyre change. I finished work, and because school was out it would be easier to get into the garage to drop it off early and get it done. It was a very busy garage, and I just about managed to slide the car into the very last space right next to their advertising sign. The check-in was easy enough, and once I’d handed the keys over I snuck off for a pint while I waited; followed by a slice to soak up the booze. When I came back, I was glad to see that the car was in the garage, which meant that they’d actually done something. The same assistant handed the paperwork back to say that there were no problems apart from hot pipes; which is only because the engine was still warm when they tested it. Then it was a quick handover on the forecourt, and apart from managing to spill oil on the windows (there was a car next to mine that was on a raised lift), it was nice and simple.

A Castle to be Proud of

This fine fort is only seven or eight feet high. Amazingly, it’s not covered in scratches or graffiti or names of lovers. There are a few lines scratched into the plate itself but it just looks like accidental damage. There’s a gravel path around the whole thing that goes around and through its two arches. It looks a bit flooded but that’s just the result of a combination of a very well-used gravel path combined with a wet winter and little drainage of the grassy hill, so it’ll probably dry off with the first sign of warm weather. There are even little alcoves with benches so that people can sit and rest while their friends wander round to explore. At the top, two ramparts roam either side which lead off to two separate towers, and there’s even a step for little ones to climb up and peer over. And the views are amazing.

Escalator Man

Some people enjoy riding buses. Others enjoy riding trains. But one man sets out every Saturday to take in the experience of riding the escalators. He doesn’t fit them; he doesn’t test them; but he marvels at the sight of them. Dressed in a pair of chinos and a pale blue shirt, he travels the shopping centres of the world to test out each escalator. He’ll visit every department store without buying a thing just to ride to the very top and come back down again to the basement (though occasionally he does stop for a bite to eat and the food court; as long as he can use his loyalty card). He never rushes and always holds onto the handrail; enjoying the clickity-click of being transported from one floor to another. If one’s broken down, he’ll make a note to come back and try to ride it again. If one’s under repair, he’ll stay as long as possible taking pictures until it’s in motion again or until he’s asked to move along. You might even go so far as to say that he’s got one at home.

Top of the Toposcope

We decided to aim for the toposcope to get the best views of the city. We found the golf course and the duck pond. There was a little path leading round the lake and past a small portacabin which acted as a makeshift café for the golf course and a place to buy duck food. Our map showed that the path to the top ran alongside the golf course and up a small hill into the woods. From there it was a set of zig-zag paths and we had very little sense of direction other than to head up; though there was a signpost at one of the crossroads. We came out onto a grassy field and climbed the hill to the very top. The toposcope itself was placed on a raised mound with steps leading up to it. Around this, some bright genius had the creativity to build a small castle to mark the top.

A Bit of Space

It’s a bit difficult when you want to head back from a night out to have to answer questions when all you want to do is curl up in bed and fall asleep. Where have you been? What have you seen? If you get the chance to come back early, you get the full Spanish Inquisition which isn’t easy if you’ve had a few. The only alternative is to head back to the local pub and ride it out until you’re sure that the lights are out. It might seem like the hard way to some but it’s easier than having to slur the truth as you attempt to climb the stairs to bed while being watched after an onslaught of questioning. It’s important to have a space to escape from the everyday routine; not only to reflect but to offer a change of course if one so desires. It might be a corner or a room but people need to respect the space that others need.

Lickey Laughing

My friend’s a Yorkshire lad and was totally bemused by the name of the Lickey Hills. He really wanted to pay them a visit for the bragging rights, if only to stick his tongue out at them. We decided on a traditional rambler’s day out and got equipped with a few Subway sandwiches to keep us going on the trip. We also chewed on the fat along the way and discussed our future dreams and ambitions; and I even bought a souvenir keyring to add to my collection. But the best discovery of all was a crudely drawn map which was available to purchase for the princely sum of a whole pound. Amazingly, this map showed the location of the legendary missing golf course from my childhood, alongside a duckpond that I’d never seen before. My friend was game for a bit more exploring so after lunch we followed a footpath down the other side of the hill where I discovered that a main road separates the park into two. What we found on the north side truly amazed me.

Mr. Bean: The Animated Series

This simple series catches the simple innocence of Mr. Bean and his antics for children. There’re some well-written episodes as well as some rushed ones; but the treasure hunt has to be my favourite. He encounters several stereotypical characters that every neighbourhood has and faces real-life situations. Most of the comedy arises from the simplest of solutions that just needs him to ask for help, but he’s a character who’s keen to assert his own independence and get the job done as quickly and efficiently as possible. There’s plenty of mad driving in his iconic mini; and a very voluptuous lady in the restaurant episode. The dominance that Mrs. Wicket has over him isn’t fully explained; perhaps he agrees to do chores for her in exchange for a discount on the rent. The music for the show is also catchy; combining classic and chaos. I can’t believe that there’s even a game and app available too!

Longing for the Lickeys

When I was a lad we’d often go and explore the Lickey Hills; a country park on the south side of Birmingham. We could catch the train to Barnt Green; cross the road; follow a footpath past a row of country houses and we’d be at the foot of the hills. From there, it was a good twenty-minute walk to the top up a muddy footpath past felled trees which became more of a mountain bike trail as we approached the summit. At the top would be a visitor’s centre complete with toilets, a café selling ice cream, beverages and snacks as well as a picnic area outside. There was also a model of the park; though at that point we’d get tired of exploring and just go and play on the nearby adventure playground then walk back down the hill and catch the train back home. My old man had it in his head that there was also a golf course, bowling green, and a duck pond; though we never worked out where they were.

Birdwatching

It’s nice to just sitting in the house with the window open a crack with a bit of fresh air coming in alongside the sound of some birds chirping. Of course, you’ve got to encourage the birds to be there in the first place. In any urban environment they can flee at the first sound of a revved engine. So you’ve got to encourage them to stay by providing an environment that they can be safe in. By providing a little hideaway that they can call in and rely on for food and water, they can help keep your house chirping. But there’s larger pests that are out there to steal the food from you. That’s why it’s good to have both quiet and a shelter at the same time. In the winter when we had snow and hail, I forgot to top up the bird food. Hopefully they’ll forgive me and I haven’t put them off visiting our little garden. 

Shake, Rattle and Roll

If you’re really stuck for something to do in a laundrette, why not have a washing machine that doubles up as a karaoke box? A TV screen won’t work as for some reason someone’s decided that people want to see their clothes get washed; though a fish tank would make an interesting alternative. But you’ve got this metal box that’s the size of a speaker at a rock concert so why not install one in it? Admittedly it might not do the same job as the real thing but you may as well get some use out of it. If you’ve got a TV in the kitchen it would certainly provide a lot of intensity. You could even leave it on while you do other kitchen tasks. Or if we head back to your humble laundrette, all you need is an 80’s-style disco floor and a fold-out minibar hidden in one of your machines and you’ve got your very own 24-hour party palace. You can shake rattle and roll all day and night; though you may have to be careful when it comes to washing your smalls.

A Naughty Night #Titannabell 3

It had been a busy week back at the castle. The end of school was fast approaching and both families were preparing for a royal wedding. On top of their regular classes; Julian and Olivia were taking extra lessons in history and hospitality in preparation for their new lives together. Julian hadn’t actually proposed; the princess-to-be had come home one night to find a hand-written note pushed under her door stamped with the royal decree and sealed in a wax envelope. And she hadn’t replied. Everyone had just assumed that she had just accepted the proposal. She had seen less and less of Julian in her downtime. The last week of school was to be a flurry of exams followed by the royal wedding on the first day of the school holidays. The whole class was invited and were looking forward to blowing off some steam. But Olivia was in a bit of a dilemma. She loved the castle and growing up alongside royalty and she’d made some close friends. But she wasn’t sure that she loved Julian.

Future-proof your appliances

How do you future-proof your washing me? For years they’ve headed down the same road of washing our clothes ever since we’ve decided to forgo the lethal combination of water and electricity and bung lightning into an electric washing box. And of course, they’ve got lighter through the ages in terms of construction materials alongside a better efficiency of a colder washing cycle to get the same job done faster while using less electricity. But apart from fastening a steel handle to the drum and draining the from a hosepipe through a sieve, that’s as far as you can get environmentally. So the only way to move forward is to use the machine for other purposes. Perhaps if we live in space and take dogs for a spacewalk, we’ll use them to wash our pets afterwards as they’ve already been trained how to breathe with an oxygen tank. Just don’t spin it too fast. Back on earth, you’ve also got the option to put that unbreakable plate to the test by throwing your dishes in there instead of your socks. And just think of the space that you’ll save.

Should I Stop?

When we’re being taught to drive; we’re taught to keep moving as much as possible. If we see a stop sign; of course we’re taught to stop; not necessarily at the sign but before the line itself. But stop signs themselves are very rare in the UK nowadays; and usually they’re only seen in the countryside at blind bends. It’s because of the rarity of them that we don’t always come to a physical stop; instead we just slow down at these junctions and creep out. And even if a vehicle approaches we still edge forward to see what’s past that vehicle; unaware that we’re creeping over the line. But it’s when we don’t stop is the moment that we become the most hazardous and we force other drivers to react. Have we got enough time to enter the flow of traffic or will we force the oncoming driver to brake for us?

Lines and Curves

I’ve always wondered where the line stands between straight and curvy. If you magnify anything enough times; eventually you’ll see the square pixels showing how the curve forms into squares. If you do the same with lines, it’s just endless. But in the real world it’s the other way around. No matter how something straight might appear to the naked eye; you’ll soon find an imperfection if you keep magnifying it. It’s impossible to find a straight line in real life. There’s got to be an abrasion somewhere. It might be the tiniest of chips from the moment it’s manufactured and laid to rest on another surface. It’s impossible to draw a straight line in the real world. The ink must flow over somewhere as it dries. With new technologies the thin line might get finer and finer but the line has to be drawn somewhere. That’s why computers must learn that they don’t exist in a perfect world.

The Barging Bus #dream diary 75

I’m on holiday with some friends and we’re visiting historic cities. We’ve gotten some advice off an Irish bus driver about where to park in relation to where we need to visit while we’re in the pub. He’s a spitting image of Daphne Moon’s father off Frasier in a hi-vis vest. We arrive in the city but we’re struggling to find the district. We’re using every roundabout to drive in as many small circles as possible to spot a road sign to point us in the right direction. As we drive through a narrow street surrounded by tall redbrick buildings from both sides, a bus turns a corner and approaches us. I swing into a passing point to let the bus pass which is hidden in a tunnel, but it forces the bus to enter the tunnel at an odd angle. As the bus passes us and exits the tunnel its front clips the front of the tunnel. It’s the same Irish driver who exits the bus to survey the damage. He asks his passengers to exit the vehicle and instructs us to do the same. He then gets on his phone to phone for help, and I ask to borrow my friend’s phone to take pictures of the position of the bus in relation to where our car is to ensure that we’re not at fault.

Daft Shades

I’m amazed by how many different words there are for colours. You can’t say navy blue any more; you have to see it and then say darker or lighter or paler. We even use plants and foods to describe certain shades like duck egg blue and fuchsia; though I prefer the term prostitute pink to describe that one. And what the hell are teal and turquoise? If you google them you get at least six different shades, depending on who you’re buying it from. Imagine walking into a store and asking for a mauve lamp. Would that be in purple or pink? And it’s no good going from the picture alone. You’d have to look at whether the lamp’s on or off and how that would affect the colour shade. Even when you’ve got it out of the box and compared it to a picture on your phone, there’s still no way of knowing whether it matches up unless you take it home and compare it to the rest of the room.   

Not on the High Street

Sometimes it’s difficult not to shop on-line to find the product that you want. A lot of the time you may think it’s cheaper; and it’s not just the sale price involved but the physical cost of having to get to the store too. If you drive or take the bus; for most people you have to pay for petrol or the fare; and the cost of parking too; not to mention running costs. Then there’s also availability and accountability. If the item’s not available in the shops then the only option is to buy it on-line. That’s why companies are hell-bent on cookies nowadays; they want to track what you’re searching for to analyse whether they should to stock the product that you’re searching for. Then you’ve got people who buy in bulk to take advantages of when shops do give big discounts and sell them online for themselves and take a slice of the profits. No wonder the high street is in trouble.

Into Focus

In and out. From fuzzy to sharp. That’s the appearance of many images as you try to capture them at speed. But what about those images that don’t quite capture the eye? Images that are only visible for a split second when you hit the pause button to capture that moment in time and take that shot? Is it really there or has it shown up for a glimpse into the unknown; unaware that a faster pair of eyes are watching? Perhaps we’re the ones that are fuzzy, and a part of us fades away into a different realm? Of course, with computers it’s entirely possible to edit the image and take things out. It’s even easier to add things in. But it’s that first glimpse of that raw image that you begin to wonder how things came to be. You might not see it again. It’s as if a haunting is taking place.

The Stern Glance

Annoying, isn’t it? You wait at the bar while the barman chats to one of his friends. He disappears (presumably for some maintenance reason) then a person who arrives next to you with a menu gets served straight away. Your barman then comes back and after staring at some paper on the wall (which I’m guessing is the rota showing when the breaks are and when the fit girls start work) starts to serve at the other end of the bar. The only way to get around it is to give him a stern glare. That way, he knows that you know what he’s been up to and you’re about ready to complain. He then shouts his apology across from the other side of the room and asks you to yell your order across to him. But in this instance I’m not too bothered. I’ve already cheated them out of a quiz in expired discount pint vouchers.

Fussing about Fabrics

Mum’s away on holiday and it’s got to the point where I need to do some clothes washing so that I have a clear uniform to wear at work. I’m also told that we’re out of detergent and that it’s down to me to get some more; and even though I must fetch it and pay for it; I don’t have the choice of what brand to get. I’m further informed that we no longer use fabric softener. This may explain why some of my clothes smell of mothballs. It’s possible that we have too many clothes in our cupboards and that we don’t wear them often enough to get through a full cycle; so the fresh clothes smell is often trapped within the musk of the wardrobe. But when you leave damp clothes to dry out in a room, the last thing that you want is a room smelling of damp and sweat. So I chucked in some fabric softener which worked wonders. The clothes came out fluffy and dry too. But then again, I don’t iron. I just hang them up and let gravity do the work. So I guess that the iron steams the freshness into the clothes.

An Alignment of Allies

I find it quite frustrating that there are places that I want to visit but when I make a plan to visit with friends, it always gets to a stage where they just want a quiet day and pop out for the evening. I do value other people’s opinions but sometimes I just want to get out there and show people what a true explorer I like to be. Sometimes I just stay indoors and feel that nothing is achieved at all. I just wait around eagerly awaiting the call to action which happens a lot later than expected. Lately, I’m finding that I must go and visit these places on my own. It’s nice to have the solitude but an adventure is better done when together.  But there’s a hell of a lot of places that I want to explore. If I must do it on my own, then so be it. Do I need to be more open with where I want to visit? If so, I lose the independence of the trip. Or do I go with the flow in the hope that they call in on one of my desired destinations?

From snores to smells

The problem that you have while staying as a guest as other people’s houses is abiding by their rules. What’s the appropriate time to get up? Can you get away with raiding the kitchen for a cup of tea? What’s the one rule that they’ve asked you to put up with to have a friendly stay with a happy host? My friend must have thought me mad when I explained about the faulty toilet and the jug we use to help objects go down. he also helped the following morning with clearing the drive after the snowstorm that we had. But he did get revenge on us by supplying the most startling snores when he dozed off that night. He also managed to bring his unique sweaty dog smell into the room as well. The towels that he brought with him only made it worse; though we should have made it easier for him by supplying a guest towel. His bedsheets were put into the washing machine the minute he was gone; but his smell inhabited my car for quite some time. Eventually I discovered that he’d left a pair of hiking boots underneath his passenger seat, which I mailed back to him in time for Christmas.

Stath Lets Flats

The main character is clearly a class clown who seems to have been mollycoddled all his life and lacks any real-life experience; who competes with a professional who clearly works hard for her cash. His sister is equally clueless but tries to secure her livelihood with a relationship with one of the nervous employees. Towards the end of the series there was less of a focus on assisting tenants and more of a narrative to bring the series to a conclusion; which I found a bit off-putting. It was an odd situation when each leading son worked for the rival company in the course of the series; though I doubt that this would happen in real life. It needs more situational comedy. I’d like to see them con more out of the general public and less of the rivalry, apart from the professionals next door. Amazingly, there’s going to be a second series.