Thornbridge Jaipur IPA at the Watts Russell Arms, Alstonefield

I left my previous pub disappointed but read in my guidebook that there was another pub worth visiting just down the hill. It had eccentric opening times but was worth the visit. I headed down and today it was open. It was an old stone farmhouse hidden behind a clump of bushes with a few spaces for a couple of cars in front. There was a square table in a corner with stacks of books, board games and rainy-day activities. There was a lounge on the opposite side of the bar while my side had a long row of perch seating. A small and stout man was doing the accounts as I walked in; but didn’t exactly give a friendly welcome seeing as I was the only patron in at the time. I still had a bit of walking to do but couldn’t resist the calling of Thornbridge’s famous Jaipur IPA. Given the welcome; I opted to sit outside and enjoy my pint in their decked beer garden.

A Prayer from a Stalker

While dining for breakfast, we fell into a conversation with a man on the opposite table. He looked quite scholarly and was wearing light sports attire and had a few books and folders with him. He was trying to work out where we were from, and was delighted to learn that we were from across the pond. He asked about our trip and why we were here, and told us that he was a writer and his publishing firm had an office in London. As he gave us our card he mentioned that today was the National Day of Prayer; and that he was there to support the celebrations. I went on full alert then as I sensed that a conversion or two might be on the agenda. Just as we were preparing to leave, he asked us if he would like to say a prayer for us. I asked for nice weather (which we got) and Mum asked for happy memories. The scary thing was that he was staying in the same hotel as us; and even on the same floor; or at least he entered the building and got in the lift with us.

Brewsters Aromantica at the Pillar of Rock, Bolsover

I thought I’d treat myself to a pint before exploring Bolsover Castle, and as the cask marque was a Wetherspoons I decided to eat here too as there would be plenty of time to walk it off before the drive back. I couldn’t get on the actual pub car park but I did find a free car park behind the library. The pub is quite modern and open-plan, and it’s a small venue for a Wetherspoons. There’s a few fake bookcases to divide the pub up into sections. I found a comfy table in a corner by the door and ordered an ultimate burger alongside my pint, but I wasn’t impressed. It’s here that I discovered Henderson’s Relish for the first time. I wondered if it was a Yorkshire version of Worcestershire sauce, and tried some on my chips. It was a bitter cross between soy sauce and Worcestershire sauce, and I have to say I’m not a fan.

A Double-up on Lenses

Some time ago, I’d thought I’d lost my camera. I pictured where I left it and thought that I’d never see it again. It wasn’t an expensive camera, but it was a good spec and I was quite fond of it because of the colour. You don’t usually get a choice. So I ordered a second one off the internet to replace it, and in the meantime I found the first one so off I went snap happy. Unfortunately, I was away a bit too long than anticipated, so when the replacement camera arrived at my doorstep, I’d ran out of time to return it. So I’ve now got a second camera as a back-up. But because of the technology, these old cameras use XD cards which for some reason aren’t mainstream any more. Mum tends to borrow my camera more and more these days so I’ve ordered a second memory card ready to call into action.

Thwaite's Wainwright at the White Lion, Matlock

This is a very quiet pub in an old part of town; but its main attraction is that you get to sit outside and watch the cable cars go up the Heights of Abraham. You can do this in underneath the pub’s large green umbrella and picnic tables on their cobbled front lawn. It’s a traditional stone-built pub with a stone floor, a fireplace and two small front lounges. One’s for drinking in large leather chairs and the other one’s for dining, and a fireplace separates the two. In the back there’s further tables for dining in a modern atmosphere. I was hoping to get a nice chat out of the barman, but he was more interested in whether I was dining or having another drink. I did take a peek at the menu but it was a little out of my price range. My main concern was to get back to the campsite as I still had a hill to climb.

A half-arsed Assessment

There’s a new tactic in town to make us sell more insurance at work. Not only do we have to make a quality offer; there’s also key words that we must legally use to ensure that we’re selling the item correctly. And this new tactic is for a supervisor to listen in on the offer and talk about it with the colleague afterwards. Now I didn’t get in retail to sell insurance, and in the past I’ve always been told to offer it in a light-hearted way so as not to pressurise the customer into buying it. So if someone says no when I’m not halfway through then I stop. But I got marked down for this. The new tactic is to be a robot and continue making the offer so that you’re sure that your customer has got all the information to make an informed decision. Now to a customer it seems that you’re becoming that robot and you’re ignoring them. 

A mix-up in Time

It was my first afternoon in Matlock and I was particularly keen to check out the local pub scene. I had a guidebook to the best pubs in the area; and it would take me just half an hour’s walk to join up with the nearest walk to my campsite, and another half hour to get to the first pub. Furthermore; Matlock seemed a large enough town, so it would be easy to get a taxi back if the worst came to the worst. The first pub that the guidebook recommended was shut on Mondays. I checked online and the local CAMRA branch hadn’t updated their opening hours either; so an e-mail was duly sent upon my return. In the meantime, I carried on into the village; where the next pub was shut as well. In fact, the only pub I found in the area seemed to be a newly opened micropub that wasn’t listed anywhere, and the locals even asked me if I was looking for the only pub in Matlock. It kind of dampened the mood a bit for the rest of the day.

A Smashing Time

My brother managed to do the impossible last month. We’d set up my Wii console up on my Mum’s telly downstairs so that we could have a few frames of bowling. My sister-in-law decided to take my youngest niece home to bed while I carried on playing with my eldest niece. My brother took my youngest’s place, and as we were reaching the end of the game he decided to get a bit more ambitious and begin his attempt with an actual run. And before you knew it, he’d charged and his remote tumbled out of his hand into the TV. I suppose it was my fault really as I couldn’t get the wrist straps back on and my niece was waiting impatiently. We could hear sound and see a large split line down the middle of the screen. When we switched back to TV mode, we just got a black screen.

Pack up your Troubles

It’s funny where you end up pitching up for the night. Packhorse Farm wasn’t my first choice but at least they had an on-line booking system so I was guaranteed a spot. The journey was a bit disappointing as I’d planned a stop to see a castle along the way, but I didn’t trust the sat-nav and ended up joining the motorway further up than I should have done. Then I headed up towards an accident but I managed to get off the motorway and head into the city. Luckily, I have a good sense of direction. I stopped off at a McDonald’s for lunch and used their wi-fi to check my route. I think it was the smallest McDonalds that I’d even been in. Then it was onto the campsite itself. It was well sign-posted from the road out of the village and I pulled up outside their barn in no time.

The Secret Life of Pets

I was disappointed with this movie. I was hoping that there’d be an undercover intelligence agency like Cats and Dogs, or at least a club where all the pets rally at the end to get one of the characters home. But sadly, it was not to be. The opening was amazing; enticing us to the sounds and sights of New York; but once the film got going it could have been set in any city. It also could have done with a bit more humour and mick-taking; perhaps with more humans as predominant characters. It was just a constant flow of moving from location to location without any real character development, and perhaps too much kudos has been given to the all-star voice acting. Perhaps the Flushed Pets could have been a bit more active. Amazingly, this did really well at the box office, and there are even plans for a sequel. I don’t see it though.

Forget aBout It

So ya wanna join ma crew? Well, there’s a whole lot a work involved in it for ya and the rewards are good so long as ya stick to ya agenda. First, ya gotta get through some training. And you’re not just shadowing people; you gotta do as we do. We’ll show ya something then you’ll be dealing with the next show. Pass the test and you’ll be treated as an equal from day one. Fail and you’ll be out the door faster than my mutt chasing the mailman and we’ll bill ya for the time too. And the most important thing of all is that ya gotta clean up after yerself. No more passing the blame onto other people; if ya can’t finish it ya can’t hack it so you need to pass the job onto someone that can. Ya gotta make sure that there’s no loose ends in this business.

The Hunt for the Missing Flash Drive

Mum wanted to get a picture of my brother’s wedding hung on the wall using an old frame that previously had a picture of her standing next to a tree on the beach. I started by sorting out a digital picture on my hard drive. This done, I somehow had to get the picture down to the shop. The easiest way to do this would be to put it onto a flash drive so I could just plug into the printing booth. But my flash drive was nowhere to be found. I found Dad’s old flash drive which still had some company files on it; but my flash drive was a lot bigger and I wanted to move some larger files between computers later. This led to a huge sort-out which led a pilgrimage of every available drawer in my room. After chucking a lot of paperwork away; I eventually remembered that we use it for Dad’s digital photo frame for whenever we have visitors.

Jaffa Surprise!

We’d been eating out for a works bash to bid farewell to someone who left. We’d had a hearty meal and the company had subsidised some of the grub. I had a seasonal steak with a prawn topping and it was very good, but the need for dessert was calling. Half the group had already departed because it was getting late and the choices were quite limited. The only dessert I fancied was their giant Jaffa cake; a large cake covered in chocolate Jaffa sauce with ice cream. The menu recommended sharing, but when it arrived it didn’t look that big so I dug in all on my own. To be honest; it looked like a giant piece of wet cow pat with a decorative piece of ice cream on top. It was messy and chocolatey and you could taste the orange in the sauce but I did manage to scoff down the whole thing.

Last Orders for Golf?

I was in a pub (no surprises there) and I was chatting with a friend and mentioned that we hadn’t played golf in a while. So the next day he took me up on the offer and we decided to go to our local driving range. We had very fond memories of this course as we’d played there from a young age. As well as the range; there’d be a pitch and putt course on the opposite side of the hill. We particularly enjoyed the seventh hole which had a small pond, and we either had to play it safe and go around it or take the shorter but riskier option of driving over it. I remember that once I cleared the pond followed by the course, and the next thing I heard was a thud thud thud as the ball hit tarmac onto the car park of the industrial unit next door. Sadly, they’ve now decided to turn it into a laser tag site.

Hoppy New Beer!

This is my regular ‘Season’s Greetings’ motto to people in December. In the non-Christmas months, I alter it to ‘Hoppy Beer Day’ for birthdays. It’s interesting that we don’t compliment the season to each other when it’s not Christmas. Try saying it at the next Jubilee celebration. But when a pub changes ownership, that sacred transfer needs celebrating too. It’s the end of the old traditions and the unknown new rites begin. Will the new gaffers stick with the old ones? Or will a new regime of management rain their reign down upon us with their own set of rules? This particular place was closing down and the old management team had a great idea to raise as much cash for charity that they could on their last day of trade. Unfortunately, it just happened to involve then people who were there on the night. Still, at least one of us was lucky enough to win a bottle of plonk.

Safari Chick

An early summer sees all sorts of people climb into all sorts of attire. Some prepare for it and have the perfect look for the season. Some drudge around sweating in overcoats trying to look as if the heat doesn’t affect them but their panting and odour just makes you want to get as far away from them as possible. And some are happy to just throw on whatever’s in their wardrobe; whether it’s last year’s must-have souvenir T-shirt or an outfit they wore on their holiday several years ago. And when they walk in wearing grey khakis and long socks, you know that they’ve either been on safari or they’re extreme walkers. Either way, it’s strange when they walk into your workplace demanding goods but aren’t sure about how to go about it. It really is a fish out of water. You might swim in the backyard, but once they’re on your turf they’re putty in your hands; so long as they don’t march in with a blunderbuss demanding a refund.

Stuffed by the Stock Market

When you work for a company for a long time; you see it go through several changes. And when you change owners it only gets even more worrying. At one point I had a pretty good stake in the company and was due a decent pay-out as a shareholder. Then the company got took over and I was offered a pretty raw deal because of the merger. After sitting down and working through the math; I worked out that I’d be making a loss by accepting the deal, so I decided to sell out my current stock rather than sit down and work through all the paperwork. I did try to get back onto the scheme once the new company decided to try to start the same thing, but their infrastructure wasn’t set up right, so I didn’t bother. I didn’t want to be screwed again. I could have got some independent financial advice but that would have cost me more money.

Double DDs

We were up and wide awake and ready to explore Washington; but first; breakfast. This can sometimes be hard to get when you’re travelling on a budget and you don’t want to fork out on the expensive convenience of your hotel. We needed somewhere close as we had to back at the hotel for a pre-appointed time. Our guide had recommended buying some cereal from the grocery store; but then we would have needed milk; bowls and spoons. So we had a wander around and ended up at Dunkin’ Donuts. This was a busy shop and it looked like everyone was going in for breakfast before travelling onwards to work. I was quite tempted to try the coffee but things were already heating up outside, so I opted to do without my insides doing the same. Once we’d been understood; we had to move to a different counter to collect our food; which I only figured out after I started reading my receipt as order numbers were being announced. We settled down to what looked like a McDonald's version of breakfast in the plastic chairs; having shelled out nine dollars each. Luckily; this did include a large bottle of orange juice.

Terms and Conditions of Being under the Influence #Sharrack5

The downside of Sergeant Sharrack’s licence was that he had to leave all the local bars an hour earlier before everyone else or risk having his licence confiscated by the locals. It wasn’t a document that he wanted to fall into enemy hands. Of course this meant that he had a good hour before everyone else to discover where the after-hours booze was kept; and in what container it came in. If he wasn’t ready to go; he’d also quote the time difference in the hope that he’d swing an extra hour; depending on how intelligent the locals were. Because he wasn’t allowed to remain sober during closing time he actually found it easier to be sober during opening hours so that he could keep one ear on the ground listening to the chats of the locals. And once he’d found the booze, he often had to recruit someone to help him to avoid any damage to the vessel’s contents.

Justice League

This film was on my watchlist for a while but the involvement of Zack Snyder put me off as he did such a bad job with Superman: Man of Steel. It had some very enjoyable moments and the film wasn’t afraid of its own action Sequences or to dwell too long on their origins. I particularly liked the inner conflict within the team before they were united; as well as Batman’s sense of uselessness after the death of Superman; though I need to catch up on that one. I was also a bit baffled on the focus of one family in a remote village in Russia: though as an afterthought it allowed him to take hostages as he saw fit without being discovered by the authorities. It later turns out that Josh Whedon was brought in to finish the film which may explain why I enjoyed it as much as I did. I can’t comment on the soundtrack as I was watching it at 40,000 feet so I couldn’t really compare it to previous Batman films.

License to Drink #Sharrack4

Finding beer on foreign soil has always been a bit of a problem; especially when there’s a war on. Any farmer would normally give you a bit on the side; but when you’re collecting for a whole platoon in wine country you may as well be crawling through a desert. Somehow though, Mike always managed to pull through. He’d show up at the door; usually pissed as a fart in the middle of the night with his special drunkards licence just to keep the party going. When the locals saw this document; they’d have to give anything they could spare; because if there was any doubt a whole platoon would be on their doorstep to ransack the premises and take any bottle-related object they could find. Those who were lucky enough to look as if the house was occupied often had to hide any of their bottles in boxes; under floorboards or in the attic as soon they got word that a platoon was nearby.

Keeping it up

My Mum’s laptop keeps overheating. It’s weird because mine never does and it’s older than hers; plus, mine seems to attract more dust too. They are different makes so that could be something to do with it. Maybe the reason that hers is shutting itself down is because she’s using it more to play silly Facebook games. It’s annoying for her because she can’t get stuff which in turn complains to me which means that I can’t get stuff done. Yesterday I tried to use the virus checker but the computer wouldn’t stay long enough for the program to run. So I found a simple solution. By propping the laptop up on top of two books either side gave it the extra room it needed for the heat to escape through the vents. And the vents themselves seem to be facing shut too. I started to turn a couple of screws out to have a proper look but I couldn’t get the panel open properly so I gave up as I didn’t want to do any damage. So I’ll guess she’ll have to keep propping it up on books for a while…

The Casual Vacancy by J.K Rowling

The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

If you ever thought that the characters of Harry Potter could get kinky, then this story proves you right. J.K. Rowling holds nothing back in this humorous and bitterly twisted tale of rural England where everyone fights their own corner and follows their own motives while ultimately getting their just deserts. There’s graphic abuse where you would never expect it and towards the end I just kept turning the pages faster and faster. I loved the anticipation and all the plotlines coming together for a tragic ending. I actually thought that Parminder would be a bit more directly responsible for a tragic ending because of her unfocused driving after her return from the meeting with the social workers. I love flicking back to re-read random passages of the book and am going to have to put it away properly somewhere. And thanks must go to the good people at Argos from whence I got this book as part of their charity fundraising.

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Understanding the new GDPR rules

Lots of organisations have been writing to me lately. Not to tell me of their latest offers or inviting me to events, but to tell me that they’ve updated their privacy policy. It’s the same law that applies to everyone; but some companies have interpreted it different to others. Some say that they can’t send me any more e-mails unless I click their link; yet they still send e-mail after the deadline has expired. In short, companies must provide more tools to allow what data you want to share with them; though surely if you didn’t want to share the information you’d either leave it blank or lie about it anyway. The new rules also let you decide who sees your information and how you can control it; especially on social media platforms. Google has even written its own message about cookies that I have to display every time someone visits to warn them about cookies. I’m thinking of re-writing this notice…

Mad Dog Olicana at Bromsgrove Beer Festival 2017 #Sherduck 4

Mad Dog took another drag of his cigar. It was a good job he’d got that chimney installed in his luxury kennel. He nodded to his bitch Olicana who was curled up in his basket. It had been a long day, but he was sure that he’d covered all his traps to stop Sherduck from tracking him down. If he was lucky, the rain would stop Sherduck from ever investigating; and if the llama got involved then at least he’d disposed of all the witnesses. But he’d finally got the last silver medal that he’d been looking for to complete his military collection. All he had to do was lay low for a while and hope that the clues wouldn’t point to him. Perhaps he should even consider a small crime to distract the cops and rule him out of their investigation. In the meantime, he needed somewhere safe to hide the booty.

Welcome to Moe's

Night time arrived after our long journey and we needed something to eat. We didn’t want to venture too far from our hotel and we weren’t sure of our immediate area. All we knew that there was a train station and a university nearby and there was a road with a chain of restaurants. A lot of these places seemed to be fast food joints; but based on an episode of Undercover Boss that I’d seen; we decided to have a look at Moe’s. We ventured inside and got our welcome from the servers; though we didn’t notice it as we were trying to figure out the menu on the wall. We instantly saw an open kitchen where we had to move in line in front of it; and it wasn’t causal dining. The staff seemed to be a bit rude and rushed; even though it wasn’t exactly busy. We didn’t realise that we’d get a huge side of tortilla chips with our food; which was a bonus. It was a fun meal and I’d definitely try Moe’s again; but maybe for lunch rather than an evening one.

Dancing Duck Nice Weather 4 Ducks at Bromsgrove Beer Festival 2017 #Sherduck3

‘I don’t think we can solve this case today Sir.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because it’s raining.’

‘But you’re a duck.’

‘That doesn’t mean that I necessarily have to like the rain.’

‘But isn’t the evidence eroding away?’

‘Not if your team have put a gazebo up like I asked them to.’

‘Then you’re not going to get wet, are you?’

‘Of course I’m going to get wet. I’ve got to swim through the pond in the rain, haven’t I?.

LeLama sighed. ‘Okay. I’ve got no choice to get you out there unless I splash out.’ He took a few steps to the window of Sherlock’s den and took out a mobile phone. ‘I’m going to need a heliduck with a gazebo on board with a full science lab. I need it mobilised in an hour. I need to get this crime scene examined and taken down today.’

'Is it possible to get it stocked with a few beers?'

Avengers: Infinity War

I loved this film. The insults and comic moments are back as friends battle it out against foes to survive. Thanos was excellent; and it was great to see his powerful allies in action as well as a bit of his backstory; and his resemblance to Ron Perlman is quite remarkable. It is a long film, but there’s plenty going on between characters. Whether we’ll remember it all in time for the second instalment is another story. As always, there’s still a number of unanswered questions. Why doesn’t the hulk want to come out to play? AntMan gets a mention but he hasn’t as yet made an appearance in the movie; perhaps because he’s busy fighting the wasp in a future adventure. And Hawkeye is conveniently busy too. Perhaps he’s on maternity leave? It’d be convenient that Thanos’s curse wouldn’t affect them. We’ll have to wait and see. In the meantime, I’ll have to get to Scotland to get my kebab deep fried.

Snowed Out

It’s annoying when you’re trying to get to sleep as a volunteer when there’s a group of idiots who just want to party. But that’s the situation I found myself in when I was volunteering at last year’s Bromsgrove Beer Festival. I’m on the committee but I refuse to act as the night steward. But one of the committee turned fifty; so he decided to take the night off with his friends and family to join the Rugby club’s band. This in itself is absolutely fine. He’s been working hard during the week to rack up the beers. The problem started afterwards when he decided to hold his own after-hours party in the marquee; with access to a P.A system to blast music through his phone. We even had the Rugby Club steward popping over to complain that the neighbours have rang her to do the same thing. And there’s me who’s done a full day’s work and all I want to is to fall asleep. But the only thing to do is to sit up and watch them have their fun and have another beer too.

Crotchwatchers

The life of the air hostess has always seemed glamourous. They’re always dressed up in suits and high heels trotting past with pilots while you queue to be screened through security for the umpteenth time. Lately though, we’ve seen less barbie dolls and more trolley dollies. The chance to glance at stranger’s crotches while pretending to check that their seatbelt has been fastened has been irresistible to some. The passenger is forced to sit there while the admirer observes their six-pack, beer belly and stiffy. No wonder they call it the mile-high club. And it’s not just on take-off and landing. If they can sneak up and catch you unawares just before serving you drinks or a hot meal they can get another quick glance before your table tray comes down. If you get your blanket out, at least you can hide away from their gaze. Unless you’re a woman, then it’s a whole different game.

Festival Mascot

Man meets monkey. It looks more like a panda but I like the alliteration. I often thought of filming a travelling guide with a stuffed animal to the world of pubs but I’d need a team and a lot more planning to make it feasible. You’d need to have a good perspective and plan what you’re going to say. You’ll need a quality camera and a laptop so that you can review the footage while you’re there so you know when you’ve got a decent shot. It’ll look a bit daft to walk in on your own with a stuffed animal on you shoulder. You’ll never know how the public is going to react. And you’re probably going to need permission to film nowadays as most places are owned by someone. And who’s going to allow permission to film for a crap review? The only way to get around it is to talk about your experience afterwards and the camera was hidden inside the stuffed animal.