Stonehenge Sign of Spring at the CAMRA Member Bar, Bournemouth 2017

Spring had been and gone by the time I got myself sorted and ventured out of the hotel on Saturday. It was blazingly hot and every Londoner and his dog had migrated to Bournemouth to enjoy the sunshine; perhaps some were relaxing after the big match that day. I fancied an ice cream and took to the beach; but queues for these sorts of shops were massive. After a walk round the pier and watching people zipline off towards the beach; I decided to walk alongside the sea to as far as Boscombe to try and find an ice cream vendor that didn’t have a massive queue. Along the coastal path I was passed by the famous land train and cyclists on novelty bicycles that were done out like giant motorbikes. The gaps between kiosks got shorter and shorter, but the lines just got longer. Eventually I reached Boscombe and got in line for the next vendor I saw. I queued for twenty minutes and the line didn’t seem to be moving. But it was worth it; I got a double scoop of Jaffa-cake flavoured ice cream. 

Futurama; Worlds of Tomorrow

One of my favourite all-time TV shows has been brought back to life in video game form! After being launched on YouTube as a standalone-podcast; the cast of Futurama have arrived on an easy to play mobile phone game format. The game’s based around a series of missions that you need to complete by unlocking rewards through combat. Once you’ve earned enough cash; you can spend it on buildings to increase your revenue and build your own futuristic city and make your team stronger for future missions. The strange twist is that you spend cash rather than earn XP to develop your characters; but the fun side is that there’s a lot of exclusive content during themed events where you can unlock different character and buildings from the show. You can also battle other players; though they are computer-controlled instead of having a live battle. Though it’s a bit repetitive at times to earn rewards; there’s a lot of storylines to explore. Just be prepared to put a lot of time in during special events!

Hattie Browns Moonlite at CAMRA Members Bar, Bournemouth

The coach arrived back fairly late in the evening; which meant that the Member’s bar was quite deserted. Most attendees would have either gone off to explore the local venues or find food or shelter, which just meant that just a handful of diehards were present along with latecomers and other trip attendees. I got myself a glass and tokens and picked out a low gravity bitter to try which had a soothing and steady effect. There were a few familiar faces to say hello to; but all were heavily engaged in conversation and I barely got a nod of recognition. After managing two more beers I decided to call it a night and returned my glass; but strangely I don’t remember any more. I somehow woke up the following morning with a sickness bug on my mattress while fully dressed. There was also a very strange smell on my trainers; and I’m still unsure whether I had a light retching or I stepped in something on the way back. Reports from witnesses the following day state that I was “a bit wobbly”.

Watch out; Facebook is watching...

Have you seen Facebook’s new spying feature? Every time you check in; it wants you to find out some information about the venue. But when you’re out and about, the last thing you want to do is go and find out what their opening hours are. It really gets in the way of your visit. Then later; it tells you how accurate you were as if it’s all a test. So do they take the highest score every time someone checks in and makes the decision themselves? Or do they forward the information to the venue owner to update? There’s also some very loose questions. Is this place romantic? Surely it depends on the atmosphere at the time. Sometimes a restaurant can be quiet but at other times there’ll be a large rowdy party in the room. Even if you skip through the questions; it wants you to write a review later so that it can compete with other websites…Facebook is watching.

Up with Downton

The second brewery that I visited that day was just over the road. The tour had finished and people were naturally helping themselves to the charitable beer on offer and chatting on beer barrels placed outside the brewery. The second group began to arrive so I headed over to the other side of the industrial estate. There was no tour on offer here; instead it was a brewery bar set up to be run as a pub for the evening which was open to the public as well. The bar staff were very friendly and were happy to chat about the beers and let us wander in amongst the fermenters. There was also a second bar outside in a patio area consisting of a garden shed which sold guest beers for the villagers. Guess most of their pubs are food-based as they’re near to the main road. The beers weren’t free here but prices were very reasonable and I began to feel a bit merry. 

Spoo7

After watching the Daniel Craig Bond films over Christmas; I came across this video on Amazon. The title and blurb looked interesting; a shortish film featuring a mock Bond visiting the entire genre from Dr. No to Skyfall. But what a bore. All we actually see is a bloke in a tuxedo struggling to say his name before he gets shot by the on-screen assassin hiding behind the famous gun barrel shot. In between we’re shown scenes which are heavily titled from other films; all of which have something going terribly wrong for the main protagonist. There’s no plotline or links between the scenes; and I found myself skipping through many of the films that I haven’t yet seen or heard of as I wouldn’t understand the parody. These very short clips have misspelled titles; partly to avoid copyright laws; and are published at both ends of each clip in case you fast-forward too far and miss the start of something that you might want to see. Surely this sort of thing should be on Youtube rather of being marketed on Amazon as a professional production. I didn’t laugh once.

Dancing Man Bone Dry at CAMRA Members Weekend, Bournemouth

What a strange name for a brewery. Are they implying that this beer wants to make men boogie? Once consumed; you’ll just want to get up and strut your stuff? I certainly was dancing at the end of it; but it was more to do with the other beers that I’d had rather than this particular beverage. Or maybe it’s the men that make it that dance. Perhaps they have a certain routine that they have to bang their bungs into the barrel in time with the music on the radio. It also makes dray deliveries an interesting experience. And I wasn’t actually bone dry either; it was the second beer I’d had since a long coach ride back. Are the bones crunched into powder and used as finings or are they just left to soak into the brew? It’s also unfined, so the bones are sourced fresh from the bones of dancing men. Or perhaps it’s the dance routines that are a bit orthodox. Those poor brewers.

Pondering in a Pub #dreamdiary44

I’m out for a walk with two old high school chums. We catch a bus for a night on the town, and I get off just around the third corner. Then I check into a posh hotel with all these foreign students; but it turns out that it’s actually a hostel and we’re all sharing the same room. My bed is next to the lovely Flo; an Italian girl who I met at university. I decide to venture out for evening drinks to find my school friends but they’re nowhere to be found. I scour the city’s bars but there’s no traces of them in any of them. I buy a pint in a pub called the William Gladstone; prop up a long bar-like table facing the window; and stare out of the window and into the night to ponder my next move. But the weirdest thing of all was that I actually dreamed that I was writing this dream down on my notepad ready for typing into my computer.

Brewhouse SaivourED at Brewhouse & Kitchen, Bournemouth

After exploring the delights of the town centre; I decided to give a recommended CAMRA pub a go and head to their newest venture. It was a little bit out of town and I had to climb a steep hill to find it, but I arrived at the Brewhouse & Kitchen about an hour before last orders. All the official business had been completed but there were quite a few books around informing people of the different brews and food available. I opted for the lowest gravity one; but it didn’t have any condition whatsoever. It was too fresh and too clean; nearly like a flat lager. The bar itself was quite trendy; with a lower level Friends-styled sofa and beer barrels; while the mezzanine level had bartop-like tables against the walls for people to sit and chat; with a large copper fermenter being the centrepiece. There was also a set of steps to a rear beer garden. I did try a second beer and the only difference was the colour; so I gave up on decent beer and headed back to the ranch.

Ladies Wot Lunch #mcdonaldsmutterings4

It’s great fun people-watching in McDonalds. I just happened to take up a seat next to the touch-screen kiosks; and I could hear people place their order. ‘Oh my God, there’s so much choice!’ It’s like they’ve never ventured inside before. But the scariest thing that happened was that a member of staff came round and asked if she could get anything for me. At first I thought she thinks she knows me or it’s someone that I don’t recognise. But hang on; this is a fast food chain and she’s just done that to the table next to me as well. But fair play; they’re really trying to make the difference and separate themselves from other fast food outlets; especially with table service. I wondered what would happen if I asked her to get me a coke? Would she bring back the change or a card reader; or would she walk through placing an order on my phone? Only time will tell…

Stone Circles

After parking and tucking into a mid-journey snack, I joined up with English Heritage and wandered about the make-shift neo-lithic village. There was also a lot of construction work on alongside some unfinished and closed exhibits in the visitor’s centre. After setting off down the main road towards the site; I realised that a round trip would take forty minutes to complete, so I turned back and got into the queue for the courtesy shuttle that was included in the admission ticket. When I got to the site, the main stones were roped off and there was a very worn circular path which we had to follow in a clockwise direction. Even though it was only April, there were quite a few international visitors around. Nevertheless, I was still awed by the majesty of the site, and in the gift shop I bought a miniature model in a tin alongside my standard keyring. What was stranger was that on my way out; there were a number of people in suits just lounging about in the car park.

Dirty Habits

Shall I tell you about my dirty habits? Maybe you won’t peddle this far back to find out. Or maybe it’s time to get them out into the open and admit that I have a problem and move on in my life. Maybe it’s time to tell you why I smell funny on certain days. Everyone needs a bosom for a pillow. It’s just nice to feel an extra touch at night in certain places; even if it involves shoving a pillow down your crotch. If wartime sailors do it then why can’t I? I’ve been doing this since my teens and just lately all of my toys have been subtly taken away. And nowadays, when I feel tired out and just want a rest day; I still prop myself up with a cushion even when I’m fully clothed. It just seems to be an instant relief from the stress of everyday life; even if I live to r4egret it when someone walks in on me or I have to wash myself down in a hurry. I’ve even got the option of a separate blanket in the form of a sleeping bag for those winter months. And it sure does warm you up.

Stuck at Stonehenge

I’ve always wanted to visit Stonehenge. Apparently I visited in my younger years but I was too young to remember. I’d planned to visit a lot of historical sites this year with some student friends; so this gave me a great excuse to call in on Stonehenge on my way down to Bournemouth and become a member of English Heritage at the same time. This would mean that I would be able to visit one of the moist expensive sites in the country for free as part of my membership. I’d opted for the scenic route down which would take me through Evesham; where I stopped off to buy some toiletries that I’d forgotten and bought a cup of coffee for the journey. But once I’d crossed Worcestershire; the roads got extremely rural. Eventually I reached the main road and spotted the signs to Stonehenge; so I started to ignore the sat-nav. But what I didn’t realise was that the sat-nav was taking me a different route to avoid the traffic.

Yes I Can

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." -Henry Ford

Henry Ford challenges people to put their beliefs to good use; but in effect he’s saying that only you know whether or not you can do the task. You’ve got to will yourself to do something in order to be successful, and you can’t rely on others to convince you to achieve your goals. If you’re gearing yourself up for a sporting competition; this phrase might create some disappointment afterwards if you prove yourself wrong; especially if you’re part of a team. But what if Ford himself was wrong? All modern cars come from Ford’s traditional design; which in itself is just a horseless stagecoach. Not much of an improvement when you think about it. Would a pyramid be safer; or a rubber ball? Or why not a high-speed conveyor belt public transport system? Some may go to great to lengths to argue that Ford’s invention has doomed us all to fat slobs who pollute the atmosphere and that he’s the slowest ever antagonist of our Armageddon. Time shall tell. 

Whoopsie Daisy Angel

And now it’s my turn. Unfortunately, it’s not Ring a Ring of Roses. Stuck between the gym and going to work; I’m forced outside in my slippers to perform my niece’s starring role in her Christmas play while leading my younger niece round the garden in a series of faster and faster spinning circles. I look like a giant dizzy penguin; and nothing like a snowflake as depicted in the song. If I am indeed the Whoopsie Daisy Angel; I certainly live up to her clumsiness by forgetting my angel costume and not learning my lines. Even next door’s dog grew impatient at the delay to our lyrics at the start of the song. It took me a long while to sit down; but I get an encouraging round of applause from my smaller niece once I’ve done so. Luckily, I manged to tire her out a little bit. As for the big one; who knows when she gets bored of performing?

Bring back the Faraway Tree #dreamdiary43

There’s a very large oak tree at the top of a hill. There are many trees like it; but this one is the tallest. In this tree are many windows. They’re in a high semi-circle arch shape with a double-crossed glazed crucifix painted through them.  I feel like it’s a gothic version of Enid Blyton’s The Faraway Tree. Someone would make a killing if they brought this franchise to the big screen right now. There’s also some carrots dancing outside; but I’m so absorbed in the route of the walk that I’m doing that I womble right past. Inside, Moonface is reading his books in all his celestial glory. Just think of all the solitude that you could find in this place; think of all the tasks that you could get done by living in the forest without any online distractions. You’ll have to hide when the famous five come round to knock on the door for tea; but they’ll also be a lot of time for parties when each land comes to visit the forest.

The Enormous Turnip

There’s nothing sweeter than your young niece starring and directing a play in your back garden that she’s learnt at school. Add an even younger niece who just wants to join in and copy all the actions alongside a nanny who’s struggling to keep up and you’ve got comedy gold; especially when only one person knows what they’re doing. You’ve also got to wonder about the actions that they’re doing. Nanny must have seized up while crouching in position for so long. I don’t think that I’ve ever had a vegetable wave at me before; especially one with the ability to grow and shrink at will. But I’ll think I’ll pass on the stew. At least the pie will have something else inside it. Perhaps in future productions we could take advantage of the long grass on the stage and crawl across the ground to munch the enormous turnip. But it’s much easier to say ‘aw’ and admire their cuteness.

Buggered at Byron's

I’ve heard good things about Byron’s Burgers. It was recommended by someone at work and I wasn’t sure if they were linked to the brewery of the same name; until I encountered another branch in Liverpool. When we popped in it was on a late Saturday afternoon so we thought it’d be reasonably quiet; done with the lunches and too early for dinner. But this was not to be. Although we didn’t have to queue for a table; the people after us did. But I couldn’t understand it. The burgers sounded delicious but weren’t supersized for the price; and fries weren’t included either; making the average meal about £12. We also ordered some traditional malts but didn’t arrive until the food was served as an afterthought. I was hoping to strike them from the bill and go elsewhere; but sadly that was not to be either. The whole place just seemed a little unprofessional with kitchen assistants bringing boxes of frozen food up from the cellar in front of people. And attention to detail wasn’t on the menu either; tables weren’t being cleaned properly with food simply swept onto the floor underneath the table. Don’t wear sandals if you visit.

Family Dining

Going for a curry has changed. It used to be a question about survival. You’d walk in with your mates after a few beers and order the hottest curry available alongside ‘some of them giant crisps’ to keep you going while you wait. But the Indian restaurants of today are much less macho. Their extended range allows them to cater for a much wider variety of pallets where medium or mild spices are the norm which can be made if you ask them to. Larger groups mean that picky diners can share their dishes with others; or at least allow them the flexibility to share a range of side dishes; which is especially useful for younger diners. The best Indians focus on the food rather than the drinks; and if they let you bring your own then you know that you’re onto a winner. And as long as you’re happy to try something different each time, then they’re more than happy to serve you.

Just Desserts #dreamdiary42

It’s my cousin’s wedding day. Actually I’m not sure what relation he is to me; but it’s something to do with my Dad. He’s quite a small chap; but he’s well connected. He’s been promoted in a manager’s position that I’ve previously applied for; and since then he’s gone on to become the manager of a brand new store as well as a manager of a new distribution centre. In between, I’ve attended his engagement party (where he was pissed as a fart and had to be taken home early); and his wedding day where he barely acknowledged my attendance. It therefore gave me great pleasure to punch him in the nose on his way to attend his wedding ceremony; complete in bridegroom clobber. Granted; the punch was on my home turf more than his and it was nowhere near where the actual ceremony took place; but I’d certainly do it in real life in exchange for all the family support that he’s provided.

The Last Heretic, Burton upon Trent

My next stop in Burton was a cosy micropub on the main road into the town centre. The mainstream gang began to catch us up, but three of us managed to crawl around a circular table in front of the pub’s only window. It’s nice and cosy and there’s room enough to stow our bags underneath and our coats on our chairs without being blown by cold air every time someone walks through the door. Our camp is established, but from there it’s a bit of a wrestle to the bar. The locals aren’t too keen that we’ve invaded; but they’re too busy discussing their daily lives with the solo barman who himself is trying to please all his visiting patrons. But they’re certainly right in the pub’s name; all religious practices and democracy gets suspended whenever the pub gets crowded. I toy with the idea of venturing further into the town; but the cold weather and the appeal to return home overwhelms me.   

The Last Customer

It’s home time but unfortunately the shop isn’t shut. There’s still a queue of customers who believe that you’re here until the lights go out and it’s time for the staff to go back into their boxes. There’s some who’s refusing to move until they’ve received their delivery. There’s someone who wants a complicated refund. And there’s someone who just can’t make up their mind and has forgotten their pin. You smile and try put on as much charm as possible; but inside you just want them to give up and walk away; and plot for the quickest way to turn them away from your counter. Who are these people who are detaining you? Where is the support to relieve you? And why don’t they appreciate the extra effort that you’re going to to help them on their way? Occasionally you might get an appreciative thank-you from the person that you’re serving; but the next one looks at you with evil in their eyes and so much contempt if you don’t tend to them. But the real acknowledgement should come from the management team. It’s when they complain to you about the lack of staff rather than appreciate the extra time that you’ve put in that you begin to lose your faith in them. And when you’re trying to get out the door; the last thing that you want is for them to be all chatty and find about your weekend plans. They’ve had all day to do that. 

Not a Unified Uniform

Our group can often be identified by our brewery shirts. Traditionally, we’ve always got them sponsored then we make up the rest through our event profits. But when it comes to our own social events; we have to fork out for them ourselves. Now; I’m happy to pay for something that I want to wear; but when I’m required to wear it as a uniform I’m a bit sceptical if I’m buying something that I don’t like, especially if I’ve got something in a similar colour. If I do wear my similar colour; then from a distance it looks like that I’ve blended in with the crowd; but up close you can immediately see that I’m the odd one out. It makes me look like a sergeant amongst the corporals. But if I don’t at least wear the same colour; it makes me look like a tagalong or a late addition. I think a sandstone colour is a novel idea when you’re going to the beach; but mid-April isn’t exactly beach weather. Then again; that week did turn out to be one of the hottest of the year. Perhaps next year shorts and branded sandals are in order; or maybe even a sunhat.

Thor: Ragnarok

This film was going to be a lot of fun. There was going to be a lot of comedy between God and beast; and I had a lot of questions for this film to take place? For instance, how does Hulk get to Sakaar? And what causes Thor to follow him? I’d totally forgotten that they both disappeared at the end of Ultron; Thor to search for more infinity stones and Hulk left on his own in the Quinjet; though surely a journey like that would take millions of years? Also, the fact that Odin dies doesn’t make any sense in itself; since he himself is a God; and it’s also a very emotionless family moment; especially when they’re reunited with their sister. Towards the end of the film; we see a very dark God emerge; he’s lost his home; his hammer and his eye. And we’ve yet to see the end of Ragnarok as the city of Asgard needs to be re-born. But I’m very much looking forward to Thor meeting Nick Fury again; a meeting of two eye patches…

Highgate Vampire at the Weighbridge Inn, Burton-upon-Trent

From the main road, this pub is a bit tricky to find. Our little blue dot came to an end on the main road just outside the historic Grainstore House. Spotting a flight of stairs, we headed down into the yard itself; and after wandering around we came to a small building consisting of three sheds that had been placed outside to form an admin office for the deliveries. Little did we know that this was the pub itself. Inside was a very warm welcome with a log fire; a blackboard listing all the ales and pub snacks available; and a very cosy pub painted in a very royal red. We squeezed oursdelves around a table before the hoards arrived to work their way through the beers. The beer we had was a bit plain considering it had been brewed by Fownes; but at first glance I thought it was from the former Davernport brewery.  Maybe it was one of their former recipes.

A Date with Valhalla #dreamdiary41

It’s early in the morning and I’m tucked up nice and snug in bed. Suddenly there’s the loud sound of a car tooting its horn outside. I look out the window and there’s a large stretch white limousine parked in front of the driveway. Through the window in the passenger seat is a large obese woman with bubbly arms wearing a curtain for a dress waving at me. My hungover brain is telling me that she’s vaguely familiar and that she’s some kind of God from Valhalla; and that somehow we’ve agreed this rendezvous. An image of Tinder springs to mind alongside a solo session of drinking in the pub while flicking through likes on my phone and forking out for a subscription. A time of 6:30 was agreed upon; which is what is showing now on my digital alarm clock; although I didn’t realise that it would be that early in the morning. She’s definitely a bit over keen. I’ve got no idea where I’ve agreed to go and I’m nowhere near ready. I also need to cancel my work plans for the rest of the day.

Beer is Best!

Whenever Mike was in battle, he always made sure that his best mate Dave the Dray wasn’t too far away. As soon as they’d gained some ground on the battlefield; Dave was always safely parked behind the nearest bunker with the greatest protection possible. Mike would always make sure that there wasn’t a scratch on Dave’s truck, commandeering the whole squad where necessary to keep the shell shiny. And should they have the need to fall back; Mike was the first to get the message to Dave and ensured that the retreat point was known to him at all times. For Dave carried the very best of supplies; the evening’s beer rations. Mike was never allowed to ride with Dave; the urge to crack open a brew before Sarge’s permission was just too tempting; but Dave always thanked Mike for keeping safe by letting him be the first to cap off the day’s rations. 

The Woes of World Cup Rugby

What’s going on with the Rugby League World Cup? It’s all gone a bit too commercial. Suddenly there’s adverts for KFC and Australian phone companies jumping out of the pitch. Like that’s a great way to help promote a healthy lifestyle when you’re playing sport. It might be OK if you’re a professional bulking up for your next game with a protein fix; but what is it saying to the spectators; especially when it’s broadcast on a Saturday morning, which is primetime TV for youngsters. And why are the referees wearing pink? I appreciate that New Zealand might not appreciate an all-black shirt; but they could have least added some white stripes to cover themselves? Even the head trainer wore orange. Finally, the England team have taken sponsorship to a new level by getting their arses sponsored by a betting firm. It looks like they’re trying to attract a new audience. Anyway; if you’ll excuse me I’m off to buy some large chips with gravy for $2.50.

The Honesty Buffet

As part of the tour, a buffet was put on as requested which attendees had to declare an interest in advance. There was also tea and coffee; as well as a choice of beers at the bar; though the demand to be served was quite high with some people queuing and others propping up the next available space. The staff supervising the tour all seemed to be junior team members; so perhaps that caused a bit of a stir in some minds. Unfortunately; names were not taken and not all contributions were collected; despite it being quite demolished. Naturally, the offer of a buffet is up for debate in future. I for one have this quite astonishing; as many of us have been given a free tour of a brewery which would usually involve some admission fee. I decided to contribute; not because I partook (which I didn’t); after all it was a very basic cold buffet); but I felt that the group shouldn’t leave out of pocket when we got something for free. 

The Memories of Others

Maya Angelou: I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

How do you want to be remembered? What makes someone think of you? For many people it’s what you do that counts. You may say the wrong thing which puts them off from visiting you again. You may act in a manner that causes upset or even offence. If you belittle someone; are they going to remember the next time they address you? Are they going to comment on it; or will it cause a scene? A part of good character interaction is looking how each character views each other. Is there conflict, or is there joy? Will they forget and forgive? Have they forgot how you helped them out the last time they saw you? Will they take an interest in what you told them the last time you met and engage in that conversation? Or is something else going on in their lives that preoccupies them with other thoughts?