Screen Art

It’s amazing what the camera can and can’t see. What might look like a normal white screen through a pupil generates a completely different pattern when it comes to screen on screen. I’ve got no idea whether it’s just dirt, dust and coincidence or whether the screen was already marked like that. Or the screen could have been cleaned and this could be the mark that the cloth left behind; but I’ve no idea whether it’s temporary or permanent. If you look closer, there’s even shaded bits of yellow. Is that coming from the screen itself or the light reflected onto it? I guess the non-yellow bits must be hidden by my shadow. There’s even a chip which creates a 3D effect; even though this is on the recorded screen rather than my own. And yet when it comes to zooming in from a distance; the lens can be rather blurry and unfocused. It struggles to interpret what the human eye can. Either that or I need to clean my lens. 

All's Straight at the Helix Hotel

I needed a stopover before crossing the border, and Grangemouth seemed an ideal location. Coming down from John ‘O Groats, I ran into a bit of traffic but I arrived five minutes before my notified check-in-time after running into a service area for some shops. The pictures on-line made it look good enough, but the location wasn’t great. It seemed to be opposite a council estate and there was only street parking; perhaps that was something that I should have looked up on Google first. But the receptionist was friendly enough; telling me that I was her last arrival and that she was planning on shutting the bar at nine (odd, but perhaps there weren’t many guests staying). My room was of a good size for a single, and was clean and comfortable. I had my own TV and decent enough wi-fi. I good night’s sleep apart from some insistent banging as someone was attempting to wake another guest in the early hours. But I got up late and had a pleasant enough breakfast before loading the car up for the last leg of the journey; after I’d found the right one; that is.

Right Place, Right Time

Everything runs smoothly when you’re in the right place at the right time. There’s a great big gap that you can slide into and be out of everyone’s way while you can focus on the task at hand. The stuff that you’re delivering is small and the building is accessible and you haven’t got to struggle to get into the building and lug it up loads of stairs. But quite often it doesn’t. you may have to inconvenience someone to get the job done. And even if it’s only for five minutes, they’re not going to be happy about it. All you can do is apologise and get on with it or try and make it right. Sometimes the world isn’t big enough and we have to remember that none of us own it. That’s why we need a brief set of rules that we can all conform to to help each other on our way.

What's the most absurd question someone has asked you about the UK?

I love the ignorance of Americans. They think because everything is bigger, it’s the best and everything else is small in comparison. They think everyone knows each other or is related to one another. We probably are, just like everyone else on the planet. We just need to find the connection. So when they ask me if I know the Queen, I tell them that I pass her at least once a week as I gallivant around in my horse-drawn carriage. I’m that close to her that I always carry a picture of her in my wallet. Then they ask to see the picture excitedly expecting some sort of private portrait or hanging out on a lawn with the princes, and instead I draw out a five-pound-note. It’s great to see them try the same trick on their friends, but somehow it doesn’t have the same effect. I guess you need the international glamour. 

Is this the right Address?

We get a fair few interesting addresses to find when making our deliveries. The ones that we really hate are the ones that don’t have house numbers and don’t leave details as to where they’re hiding. If we’re lucky, the sat-nav or postcode will land us on the driveway of the destination. But if it doesn’t, we go on the hunt. As we approach the destination, we have to drive slowly with our hazard lights passing house after house straining to see the name of it; all while keeping an eye on traffic attempting to pass from behind us. Quite often when we’re in this situation we’re helped out by the locals to which we are eternally grateful; as they are to us for sending us out of their way. Sometimes we phone up the customer to ask for directions. But occasionally we’re wandering down a driveway wandering if we’re in the right place or if we’re going to be shot by an annoyed landowner.

Quiz

It sounds corny when a TV station makes a drama about a gameshow it produced, but it turned out to be as entertaining as the show itself. I loved the comedy that was written into this mini-series, and the conspiracy that was created when contestants got together was fascinating. Sheen did an excellent job of impersonating Tarrant and sounded just like him even if he didn’t look the part; though he came off as arrogant and above everyone at times. I know that certain elements of the story were dramatized for entertainment purposes but it further complicated the truth of the event. Ingram seemed innocent enough in the events preceding his time in the hotseat, but the way in which he just decided to keep listing the answers was just infuriating. Why would you do that? And the closing episode could have been drawn out much longer with an insight from the jury. After all, a unanimous verdict wasn’t reached. I’m not sure about the title though. I think that something related to a cough would be better suited; but perhaps that would have been sensitive in today’s current climate.

Mystery Box

What’s inside? It’s hard to say. The smaller the item; the less likely I’m to know what the item is. Most times it will tell me on my delivery screen in case of any customer queries, but all it takes is for me to go online and enter the product number to get the answer. However; I can’t take the time to Google everything. I wonder if other couriers have the same system. Some will have just a long tracking code and have no knowledge of whether they’re delivering illegal goods. The product is wrapped for everyone’s protection but it also arouses suspicion; there could be a faulty item completely different product inside to what was ordered and you’re away before anything can be said about it (not that you can do anything other than take it back). But if the item isn’t covered, you might ruin someone’s surprise. You just can’t win.

If there's any message, it is ultimately that it's okay to be different; that it's good to be different, that we should question ourselves before we pass judgement on someone who looks different, behaves different, talks different, is a different colour.

-Johnny Depp.

The trouble with these quotes is that they look great written down independently; but it’s hard to find out when the person said or wrote it and in what context. It makes it a lot harder to accept these quotes if you’re reading them while on trial in court. But it’d be boring if everyone just did the same thing; but when your actions have negative consequences upon others; they tend to be less accepted by society. And people will treat you different if you’re different as they don’t know how you’ll respond to their normal interaction. And that’s how inequality starts. Most people are too afraid to try. It’s the doubt that they may not follow the mould that you want them to. But the only way to conquer this fear is to just do it; it’s only after that interaction that you have the right to evaluate, and you should never judge beforehand.

Timber!

You’d think that people would be pleased to see you when you arrive with their delivery. But for a lot of people, it just means the start of more work and the excuse for putting it off is no longer an option. There’s a box on their property occupying space and at some point they’ve got to unpack it and put it away; or at least decide what to do with it or where to place it. They might want to build it right away, or wait until the following day, or even call someone else over to help; but it’s still a task that needs to be done. The expense is also suddenly realised; that with a few clicks they’ve spent some of their resources and what they’ve seen on the screen has suddenly materialised into the real world. It might even fuel an argument as to whether it’s needed in the first place.

What would wind look like if we could see it?

We can feel it as its force passes over us. We can hear it howling. And we can see the effect that it has on the objects around us. But why can’t we see wind itself? Sometimes I think I can. If I stare at the sky long enough, I can see thin wavy lines as if something’s passing. It’s like a pane of wavy glass. Either that or I need to get my eyes checked. Other people conjure up images of a face in a cloud exhuming a great exhale. Perhaps it’s the breath that I’m seeing. You can’t usually see someone’s breath unless it’s cold. So by the same argument, is that how mist is formed? In which case, there needs to be a source of all this. Scientists say that it’s the effect of different air pressures reacting to each other created by heat sources from different environments. But they’ve never got the weather completely accurate.  

Bedtime Blues

I’ve had a bump. I was put under unexpected pressure when driving the van. The sat-nav directed me down a single-track road and in my haste to get out of the way with another vehicle behind me, I backed into the wall. Fortunately, the tow bar bared the brunt of the blow and I fled the scene in embarrassment. Luckily, I didn’t hit any other vehicle and I did return to the scene afterwards to confirm that there was no damage. But that agonising feeling that you may have done something offensive to your fellow man just lingers over you. You may give it a quick mention to a friend in passing but somehow you don’t feel relieved because you haven’t told the full tale. In a way you just don’t want the hassle, but is it going to be more hassle later if you don’t confess now? Hopefully you can just forget about it at night, shrug it off and move onto the second day, wondering if it will ever catch up with you. It’s either that or become a catholic and attend confessional. 

Hate to be Late

We hate to be late; especially if it’s of our own devising. It doesn’t create a nice feeling if it’s something that could have been prevented with a bit of preparation earlier. Instead we’ve chosen not to do it in exchange for time spent in bed streaming videos which is much more satisfying. But we must also consider the consequences. What would or could happen if this task wasn’t finished? How would it affect others and what would they think of you? If they spend their time waiting for us it means that you’ve created a consequence for them to consider. Do they become a victim of your choices or will they be able to seize the day and choose their own fate? It may also affect their treatment of you and you may have to make it up to them. Will you be able to get away with it or will you have to make it up to them?

Treemendous

It must be hard being a plastic tree. You spend most of your life in a box in a warehouse, but at least you’re surrounded by your fellow kind. Then in Septimber, you’re divided up and put on the move, and you know it won’t be long till you’re let out. And if you’ve got all the right qualeafications; that’s the time you’ll be worshipped by your new owners as you’re proudly dressed up and put on display. Hopefully you won’t make a mess or be attacked by the other occupants. If you survive, you’ll be put back into a box and be stored away in an even smaller room unless your new owners are lazy. When you get down to the root of the problem, it just leaves you stumped and you can’t even get sappy like a real tree. It feels like you’re on the wrong root. You better beleave it.

A New Home #nuclearmermaid 11

Jenny got used to the humming. Sometimes it would get louder as the box started to move again but it would soon settle down. At least she could watch the sun from here; she hadn’t seen it in such a long time; though it did look as if it was about to set. This worried her since she was never above the water in darkness; even when she was in the glass box there was a form of light. Soon, they arrived at a large rectangular building and approached some large gates. The biped stepped out of his part of the box and opened the gates then stepped back into the box again. The box then began to move backwards. As Jenny peered through the gates, she could see a huge section of water; something that she hadn’t seen in a long time. Quickly she jumped in and swan down, but she hit the bed quickly. It all seem to be made of stone and she began to fade with the pain.

Auto City

Imagine a world where all we did was drive. We’d live and sleep in larger customised cars, and housing would make way for the extra roads that we would need. We would talk to each other with our horns. We’d speed date others in parking lots before inviting them into the back seat from where our children would live. We’d earn our livelihood by either transporting goods, delivering them or creating content on our devices for others to stream. Meals would always be served through a drive-through window, and we would spend our time constantly driving from one window to the next making collections which we’d pre-arranged on our mobile devices. If we’re lucky, we may own a car parking space where we can pull up for the night for a rest after a long day trapped in gridlock. Otherwise we’d be climbing up ramps for the best view wherever we go.

Back in the Pub #dreamdiary91

I’m in a pub. It’s a chain pub with a main bar that takes dinner orders, but I’m in a function room with its own bar and own server, who just happens to be someone that I used to work with. It’s quite a nice bar, there’s an ornate wooden sideboard hosting the spirits, a black marble worktop and some handpumps although none of them seem to be labelled. I’m just about to ask what cask ales are available when I notice a small chalkboard that reads ‘no real ale’. The pubs have only just re-opened since the lockdown and obviously they haven’t managed to source any yet. So rather than asking, I just decide to order a cider instead. The bartender opens a small fridge and plonks a plastic bottle in front of me. ‘£7.75 please’. I understand that we’ve only just come out of lockdown but this looks more like a bottle of pop. Rather than embarrass her and complain about the price, I change my mind and order a pint of lager instead. This is served in a glass no smaller than a child’s sippy cup, and I’m charged £4.40 for the privilege. I secretly pay up and vow never to come here again. 

Chain Reaction

This could be a handy tool to have around the office. Just slide that office chair to one side, strap on the string and practice your soccer skills until that next important phone call or e-mail comes in. It certainly saves you a few paces from having to retrieve the ball every time. And why use a ball? You could use any round thing that’s lying around from rolled spreadsheet printouts to a colleague’s handbag left lying on the floor– your feet are the limit! Although outdoor space is recommended, there’s no reason why a bit of office clutter shouldn’t get knocked over, especially if it isn’t yours. And even in your office shoes you’ll still master the ball, and who knows; they could be your accessory of choice during the next big game. Which might take place in the loading bay at the rate that things are going. Expect lots of tangle tantrums but at least you’ll be prepared to take on those Christmas lights at the end of the year.

Mr. Sandman

The beautiful weather taking place during lockdown means that more people are keener than ever to get out into the garden. They’re trying to grab as much equipment as they can to help them do it; and anything and everything is flying out the window. My brother who’s a builder wanted some play sand for the kids alongside the rest of his family. I don’t know if it’s cheaper than the real thing or whether it’s more expensive because it’s been treated, but it was up to me to track some down. I attempted to order some in to the store that I’m working at, but as we’re not open to the public someone kept cancelling the order. This meant a round trip on the motorway to Oldbury to get some. The good news was that the roads were quiet and they’d finished the roadworks up to the junction that I needed to come off at. The bad news was that I forgot to take a trolley to collect the sand, which meant a fine bit of juggling with my shopping bag as I made my way back to the car.

Perfume by Patrick Suskind

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer by Patrick Süskind
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

There’s not a lot of plot here. The author is more obsessed with smell than anything, and I’m surprised that the book isn’t printed on scented paper to make you sniff between chapters. The introduction of Suskind’s characters isn’t memorable enough; it’s as if he wishes the reader to dispose of their memories as soon as he’s done with them; it’s as if an odour has faded away. But what the tale does do is teach you about the human self and its evil ways. Every character featured in the book is out in some way to exploit others, and there’s very few acts of kindness portrayed. It’s a story about how the masses react to the events within; and the hysteria that Suskind creates isn’t entirely dissimilar to what we see in the media today. It’s no wonder that his protagonist; while portrayed as evil; tires of this world.

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Back at the Bar

And so the pubs re-opened. I wasn’t desperate to rush out as I didn’t fancy the idea of having to queue up and register or even book in advance. Not that I could anyway. A pub should be somewhere that you can call into at leisure; and the idea of pre-bookings only restricts your freedom to come and go as you choose. There’s little chance of calling in on your own as a solo customer unless you’re a known local. Nevertheless, I enquired as to the process for a group of four of us after a walk on a quiet Monday lunchtime for a pint in the beer garden and perhaps a pot of lunch. We had to ring the bell to be admitted. We had to sign the visitor book; although I was able to do it just once for the whole of our party members. Drinks were served in plastic glasses and food was in foil containers. But the ability to socialise with other customers had vanished.

Kickmaster

It’s annoying when you can’t get near exactly where you need to be. It would be great if everything was like in the movies; that there would be a small enough space right outside the premises that you intend to visit to squeeze into and park. It’s a right kick in the teeth, especially if you’re transporting goods. Sometimes there’s no hope in getting near. Everyone’s made it clear that small cars belonging to the road are welcome, but big vehicles intended for just a short visit are not. Instead we must make wonders to prevent destroying or disturbing the neighbourhood. If we only plan to be there for a short while, it’s often worth us just being awkward so that we can just disappear as quickly as possible; but it’s sod’s law that some jobsworth will kick off as they choose that moment to claim that we’re interfering with their lives.

Choose Your Own Pay

It’s never what it says it is. If you chose to pay yourself a million pounds, the only way to do it would either be self-employed or own the company outright. The latter is a risky option since it also means that you’ll ultimately be responsible for any losses or liabilities. Just look at Richard Branson and the treatment of his airline company. Some employers ask potential employees to name their salary at the interview process to see if there’s a possibility of hiring someone for below the going rate. Hopefully those who realise that they’re getting undercut will have their own agenda or are able to rectify it later. Some employers leave it to a management committee of their peers, and in larger organisations it’s left to the union. It would be difficult for a body to set an individual’s salary solely on hearsay. Performance indicators would have to be evaluated first. But in a sense, people do set their own pay. You’re most likely to be offered a sum with a job offer and it’s on you as to whether you’ll accept or reject the job and pay, or choose another.

White Trash

I’ve never understood the appeal of these small Warwickshire towns in the middle of nowhere. I suppose they started off as villages as some point, but in later years they’ve grown into small towns, and may even have hosted council housing. Suddenly you get these people from out of nowhere flung into these places as if the government’s trying to hide them away from everyone else. People who don’t really have the sense of how to maintain a home. Sometimes it just gets to a point that rubbish, toys (both new and broken) are just left outside piled in an overflowing garden without any sense of security or order. Some even go to the extreme of leaving raw meat in its packaging on its doorstep. You’d like to think that it had fell out of a shopping bag on the way in or that it’s been the subject of a feud but you like at the similar mess and have to wonder what is going through the minds of these people.

Jumping Jen

She’s a female version of Harry Potter. She’s got a short blonde and black ponytail with round glasses in a thin frame to match the rest of her. She speaks in a slow but very high-pitched tone which makes it quite irritable and difficult to understand her sometimes. I often wonder if she’s foreign. She’s been in Warwickshire for some time and has had several interesting jobs. She even worked in the theatre for a while until it turned out that she was a waitress; though she did get to serve some famous people. She lives locally but chooses to bike around town rather than drive; even though she holds a licence. I can’t imagine how timid she is out on the roads. She also has a teenage daughter so she’s older than she looks, but just how old we don’t know. It’s hard to picture what she gets up to outside of the workplace.

Pillow Talk

What do you wear to answer the door? I suppose it depends on who you’re expecting. If it’s a time that’s pre-arranged, then you want to be ready. But what do you do if someone unexpected calls? Do you dash around the house and throw something on or do you throw caution to the wind and open the door as you are? And then there’s deliveries. You’re obviously expecting someone to knock on the door but you can’t guarantee precisely when. So do you get ready for them or do you do you own thing while you’re waiting, whether that’s freshening up, pottering about, or simply entertaining someone? But the last thing that you want to see is a man standing in his Y-fronts with an erection in front of you. That just causes a glimpse of awkward eye contact and then the delivery person just wants to get the hell out of there and bleach their eyeballs out.

What is a sign that you need to get up and walk out of the car dealership?

I was in the need for a different car. I hadn’t decided whether to have a new or used one, but my local Vauxhall dealer was doing a special on new Corsas with a good service package. I popped down to see the dealer who immediately offered a test drive. So we took one for a few miles up the local by-pass. On our way back, I’d just exited the roundabout and thought I’d stalled it. I blushed with embarrassment and re-started the engine, only for the dealer to look at the dashboard and tell me that it’s ran out of fuel. So we sat there with the hazard lights on with other cars trying to pass us while he got onto the garage to arrange for a colleague to bring us some fuel over. When we got back to his desk; the whole matter seemed to be forgotten about. He was offering a very low amount for the trade-in citing the age and condition of the car (which the next dealer practically doubled) and said that I couldn’t choose the colour as he only had a few in stock for the promotion. If I buy a brand-new car, I want to have the choice of what colour it should be. There was something very not right here which made me feel that I shouldn't part with my money. Bye.

Fire Pit

I walked into work to start my shift. I got some van keys and picked up my tracking device. The manager was playing about with keys near the doors. Suddenly the fire alarm goes off. I wonder if we should evacuate but no-one seems too bothered. The manager asks ’why aren’t we evacuating’? Probably because we saw him messing about by the control panel. We turn towards the nearest exit but he asks us to evacuate through the back. This means that we must walk half a mile through the service yard of the retail park to get the assembly point. As we pass the vans, I contemplate hopping into mine and driving the rest of the way. I’ve no idea what the chosen assembly point is but there’s no doubt that it has something to do with food. If this was a real emergency, at least we wouldn’t go hungry. 

Courage

One dirty habit that I have is to pick my feet. I tend to get very dry skin and sometimes I just have to sit there and peel it off. I guess it first started when I was younger and I would often have wet feet as they weren’t dried properly; either after bathing or after physical activities. These would then form blisters which would burst and I’d try to peel away the remaining damage. Over time, different parts of my feet have been soft and hard at the same time; depending on how much physical activity that I’ve done. I suppose that I really need to grow up and resist the urge, or at least try and put cream on them regularly to stop this from occurring in the future. God knows what damage I’ve done and whether I’ll have a nerve condition in the future. They say that courage is the ability to face pain. Well I’ve carried on regardless several times despite how much my feet ache or bleed, but this doesn’t necessarily make me feel courageous.

Christmas Tree Craze

There was a time when Christmas trees came in netting rather than a box. You’d go to the local market or drive to the nearest nursery and pay someone for a tenner for something that they’ve ripped up out of the ground. Then you’d put it in a pot and shove a load of shiny stuff on it; then two weeks later you’d get rid of it. Then came the idea of recycling your Christmas tree. You could save a bit of money by planting your tree in the garden then dig it up again the following year. It’s a great idea if the tree survives, but it takes a lot of time and effort to avoid forking out another tenner. Then came convenience. A reusable tree that’s collapsible and (supposedly) doesn’t shred pine needles on the carpet every year. The only thing you’ll lose is that fresh alpine smell which is why people go crazy for them.

"Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort."

-Franklin D. Roosevelt.

It would be fantastic if you just worked hard and everything you planned turned out successfully but that’s not always the case. You need something as a backup if things don’t go to plan. This is where money is handy as it assists you to obtain materials to make your achievements easier. It’s also a bit of security and that you can buy your way out of any problems that may develop. As you get older, it’s important to have independence and be self-reliant, and in the meantime you look for the small victories to keep you going. Roosevelt’s statement might have been relevant seventy years ago when everyone came from wealthy families and there was another trade to fall back on at the farm; but the world has since changed; and the fact is that people need a source of income to survive. Sometimes your goal can only be achieved by working as a collective. But if you’ve got cash then it’s not a worry and you can afford the luxury of pursuing other objectives.

Right product in the right place

When you’re moving stock about, it’s important to get the right product to the right place at the right time, all so the customer has a seamless journey to collect their item that they’ve paid for in advance. It’s not too much to ask. But amazingly, mistakes do happen, and items get sent to different destinations. It’s as simple as putting the wrong item on the wrong shelf because you’ve mis-read the label, or it falls off and gets put back in the wrong place. But a simple accident such as this can cause havoc at the other end as angry customers demand where their stuff is. It also causes great stress on the middlemen as they try to fix the problem; even more so when they get told to collect some extra stuff from the wrong location and deliver it to a second wrong location; only to return the second wrong location to collect it and deliver it to the right one. The mid boggles as to why so many mistakes are allowed to slip through.