I Need more Holiday

Because I’ve started to try and play catch-up with various projects this year, I already feel that I need more holiday. Fixtures are coming up which are already taking my spare time away and I have to arrange time off to attend them or work out which weekend the dates fall on. Then I’ve got friends inviting me out, and on top of that I’ve got a clumsy parent to look after and cater for. I actually wanted to try and spread some of my remaining time out; but the work calendar has made me take time off this week; all of which has been allocated to family tasks so far. With a bit of luck, I might have a bit of energy to catch up and get some tasks done to make the rest of the year run much smoother. Failing that, I’ll have to look for another job where I dictate what holiday I get…

Waiter Worries

One of the worst things that can happen while having a meal is when a waiter insists on having a chat with someone from your table. You’re sat there with no previous context of the conversation while the particulars are blabbed out in detail. It totally ruins the experience of interacting with one another. All you can do is sit there and listen. You’ve come out for a meal, not to discover the finer details of the waiter’s love life. And the only reason your relation’s asking is because she’s desperate to be invited to an Indian wedding. In the meantime, she’s looking at past photos of him with past girlfriends at past functions in amazement that he’s not wearing the same waistcoat as he is now. If you get bored our own thoughts will entertain you for a while. But be wary that you’re not asked to join in the discussion later when the waiter’s gone.

Money is for Nothing

"What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do." -Bob Dylan

It’s amazing how often we use wealth to measure success. Yet, if you get everything done that you want to and still have time to spare, then in that respect you can count yourself successful too. The trouble is that there’s not enough time. Everyone has the same twenty-four hours in a day to complete their tasks, yet some people can afford to take the easy way out and have them done for them. It’s kind of like a shortcut to completing your goals. If you can find your way around this without spending a penny then it’s a great day. But most of us must rely on the next day to get the task done. And there’s always other distractions that get in the way of planning your day. So, if you live like a hermit or a millionaire, then you have no worries. The rest of us have responsibilities.

A Piece of the Puzzle

One of the things that my nieces really enjoy is jigsaws. They love seeing how things fit together and match up. I even got the eldest one a personalised jigsaw with four photos of herself. We’ve started easy with Peppa Pig puzzles which they can now do on their own to great big floor puzzles that lets them lie on the floor and stretch out as they try the different pieces. Sometimes it takes them a while to figure out that certain pieces don’t fit; especially when they start to force the pieces in. When I do a puzzle I usually like to try and get the edges established so that I can work out where the features go, but they like to put things together as soon as possible. We’re now onto a set of Frozen puzzles which are the same size but the pieces start to get smaller as there are more of them.

Aladdin (Redditch Panto)

It seems strange to set a traditional Arabian tale in the middle of China. Perhaps it’s to avoid copyright issues, or maybe it would be just too much for a small stage to pull off. It also affects the plot; there seems to be a need to fill a criterion to accommodate traditional pantomime action as well as the latest dance trend and movie soundtrack; in this case Baby Shark and The Greatest Showman. I was especially disappointed that treats weren’t thrown into the audience. However, I felt that this year’s performance was a lot less interactive than usual; especially when it came to the audience replying to the characters. It really felt like the actors were giving up at one point. But looking around the audience, it did feel like that there were more adults present than children. And it certainly felt that one of the children who was invited to come up on stage was planted. Am I being too cynical? Maybe I'll give next year's show a miss.

Fair and Square

Keeping secrets from kids is difficult. No-one wants to be upset or left out. But when one child is too ill to visit an elderly relative, how do you tell her that she can’t while the other one can? Alternatives were promised which upset the elder child as she wouldn’t be able to partake of these bribes, but she would be treated to an outing without the younger. I tried to intervene and offered my services as a babysitter to play hide and seek or her favourite card game; and at one point she said yes but quickly changed her mind when she was missing out on a shopping trip. I then asked her if she would like to play shops here (we even have pretend money) but it was the thought of missing out of the real thing. In hindsight, perhaps we should have offered to do our weekly shop a day early and have a later tea, but I never thought of that one at the time. Eventually, a fifty pence piece to buy sweets at the newsagents calmed her down; though we had to fork out another fifty pence to the elder one as well.

Ice Ice Baby

I’d had a lazy morning. I’d ruled out going to the gym and was having a nice dressing gown morning. I’d just finished breakfast and was about to start shaving and dressing when the doorbell rang. I thought it would be my mother who’d forgot her key or was fumbling to get into the warm, but it turned out to be my neighbour from across the road.

‘Hello’ I said, ‘How are you?’

He saw me in his dressing gown and had his serious look of disapproval on his face. ‘Your Mum’s had a fall coming down the hill. You’d better ger some clothes on.’ But by the time I’d got covered up he’d already walked her to the door. After sitting down and seeing her wrist swell up, we quickly decided that she needed a visit to A + E. I offered to put her wrist in some ice to help reduce the swelling, but she refused (why does everyone?) So while she calmed down from the shock I got the car out and we set off on our unhappy journey.

Passing on the Buck

It’s great when the little ones take an interest in the games that you loved to play but haven’t had a chance of doing so in years. Today this young lady decided to take an interest in draughts. I dashed upstairs to get the board and soon we had an audience with the whole family. I first decided on a quick experiment by setting up the counters on the white squares as the eldest niece requested, but we soon discovered that we didn’t have enough counter for this feat to take place. Perhaps next time we should rotate the board. We soon went into battle explaining the rules as we went along. Eventually the younger one lost interest but her mother was also keen to learn so after giving impartial advice we went into a climatic of a mother with six kings against her daughter’s four. Eventually her daughter managed to outflank her and finish the game with two double jumps.

Nuclear Mermaid 1A #nuclearmermaid

‘Doctor, we’re now approaching the source of the heat. We’re picking up dozens of thermal images detecting signs of life.’

‘Send out a probe and let’s see what we got.’

‘Wouldn’t that disturb their natural habitat?’

‘Well, how else do you suggest that we discover the source? Are you volunteering to go out there?’

‘No, but what if we destroy a new species of life?’

‘Well, we won’t know until we’ve tried.’

‘Can’t we get a little closer?’

‘We’re already risking the ship in the depth that we’re at. Launch the probe now and let that take the risk.’

‘I still think that any disturbance- ‘

‘-may I remind you who’s funding this expedition? Launch that probe now!’

The probe whooshed off into the distance, its echo was quickly silenced. All ten eyes now fell upon the engineer controlling it.

‘So what should I concentrate on first?’

‘Let’s start with the visual scan. Drive it to the centre of the anomaly and we can send it further once we’ve gathered initial data.

Birthday Stakeout

I’d decided to surprise a friend with some birthday gifts by intruding upon his regular Monday evening routine. He’d usually catch a lift to practice, then would famously be dropped off at his local pub just in time for last orders. The bar staff would wait very patiently for his arrival before starting to clear away the taps for the evening. Even better was the fact that all the ales were a pound off to get rid of the leftover beers from the weekend. I found a high table and perched up and set up a camp. I’d also invited another friend to keep me company and join in on the surprise, but unfortunately he couldn’t join me. Time passed and I soon found myself buying a second beer. When he eventually arrived, he soon admitted that he wasn’t planning to pop in tonight but he’d somehow gotten wind of what I was planning and made the effort to come up for his birthday gifts. I’d just about had enough energy for one more half to accompany his pint before last orders were called and home beckoned.

Noel Edmunds has never had so much influence

Brexit is looming and no-one seems to know what is going to happen. It looks like barely any planning has been made and we’re suddenly being warned that supermarkets will find their shelves empty. At least it will encourage shoppers to shop around. But big multi-national companies are also predicting what will happen if things don’t go their way. The trouble is that nothing seems to have been negotiated. Anyone who relies on international trade has no idea of what the deal is and how it will affect them. And the European Union might as well be a mysterious man on the end of a telephone who laughs at every hurdle that we attempt to resolve. There doesn’t seem to have been a consultation to help decide what would work for everyone or an independent body set up to help us become more independent. The government has set an ambitious deadline but there’s been no preparation. We just have to hope that they choose the right box.

Happy Birthday Nanny

It’s always difficult to decide what to buy for someone’s birthday in January, especially with Christmas so close behind you. If you’re lucky, you can catch something in the January sale so long as you know what you’re looking for. Gift vouchers are also ideal, especially for clothes when there’s a few trips coming up. Or you could steal a purchase that they’ve just bought, wrap it up and put the cash for it inside. Another option is to have a snoop around their house and see what they’re running low on or what needs replacing. This beautiful cake was a great idea but we did end up with two cakes (not that I’m complaining as I get to try a good portion from each one). I also have to look into candles and organising the obligatory birthday meal. Where can we go that makes it feel special and not just a regular routine? Who do we invite? And who has their own plans that we don’t want to interfere with? This shouldn’t be this completed and stressful, but it’s the only major birthday that I must plan for. Last year we just went for a curry and invited lots of people, but it would be nice to do something different.

Check-Out Charlie

There are over 400 hotels in New York City, from the glamorous skyscrapers to the cheap hell-holes and everything in between. And all of them have one thing in common; they all buy their complimentary toiletries from check-out Charlie. They come in an exclusive designer bottle with the city’s skyline printed on them, and they smell so good. They’re delivered weekly by a cheeky chap named Charlie who calls at the front desk to see the manager. When he turns up at reception, the staff see him amongst a crowd of guests ready to check out and they just buzz him through. What they don’t know is that instead of visiting the manager’s office, Charlie is actually sneaking into the guest rooms as they check out and steals back the toiletries before the maids spot him. A quick chat with the reception staff as he exits builds up future rapport which lets him get buzzed in next time. Then he re-fills the bottles and sells them back to the hotel at a later date. The perfect crime.

Standing Up for Sitting Down

A strange campaign has been launched in our shop. I’ve never heard of this before, and I’ve certainly never seen any of the marketing material elsewhere. We’re standing up for sitting down. Basically, we’re recognising the need for people to have a rest and that we will make the effort to allow them to sit down for as long as necessary, whether it’s for them to catch their breath or they need a bit more stability when they’re at the till or flicking through the sales brochure. It certainly makes sense if you’re a high street retailer in the middle of a busy town. All too often, space equals the amount of revenue that can be made off it through rent, so we’re constantly rushed from one shop to the next with no real area allocated for stopping to socialise. But the trouble begins when you really want people to move on, especially when you have to close up. Hey, it could happen.

Lightning Pins

I’ve had a docking station sitting on my dresser for some time now. Occasionally I use it to play CDs, but the real reason that I have it is to charge my phone. But the new phone won’t fit into the old thirty pin socket. I thought about returning the docking station under the extended guarantee with the clause that the dock won’t charge my phone, which is technically true. Then I thought that money might be the easy way out; just buy an adapter. The odd thing was that the pricier ones stated that they weren’t suitable for docking stations, but the cheaper ones were. So I bought a cheap one. It does work, and it does charge the phone on the docking station without the need for a USB wire, but so far I haven’t managed to get it to play music through the docking station speakers. It only plays from the phone. Hopefully some more fiddling around with the settings will get this working again.

The Marble Bar

How do you like your bar? It’s great to have the feel of traditional wood, something that can take a real thumping when you put your glass down or bang your fist on when you want some attention. Even though it’s wood, it’s going to rot away with all the liquid that people are likely to spill on it unless you treat it with something regularly. If you’re feeling posh then marble will give that crisp, clean modern look but it only takes one chip or scratch to cost you a fortune to replace. Your handpump mounts are also going to leave a mark. And of course, the most important thing is that you’ve got to make sure that it bears weight. It’s unlikely that you’ll get people climbing up onto it to boogie, but you do want to make sure it’s strong enough for people to lean on alongside their drinks.

A Night at the Park #dreamdiary 71

It’ a bright and warm weekday evening so I decide to head into the city centre to join a meeting and see a few friends. Unfortunately, I set off on my journey way too late, and I arrive later than planned. Sensing that the meeting has already begun, I decide to do a small pub crawl on my own, but nowhere nearby catches my eye. There’s a large red brick building with several shop fronts and blocked paving to match on both the road and pavement. I follow a á beige-coloured blocked paving footpath round a corner between a street of shops. I end up in a large open grass area, and spend an hour sitting on a picnic bench doing some writing. There’s a pleasant student atmosphere, and a few people ask if they could join me to take advantage of the bench as well. As dusk approaches, a man appears to lock the park gates and asks everyone to leave. My next move is to catch a train home, but I can’t remember the way back. I’m tempted to get out my phone, but I decide to wander around and gather a few reference points to get my bearings first. Eventually, I spot a bridge and a rail sign, so I join the escalator and board the first train I see. I suddenly realise that I’m on a cross-country train, but luckily I can get off at the next stop. As the train approaches the station I prepare to disembark but I can’t find the exit. Once the train has arrived, a door opens in the floor of the carpet revealing a staircase downstairs.

Caledonian Edinburgh Castle at the Rising Sun, Redditch

You could have a lot of fun building a brewery inside a castle. Firstly, the dungeons would be the perfect place to condition the beer. You could have all the fermenting taking place away from your guests; and even have traditional knights dressed in armour to guard those secret recipes! Next would be the banquet hall where you could have your guests seated at long benches raising toasts to the blessed beer. If you’re feeling generous, you could have fountains for your guests to dip their glasses into. Your moat could be filled with beer; though this may be more of an attraction than a deterrent (unless you brew a particularly bad batch to poison your enemies). If an invasion occurs, you could even hose your enemies away. Then it’s just a case of setting up an underground system to connect your castle to the pubs in the town (assuming that they’ll drink enough of the stuff).

Mind Your Mistakes

"A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new." -Albert Einstein

Up. Kettle. Tea. Telly. Breakfast. Wash. Work. The usual routine. It may seem boring, but it’s also safe. You know more or less what’s going to happen, or what at least should happen. And at the end of the day you know that these actions aren’t going to be a threat to you. It guarantees you a home, shelter, and comfort. There’s no risk but it’s the same. Outside of that circle is the big, wide, world. There’s change out there. It’s different. And you’ve got no idea of what’s going to happen next. Staying inside your bubble means that you’re not going to make any mistakes to put your well-being into jeopardy. But it’s also boring and nothing will change. And if you’re not happy with the way that things are, you’re not going to be adventurous enough to do something about it. But when you do, you learn that it’s OK to make mistakes.

Unity Brew House Frizzle at the Weightbridge, Alvechurch

It’s been a long tradition to meet up in Alvechurch and join the Sunday Club. This involves swarming the tables in front of the bar as soon as it opens and remaining there until closing time. Some members have the honour of breaking the restaurant rule and are permitted to dine in there too. That way, they get a good close look at the guest clientele who visit when they park up their narrowboat outside. There’s little room at the bar and the queue forms in the middle of the room passing either side of the club tables. Members always like to chat to the visitors and may even treat them to a joke or a tale or two. As the pub shuts in the late afternoon for a break, some members like to stay outside and stock up with pints whatever the weather until the pub opens in the evening. I’ve never taken advantage of this tradition (yet).

Doctor Who (Series 11)

I’ve got mixed thought about our first female Doctor. The way that she plunged onto her screens as she deals with her usual bout of amnesia after a regeneration was fantastic as always. And the thing that I was dreading didn’t happen; which were too many gender jokes. What was odd was that I felt that there was too much emphasis on other ethnic cultures rather than the traditional past and present. The major change which we all knew beforehand was that there wasn’t to be any traditional monsters; and I thought that this would be a terrible shame. Hell, even some monsters that were introduced in the last series would have been interesting. This did create a case of too many origin stories; but it also made the show a lot less predictable and scary too; as we didn’t know what the motif would be of each baddie and how they would react. The show’s last episode didn’t really seem like a finale; just another baddie that we’d met earlier. A great sigh of relief came through with the festive special though.

Screenshot

I have absolutely no idea as to how I managed to take a screenshot of my i-Pad. I also have very few ideas as to what this purpose could be used for other than to send the image to a friend to ask for help on how to accomplish a task. Maybe you want to show off to the world how busy you are. Or perhaps you’re feeling a bit naughty and the screen you’re looking at doesn’t allow you to save the image. But somehow, I have found a method to complete this mostly useless task.. Could my nieces have gotten hold of my phone and decided to play with it? It’s doubtful since it would have been past their bedtime on a school weeknight. The only other possibility could be that I happened to drop it at the time. I probably hadn’t been anywhere exciting; I’d probably just got home after a late shift from work and dropped it as I started to cook my tea.

The Long Way Round

There’s a road that I use which is closed for the rest of the month. A garage is being converted into a block of retirement flats and the extra amenities need connecting to the main supply. Because of this, I have to drive an extra mile to and from work. I can either take the highway or squeeze through a narrow bridge and go through a residential area lined with cars that are too big for the road. Or on a quiet night I can be naughty and take the no right turn road through town. But the point that I’m missing is who is ultimately paying for these extra miles? Is it the developers who have paid to close the road off? Do I get a discount in my road tax this year (although it hasn’t gone up). No, tis the humble council and we’ve got no way of getting our fuel back from the extra mileage.  

Castle on the Table

What does this picture represent? What is it for? I have no idea if I’ve done this correctly because I do not have that information. Does it need a border? Do I need to make it fill the page more? Do I need to zoom in to show less table and more castle? That might erase the castle’s shadow, and it might also make it harder for the viewer to tell what it is. Does it need my best work, and does it have to be in colour? It took me an hour to sort out as I had to change the cartridge on the printer. It just raises more questions than answers. In the end, all I could do was send a picture of me holding the picture of it asking if it was O.K. The feedback just said thank you so I have no idea if their expectations have been failed, met or succeeded.

Sewer Maiden

Maddie woke with a start. All that she could see in front of her was pink, though she was aware that she was awake as she recognised the sounds and smell of the sewer. Was something wrong with her sight? She tried to sit up in a panic but some unexpected force caused her to flop down on her back again. It was as if some large debris had fell on her during the night. She turned her head and saw the familiar walls, and rolled out onto her side to see what she was attached to. The weight became somewhat lighter, so she decided to push herself against the wall and stand up. She tried to clear her head, but there was still a mass of pink in front of her. She looked down to see that the curtains that she had used as a dress were now just small enough to cover her legs. She had grown.

Homework

My niece has been asked to build something at home and provide proof that she’s done it. I’ve got no idea what they teach in schools nowadays but this is certainly a new one on me. Maybe she was supposed to bring it in but she couldn’t, so she was afraid that it would break. So she got her Mum to take a picture, who sent it to me and asked me to print it out. I did this in good will, but I find it worrying when a primary school fails to provide materials for a child to complete a task. I’ve still got no idea what the castle is for. Is she supposed to write a story about it? And what did the other children produce when they were asked to complete the same task? Or were they asked? Perhaps my niece was punished and missed the lesson at school and was asked to produce the task in her own time? I will never know.

Ghost Spider

I’m lying in bed staring at the ceiling. A bedside reading lamp points up at the ceiling illuminating a cobweb waving across the white frack-painted ceiling. As I move my hand, it moves too, swaying from the resistance that my hand makes. It’s as if the web itself is moving. But I can’t see a spider! Is it camouflaged? Does it have chameleon abilities, or is a natural white to match that of the ceiling? Or is it a ghost that’s simply left its trail behind? Later on I can make out the web dangling from the ceiling swaying backwards and forwards with a small white dot at the bottom. The web seems to line up perfectly with a join between the paper in the ceiling. And a twist of the light reveals more strands moving across the top of the curtain rail. Could something have gotten through? I think I’ve just discovered how on average we swallow eight spiders a year in our sleep.

Abbeydale Daily Bread at the Tilted Wig

This is a lovely pub which looks out onto a beautiful old market square which was covered with a sea of Christmas lights when we visited. The building itself is old enough but has all the modern facilities inside. As we entered, the bar was straight in front of us and the barmaid was just pulling a guest ale through for us. We’re surrounded by brightly painted wood panels and laminate flooring. The pub is popular with diners and a stretch around the left side of the bar gives way to a modern lounge area which you have to run through the gauntlet past the diners to reach the conveniences. To the right are raised tables facing the windows for those who just wish to sit and chat, together with an exposed brick wall and a traditional fireplace. Nevertheless, we were made welcome when it was made clear that we were only stopping for drinks.

The Lunch Burglar

Are there really people out there who steal other people’s lunches? It sounds like something out of an office sit-com or an episode of Tom & Jerry. They’re not exactly going to dress up as The Hamburglar and sneak in with a large bag marked swag as soon as the doors are open for business. And if these people can’t be trusted in the break room then where in the business can they be trusted? Do they let out an evil cackle when they open the fridge door? Or is there something wrong with them that stops them from being normal human beings? Perhaps they need some extra training in the common sense department. Either way, anyone with this attitude isn’t really someone that you’d like hanging around with you. And because it’s a personal offence, the method which the victim is going to use to fight back is going to be personal as well.

Boxing Day Twins

It’s great having an older sibling in the family; especially when she helps out the younger one. It’s a service that she doesn’t charge us for (yet). She’s always happy to show her what to do first; though this could be seen as selfish since she gets the first opportunity to do everything. The younger sibling can’t be as loud as the older one and it’s hard to find out what she wants, so the older one often translates this for her into ‘bigspeak’ when there’s conflict on what to have for lunch or which activity to do. She’s also very honest when she does this for us and doesn’t try to change her answers (or maybe she hasn’t worked that one out yet). It’s great that there’s a hidden language between the two but it’s a shame that she doesn’t muck in to look after her though; she leaves that merry task to us.

The Potato Head Family

My youngest niece loves Mr. Potato Head. The latest one that we’ve found comes in a bucket with a mommy, a daddy, and a baby and she loves building them up with other people. There’s also accessories like a hat, a handbag, and a necklace. The first time she played with it, she wanted to find the instructions to make sure that we were building them right. Some of the parts can be a bit stiff to push in. She gets upset when we mix up the ears and eyes and moustaches. I once turned them on their sides to build potato animals and it took her a while to come around to the idea that you don’t have to follow the instructions to build nice things. When they’re all built the way she likes it, we have to bring them to life to play mommies and daddies, and we’re not allowed to take them apart until it’s time to go home.