Ilkley Mary Jane at the Nevill Arms, New End

A few years ago, this pub used to belong to one of the foodie pub chains where the menu was the same everywhere and you got cheap food for the kids who loved the ball pit in the corner and the outside playground and consequently they were running around everywhere. Today, the kids have gone. The pub is run by independent owners who are very keen to showcase local beers as well as a guest beer for their regular visitors. The food is very unique and there’s always some small quirk added to the presentation of your dish no matter what you order. The pub is on a busy main road junction, but inside the seats are cosy enough to hide you away from anywhere. The layout is still designed for dining; but there are tables towards the front of the pub that are reserved for drinkers only. There’s even a function room with a long banquet-style table for those who wish to have their presence hidden further away. 

Who is Next?

I'm on my way to claim my next victim. I'm just pulling my car into an empty space. And in I go. There's no need to knock or make a dramatic entrance as I'm only doing what comes naturally. So who shall I choose? I don't typically go for the worriers or the superstitious as I like to keep those people on their toes and keep them indecisive. I suppose that I do have to take those that Mother Nature expects of me. But on some occasions I am allowed to make some very interesting choices, such as those who make a fault or have more influence than is allowed.  And although it is fun to take someone here and now, it’s far better to observe them now and take them in a more isolated place. So I've chosen the fat one. It looks like he’s only attending for the free food. And now to consider the method; medical or murder…

Beer is Good for You

Research is suggesting that drinking pints is more beneficial than taking paracetamol or anxiety medication. A report from The Journal of Pain, an American Medical Journal, states that popping in for a pint instead of popping a pill numbs our brain receptors and blunts our sensation of pain, which then reduces our discomfort.

Leading the study at London’s Greenwich University; Dr. Trevor Thompson looked at over 400 participants who had chronic conditions like arthritis and found that alcohol is an effective painkiller which has less harmful side-effects than paracetamol and some prescription drugs. And we all know that visiting your local on a regular basis helps to improve your social well-being; especially if you live alone.

Another study from experts at Cambridge and University College London found that a daily pint reduces your risk of a heart attack by a third compared to that of a teetotaller. They examined the drinking habits of nearly two million British adults, and found that those who kept to the government guidelines of seven pints a week (or 14 units) improved their heart health.

But before you prescribe yourself another pint; the government recommends to only drink as part of a regular healthy lifestyle. Rosanna O’ Conner; Public Health England’s Director of Alcohol, Drugs and Tobacco said that people who don’t drink shouldn’t start but instead consider stopping smoking, physical activity and a healthy diet. But those who drink more than 14 units a week can reduce their chance of a heart attack by cutting back.  

Titanic Blackberry Gold at the Rocklands Social Club, Redditch

If you’ve ever been down a country road where there’s been signs of house building, you’ll have probably have come across a sign saying Heavy Plant Crossing. If you’ve been lucky enough to spot these horticultural menaces rolling across the road leaving gigantic potholes in their wake; then spare a thought for what they’re fleeing from; Titanic Fruits. These fruits can grow up to twenty feet high and the same in their width; and are certainly worth their weight in gold. But once these fruits have embedded themselves in the land; there’s simply no chance of any other lifeform flourishing in the same environment. That’s why the plants have to cross the road and migrate to another field; as the surrounding nitrogen is being absorbed by these fruits. Nothing else can be grown. Even the housing developments are put on hold for years on end until the seeds of the fruits have finally expired. That's why it takes so long to build houses. 

Pirates of the Carribbean: Salazar's Revenge

We love the pirate films and the antics of Jack Sparrow, so it was great to see Jack on another outing; albeit the confusion when the film decided to change its name at the last minute. And when Jack appeared on screen for the first time it was an amazing scene of confusion, chaos and comedy which had me chuckling all the way. But then the film got serious again. The storyline is well written and is much better than some of its predecessors, but there’s more focus on the plot and tying up the loose ends rather than being an entertaining film. It needs more Jack moments; more scenes that make us laugh out loud as he slowly unleashes a cunning plan. It seems that in this film he just got lucky. But despite all the conclusions and nearly all the happy endings, the franchise isn’t done yet. But it’s a bit of a shame when you work out who it is…

Studying for Stress Dreams

Can you prepare to do battle in your dreams? Or even for any life situation? With proper training, you can plan to be the best; but it will take a lot of time and there’ll still be some skill that you’ll fail to master. We all remember trying to cram months of information into our heads in under three weeks just for the benefit of a one hour test. And then certain parts of your cramming only get recalled five minutes later when you've finished the test and you spend the next three weeks pondering whether or not you've made the right decision while you wait for the results to pour in. You can plan to achieve your hopes; but it’ll be very rare that you can control what happens in your physical dreams and how they progress. All you can do is plan for the worst and hope for the best in whatever life throws at you. Which is why this video is one of the best that College Humour have produced in a long while. It's because it's actually realistic. Good luck if you’re sitting any exams this month by the way. 

Community Action Squad

In the backroom of a pub a group of individuals met to fight the demise of their town. Clipboard Colin always has his trusty equipment to hand and has an action plan for any event. Geronimo Jayne will charge towards the enemy as soon as they’re spotted, and often has to be held back to avoid collateral damage. Network Neil works behind the scenes to forge contacts with everyone he can to make that sweet deal. Luke ‘The Looks’ is always well-groomed and has enough charm and charisma to win over any female opposition. Publicity Paul makes sure that their plans are well documented and ensures that their activities reach as many people as possible. Ben the Brute does all the heavy work and organises the logistics and physical labour. And heading them all is Dynamic Dave who is willing to change and adapt each member’s ideas to suit the whole group and the cause as a whole. Together they are the Community Action Squad; a hardcore militia willing to fight for their local area and unite in bringing their community together.

Otley: Past, Present & Future 25 Years On

This book is a fascinating insight into town life through the ages. The book carefully documents the town’s achievements and tribulations from both the outside world and within; whether it’s battling the latest floods from the river Wharfe or doing their bit by offering shelter to their neighbours. As well as lots of fun facts; national celebrations are fondly recalled from the archives as Otley shows its appreciation for each one. For example, who knew that Harry Potter would turn out to be Otley’s first traffic warden in 1964? How did the town react when television and the internet arrive; services that we take for granted today? It’s a shame that the author skims over these in a whistle-stop tour of the town’s newspaper headlines; especially since this particular edition marks 25 years from the previous edition. We’re given a very detailed cross-section of the communities within Otley and a brief glimpse of their achievements; but what the book really fails to cover is the engagement of the people. 

Not too much of a Rough Ride

This product seems to be hidden on the app and only shows up on the website or in the catalogue. It’s quite sturdy, but it’s not exactly lightweight. The seat is held together by canvas and it’s supported underneath by a steel ridge. There’s also no travel bag as shown; perhaps that’s for one of the later models? We improvised and used a shoelace to tie it together when we’re not using it. Fortunately, it is small enough to fold up into the boot of a car. Its plastic wheels are quite small, and though it makes it easier to clean, it does make you wonder how long these wheels are going to last. The instructions do specify that it’s not an outdoor wheelchair, but can be used outside from time to time. The instructions also state the footrests are adjustable; but the instructions don’t make it clear how to do this. It’s handy if you need a chair here and now, but if you need something a bit more sturdy and have a couple of days to wait; it’s worth checking out some of the e-Bay shops.

Brixham Effra Ale at the Duke's Head, Highgate

After an afternoon of exploring Highgate, there were many establishments on its high street that attracted my attention. I settled for the Duke’s Head because of its recent entry into CAMRA’s Good Beer Guide. Inside, the pub was very quiet. There were two tables across the pub’s entrance, and behind this was a corridor of wooden seating with the bar opposite. The bar itself was also wooden, and there was a long list of beers on the chalkboard in both cask and keg variety but it was hard to work out which was which, so I went by the hand pulls in front of me. The lunchtime session seemed to have finished, and the barman was quite contempt working away at his new menus in the corner until one of his regulars came in. The beer was flavoursome but hunger called and the Duke’s menu. However, the menu was of the tapas variety and was fairly pricey, so I decided to head back into the city centre for something more substantial.

Nuclear Mermaid

Life is always a journey into the unknown if we lack the courage to go there. That was Dr. Yarbo’s mantra that kept him going as he began his voyage deep into the Pacific. He and his team had been analysing streams of data for weeks. The data that the drones sent back confirmed that there was a pocket of heat erupting from the earth’s crust into the ocean, but the camera lenses were too reflective to get any visual confirmation of what they were seeing. The only way to find out was to go there himself. And so he'd chartered the best team of geologists and oceanographers that he could to help prove his theory. The problem was that each scientist also had their own theories; and they’d been after each other’s throats for weeks. Now, instead of just sending the sub down to take photographs, he also had to take rock samples, measure the flow of the air currents, and provide a separate food preparation area for both Vegetarians and Vegans. It had truly been a nightmare to co-ordinate. 

Posh Food

Looks nice, doesn’t it? A well-thought out planned menu, with details of exactly of what you’re getting. Except that there’s no pictures so you can’t see the actual dishes (probably because they haven’t been thought through enough) and no calorie information. This fact might be boring to some people, but it’s a good indication of the portion size that you’re going to get. What you’re getting here is actually in miniature format. A lump of mud and some sort of rock placed next to some green leaves. A breast of chicken that’s passed through a grill as quickly as possible adjacent to two miniature carrots and they’ve forgot your second cocktail sausage. Three tiny sugar cube sizes of cake with a slither of sauce to make the dish look stylish. You’ve paid a fortune for this meal. And this is why I hate posh food. Next time I’m invited to somewhere that has posh food on the menu, I’m going to have a big meal beforehand. That way when the meal is collected, I can honestly say that I’m stuffed.

Wye Valley Goddess at the Wythall Community Club, Wythall

This club is very welcoming to visitors, and has lots of facilities. There’s a large hall that hosts an annual beer festival in October, and club has lots of playing fields and smaller buildings for sports. The wooden horseshoe bar is the club’s centrepiece, and there’s plenty of open-planned lounge seating all around it. There’s also full-sized snooker tables and a meeting room at the rear in the old part of the Georgian country house; which has stained-glass ceilings, glinted ceilings and carvings on the stairwell. The club is very supportive of CAMRA and has four real ales available including London Pride, Timothy Taylor’s Landlord, and a few local guests. The club’s steward is very friendly and is always trying new things; while the bar staff are young, fresh and friendly in their service. It’s a centrepiece of the village as it hosts many of the village’s events, and has an ever-changing evening entertainments programme.

Maria June and the Bungled Manifesto

Maria June was already in power but she had absolutely no idea as to what she should tackle first. Her appointment was only by proxy as her predecessor had decided to stand down owing to investigations into the misuse of public funds. So she came up with a perfect plan; to call a general election so that she could steal ideas from the other parties. By delaying an official manifesto a week behind everyone else; she could also use her peers to test out a number of policies then spend a quiet weekend piecing together the best bits in time for an official launch before the start of the Spring holidays. It was a fair risk as she and her colleagues could lose their seats; but there was also the potential to gain more ground as well. The Fib Democracy Party Leader Tim Yapon had already boasted of how many magic mushrooms he would take if he was voted into office; and the opposition Leader Jim Bourbon was a bit of an old hipster who would only take the country backwards. So her chances were good…

Cool McCool

I remember watching my first episode of Cool McCool on a cartoon compilation video featuring Mighty Mouse, and since then I vaguely remember this character featuring in a number of other cartoons; but I never realised that he had his own show until now. My favourite episode has to be the first one that I ever saw; which was the Sombrero Affair, and my favourite villain is Dr. Madcap and his evil inventions. But overall, this series is a bit of a drag with serious plot holes, annoying bad guys and unrealistic bosses. McCool’s car, while hi-tech; is just a copy of the batmobile in cartoon form; and the background music rarely ever changes. The constant flashbacks to the adventures of his father are even worse; with goofy officers clearly mocking the past antics of police enforcement; and features characters that can’t communicate with each other which is more annoying than comical. The whole show must have been a space-filler when it was first broadcast; and I can’t see any fandom of it in today’s society unless the whole thing gets re-written.  

We Will Stand and Fight Together

It's hard to imagine that this would be the scene of a major terrorist attack six months later. It was a normal day for many visitors just like myself before the panic set in. But what these people fail to realise is that they may have shed blood but they fail to achieve anything to their cause other than to cause disruption for a week or two and make it an easy day for the media. But the majority of people will go on with their lives. They will still go to work and visit their friends because these terrorists are very small. They haven't got the resources to launch the resources for a full-scale attack; and in the majority of cases we’re ready to thwart them before they get more than a block. It’s dreadful to think of the lives that have been lost but the rest of us carry on in defiance of fear. Sure, we know the risks, but it’s important to show them that we will not be afraid of them. And usually there’ll be a few explosions on their turf the following day. 

Sadler's Cat's Pyjamas at the Coach & Horses, Harvington

Found on the edge of Evesham, this traditional Coach House has everything to make your visit as comfortable and homely as possible. There's a relaxing lounge where home-cooked meals are served; and four real ales are available in tip-top condition. It was great to try a new beer, and a seasonal one at that as well. While the pub has a modern interior, there’s plenty of history to be found within its walls. The staff and locals are very friendly; and are always keen to get to know and find out where you're from. On the other side of the wall is the bar area where the hard-core locals reside next to the pool table. There’s a smaller room out back for meetings and functions and the odd mobile bar for their beer festival; and you can just picture the horses trotting in to rest in the outside courtyard. There's even talk of a hidden skittle alley somewhere. 

A Capital Quest for Coffee

So the plan was to grab a cup of coffee to get an energy boost for my next excursion, and if I could find a branch of Costa then I could get a good cup at a reasonable price. A quick Google search found one opposite the Thames, so a walk was due pat the Houses of Parliament and over Westminster Bridge. But then the heavens opened and I was getting a good soaking. Fortunately, in the distance at the very end of the bridge was a souvenir vendor selling umbrellas; and a number of people were walking away from him under the shelter of their newly acquired Union Jacks. But alas, when I finally reached him; he’d actually sold out of patriotic umbrellas, which was shame as I felt I would be quite proud bringing a Union Jack umbrella home and felt that it had a chance of laying a fair while provided that I didn't loose it. Fortunately it had also stopped raining, so I bought a cheap key ring and continued on my quest for coffee. 

Maria June and the Westitmer Welcoming

As Maria made preparations for take-off, she couldn’t help but recall the warm welcome she’d been given when she arrived on this planet. She’d been watching the chaos from afar inside the moon, and all she wanted to do was help. If she could convince the people of Great Titter to accept those folk on the other side of the water, then surely in time she could convince them to accept the moon people too. And so, she started to research what would be the best way to disguise herself; and find out what would be the most acceptable background to be an accepted leader of these people. Of course, the landing would be the most difficult part as she’d have to arrive as stealthily as possible; and she’d also need time to procure a few items before she could create a public persona. But when she finally arrived, she found that a large crowd gathered who not only stood in awe of her arrival but gave a great cheer as she stepped forward as well… 

Feed Me!

Oh precious mortals, come into my domain! Behold my mightiness that I have inflicted on thousands of your ancestors! These eyes of mine are not for observing; instead they tell the follies of those who have gone before you! Come hither, and explore my riches inside! Fear not my pointy features; there are merely to protect you from the outside world once you enter! Witness, if you dare, the tombs of those that I have devoured! Fear not of the judges above; they only serve to ensure that evil does not follow you! Gaze upon the souls that I have entrapped within! Expand your knowledge of the world that has gone before, and perhaps you too may be enshrined here for all eternity if you can prove your worthiness! There’s never been a better time! Donate your resources to help expand my vastness and maintain my looks! But most important of all, feed me!

Alien: Covenant

I enjoyed this film. It was way more entertaining than Prometheus, and it didn’t take much to recall the events of this film’s prequel. But the plot of the film is just so predictable, simply because the timeline of the film is out of sync with the original movies. There weren’t any ‘I didn’t expect that to happen’ moments or tense psychological build-ups. But there were plenty of ‘I wonder if he’s going to do that moments’ or ‘that’s a daft idea moments’. For instance, the shuttle drops the landing party eight kilometres away from the source; forcing them to walk through unknown terrain. Wouldn’t it make sense to do a fly-by first? And the other strange thing about this film is that it’s a 15, a lower certificate than the original series. It just goes to show that we’re getting harder to scare. I would have traded in the extra three years for a bit more gore and some more suspenseful moments.

Maria June and the Mob of Westitmer

Maria June ran as fast as her legs could carry her. Her antenna were covered with tomato juice. All she tried to do was to keep building on the land of Great Titter. She’d knocked down pubs, public hospitals and schools to build gigantic housing complexes; complete with lifts and modern facilities, while selling the public services to private companies to run. Consequently, this meant that everyone had to keep working to afford the companies’ services; which she just so happened to own. And so an angry mob was now chasing her out of the Houses of Parallelament, and the only place where she could reasonably claim sanctuary was the Westitmer Abbey, where she hoped that her ship would still be able to take off. She charged passed the queues pushing the guards aside, and demanded that they barricade the doors. Just behind her, a loud banging commenced on the other side of the door: ‘Off with her ‘ead!’

Warhammer Learner #dreamdiary29

I’m sitting in the living room introducing my brother to the world of Warhammer 40,000. It’s a wargame using figurines to act out battles using dice to determine the winner. Each round consists of moving, shooting, hand-to-hand combat, then retreating. My brother has chosen my favourite army; the Orks, as there’s more of them; while I am the traditional goody-goody space marines. On his first go, he’s done an excellent job of getting his troops into cover as they approach. None of them are in shooting range, but he has engaged a few of my troops in hand-to-hand combat. There’s very few troops that I can see to shoot, so I decide to engage his dreadnought in a close-combat fight. Just as I’m about to begin my go, a third army comes into view – the Eldar; a super-intelligent alien race that no-one knows much about. They swoop in and slaughter my marines.  

The Westminster Rocket

This is the western facade of Westminster Abbey, also known as the Sanctuary. It’s an ironic modern name; perhaps because the extreme left could run out of parliament and take refuge here. Its original name was after Saint Peter when local fishermen saw visions of him upon the Thames, and have ever since offered fish to the abbey. Though I wouldn’t want to eat a fish fresh from the Thames by today’s standards. The Abbey’s impressive twin towers that stretch 225 feet into the sky like a rocket weren’t built until the eighteenth century; which kind of puts a damper on all these conspiracy theories that it’s poised to shoot off into the sky like a rocket. Though I suppose that some politicians could get turned on by this innuendo. Or maybe even go back to the planet that they came from. But for today’s Londoners, there’s a clock on the left tower which counts down the time to the next launch (it’s never accurate), and a warning speaker on the right to advise citizens to stand clear at launch time.

Cubicle Zombies

Cubicle Zombies has a very novel idea, but the interest burns out very quickly. The plot of a brain shortage quickly deteriorates into a quest for getting laid; which might be ideal for the characters but is of little interest to us as viewers. This storyline should have been introduced to us much further in the series once some character development has taken place; and instead we should have been introduced a bit more to this strange new post-apocalyptic and futuristic world of zombies. The short fat and dumb guy isn’t as dumb as he sounds; and perhaps that isn’t the best voice for this character. Though visiting a psychic to see if you’re going to die or not when you’re already dead is pretty ironic; at least he’s trying something whereas everyone seems to accept their fate. There are some small political moments such as Kim Jong Un’s missile being discovered in a waste part of town; and some gross close-up moments; but that’s all that this series has got going for it at the moment. 

Westminster Abbey

It was amazing to see all the historic tombs, though I had to re-trace my steps to find some of them. The Unknown Soldier had a particularly large gathering, as well as the historic chapels and chambers. But it was annoying to try and take pictures in the crowded areas while being jostled about; especially when you have to make room for a foreign person who’s decided to walk in the opposite direction in the narrow walkways. I also spotted a number of writer’s tombs and memorials. But it’s a shame that there’s no under croft to explore. The tour finished in the cloisters next to the gift shop, where I bought my obligatory keyring and a pencil for a friend. Then it was back into modern-day London where the queue was even longer and I felt a huge need for a huge caffeine boost before heading to my next destination. 

Stuck In a Small Place #dreamdiary28

I’m in a swimming baths! I'm standing on a concrete pillar in my trunks and I can't work out how I got to this pillar. There’s no ladder around me or steps leading from elsewhere. There's a huge pool of water below me but there's also a lot more concrete pillars below me at various right angles. The pillar that I'm standing on is dry but the ones below me are somehow wet. It’s a long drop to the water below and I can't see a clear route down without hitting a pillar. I could run and jump it but I'm not sure that I could clear the pillars below me. It’s also six feet to the pillar below me so if I try and lower myself I would still have to drop so I could slip on impact. So I'm stuck in this deserted swimming baths trying to decide which way to move. Help!

London's Calling...

Ever since the Da Vinci Code, I've always wanted to see Westminster Abbey. It's one of the most historic churches in the country, and it's also one of the most important since so many famous people have their tombs there; although it's quite pricey to get in. I turned up with no guide tour and joined the queue just before 10. Although the line moved slowly, the security staff were quite chatty with the queuers though I did wander if they were doing the right thing as they were bringing whole sections of people into a different entrance. Upon entry I was given a leaflet and an audio tour narrated by Jeremy Irons, which kind of explains the high price tag. I really wanted to see Newton’s grave since it was one of the featured attractions in the film; but it was quite hard to find and I had to fight my back through the crowd to spot it as all the diocesans seemed to have disappeared. 

Sadler's Peaky Blinder at the Ladybird, Bromsgrove

From the outside, the Ladybird Inn looks like one of those traditional coaching houses. It’s in an ideal location as it’s right next to the train station so everyone knows of its existence and it’s always full of locals. I’ve never known it to be quiet; it’s either quiz night or packed with locals watching sport. And it’s also one of those pubs where you have to jostle the bar staff for your attention if you're not known. It’s havoc to park because the pub has a hotel chain attached to it so there’s always a large van or two parked which no-one wants to park next to; and as it's near a roundabout it’s hard to find other parking. They’re one of the few pubs in the area to give discounts to CAMRA members; though they don't really need to. But their guest beer range is very reasonable even without the existence of their local brewery. And there's also an upstairs function which is where I spend most of my time when I'm visiting there. 

Swarmed

It first hit me when I was driving my truck along the road. There I was listening to Banjo Bonanza when suddenly the air in front of me became all wavy-like. I could see lines in front of me; like when me telly goes on the blink. Next thing I know, something’s slammed into the side of me; even though I couldn’t see anyone else on the road. Before I could swerve, my rear had toppled over the crash barrier and I started rolling down the embankment. The banjo music just kept playing faster and faster until I lost consciousness. When I came to, I was slumped against the driver’s window, and I had to climb up the passenger seat to get out. I had no idea where the road was, but there was this giant factory in front of me with silos and cooling towers churning away with not a soul to be seen.

Peter Kay's Car Share

I saw one episode of this series and by God it was slow. It was the one when they’re off to a fancy-dress party with Kay dressed as Harry Potter alongside a female Hagrid and a drag Smurfette. Most of the action took place inside Kay’s car alongside a hitlist from a fictional radio station named Forever FM; which I presume is the company that these people work for. The car conversations are mundane; and there’s never any action such as boy chasers; lost drivers or crash action. The highlight was when the Smurf got out to take a piss; and she was a real drag-down owing to the lack of alcohol. Add a very long drive home and a wrong turning to fill some screen time; and you’ll feel just as tired as Kay. Kay himself seems very unimpressed; or is it because he had to do the driving while the others got hammered. I hear that Kay’s next job is a sponsorship deal with Warburtons. Sounds like he needs the dough.