Buttons Unravelled #Sherduck 7

Buttons got especially lonely at this time of year. It was sprog season which meant that everybody but him had been getting busy, and the results were beginning to show. It was probably because he spent too much time on the job or helping to take care of his Detective Inspector. Still, he had a job to do. The mother, satisfied that he had finished questioning her, had begun to gather grass and twigs to repair her nest. Meanwhile, her cygnets had dispersed back into the water. This was a perfect opportunity to question Jimmy the inquisitive one.

‘Hello Jimmy, I’m with the police and we need your help. Did you see or hear anything over the hedge last night?’

‘There was a robin, a bad one. It came over here asking for food but Mum shooed it away. He wouldn’t leave until she chased her. Then it went over the hedge.

‘I see. And did you hear any cat noises?’ 

 

Hoptober

There’s a couple of nations out there that think we’re a nation of pissheads. They could be right. But what is one man’s vice is another man’s livelihood. There’s businesses out there that have had personal experiences of certain diseases and will put on events to raise thousands of pounds for these organisations, and will proudly display a collection tin on their premises to help aid these organisations. These organisations then come up with slogans like “Go Sober for October” and “Dryanuary” to make it seem like a real challenge to stay away from these vices. It’s only successful for the organisations if people actually get sponsored to do this; and in the meantime, they’re depriving the businesses of income. You could argue that participants could have a non-alcoholic beer or a soft drink instead, but not everyone is able to stock these premium quality products and you could also purchase the latter version of these products at the supermarket at a fraction of the cost. What these organisations should be encouraging is to get people back into these businesses with challenges like ‘Hoptober’ or ‘Tryanuary’ where you try thirty different beers or visit thirty different venues in thirty days. You don’t even have to drink pints.

Not That Way

It’s frustrating when you can’t go the way that you want to. Usually it’s because of the terrain. It’s seldom that it’s the wildlife but here we are. They look too comfortable to be disturbed. We’ve still got a way to go on our walk, and we’ve only got another quarter to complete the loop around the pond, but it looks as though we’re going to have to go back the way we came. We don’t want to disturb anything, and no-one wants to go through the risk of getting their arm broken, but the swans aren’t going to take the risk that we’re a peaceful bunch either. But it is rare that you get to nature like this up close, and at the very least we’re not getting honked or jumped at. My aunt and uncle had been watching these cygnets for some time and didn’t want us publishing pictures to reveal their location (which was a few years ago now).

 

Nivea Protect and Touch Dry Spray

Suntan lotion is usually icky stuff. It’s a time-consuming process that requires you to squirt cold cream onto your limbs; rub it in thoroughly, then find a friend to help you cover those hard-to-reach places to stop you from turning red. Then a spray was developed to help you to reach your back on your own but it still required you to rub it in afterwards. But this dry spray has been developed that absorbs straight into your skin without the need for rubbing and you don’t have to worry about the cold bits. It’s even got a high factor. All you have to do is rub it in afterwards to make sure that you haven’t missed any areas. You’ll still have to spray some onto your hands to cover your face; but at least you won’t be left with any mess or white sheet marks. You do have to apply it generously, but that could be because they want you to buy more. But unlike the lotion, it’s worryingly flammable and also contains booze. Am I making a hazard of myself?

Not as Common #Sherduck 6

Meanwhile, across the pond, two swans had stuck their neck out to see all the commotion.

‘What do you think’s going on then?’

‘Dunno. It’s deep end stuff. Too vulgar for us to get involved with.’

‘But we’re missing out on al the action!’

‘It’s not worth bothering with dear. They’ll only ask questions. They won’t give us any food and it’ll be a complete waste of time. They might even ask us to leave the pond and we can’t do that with the state that the cygnets are in. it’s hard enough for us to find food for them as it is.’

‘But what if we could help them? They might leave faster. Or better yet, what if we could pin it on those pesky robins which means that we’ll have a chance to dominate the first part of the winter holiday as well as the second?’

‘What an excellent idea.’

 

What was it like as a child to work in a coal mining town in the 1920s?

The air is black. Everywhere is full of smoke. You’d breathe it and wear it on your clothes. Everything that you’d touch outside would be tarnished with ash. You’d live in very close proximity to your neighbours with very little privacy, and you’d probably all share a toilet. I’d hate to think of the rota put together to keep it clean. Families were large so that they could earn more money to afford trips to the countryside. You’d seldom be cold as you’d always be moving. The day would start early. You’d have lessons in the morning, and if you were old enough you’d get sent down the mines. Your early jobs would just be to deliver food to your family members; but when you’d be old enough you’d be put to work to help bring in more money for your family by pushing carts to the shafts. If you were brave enough, you’d be put to the front of the line to chisel out the smaller bits before they were claimed by anyone else. You’d seldom have to worry about keeping clean until you came home, but you could always stop off at the local baths to scrub down to save you the pain of having to go through it with your Ma.

World War Z by Max Brooks

World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I liked the style of this book. It was a series of interviews by a journalist of people’s experiences of their encounters with the undead. Our narrator moves around what’s left of the world visiting places and gathering people’s stories of the outbreak. As the tale progresses, stories turn from tales of terror to survival and eventually combatting the enemy. Most accounts are of military personnel, though some survivors do get to tell us what they’ve left behind and their new role in life. Occasionally our mysterious journalist asks questions, but we don’t learn enough of this to form an opinion on him. It’d be interesting to learn how he gets to travel to all these destinations as the outbreak escalates, though it’s not stated how soon these victims are recalling their encounters. He even contacts formal occupants of the International Space Station. It’s certainly something to bear in mind when you’re looking at survival techniques.

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What the Fox Feels

Everyone thinks that the fox is hungry, and that it only has eyes on its prey. It might just be able to give a yelp or howl to communicate, but it’s also an affectionate animal that may have to provide for a skulk, and anything outside it has to be treated as an enemy, even if it’s another fox. One animal has to act for the benefit of the rest, who just get to hang around in the lair moaning about all the fun that they’re missing out on. Have you ever thought that the fox might be prey too, especially when it’s being hunted? It just wants to stay warm and survive and provide for its family like everything else. But if it feels the cold, why would it have to hunt at night when it’s the coldest? We too may have to sacrifice our neat appearance and go back to growing hair to shelter us from the elements instead of burning other objects to keep ourselves warm. 

At the Door

I’m not sure about this dress. It isn’t exactly screaming bride. It might suit an occasion that the Queen would wear while on a casual visit. Perhaps a train wouldn’t suit her, or the budget wasn’t stretched enough. Maybe she wasn’t a bride, but was involved in the bridal party. The men are suitably attired though. Apart from the children, they don’t all want to look at the photographer to acknowledge the occasion to record the happy scene. Perhaps they’re all worried about the difficulties ahead. Maybe it was because it was a rainy day. You can sense it because it’s quite dark in the picture, and they’re all standing in the doorway for shelter. It’s a shame that one of the bridesmaids has been cut off though. Maybe the photographer was rushed because of the weather. I hope that they weren’t hired professionals and that the rest of the day went without mishap. 

 

A New Way #Vampress 16

While all this was going on, one part of society that did notice that something was amiss was the children. Their parents seldom seemed interested in them and were focused on working up at the big house. It fell on the older children to look after the younger; though some households didn’t have that luxury. These poor souls often ran ragged around the household waiting for their parents to come home who were too exhausted to do anything for them. Livelihoods were neglected which meant that income was scarce and not much in the way of provisions were being obtained. Some of the little ones wanted attention and set out after their parents; but not all of them could keep up with the pace. Some perished because of not being streetwise enough while others got lost within their surroundings. Those who did manage to find their parents again were in for a gruesome surprise.

Wedding Bliss

It’s the best day ever. There’s even decent weather. The bride is dressed all in white in a slim dress that hugs her figure well while not lavishly displaying any overstretched cloth. The groom is sporting a slightly overstretched suit whilst sprouting giant overpermed hair. They’re at the local village church in the parish where the bride grew up. They’re supported by their friends and have gathered some classic cars to see them off in style. This couple have accepted the difficulties in life and have always striven for quality while they’ve somehow hidden the cost. They’re still together after forty years. Everyone’s smiling in adornment and admiration, even the little ones. I wonder if they’ve ever returned to reminisce or watch others tread the same path. Judging by this picture, it seems that this day went well but there may be a few hitches occurring behind the camera. It’s more of a tale when things go wrong.

 

Where there's Bunting, there's a Party #dreamdiary 162

We’ve been looking for a venue to host a beer festival in our town for ages. It needs to be fairly close to public transport links so that people can visit from further afield. It needs to be close to an area that has a community to create a good atmosphere. And it needs to be in a landmarked area where neighbours won’t be bothered too much since things tend to get a bit loud with crowds. We’ve found an old school building on top of a hill that’s spaced out from a residential area. There’s a large outdoor space that we could use as an overspill area and we could also build a stage or erect a tent, though this would obstruct the view of the valley and would also force the vent to be held in the warmer months. But there’s plenty of spaces where we can twist poles into the ground to hang bunting from. 

Little Explorers

These two terrors have behaved well this year despite not being able to see their friends. They’ve found it frustrating but they’ve managed to carry on with good grace in this new regime, despite not being able to participate in their usual activities. ‘The Rule of Six’ has now been introduced so at least they come to visit and socialise with us outside. We’ve been doing some home schooling and some daily walks so we’re making sure that they get plenty of exercise and we’re also trying to take them to local places that they haven’t been to before and aren’t too crowded. Hopefully these little visits will make new memories for them too. They enjoyed spotting the ducks and the swans out on the river, who are only too pleased to see us too despite us not bringing them any food. You’re supposed to feed them pellet food instead of bread which is usually only inconveniently available from the local café.

 

World War Z

I was looking forward to a traditional horror film with lots of gore, but this film takes things more seriously. There’s a lot of shaky camera footage to block out the squeamish bits. There’s also some plot holes and a lot of unnecessary travelling that could have been resolved by phone calls since communications were still in place. It’s a shame that the action is focused around one central character who just happened to be a former U.N investigator, and for a global disaster it would have been better to focus on groups of people who would somehow reunite at the end. Was Israel hoping to inherit the earth by not advertising their intentions to protect their people? Do we live in that harsh a world? It certainly seems so from the intro of the film. That said, there are some genius ideas like a plane invasion in the cabin, which is ruined by typical Hollywood survival odds. It would have been interesting if one of the characters turned slowly. My favourite moment is when the zombies form a human pyramid when the humans inside the compound get overconfident in their survival. There’s a good eerie soundtrack that disguises the typical zombie moan with an air of background suspense.

Buttons and the Major #Sherduck 7

‘Good afternoon Major, how are you today?’

‘That’s Major to you -oh sorry, you did use the proper address. But tuck that wing in Sergeant!’

‘With respect sir, this is a police matter, not a military one, and you have no jurisdiction here.’

‘Yes I do! I patrol this area every hour of every day long after my team deserted me.’

‘Very good to hear, sir. Could you give me a report of what you observed in the last twelve hours? Preferably with any reference to the poor sod in there.’

‘Why, what happened?’

‘A body was found on one of these stones lying in the ground.’

‘Oh, right. I did hear some unusual purring in the vicinity last night. We don’t usually get many cats around here at night. Very few humans about. They’ve learnt their lesson that I scare them away.’

‘Some meowing. Right, thank you for your time Sergeant.’

‘Major!’

‘Major, sorry!’

‘Goodbye constable.’

 

I've been told by my daughter's teacher that she hasn't been attending school for the last two weeks. What should I do?

Be concerned. Your daughter is obviously hiding something from you to be able to deceive you for this long. The real question is to find out the cause. It may be worrying to find out where she has been spending her time and with who (if anyone) has been caring for her, as well as determining why she’s been avoiding attending in the first place. Is there an issue of bullying; isolation, or peer pressure caused by either her classmates or her teachers that needs to be addressed? Has there been an issue at home that’s made her lose her faith in people altogether? Is she being threatened or manipulated into doing something that’s against her will? Or does she think that she’s scored a secret advantage that no longer requires her to follow a development path alongside her peers? Whatever happens, there’s two major things that needs addressing, either by talking to her or observing her to see what develops.

Forging Ahead

This is a nice easy walk that’s flat and well-paved in some places and there’s lots of interesting things to explore along the way. After visiting the Abbey ruins which isn’t more than a pit of laid-out bricks nowadays, you can follow the route across a series of bridges through some fields, which are sometimes occupied by well-tamed cattle. The path passes alongside a pond on a boardwalk which leads to a weir and is an excellent place to take a paddle since the riverbed is very shallow here and you can build a swing if you have a rope. The path goes underneath a large road bridge where there’s more fun to be had before arriving at the council’s lake. It’s a mile round trip around the lake, and there’s a café and play area if you fancy a stop. If you time it right, the bar might even be open. 

The Bubbly Babe

She’s blonde and bubbly and likes to live it up large. She’s not an obese girl but she’s got some curves to move around. She’s very good at dolling herself up for a night out. She likes to live it up and is partial to a pint or a large glass. She’s got the gift of the gab and loves to chat and isn’t afraid to stand up for herself. She’s got sons who always gets up to mischief and she’s not embarrassed to tell others of their escapades. She loves to travel and enjoys the finer things providing that they’re plentiful and at a decent price. Sher doesn’t like being mucked about with and if she can’t win she’d rather walk away and let someone else deal with the conflict. But if she can handle it she’ll get stuck in to get the job done and isn’t afraid to call for help if she needs it.

A Close Shave

Shearers and trimmers are flying out of the door. All the barber shops are closed so everyone’s desperate for a trim. Some of us have held out for as long as we can but the weather is starting to heat up and there’s only so much that we can take. Luckily, I’ve inherited a palm-sized trimmer that works a bit like a circular sander. After experimenting a few times, I decided to get comfortable and go for a full trim. I stood in the bath to try and keep everything neat and tidy, but I think that the grade setting must have slipped halfway through which meant that I got a trim close to being fully shaved. The trick was to try and keep it consistent but it still looked ridiculously short. I hoped that I’d got rid of all the clumps. I felt a bit rebellious afterwards, bit it was a literal load off my mind even though I had to wear a hat for a while. At least most people understood the gravity of the situation. 

Rise to the Challenge

It wouldn’t be a challenge if it was easy. It’s something that you need to accomplish, and you have to dare yourself to achieve it by setting yourself a target. You have to gather the tools that you think you need to complete the task then set out to get it done. Sometimes you’re able to return to the beginning for more tools, but you’re wasting your time to complete the task, and you may have to start all over again. You might need a little inspiration and pressure to get it done, and you might be judged by how you respond to it. Will people admire you or se you as someone who gives up easily? Will they be able to support you or will you rely on them to make a key decision? And what will the consequences be if the task isn’t achieved? And are you being pushed too much?

Reclaiming the Railway

It’s amazing what you can discover on your doorstep that you haven’t seen before. I love the way that the ivy hangs off the arch to try and disguise a forgotten relic. This bridge was part of a route that connects a town to a village and used to be part of a railway line before the government started to close stations. Recently, it’s been developed into a cycle route. Its ownership was then up for debate as the town had since expanded its outskirts and was expected to foot the bill for the maintenance costs, but proposed that it would be more cost effective to demolish the bridge entirely and widen the road beneath it instead. There was much outrage at this announcement since the cycle route was already part of a national scheme and a piece of heritage would be lost, but thankfully the funding has now been found. I hope that the locals don’t fool around and cause the council to rethink its decision.

Not my Mate, Mate

It’s not very professional to call a stranger “mate”, especially if you’re serving them. It’s a very informal greeting which arrived from Australia. And to mate is to have intercourse; so it’s not a great greeting if you’re just making a purchase (unless, of course, it is a business of that kind). I get called that a lot when I serve and I just don’t want to be that intimate with these customers. Professionally speaking; it’s one of the reasons why I’m given a nametag to wear; even though when people do use my name through this method it makes me wonder if I know this person. But if they insist on calling me mate and it becomes a pain for me to deal with them, then I have got the option to say ‘Sorry, I don’t know you’ or ‘You’re not my mate’ and just walk away. However, sometimes it is just nice and simple to be friendly.

A Race to Finish

Back in August, I began my peak gardening job which was to trim the holly bush growing over the fence. I made a good start hacking through the branches overhanging from next door then after an hour’s work I’d made a huge clump of leaves and branches and it also started to rain so I called it a day and headed to the pub. My father-in-law then came along with a cheap second-hand extendable pole saw to cut through the higher branches and made a bigger mess which he cleared away, but he also cut through the wire in the saw. So I bought a new one at a clearance price off the internet. It’s heavy, but it’s very easy to put together and I was being extra cautious as I’ve never owned such a saw before. It was very easy to get the job done and I still have all my limbs. I just have to remember to store it safely and keep it topped up with oil.

Life in the Loading Bay

One of the things that you have to think about as a delivery driver is the unload; especially if you have a lot of bulky stuff. The ideal spot might not always be available; or at least without some careful manoeuvring at the inconvenience of others. Some may even think that you’re taking advantage of it just to use the services; especially if you’re restricted to use a handicapped bay, though I only do this if there’s no other choice but if other spaces are available then I feel less guilty. If you can’t get the ideal spot then you might be in for a spot of hard graft; especially if you’ve got other obstacles to move around inside. I usually commandeer a trolley or sack truck to give me a hand, though it’d be nice if I could recruit someone to give me a hand that I can trust. Then I’ve just got to hope that no-one blocks me in as I attempt to manoeuvre back out of a tight spot.

Mars Tycoon

This sounds interesting. I was expecting a game with a series of tactical choices. It starts with a rocket ship powering up, but then I get a message to welcome me back when I haven’t played before. I get a dull voice reading me a lot of text about the game then asks me what to do next, even though I haven’t been given any options. , I’m also told that I’m one of the highest ranked players in the world, even though I’ve only just started the game. As usual, if it doesn’t understand a response, it’ll cut out the request and end the game, even though I’ve only just started playing. I’m given a long list of a lot of products to choose from, and when I decide purchase something, I’m told that I can only listen to lists. I’m given way too many to make a decision,  and I can’t seem to make much progress once I do choose something. It just sounds dull.

Computer Fail

Once again, technology fails as it can’t connect to its master, so it has to rely on its human counterpart. The screen lines are almost hypnotising you to obey the message, because if you don’t then the customer will try to cancel the order as the system will say that you haven’t delivered it. Is it happening because there’s bad coverage in the area that you’re in, or is it likely that it’s going to happen again? There’s just no way of knowing. Hopefully you’ve got equipment to assist you. The old pen and paper. In this case I didn’t, so it was just easier to take a photograph. Hopefully I’ll be able to get back to base before I lose power, otherwise I’ll have to hang around to charge my phone to recover the information. At least I’d be paid for it but it’s time that I’d rather not hang around for to waste.

 

Lost on a Cross #dreamdiary 161

I’m travelling on a bus to attend a funeral. It’s being done on top of a grassy hill underneath a large cross. It’s a place that I’ve been to before, and I can picture whereabouts it is on a map and I have a vague sense of direction of where the bus goes and I’m hoping that those two concepts align. I start to recognise things then suddenly I don’t recognise things so I start thinking that it’s probably a good time to get off the bus. I probably should have gotten off at the stop before. I’m now standing at the gates to the backyard of an industrial estate which doesn’t have any signs on it so I’ve got no idea where I am. I’m probably not going to get to the start of the service, but if I start walking in the general direction then I can probably cut across fields and make an effort to be present. Or should I cut my losses and wait until someone else checks in on Facebook then head straight to the wake? 

Good Hunting

It’s strange to earn that our friends didn’t want to join us for this walk. Maybe they were just playing it safe. However, they were willing to  host us in their back garden afterwards. We sat outside in their perfectly mowed lawn that they’d probably spent some time on being as we were expected. There was a nice flat lawn and a birdhouse with some vegetables growing on one side and we all sat around a small metallic table. But it wasn’t long before I got a glass of beer poured straight out of the cask. At least the weather was nice and we were still in the fresh air without having to worry about spreading anything into their home so long as we didn’t venture inside. We spent a pleasant hour drinking drinks and catching up before heading back home. It was very peaceful with all the birds chirping and the lack of traffic on the roads.

 

What if your Father worked for a Lumbering Company and you have an Ecological Perspective?

So you might have differing views. Your father may even agree with you but it’s the only livelihood at the time that supports the family. Your father may even have methods to improve the production process but he’s unable to put them into practice because of his position. Of course, this could also work the other way and he could be the head of the company out to make a profit at the expense of the environment. He may even be enforcing a sustainable policy. But there may still be an opportunity to make things better. But you need to leave the knives outside and not bring them to the dinner table, otherwise you’ll struggle to accept a balance for the sake of your family relationship, much like Lisa and Homer Simpson. When a new development occurs, you might be able to influence each other from time to time. The key thing is to talk about your differences but recognise that there may not be a short-term solution.