Potbelly Piggon Proud at the Piper, Kettering

We’ve arrived at an estate pub just outside the centre of Kettering. There’s large main roads nearby and fairly attractive trailer parks consisting of green embankments beyond rows of trees. The pub’s on a corner where a housing estate meets the main road. It’s got a large car park and it’s quite run-down from the outside with torn hedgerows and rubbish scattered all over it. Inside is a similar affair with scratched tables and worn-down banquettes. There’s notices up in pen displaying local rules and black marker is written on fluorescent coloured-card advertising the bar snacks. You wonder what the licensee is like and how long he’s going to last here, a worn-out old man who’s only in it to complete his company pension. There’s an interesting selection of beers though. Most are from nationals but there’s different styles and they’re kept well. A few of us were hoping to see a more local range so most of us just had a slow half as was it was the first stop of many and it was an opportunity to stretch our legs.

Which Actor felt humiliated by their Costume?

It’s probably the ones who have to bear prosthetic masks over their heads and perform bizarre stunts in them. They’ll probably build up a sweat behind the latex which makes them comfortable for ages. It certainly helps the character’s attitude if you’re playing a stern role like a Klingon. Or how about if you had to play a character that required body paint or lots of make-up? You’d have to arrive hours on set before your colleagues to get painted up, and you’d have to be very careful about relieving any itches in between shots so that you don’t rub anything off. How about a costume that requires dozens of parts to be assembled over you? With a mask or make-up you can remove it quite easily but a robot costume may require an assistant to place it over you. And if you haven’t timed your bathroom break correctly, you could create major problems. Some will see it as part of the job, but I’m fairly sure that some will have a lot to say about it too!

The Boss's Mess

We’re always being told to clear up after ourselves. Keep the stock shelves tidy, make sure that there’s no gaps, pull everything forward and wash up your mug once you’ve finished with it. Apart from dirty mugs (which should be a thing of human decency, especially when someone’s made it for you), it’s something that you get paid to do. It’s something that the management constantly remind us about, especially during periods when we’re seen to be standing around doing nothing (whereas we’re actually catching our breath).so why aren’t they doing it then? And why do they leave it out in the open in such a notable area like a shelf where equipment is stored that’s used frequently when they could very well leave it in their office and no-one would be any the wiser? Perhaps they’re hoping that someone will do it for them. Bastards. Whether it’s just revenge or fuelling fodder; they’re just encouraging us to do the same regardless.

Anging Around

At first glance, you see a small yet stern woman who expects everything to be run on schedule. If it’s not you can expect all hell to be let loose with at the very least a polite but demanding enquiry as to why. Other than that, she’s more or less quite friendly and is happy to make enquiries about your life and share some of her own experiences. She’s a big fan of the outdoors and enjoys cycling which keeps her fit and helps her to maintain a youthful look. She’s often dressed for it with a well-sized fleece wrapped around black leggings tucked into a pair of hiking boots. Her face is fairly triangular with a dark brown fringe on top which is sometimes dyed blonde for a social occasion. She speaks loudly and clearly with a lot of confidence. She’s not afraid to speak up for herself and at the same time she doesn’t want to conform to a stereotypical feminist profile.

Keeping it fair

It seems only fair that you should treat all your children equally. This gets a bit difficult when they’re of different age groups. The younger one naturally feels that they’re entitled to what the older one is receiving as they not necessarily recognise the age difference. When do they get a phone? At other times, older children are led to follow processes which may make them feel a bit ridiculous at times but they do it to enforce a relationship with their younger sibling and make them feel a bit conformist. Some parents will issue privileges to all children at the same time to keep the peace but it might delay natural development with their peers. Some parents will do a bit of planning which may hinder older children but be fair to the younger ones. But it’s important to recognise a balance within family life and to compromise where necessary.

Deep Fried Air

I’ve been looking to get my mother an air fryer for a while once I discovered that it wasn’t a substitute for a deep fryer and it could be handy for simple meals which would save us using the main oven. It looked simple to use and it turns out that it’s easier than programming a microwave. I’ve got no idea what the science is but you don’t have to warm the thing up beforehand which would save a lot of time. It does have a few design flaws though. It would make sense for the handle to be detachable from the drawer which would make it easier to clean. The second flaw is that there’s some rubber coverings over the arms which prevents the grill pan from scratching the sides when you remove it. These come off very easily and we’ve lost one already. We may have mistaken it for a piece of rubbish, it might have gone down the sink or we might have been missing one from the very beginning.

The Bullet That Missed by Richard Osman

The Bullet That Missed by Richard Osman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The gang are back for a third outing. It’s difficult to infiltrate these books without reading the first two since there are very few character descriptions. It took me a while to remember who was who. The gang is getting bigger, though it seems quite strange as to how some of them are won over. Joyce is inquisitive as always and tries to see the best in people to get what she wants out of them, though she’s a bit more adventurous than she lets on, and she always gets her way sooner or later. And there’s some very careful influencings put in place so that everyone has a stake in the pot. This time there was a very good decoy as plenty of new characters were thrown into the mix, though time must be running out for some of them soon. When will this be serialised in TV form to immortalise them?

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Brightening up the Day

Light bulb jokes can be a bit droll at times. Sometimes you need a bit of philosophy to understand that each person needs a reason for taking part in the process. You end up counting how many people there are rather than admiring the teller’s ability to do an impersonation of the subject. Imagine if you really needed that many of people to get such a small task done; although at times, it can create a mammoth task, especially if you happen to run out of bulbs at the time. You may need a ladder to access the area where you store them. Then when you’ve got the bulb fitted, you’ve got to dispose of the packaging and put everything else back where it came from. The result can be a small chuckle of mirth but it’s only to please the teller rather than being an actual form of entertainment.

Horsing Around

It’s that time when you really need to keep the kids happy and spoil them to excess. You don’t want them to be disappointed so you buy them everything that you can think of that will keep them occupied on their own to give you a bit of peace and quiet. You probably had to secure a good hiding place to keep it all hidden. I just hope the effort and manpower to obtain it all and the time it takes to wrap it all is worth it. The wrapping paper is destroyed in an instant and you’re left with a heap of paper and boxes everywhere. Then you need somewhere to store the new stuff. Hopefully it’s used often enough and it’s not left to rot in a pile. Otherwise it’s going to be hard work to convince them to part with it once they’ve got bored of playing with it. 

Shelled! #dreamdiary 147

We’re on a family holiday in Jersey. It could be our last one before World War Three starts. I’m taking a walk over the old bunkers. Suddenly, a shell whizzes through the air and lands feet behind me. I sprint forwards and moments there’s a huge explosion. I head back to our apartment and turn on the TV. Russia has begun an attack on the island and has cut off all supplies. We look outside and see that a huge tidal wave has hit the beach. Fortunately, our holiday complex is built on a cliff. We gain access to the beach through a service door but note that it’s only secured by a metal hook. We scavenge some driftwood from the beach and board it up. Then we go to the complex’s minimart to stock up on supplies. On our return journey another round of shelling begins which causes me to drop my bag of supplies as we exit the automated monorail. The bag splits open then the monorail starts up again carrying away cardboard tubes of aluminium foil and some of the crisps that we’ve bought. 

A Deviant Habit

There’s a website that I visit for adult simulation. At first glance, there’s nothing too dark about it. It’s for artists who wish to showcase their work. Some entries are drawings and sketches. Some are photographs, and there’s even some CGI and animation. Some of it is quite amazing. There’s landscapes and portraits and pictures that people have spent ages on creating. And then there’s the dark side. If you know what you are looking for, you can probably find someone who creates it there. There’s people who will put up samples of their best work alongside links where you can go to purchase more. Some will put up teasers asking you to purchase directly to view the whole image or sometimes they’ll unlock them if you follow them. And of course, there’s others that will just manipulate other people’s images and post them regardless of permission. But whatever your topic, there’s some images that you might find disturbing.

Litten Up

There’s a problem with the sky at night where I live. At home, I’m under a constant orange glow. At night, the sunset never fades away because of the haze. It makes it very awkward for things like stargazing. If I drive out into the countryside at night and look back into town, I’ll see it. It’s like my very own North Star. Thankfully, technology is slowly helping us to claim the night back. Cheaper and more efficient lighting is being installed. Some of it is very annoying and works on motion technology. If I’m in a car, it only activates when I’ve driven past it, which is pointless as I’ve already made my decision to pull out and it’s distracting rather than helpful. Some lights don’t turn on at all, but that’s probably due to bad maintenance if anything. Perhaps if the sensors can be a bit smarter and predict when they’re needed, it wouldn’t be an issue at all.

Tricky Dicky

The easiest trick shot is to throw two balls down the lane at once. This immediately causes problems because as soon as the ball passes a certain point a safety ramp come down to stop any skittles from flying out of the hit zone. It’s all part of the automated process. The second ball would usually hit this barrier with a huge crash, and you’d have to stand there and watch as your second ball slowly makes its way back up the lane. If you time it right, the second ball could jam the barrier which would prevent the lane from being cleared. Then you’ve got to go and find a spotty teenager to get the engineer to head down into the vault, turn the lane off while he resets the whole thing and decide if it’s safe to let you continue playing. You’ve also got to watch out for people who might stray into your lane too. 

Flushed Away

At first appearance this looks like the James Bond of the rodent world, but this animated adventure is far from it. Instead, it’s a humanised version of a runaway with very little animal characteristics left in whatsoever. Each character tends to be too overpowering and there’s very few that seem to want to work together (but perhaps that’s a rat characteristic). Apart from the Finding Nemo reference, The film lacks Aardman’s usual humour and Easter Eggs and things are just done too seriously. There’s not even any toilet jokes. Even the film’s announcer sounds tired. It looks as if the budget has spent on an all-star cast all doing strange accents and the latest animation techniques of the noughties rather than creating extra scenes. A bit of continuity would have been nice if the rats from Chicken Run made an appearance. The film’s score is a bit toe-tapping, though it’s overemphasised with an unnecessary slug choir. In short, it’s a quick watch but there’s nothing to be wowed about.

Off the Rails

The rails go up and they also go down automatically. In the olden days all players had to come to a decision as to whether they’d be up or down for the whole game. Otherwise, you’d need a man with a pole after every turn to raise and lower them each time. It would be quite annoying to have to find a member of staff every time and the game would progress slowly. It gives the kids an equal playing field with the adults as they’ve hopefully got more chance of getting a strike even with a gutter ball, and at least they’re guaranteed a score on the first go if they do. We just do the two games because the kids begin to get fed up after the second one. And if everyone gives up, we just start to do silly trick shots until the staff pick up on it and tell us to leave.

"Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you."

You might have an idea, but what others see is also important and realistic, even if it agrees with your opinion. You can ask them, and they may answer just to please you or to avoid causing offence, which may be far from the truth. Who you are is what others see. A stranger won’t tell you other than give you a verbal description of what they see. They need to get to know you both in your presence and without it. But if people know what you’re up to, it gives them a bit more insight. They can also determine what to expect of you, and your enthusiasm depending on the speed and the quality that your complete a task. If they can see proof of your experience, and reputation, they’re more likely to agree with you. It’s hard to convince them otherwise as they’ve only got your word.

Keeping Warm at the Woodies

It’s band night at our local pub. Our friends have got there ridiculously early to grab the groupie seats, which the big booth opposite where the band performs. It’s the cosiest and comfiest table in the pub, but it’s also by the entrance so you get to see everyone who comes in. Thankfully, those who are on the booth side are sheltered from the cold. Amazingly, they’ve been there since the early evening to get this seat. We pop down to greet them, I suggest to a few of them that they might like to join me and my friend for a little detour into some town centre pubs for the first half of the evening. They all decide to stay put. Perhaps it’s because they’re too comfortable of where they are, and a smaller group may be easier to be directed to a smaller table. Or perhaps it’s too cold for them.

Secrets

We all have secrets. But why? There’s things that we don’t tell our children to keep them safe and innocent, and things that they don’t tell us like when they break things to keep themselves out of trouble. Sometimes it’s a nice surprise for our loved ones when we hide gifts from them. Sometimes it’s to keep them safe, like when we tell them to stay away from the garden shed because of the sharp tools inside. But are we safer when we don’t know? It’s always hard to judge what someone else is thinking. Why aren’t they sharing the full story with us? Is there a spin about it that would change their opinion of us? Would it give us an advantage over them, especially when it comes to a piece of equipment or a technique that will turn the situation in our favour? Or is there some ghastly aspect that will just make the situation more complicated and time-consuming? Even the word’s got a bit of glamour about it, as the ear pricks up as we’re about to discover a hidden truth.

Green Duck Big Freeze at the Waggon & Horses, Halesowen

There’s always a way to get to somewhere by public transport. You may have to change a couple of times and overshoot your destination by a few places, but you can always get there. I guess I like coming back by train because I like the idea of the security of a station in that you’re guaranteed some form of shelter, the vehicle will actually stop instead of someone having to make a judgement call, the services do run later and there’ll always be someone on hand to offer help and advice if anything goes wrong. With fewer manned stations in place, we’re now having to rely on technology for our answers. In theory, I should rely on the buses more, but now that fewer buses are running, I may have to go back to the original plan after all. Sometimes I might need to get a ride home, but it might be more expensive or put me in an obligation later.

 

Lady about Town #Vampress 12

She always wore a black dress with a large black coat, and only came out in the last few hours of daylight. No-one seemed to be able to know her business, and those that she did engage with only recalled a droll daydreamlike smile afterwards but couldn’t seem able to say anymore. What they also noticed was that the woman was very curvy. So curvy in fact that she often struggled to get out of her carriage. Soon enough, sightings of her began to be the talk of the town in all the taverns. Some were very exaggerated indeed, one night it was heard that her head was taller than her carriage, and her buttocks stood higher than her shire horses. There were many attempts to make talk with the driver, a tall hairy man in a black undertaker’s hat, but people could never catch his eye. Perhaps he was a mute. There was once an attempt to touch him but it was met with a loud hissing noise that shirked most people away.

Derventio Lucretius at The Cross Inn, Finstall

We hit a few pubs on the high street hitting bars here and there for a few halves but there was nothing particularly inspiring. Then we caught a bus to the Ladybird and went for a pint of the Christmas beer. It was a pleasant change to go there for a beer instead of having to head upstairs to attend a meeting. Then we headed to the Cross. I would have liked to have thought that we walked down the road but I honestly can’t remember and we probably drank up quickly to take advantage of the next passing bus. I just had to take advantage of this beer and drink a pint of it. I probably should have stocked up on something to soak it all up because as we left I vomited spectacularly over the road. Luckily, it was before the bus arrived and I decided to stagger home once we’d arrived back.

What do people in the UK think of Canadians?

I’ve met a few of them and I think they’re a bunch of fun-loving people. They’re very friendly and they love to explore. I think that they’re quite intelligent since the majority of them learn to speak French as well as English, and that they’re not as stubborn as the French since they’re more open to things. The Americans tend to have a stereotypical image of a slack-jawed yokel sitting on a log cabin in his porch swigging beer out of a can using his front teeth to pierce it while wearing overalls and holding a fishing rod, but I just think that they’re people who are out to have a fun time. The can spend a lot of time skiing and climbing the mountains before returning to relax by beautiful lakes and waterfalls. It might be an annoying accent to listen to at times but like all parts of the world it depends what part of the country they’re from and how close they are to the border. 

Pub Walks in Underhill Country by Nat Segnit

Pub Walks in Underhill Country by Nat Segnit
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I honestly thought this was a travel book. Instead, we get a humorous look at a man who hasn’t got a clue what’s going on and digresses too much. Each chapter starts with a map and has the odd illustration, but it’s a shame that there’s no landscape photographs which would make it more real (though Underhill does focus on other undegraded items). Some of the destinations are a bit extreme, but at least they’re well-researched. He comments on both the good and bad landmarks, and can be portrayed as a little snobbish at times, kind of like an ageing Adrian Mole. He’s supported by an ageing cast of similar intellectually minded people, each of their own problems who are referenced to in different chapters. Some of his accidents are quite horrific, and the narrative fails to address how he is rescued. Perhaps he’s too embarrassed. The full result is a tragic, yet comical, adventure.

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Amateur Ange

There’s short blonde hair with a ponytail and a fringe in front of her eyes. Occasionally she lets her tail drop to look sophisticated. A slightly tall lass of large build but she’s worked hard to keep it in all the right places so there’s still some curves to admire. There’s a smell about her that’s intoxicating but you don’t know whether it’s odour or medical. Conversationally, she’s quite quiet with males but she’s happy enough to talk with females and sometimes even flirts with them. She’s one of those people who you think could be bi with her laissez-faire attitude to life but you don’t want to cause offence by asking or making it a big thing. She’s certainly got her independence by owning her own car, even though it’s small but it does and she’s happy to help out others with a ride. Only occasionally she’ll ask for others to chip in for gas money.

Backyard Sanity Claus at the Ladybird, Bromsgrove

I’m out on an epic pub crawl with my friend John the Cleaner. We’re off on a quest to find a winter pint of Bathams, a true XXX Christmas beer that’s only on sale for a few weeks because of its popularity. We catch a bus to our first pub, but it’s running a little late. This has a knock-on effect since we need each bus to be on time to get back home, so we decide to skip the first pub. Unfortunately, our first actual pub didn’t have the beer on that we’d hoped for, but we still sink a couple of pints alongside a bag of pork scratchings. Then we decide to give the restaurant pub a try round the corner on the main road. It’s got a few beers so we have a quick half while we work out when the next bus is due to head back to town.

Stop the Trap! #doctorwho #dreamdiary 146

There’s a red and yellow circular patterned frisbee that needs to be intercepted. It needs to be caught by a man in a suit as he strolls through the courtyard on a hot sunny day. If he doesn’t it’ll soar through a round open window into a museum and hit a pair of skulls placed on a windowsill. The skulls will fall to the floor and shatter, which will set a bizarre chain of events into motion through a motion contraption. There’s bones rotating on cogs that are mounted on lab tables, and rubber balls and marbles rolling down gutters. It may be possible to remove or replace certain parts of the contraption to attempt to steer it to its outcome if the frisbee isn’t caught in time. But which outcome is the best? How many times can you change the direction of the machine? And what happens if the machine breaks down altogether?

Party Time

It’s a shame that no-one else has made as much effort as I have to wear Christmas attire. Maybe my position of Chief Elf has usurped me as head of the table. Some are getting into the spirit with their party hats while others have seriously got their heads down to focus on the nosh (after all, we did get it at a decent price). Maybe that’s because they were the unlucky ones who had to wait for their food to be brought out last. The sides of my glasses look like they’ve been edited in Photoshop. Maybe they have to make me look extra stupid. Still, the hardcore partygoers stayed on for the quiz, and we even called in a few reinforcements to help us out. It was a touchscreen quiz to reduce the chances of internet cheating, and there were extra points for being the fastest finger. I think our team name only got one shoutout though. I can’t remember what it was.

Parcel Rooms

I’m all for convenience of parcel deliveries. If you can’t wait in all day and don’t have an obvious safe place to leave your parcel then an automated locker is convenient option. It’s just a case of where that might be. A lot of local newsagents now offer this service in the hope that people will browse and buy something while they queue up for their box. But if you just want your parcel, then an automated option is even better. You just need to know where it is. But perhaps the foyer of a changing room might not be the most appropriate place but this is where I went to pick one up. I just walked straight past the tills without taking anything off the racks and headed straight in. ‘What is he doing in there?’ It all looks a bit dodgy. And what happens if a queue forms up for one service while you attempting to access the other? I understand that there may be security concerns about leaving these lockers outside but there must be a better place to keep them. And all this for a tiny package that would probably fit through your letterbox anyway. It’s a good opportunity to try it out though.

Too Much Tat?

Am I overdoing it a bit? I’m modelling my Christmas Spiderman jumper that I’ve bought off the internet. I’ve got my Rudolph glasses complete with Elton John-styled glitter bling complete with antlers overlooking the frames and a piece of holly in one corner. On top of that, I’m wearing a felt elf hat complete with bobble and a pair of elf ears sewn onto the side. And just to top it off, I’m wearing my purple paper party hat straight out of the Christmas cracker. The light above me looks like there’s a halo trying to shine through too. I must have been hot under there. But why I didn’t shave I don’t know. Perhaps it was a long day at the shop and I thought I could get away with it. I just hope that other people are similarly attired. After all, ‘tis the season of excess so I suppose that we’re allowed to be a little bit silly.

The Larkins (Series 2)

This series was a bit of a mixed bag as rather than the village faced one crisis as in previous episodes, it became a feud between two families with the villagers occasionally getting mixed up in between. Walsh was his usual charming self and it was great to see all the other Larkins back in action, but a few of the other characters including the children of the feuding family and some of the other villagers were a bit less believable. In particular, it’s interesting to see how much people can get away with in rural life and it’s a shame that there’s no parish council or governing body or even club that people could get involved with to corrupt. It would have been fun to have seen a bit more of Pop’s influence in prison. I would have liked to have seen more mischief and episodes and it’s a shame that this spin-off has come to an end.

Bowled Over

Ah, the good old family gathering to roll someone else’s balls down a lane without having to worry about the consequences. Modern bowling seems a bit overpriced. I suppose these centres use a ton of power. The arcade is also a big draw. They’ve got the latest interactive video games but at double the prices that you’d probably at an independent arcade. There’s also games where you can win tickets to claim ridiculously small prizes unless you’re lucky enough to win a million of them. You can have overpriced food and drink brought to your lane by a genuine minimum wage teenager, or dine after your game if you dare. But thank goodness you can book on-line now. You used to have to queue up for a bowl time then wait around for ages while the kids emptied your pockets of all your change and you can’t see what they’ve been spending it on.