What Type of Dog Am I?

I’d always like to be a playful dog so long as I’ve got someone to be involved with. I might be naughty but only to get a few laughs and be a happy soul. I wouldn’t be one of those annoying dogs who snarl at everyone that I’d see. I’d only react when I would be sure that someone was in danger. So really I’d be a good dog and only cause trouble when I’m out playing. I certainly wouldn’t want to e on duty all the time. I’d prefer long walks; especially when I can explore the mountains when there’s less man-made hazards around. Because of this, I’d apparently be a St. Bernard. I can see where the long walks and mountains are involved and it’d be great to have a barrel of sprits about by collar (even though I prefer beer) but I’m not sure where the playfulness would be involved in all this. I’d just be one sloppy, sleepy mess.

Stuck in the Middle

When you’re in the middle, you’re on show. Everyone’s eye is naturally drawn to you so it’s up to you to lead the way in what happens next. Will you get a round of applause, a load of followers, or will a bout of mummers and ridicule betide you? Maybe you won’t like the attention. Maybe you’ll want to run away or at least hide yourself away from prying eyes. Or maybe you’re not doing enough to warrant people’s attention. They look at you but realise that nothing significant is happening and move onto the next interesting subject. They may even be trying to avoid you. Perhaps the scene that you’re creating is offensive to them. But whatever is happening, your position is prime to the circumstances and it really does help you to stand out. And if you raise your voice just a little, you can really give them a show.

The Interpreter (2005)

With a title like this, you immediately think that a translation is being made for someone’s gain or a conspiracy that is made to create injustice rather than a character that just happens to be in the wrong place at the one time. Although the location is interesting; the film results in nothing more than a cat and mouse chase that we haven’t seen before with fairly predictable results. Still, there’s plenty of action. Kidman does a fantastic job of playing the foreigner; though her character does seem meek, submissive and untrusting at times with a very confusing motive. And we never got to see her give that clarinet lesson. You’d also think that governments would have more of a hold to choose their own interpreters rather than to rely on independent ones supplied by the U.N; and that more censorship would take place. I suppose that there’s a cost savings though. It’s an entertaining movie but it’s not one that I’d seek out to watch again.

Manner of Play

When you play a game, you want to try your best, but you want to make it fun for everyone as well. This can be difficult when there’s a large group of people behind you waiting impatiently to clear the hole. You also want the freedom to experiment. Are you going to play the same route that everyone else does to get the best score; or are you going to try a risky shot to involve or avoid the hole’s obstacle to see what happens? And then there’s the manner of strokes. You want to be fair, competitive, and accurate, but you also need to make progress so that you don’t keep your fellow players waiting. Are you going to wait for your ball to stop before taking another stroke, or do you give it another tap to get it up that hill? Do you start again if the ball leaves the course? And most importantly, do you add that to your score? All this thought for a bit of fun.

 

Dutch Theatre #dreamdiary113

 I’m watching a live stream of a theatre production from home. There’s a live audience as well. The stage is set against a massive orange background. I wonder if it’s Dutch theatre. In the centre high above the ground is a small black square dot. The actors are just beginning to walk through the dot onto the stage. First there’s someone that looks a lot like Martin Freeman and I think that it probably is. Then follows a young black woman with black shiny hair and massive oversized breasts. They’re like giant cow udders hanging down from her body. After this follows someone as a papier-mâché tree which appears to be stuck as it’s too tall to walk through the hole. All the other players start laughing as they suddenly realise how ridiculous this set is. The rest of the cast and even some of the technical crew have appeared to enquire as to the source of this mirth and to figure out how to get the show back on track. I laugh out loud. I wonder how the live audience can see anything. Perhaps they have incredibly good eyesight or they’ve brought binoculars. Maybe they’ve brought their phones so that they can stream the same camera angles that we can from home.  

Dialling up the Future

I’m just wondering how this place will develop going forward. Since our visit, it seems to have transformed itself into more of a party venue rather than a fun golf course. A third of the holes have been axed to make space for a party room and an arcade. But at least it’s lost its dreary wooden look; though t still could have been a work in progress when we visited. There’s also an emphasis on live entertainment. Despite all this, it still markets itself as in Birmingham where it’s actually right on the border and miles away from any form of public transport. It’s a place that wants people with cash to come and visit; the kind of people who are happy to fork out loads for a cab home. Still, if it keeps itself in business then it must be doing something right. I’ll have to rally a crew together for another visit.

 

The Great Biccie Dunk-Off

What’s the best biscuit for dunking? You can get the most marvellous of cookies nowadays loaded up with the most luxurious of toppings, but dunk one of these in your cuppa and the toppings will simply fall into the brew. What’s even worse is that most of these biscuits will just disintegrate as soon as it submerges into the mug. You’re then left with a very strange-tasting brew with unexpected pieces of biscuit that will either surprise you mid-sip or you’ll end up having to pick out bits towards the end of the brew, scalding your fingernails and ruining both tea and biscuit alike. What you need is something that’ll stand up to the dunk. Usually the plainest is the simplest, and the dry taste is taken away as soon as it’s soaked in the brew. A digestive with a bit of chocolate would be perfect. It’s just the right size too. 

Rubik's Cube

I’m pretty sure that Rubik’s cubes have gotten easier. I seem to remember them as a 4 by 4 cube rather than the 3 by 3 cubes that are out there today. Maybe people found them too hard so the manufacturers had to dumb them down. Or I just ended up with an extra-hard one. And why would the cube always come fully completed anyway? If it needed solving then it would need to be a puzzle to begin with. Maybe the manufacturers are relying too much on people’s good intentions. The best cube I ever had was a boob cube complete with pictures of cleavage that I received as a Secret Santa gift. I’ve still yet to solve this. But surely there must be a virtual version in these modern times that you can download on your phone? You wouldn’t have to carry a cube about you all the time and it would also help the environment as less oil would be converted into tiny plastic cubes.

 

The Ring #devilsdaughter 20

Luke wasn’t really paying much attention to what was being said. All he could do is stare up into that huge mound of cleavage. He was struggling to see a head over it. At one point Lucinda had to bend down, wink and nudge her head in the direction of the cleric.

‘Er, I do?’ he said. A general mirth echoed around the cloisters and the cleric continued.

‘Do you have the ring?’ he asked.

Lucinda bent down and rested one of her enormous breasts across the pedestal. Luke wondered if he could even lift that anymore. She stretched a piece of her gown, noting that its strap above was beginning to fray.

‘In there sweetie’ she whispered. Luke reached in and felt something metallic hanging from a nipple. He wondered how long the ring had been there. Then his mind turned to other things.

‘Not now sweetie, just a little longer’ she whispered, and his grasp of paradise rose above him as Lucinda stood up once more. 

DJ Me

I often enjoy stringing bits of music together. It’s something that I used to do quite a bit from listening to a lot of compilation albums. I also used to DJ with a crew at college, though I never went solo. A lot of the time I did it on the spur of the moment; especially with cheesy tunes. We’d just point our way through cases of CDs and dash in and out of the booth to dance and people would come up to us and we’d give them paper and pencil and had no way of seeking out what song they wanted. We didn’t bother with headphones and we had no idea how to work the lights so we let the computers calculate the sequence themselves. Every time the dance floor looked spacious we’d squirt out a fresh spray of dry ice onto the dance floor and that would send people running.

 

Can I just not pay and let the gas be shut off to my rental house? My tenant had the utility bill in his name but didn't pay so the provider changed it into my name and is billing me. I'd like to just not pay and let whatever happens happen.

Yes, of course you can. It’s your choice. It sounds as if there may be consequences but you sound like you’re ready to face them. You might find it difficult to get gas supplied to your rental house in the future. They may send out bailiffs to collect for the debt; take you to court or bang you up for refusing to pay or at least refusing to take ownership of the situation. These are all possibilities resulting from the consequences that you choose. It’s interesting that the utility company have all the details to bill you though. Of course, you haven’t stated if you’ve spoken to the utility company or not; and perhaps all of this hassle could be avoided if you give them any details you have of your tenant to them or the authorities. But hey, it’s your choice. Why not let things escalate and let the fireworks begin? 

Am I Loving It?

It’s hard to know if little ones are really enjoying themselves. Sure, they want to take part and follow in the footsteps of the grown-ups but you can see that they get tired after a while and that they’ve had enough, even if they won’t admit it themselves. Small signs such as not focusing on the task at hand or not taking an interest in the progress of others are dead giveaways. You’ve got to make a decision between their happiness and to see the activity through competition; especially if you’ve paid for it or it’s something that they’ve suggested themselves. Sometimes a little refreshment is required to get them going again. Even a rest break might help, though to a child this seems like stopping the activity completely as they’re no longer active in the fun. But a simple distraction or a mental mind game can do wonders for their health, even if it’s a case of asking them how many people they can see. It all adds to their enjoyment of being in an unfamiliar place.

 

"The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it."

-Albert Einstein.

How do you identify an evil person? Is it the way that they talk, walk or dress? Do they have a certain look about them or walk around cackling at every little misfortune? And are evil people evil all the time? You can’t label someone as evil until they’ve committed a terrible act. So what can you do about it? In this respect, it’s very difficult to act without foresight. Are the people who allow these evil people to do these evil things are committing an act of evil themselves? Do we rely too much on our authorities to do the dirty work for us? And does this give the evildoers even more power and freedom? Perhaps we put too much trust in our fellow man and we ought to be more careful with our interactions. But asking people for a little less trust certainly isn’t good news in the world. 

Hope it's not Hereditary

 ‘Look at me’ she says, ‘I’m Nanny Mandy!’ Little does she know that Nanny Mandy does have health problems and it’s a huge possibility that she may be heading the same way. Who knows what else might go wrong? A child’s innocent words could reflect a lifetime of future problems that could be inherited from her genes. Will witnessing the demise of her current ancestry have an effect which could mentally scar her or frighten her into taking action? Will she believe that her only course is to follow in the footsteps of her grandmother? Of course, medical science is evolving all the time and there may be steps that can be taken to prevent such illnesses. All that we can do is not to think of it, roll the dice and prepare for the worst whilst hoping for the best. Of course, it may be her own lifestyle decisions that she takes that gets her there. She’s in good health so far though.

Competition

Is it the joy of winning that makes us compete, or is it the martial gain of prize money, medals, certificates, cups and trophies? I have to wonder this while watching our national team. Sure, they’re believed to be the best of the best but their loyalty to their current clubs still makes for some interesting conflict when they’re out on the pitch. They may gain recognition for their appearance and maybe even a cup or a medal but they’d rather be paid their usual million per week to roll down the road in their Porsche into their local training ground. And it seems odd that they only look to the next game in the tournament rather than talk about the prize. A more polite person would argue that they don’t want to jinx it but in reality they’re thinking that they’ve got to spend another week with this lot with another game at the end of it. 

Fetch Me My Slippers

Where do slippers end up? Obviously there’s a point where they don’t just leave your feet when you change your shoes. You need them off when you shower, and also when you go to bed, otherwise you’d leave them next to where you keep your shoes. And it’s curious as to they end up. One of them will always be in plain sight, sticking out useless in a prominent place reminding you of your failed efficiency while the other one will never emerge unless you spend a whole hour commissioning an expedition to find it under the bed. Maybe it’s just me. Perhaps in your household everything has its place and you always ensure that they’re in the same spot. Maybe you’re lucky to own more than one pair of slippers that you wear when accomplishing different tasks. You may even have a pet or a human assistant to fetch them for you. As for me, I’ll just have to get one of those GPS tags. Now where did I put my phone?

 

nextdoor

We got a letter posted through our door asking us to join a social media site. At first I thought it might be a scam to get hold of my personal information, and there was a bit of trouble trying to join my neighbourhood group. Then I read the reviews and I persisted. To be honest, it’s similar to Facebook but it tailors to your own neighbourhood group, and the content seems to be the same type of stuff what you can find on groups such as Spotted. You get messages and ads tailored to you and there’s a local connection in there somewhere. There’s not a lot going on, and most of the people who are posting seem to be middle-aged homeowners. It’s usually just people complaining about noise, pets and asking for help. I’m certainly not going to turn on notifications to see what these whingers are up to.

Nanny Time

It’s important to make time to see your elders. But where can you fit it all in? There’s school, playdates, shopping, sports activities and hobbies to attend to. There’s just so much to do; and if you’re not careful you’ll be falling asleep during your visit and they’ll wish you never came. Sometimes you can get away with combining activities so that you can kill two birds with one stone. But it does get difficult when not everyone is able to take part. Sometimes all people want to do is curl up in a comfy chair with a cup of tea and have a plate of biscuits nearby. Sometimes you’ve just got to make a date and stick to it and to hell with whatever else is going on. The last thing you want to do is lose touch with your family. You never know when you might need them.

 

Treasure Hunters

 He’s tall and thin, with a face like an elf to help him scout out the treasure. He dresses in very thin layers which emphasises how skinny he is, and if he’s walking he’ll have his boots on show as props. If you arrive early enough, you may even see him undertake a warm-up routine. He’ll always enjoy a pint as a way to relax after completing an activity, and you can guarantee that he’ll get there early so that he can warm up with one too. He gets on with everyone to learn as much as he can about you and uses this knowledge to his advantage unless he’s on your team. He’s always got a grin which means that he knows something that you don’t, and he’s waiting for you to discover it. It’s as if he’s taking applying his teaching day job to everyone he meets. But you never know if it’s good news or bad news behind the smile.  

Tall Tales & Wee Stories by Billy Connolly

Tall Tales and Wee Stories by Billy Connolly
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I’m not normally a fan of northern comedians, especially ones which use potty humour and tends to swear a lot. But this autobiography is quite interesting. Connolly does tend to digress a bit (of which we are forewarned) and often it takes a while to get back to the original subject. But what does come out of these musings is a long zest of a life well lived and some interesting and colourful characters found in the most common of places. And he’s never afraid to talk about his hometown roots, or anything really, as there’s rather a lot of talk about poo. But hey, it’s all natural. Everyone loves it when people lose their rag and ends up being a bit naughty, and you gain a sense that a lot of people don’t really grow up at all. It’s a good read to pass the time and you get a sense of Connolly’s lifestyle and act; but there few moments that make you want to smirk or laugh out loud. It’s probably a good idea that I didn’t go and see his act really.

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Breakfast Blunders #dreamdiary 112

We’re staying in Cornwall and we’ve found a lovely cottage pub to call in and have breakfast. We walk through the porched entrance into a square room with a reception desk attended by a lovely young blonde lady in a business suit. She takes our details then leads through a busy but clean dining room where everyone is being fed. She opens a door at the end of the room and beckons us down a dark staircase. She smiles and says, ‘The waiting room is just down there.’ At the bottom is another large square room with benches in the middle and hooks for coats. It looks like a school’s changing room complete with a musty odour of sweaty socks. It’s packed with people who we assume are staying somewhere in the pub and are waiting their turn for breakfast. As well as people sitting on the benches, there’s also people standing in line at the bottom of the staircase eagerly awaiting their call to breakfast. We’ve got no idea where the queue starts or even if there’s a queue and we’re relying on the receptionist to call us up by party. Suddenly, the door opens again and everyone starts filing up the stairs. As we’re the last ones down we decide to be polite and wait to be the last ones back up. When we re-enter the dining room all the tables are filled but we’re led into a side-room. It’s a corridor with a thatched porch within it with seats inside. I’m the last to enter but there’s no more vacant seats or even tables. I’m actually standing in the middle of where a table should be between a group of four. I start to wonder what the food’s like. I hope it’s worth the wait. 

British Engineering

 Despite the lack of light, there were some very interesting holes as well as novel ways to keep them hidden so that the surprises would just keep on coming. There were fences of camouflage netting, walls made out of canvas, pallets, old signs, and there were even a few holes hidden away in an upstairs section (though it’s a shame that they didn’t make the drop one of the holes!). a lot of them were set in simple but crude wooden fencing contained in a frame and there was little effort made to contain the ball within the course once a bounce had occurred. It’s great that some of them were interactive so that you could play with them while you wait for the other players. And at least there was a clearly marked cross so there were no arguments as to where you place your ball to start. And it also kept the kids entertained and happy.

Smallfoot

Conspiracies are usually put in place for all the wrong reasons to protect the few but I love the thought that’s put into place for this one. It’s novel, protective, and easy to understand, thought there are a few bizarre moments that have to make you wonder why some of the villagers didn’t begin their thinking sooner. But there’s plenty of humour and chuckles along the path to discover the conspiracy; though also predictable plot moments also transpire as soon as you witness the props. The catchy lyrics to the songs are very enjoyable, and I might have only heard half of them owing to sharing a pair of earphones when I was watching it. James Corden’s voice is instantly recognisable as the explorer but the rest of the cast try too much to imitate others. I first thought that Fleem was voiced by Steve Buscemi. It’s great to see that the traditional walls are torn down at the end and a new wave of thinking begins. 

A Hole in One

The holes on this course aren’t exactly made out of the sturdiest of materials. There’s a lot of objects that you wouldn’t normally expect on a crazy golf course, and you can’t help but wonder if the designers just wandered around and picked up any junk that they could get their hands on. There’s few traditional slopes and it’s a shame that none of the holes are motorised either. Perhaps it was too complicated to engineer. They’re very novel but they’re not designed to last; especially when there’s the possibility of them going walkies. At least there’s little chance of anyone walking off with the Wicked Witch’s bloomers. I wonder if the owners were prepared for this. Perhaps they’re ready to seek out new props or wait until the hole gets completely derelict then build a new one with a different theme. It would certainly encourage players to come back to experience new holes. 

 

Alexa just wants to watch TV

I was really getting into the Harry Potter quiz. There was a friendly narrator; the accompanying music was just perfect, and I was enjoying the questions. Some were simple facts while others required you to listen to excerpts from the books before hearing the question. I was even thinking about changing the difficulty level from O.W.L to N.E.W.T as I was getting them right every time. I was nearly ready to earn enough participation points to enter the league. I’ve also got no idea whether the questions are timed or Alexa gives up on you after a while. Sadly, it doesn’t like as if I’ll get the opportunity to find out. Every Alexa interaction now seems to want to involve my Fire TV. I don’t want to watch TV so it’s off and unplugged. What I want to do is listen to my smart speaker; but if I have to have my TV plugged in as well then surely that should my speaker obsolete?

Posers

There’s something about posing that makes people act goofy. Just give them something that’s even slightly out of the ordinary and they’ll want to react to it. The idea catches on thick and fast. Before long, people are stopping in their tracks to note your creativity and want to seize it for their own. But who will evolve it into making the best use of it? The thing is that you’ve got to do it there and then while you’re in the moment and the mood takes you; even if you have to wait a few minutes for other people to have their turn first. It’s because there’s no way that you’ll make time later to go back to that spot to repeat the same thing later. But there’s always someone who doesn’t want to be on show and wants to get back to being part of the crowd and wander away a.s.a.p. 

Untappd

It seems that there’s now social media for social media. Each platform is based on a particular pastime but there’s still opportunities to share it on other social media platforms if you want. I suppose the main idea is to bring people with the same interests into one community with features designed for that particular topic. This one’s about beer. You can look up where it’s brewed, get tasting notes, and find out what other people think of it; though sometimes these comments are about how the venue serves the beer rather than the beer itself. Once you’ve found your friends, you can also see where they’ve been drinking and what they thought of it. You may even find new ones who have visited a venue that you’re interested in. You can also earn badges to show how experienced you are or how often you repeat a certain beer or venue visit. Give it a spin. 

That Crazy Golf Place

We’ve gotten word that there’s a new indoor golf course nearby. It seems the perfect activity to keep my nieces entertained during the winter half-term. It’s set on an estate near a farm shop and a driving range so we head on over. As it doesn’t open till noon, we grab some sausage rolls from the bakery to keep us going. Then we wander into a large and dark brick building with a corrugated metal shelf roof and absolutely no natural lighting. A man appears and explains that they’re still prepping so we let the girls explore while we wait. We spot a life-size silhouette and we stick our heads through to pose for photographs. There’s no stools for children to take part though. Then we spot a beautiful bar in the corner with TV screens and high stools and I wonder if the owners designed this place with children in mind. It certainly doesn’t look very colourful.

 

One is Not Enough #nuclearmermaid 19

The next thing she had to do was to get her breasts through the door. After some squishing and shoving she managed to pull them through followed by her body propped up on her arms. Then she felt a tug. Her beautiful round rear had caught the top of the wood. Because of her scales, it wouldn’t squash as easily as her breasts. As she slid back to loosen herself up, she felt the wood behind her begin to split. She pulled through again but harder this time and the whole wall gave way to her beautiful bouncing buttocks. She shook the dirt off her fins and pondered how to get through to the fresh air outside. Essentially she was trapped in the laboratory fish tank again, but she couldn’t wait as long to outgrow this one. She wondered if there was anything nearby to help her bust out of this one.

I want to ride my bicycle

The time has come to combine two into one. Although when it comes to bikes; you'd think there would be a second source of power. Perhaps there's an electric battery to help you get up those hills or zoom about effortlessly at a fantastic speed. But there's no mention of any power source in the specification. So what exactly makes this a hybrid? Well, apparently the modern-day description is a combination between a traditional road bike and a mountain bike. But who would want a road bike in this day and age? Sure, it would look quite vintage and be light enough to pick up but have you seen the traffic on today's roads? Surely you'd want something that can mount the kerb quite quickly, have sturdy tyres to cope with debris and comes with power to get you up those hills? Why not just label it vintage? Maybe it's to dissuade your from mistaking it for a racing bike that people are always struggling to overtake when they’re driving. 

What would happen if a plane crashed in a farmer's field and the farmer is horrible and refuses to let emergency services onto their land and then issue trespass notices to all on the plane?

Well, that farmer would make himself very unpopular very quickly, especially if people need assistance. As well as perverting the cause of justice he could also be answerable to manslaughter charges and would certainly need to be all clued up on international law. There’d be quite a delay in getting any amount of compensation owing to him as the cost of damage to human life would have to be calculated first. He must also own quite a fortress if he’s successfully able to prevent other agencies from entering his property. And is the farmer actually going to walk down the aisle of the plane handing out notices to each seated individual? Or maybe he’s lazy and just puts one on the front of each door? He’ll certainly save in print costs and will assume that people exiting the plane will return there and they’ll see the notice on their way back in.