Keeping Tabs on You

In the olden days, most people used a table to keep track of their raw data which could easily be used to convert into a graph for fast comparisons. Nowadays we do this on an electronic screen called a tablet which isn’t dissimilar to the Greeks of old apart from our devices can store information on the same device and can show other screens too; including entertainment. And because of advancements in our network abilities, a phenomenal amount of data can be shared and called up onto a screen at will. We even have giant banks just to store and backup this data. But with all this tracking, is it necessary to keep track of each other? We’ve always had people in authority to do this for us and act accordingly, but it seems that a new philosophy is rising which suggests that people need to track their activities too. This creates further work for the authorities who must police the trackers. Just how far does keeping tabs go? Isn’t anyone entitled to a little bit of privacy anymore? 

 

How do I tactfully tell someone that they smell bad?

 It depends on the environment. You might have some authority in the workplace; but if you’re on public transport with a stranger; you’re not going to have any authority whatsoever. If you see them on a regular basis, then perhaps there’s an opportunity for you to smuggle an anonymous note into their coat, bag or work area. Sometimes there’s nothing that you can do about it other than to get away from the offending person as soon as possible. Perhaps you could offer them a comfort break to freshen up; or let them know what you’re doing and ask them if they’d like to do the same afterwards. The key is to take a subtle approach to test their reaction and see how they react to your suggestion. Is there a way to amplify your smell to mask theirs by opening some mints? You might even go the extra mile and offer them one. Or if it’s a stranger that you probably won’t see them again you can say what you feel as you depart and hope they have a thick skin.

Bags of Trouble

You’d think that by now there’d be enough of these things around. Bags have been known to predate civilisation, and they’ve certainly been a timesaver to aid humans on their journeys. Why then, have we suddenly resorted to covering up a single item? If there’s a need to conceal it, why can’t we go back to paper? It may not have the strength required but there’s a bag that predates that in the form of woven string. The truth is that see-though plastic is a germophobe’s dream. It allows them to examine products without physically touching them. I do wonder what they did before this substance was readily available and whether some unknown vaccine has skipped a generation or two by not having the ability to spread its immunity to others. But then again, our goods have never been manufactured so far away as they are today. I hope that people are taking note and are preparing to buy local. We’ve seen what’s out there. Now it’s time to make our own version.

 

Sounds of the 90's

I fancied listening to something different to my regular mix at the gym. What I needed was something that I would enjoy but that had that human touch as well. This mix was perfect. As well as a good mix of music to suit most genres, host Fern Cotton also takes us back to discuss the playground crazes of the times. She also throws in a few guests to chat to; though at times it seems as if she’s calling up her mates to fill some airtime. It’s sometimes hard to see the relevance when they talk of the nineties as being that hazy period where they were hanging out with celebrities all the time. I love the movie quotes; there’s some excellent tunes which makes up its soundtrack too. Its actual broadcast is late at night; so it’s a lot easier to download it to listen to at leisure. Perhaps they should go for a live show though.

Basket Case

Life is tough when you’re small. The vacuum cleaner is loud and scary, everything seems so much bigger and the dark can be scary, especially if you’re on your own. You must to brave if you want to try out new things; especially if you’re on your own. But if you’ve got a bit of familiarity nearby to retreat to like somewhere you’ve been before or someone who’s going to help you if you don’t like it, then you might be willing to give it a go. You can conquer that fear with the help of another, and you may even be able to help them at the same time without knowing it. Don’t get too used to the company of others though. Eventually, people will expect you to face your fears and go it alone. In the meantime, you’re entitled to have as much fun as you can handle before nap time. 

Brunch #nuclearmermaid14

As she peeled away the crack in the tiles, she noticed that the level of water would decrease slightly. One day she got to a point where it was barely covering her and she could no longer dive underwater. She took this as a sign to play dead in front of the biped. Sure enough, this forced the biped to act. First, it pumped in water out of a rubber tube followed by buckets of water; but the damage that Jenny had done was too much for the water to remain in the pool. Its only choice was to jump in to investigate the leak. Jenny until it was partly submerged so that she had the upper hand. Then with a flick of her tail, she knocked it over and was able to twist her tail around its body. With just one squeeze, there was a crack and one biped became two.

Disappointing Deviations

We sell a lot of things in our shop that we’re not entirely sure how they work. And with a range to suit all budgets, it’s often difficult to advise someone which product is right for them. We could be greedy and sell them the top end product but most of the time the cash is going to the manufacturer rather than ourselves so as a company we just earn a small mark-up; which is even smaller if an item comes back through the returns process. That’s when we must be on our guard. Obviously we have to be on the look-out for people trying to defraud us but at the same time we don’t want to rip anyone off. It gets difficult when you hear of people’s tales of their disappointment in the product but at the same time you must defend your profit margin. You’re a middleman but often you don’t hear the result which makes it more difficult upon making future decisions with the same issue. It’s not just a tipping ground behind the returns counter.

 

Grandpa's Story

 People aren’t always interested in stories. They’re more likely to tell stories about other people than their own; especially if it’s about the olden days and if you struggle to recall them yourself. But this can affect the way in which they’re remembered. And it’s important to entertain all audiences if you can. The last thing you want seared into their minds is an image of you coughing up your guts into a bin. So it’s important to tell stories to be remembered; even if they’re a little far-fetched; to hide those negative moments. That way they’ll remember being taken out to parks and sitting in quiet amusement as you doze off in tents when you’re supposed to be babysitting. And if you can’t tell stories then you need to keep your listeners hooked in some way, even if it’s being a little bit silly. The easiest method to do this is to make new memories.

A Different Christmas

No-one knows what Christmas is going to be like this year. Everyone wants to get the isolation period out of the way now so that they can enjoy themselves later in the year, or at least when the usual festive shopping sprees begin. But will COVID comply? It’s already changed the livelihoods of many people who have had to think quickly. There’s so many businesses advertising their options whether it’s planning for a party, stocking up the pantry or arranging a takeaway so long as you don’t exceed the standard six. And of course, it’s still too early to say whether that rule will be tightened or loosened. What we can expect is the usual tirade of people in fancy dress; but whether that’s in person, on a screen or even digitally created is still too early to say. I’ve already decided that Christmas is not my department to organise and I’ve already started planning a New Year’s Eve party on Zoom.

 

The bus #dreamdiary 96

 It’s time for my annual holiday with my college friends. I’ve got an excellent deal on a motorhome. It’s got an upstairs living area at the back which overlooks the kitchen, and in the front is the driver’s seat which has berths above. I’ve achieved the task of picking everyone up; but the only problem is that I haven’t planned a route. I spend the first morning driving to a Tudor mansion which everyone is happy to explore. There’s a lovely banquet room with a view of the mountains; but it doesn’t keep us there for long. During lunch I confess that I haven’t got much further and that nothing is booked. We sit around the kitchen table with a large map in front of us. Everyone is trying to keep positive by searching on their phones for ideas but at the same time I can feel hidden resentment because I haven’t done my homework. I might be in for a long night drive…

Giving it up for Free

Occasionally we give away free things at work. It’s usually part of a deal when you buy another product. If it’s an expensive item then the customer is usually aware of the offer but the till is not. We then must trawl through the internet to find out the item code only to discover that we haven’t got any and we have to order them in or tell the customer that they’re currently not available. If it’s a cheap item then the till is aware of it but the customer isn’t which means that we have loads of them left over long after the promotion has ended. This just sits there until we’re told to write them off and put them on the counter to give away with any similar purchase or to passing children. Lately, there’s a bundle of these that no-one has been authorised to deal with; they’ve also been given a value so that they can’t be processed on the side. With a major lack of attention to the stockroom in recent years, I wonder how much longer this stock will sit there taking up space. 

Amazon Fire TV Stick

I got this once my TV aerial gave up the ghost which limited me to just watching DVDs. The idea of being able to livestream some channels and a new selection of content each month became quite sound. The technology to use this is quite simple. One end goes into the TV and the other goes into the mains. And then with the help of a remote control it’s on. It can be surprisingly slow at times, and the remote can be particularly difficult to respond once I’ve plugged it in. Sometimes it’s quicker to ask my dot to load it for me. I often have to have two or three attempts at loading apps, but I have got the older model. I sometimes get a blurry black and white screen, but sometimes the power adapter gets tilted. I don’t know if that’s the cause. Once it gets going, it’s fine. But I need to remember to use the firestick’s sleep function rather than my TV’s one so that it doesn’t stream too far ahead of what I remember I’ve watched.  

A Prayer for Owen Meany

A Prayer For Owen Meany by John Irving
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

When I first started reading this book, I thought that Irving was just so full of himself. He certainly blows his own trumpet when he introduces his book. As it’s the first title that I’ve read; I’ve no idea what to expect. I got quite a bit bored in the first chapter as Wheelwright attempted to trace his family history and felt that there was going to be too much digression in this tale. I’m not sure about having Owen’s voice in capitals all the time though. It depicts a spoiled little brat screaming all the time; and Meany certainly gets his way in his youth as he commands the adults around him. Perhaps it should have been in italics; though the printer may have had other ideas. That said, it’s a very novel story with plenty of interesting events and a plot that’ll keep you wanting to find out more until the truth is discovered. It’s certainly a book that you’ll want to re-read with the plot in mind.

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“There is no greater thing you can do with your life and your work than follow your passions – in a way that serves the world and you.”

 -Richard Branson.

If you can earn a living by doing something that you enjoy then you’re doing something right. You will care about your work. You’ll be willing to put errors right and strive for perfection. Of course, not everyone gets to follow their desired path. You find that you’re being controlled more than you’re in control. And that’s where problems start. People start to forego their ideas as they follow the desires of others with as little enthusiasm that is necessary so that they can keep their role and perform a function to earn a living. In the meantime; you’ve got to fuel the passion that keeps you going so that you’ve got something to look forward to in your spare time. And who knows; maybe one day you’ll be able to throw off your shackles and pursue your hobby in a meaningful way. And that’s when the controlled becomes the controller.

Bags of Bags

It’s now the law to charge for a plastic bag. Companies aren’t supposed to profit from these sales; they’re supposed to donate the dosh to charity. But some people still haven’t got used to being prepared for this yet. It’s no problem; we’re happy to help them out; even though some still expect us to hand them over for free. Then there’s the rigmarole of asking them to find 20p. We usually keep a small pot of coins behind the counter to give out change, but if they want to pay with a note or a card they must go through a manned till. This creates further problems if they want to pay contactless as our machines don’t have it fitted! Someone actually walked out to use the ATM to get cash last week just so they could buy a bag; even though the item he bought was a perfectly carriable square box. You have to wonder where these people come from sometimes.

 

Toothbrush Time

My electric toothbrush has finally given up the ghost. I can’t get a complete cycle from an overnight charge anymore. While I can still use it as a stick, it’s somehow not the point. It’s also gone beyond its manufacturer’s guarantee and its extended guarantee. I could invest in a fancy new one which has an extra timer for £10, but it’s got the same battery life. There’s no guarantee that the same thing will happen. So I’ve gone back to the same model but in a different colour. It’s a shame that you can’t change these batteries as they’re built in. They also tell you not to dispose of these batteries in the regular trash; but they don’t tell you how to get these things out. If we could do that then we’d probably be able to change the battery and they wouldn’t sell any new toothbrushes. And of course, no-one’s going to go to the tip just to chuck the thing in the electrical waste skip. But at least I get my quarterly reminder now telling me when to change my brush head. The funny thing is that a week later, the same thing has happened to my boss.

Practice

A group of us used to get together for a kickabout after work. We’d have a league between stores; and although I never played I attended a training session to help train the others. We’d hire out a pitch on the local astroturf centre on a cold winter’s night complete with floodlights. I remember walking up to the bar handing £2.50 over to pay my share of the hire fee then jogging out onto the pitch. We’d take turns in goal then hand out passes while the other three would try to intercept to the other end of the pitch. As the night went on some of our party began to drift away. Then in the final minutes another group of lads asked if we wanted to play a full-on game. We went for it. I started off in goal then towards the end of the game we switched. I started off from our side and managed to circumnavigate three players before scoring a goal all on my own. I don’t know if they weren’t ready for me or they hadn’t realised that we’d switched or whether they were being polite after a collision but it was good wholesome fun. I’ve got no idea who won or whether anyone was keeping score though.

 

What does sour look like?

 Sour is a sign of deterioration. It’s when something’s past its prime. You might be out in the middle of the countryside and come across some delicious blackberries that look the perfect colour. But when you pick one and put it on your tongue and receive a vinegary taste; then you know that the blackberry has waited too long to be picked. If it’s too much; it may even cause you to wrinkle your face in disgust. This Some people savour the taste and go on to eat sour sweets and drink sour beer. Some associate it with lemons; but I use this to make my food sweeter when I’m eating out. Yet with all this mention of taste; I never seem to pick it up when I order sweet ‘n sour chicken. I suppose it’s a personal preference. But don’t scrunch up your face too much as people might think that you’re reacting to something else.

Check and Mate

I sometimes think of chess as a limited game. There’s only a certain number of moves that you can make before that ol’ battlefield gets overcrowded. I’ve even had opponents ask if they could take their own piece. I’ve previously been accommodating but I realise now that I’ve been giving them the advantage to expand their territory. But the interesting part of chess is how opponents react to each other; meaning that no two games are hardly ever the same. Nor would a player want to play the same game by repeating the same moves; unless of course he or she is the victor. Perhaps the defeated realises their mistake; that they can correct it; or maybe they can take advantage of an error that the victor made or forgot previously. And of course, you mustn’t lose focus of the potential of each piece to the board. A simple movement to create space could be utilised by your opponent. Enjoy!

Agonising Adam

A mass of blonde curly hair awaits to greet you. Beneath this is a pair of blue eyes followed by a single nose piercing. Sometimes it’s a bar with studs; at others it’s a ring like a bull. It might depend on who’s in at the moment. He speaks with a very plain but distinctive Southern accent. He’s always willing to listen to what you have to say; but he’s also prepared to join in with any crowd. He’d also dress in a standard smart but casual dress code every time but with a little wear and tear around the knees. He doesn’t make grand gestures of expenditure but he’s happy to pay in his fair share when it’s time. He’s happy to take in any substance that comes his way regardless of how crazy he may get later; and go along with any prank so long as it makes a good story.  

Cake Call

There’s nothing quite like the smell of something freshly baked

But if I had the choice of what they make then I really hope that it’s cake.

For while the smell of fresh buns gets me up and high and dry

It’s that little bit of sugar that I need when the day is passing me by.

Whether it’s chocolate or it’s coconut I really do not mind

Or even a slice of fruit is considered a very good find.

I realise that lately it’s been difficult to find flour

But even a pre-made one is welcomed within the hour.

I don’t want to rush you and I’ll settle for a mess

So long as it stands on its own and I know you’ve done your best.

But if I have to share a slice then I won’t be happy with you

So think twice before you serve the slice and make it enough for two.

System of a Down

Our handheld devices at work aren’t working again. We can’t check people in to collect their purchases as they arrive. This instantly changes how we direct people into the store; we now must send them into a separate queue to be checked in by a main computer. Meanwhile one of my managers insists on calling I.T to get the problem resolved. I log onto the store’s chat network and quickly establish that several stores are having the same problem; suggesting that the problem is nationwide. My manager; and probably other managers from other stores; insists on staying on the line to get this problem reported; not recognising the fact that this team probably needs to be left alone to fix the problem rather than be answering the phone to tell everyone what the problem is. Ten minutes later; one store reports that they’ve got through and have established that a network upgrade overnight has caused the problem; yet my managers insists on holding still. He must get that reference number. I report that another store has found its own temporary workaround but he remains glued to the phone. He gets cut off after thirty minutes. Three hours later, normal service resumes.

 

What should a resturant do if people keep stealing their salt and pepper shakers?

Running a business inevitably has costs, especially if there’s a premises involved. People who enter your site are going to expect that there’s a bit of upkeep involved to keep the place running. You might use lights which require batteries or electricity; or have your own power source. You might decide to supply heating in the colder months; or you might decide to splash out and provide or build a table and chairs. All this equipment; including your precious pepper pots; will invoke some kind of cost which you will need to factor into your pricing when you calculate your overheads. If you’re concerned about your costs then you’ll have to put your prices up or at least challenge the people who enter or manage your premises to act accordingly. If they’re of sentimental value then consider using other methods of dispense.  Or if you can prove that someone’s done it and you’ve got their details you can report a case of theft to the police.

The Art of Photoshop

I’m slowly learning how to use Photoshop. Lately, I've been trying to cover up cooperate logos without ruining the image. I admit that I don’t always have the best materials to work with. Often, I don’t have a clue if the desired effect will make the image better but that I should do it anyway, but I need to give it a go. There’s no real manual and you either click through the thousands of options available and play around on the screen or spend some time googling things to learn what to do. I usually end up doing the former as I would otherwise have to try and remember what I did last time and I would probably end up googling it again; only to find that the last video that helped me has vanished and that I’ve got to wade through a new set of videos to try and find the answer. I suppose that I should spend the time to learn more at least every time that I edit some photos.

 

Hiding in the Closet

Closets used to be great hiding places. You could bury yourself amongst layers of clothes in a game of hide-and seek and grab a great spot to hide if you stayed still and went in deep; especially if the seeker had a phobia of the dark. You would sit there amongst musty old clothes trying not to giggle while you could hear them go back and forth before emerging in triumph covered in dust. But when you grow up, you get a bit bigger so it becomes more awkward to hide in. It generally becomes a hiding place for your stuff rather than yourself. Occasionally they contain forgotten remnants of your childhood. But if you go searching within them for too long, you can get stuck in there mentally rather than physically. What may be a quick search to find something will uncover forgotten boxes of toys and photograph albums.

The First

I’m proud to recall that I was the first person ever in my town to receive a Tu clothing parcel through Argos. There was a small gathering of wonder when the package arrived. Within it contained the most abrasive pair of canvas shoes that I’d ever seen; although they looked pretty slick at the time and were at a decent price too. I think that they came in a plastic bag rather than a show box which should have given the game away. The material was quite thin and the inside heel felt like it was worn down to the bone after a while. It didn’t help that in a rush to take them off I was practically digging my heels into the backs rather than attempt to untie the knotted laces. Perhaps as it was a first batch the quality might have improved since; or a resolution to take better care of my possessions may be in order. In either case I haven’t felt the need to find out.

 

Product Placement #dreamdiary 95

 I’m walking through a square in a shopping centre. There’s a bundle of unmarked parcels in the centre marked with tissue paper. Suddenly, four Christmas trees are lowered down from the ceiling and start revolving around the atrium to the tune of the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. Ballerinas and toy soldiers are bursting out of the boxes and are prancing around the square. Me and my fellow shoppers stand in delighted surprise at the scene displayed in front of us. Snowflakes and glitter are being sprayed everywhere. Then the music stops and a man comes forward and thanks everyone for appearing in their Christmas advertisement. When I look up, I see a balcony surrounding the square which is filled with the nation’s press which immediately begin taking pictures with their cameras. Afterwards I’m told that I was chosen to appear in the ad because of my big smiling face; but how they got me to be in the right place at the right time to record my genuine surprised reaction without any prior notification along with everyone else is beyond me.

Black Country Plum Pig at the Waggon & Horses, Halesowen

This pub is traditional as things go. It’s a lovely bricked building on a traditional high street road corner. Inside, a plush lounge offers comfortable seating, and a small door offers a private room. As you turn the corner, a long bar dominates the next room with large windows that run alongside the high street. A long row of handpumps sits on top of this, and there’s a TV screen listing the beers available, while at the end lies a hot cupboard containing snacks. Be warned, if you’ve got your eye on something you’d better buy it quick before it gets snapped up by someone else. There’s a few high tables here for people to perch on but they have to hold tight as the stone floor slopes downward towards the windows. Beyond this is a smaller but more traditional lounge with clusters of tables that can be pushed together to accommodate large groups. It’s a great locals pub; although I’ve never met them as I’ve only had the chance to visit at lunchtime.

 

Echo Echo

I’ve been quite impressed with the sound quality on the new range of smart speakers, and I decided to try it out myself. I decided to cash in on some loyalty points during the Black Friday sales, so I ended up with an echo dot. It’s small but powerful and I like the way that it glows. The music channels are great and there’s a fab selection; even if you don’t pay for a particular song. We particularly liked Santa’s ‘Mince Pie’ song. Sometimes it speaks a little too fast; especially when it’s saying something that you’re not expecting it to. But the AI does need a bit of work; it often has trouble understanding you or mishearing you and displays a completely different skill instead. The local recommendations also need updating. It can do a lot more, but you must fork out for other smart devices for it to connect to.

Should you Insure it?

One of the things that they’re big about in our company is insurance. We’re told that we make around 40% of income from these sales. Usually you pay about a third or quarter of the price of the product for your policy and it lasts for a couple of years. If it breaks within that time; especially if you’re accident prone; you’re quids in as you’ve already paid for a new one. If not; the policy ends and the banker laughs at you as they get to keep the cash for a service that wasn’t used. It’s all about convincing the customer that there’s a risk involved. It’s a lot of money to fork out for higher-priced goods; but then again how likely is an accident going to happen? If it’s just one or two adults in a household that carefully use the item and store it away safely each time; you’re probably better off without. But a herd of kids charging through the living room every day could make it a worthwhile investment.

Redditch sees a jump in Covid-19 cases

 It’s hard coping with this new world. For starters, there’s the mask. It got to a point where people have stopped wearing them; but this week they’re back in fashion again. But you’ve got to watch how they wear them. Some just wear them around their neck as a fashion statement; or lower them as soon as they’re through the door. Some wear them to cover the mouth but not the nose. And every sign of a cough just makes people nervous. Of course, the jump isn’t just in Redditch; it’s happening everywhere. But our rate is still just over half what is needed to trigger a local lockdown. But the hardest part is to figure out areas that we can visit that aren’t in lockdown either. It’s important to know your own rules and that of where you’re planning to go; but trying to keep up with every area just makes things complicated. It’s easier to check before you visit.

Rage in a Cage

Our goods are delivered to us in the latest Italian-designed shopping trolleys. They’re death traps that are guaranteed to give you a good grazing every ten cages and you really need to wear gloves to handle them. They’re supposed to be quite balanced but it depends what you put in them and how heavy the items are. A foldable baseplate is supposed to slot into the side panels to secure them; but often the doors are too battered for the slots to fit in; leaving gaping holes for stock to fall through and collapsible sides if they’re left to be pulled at a particular angle. The front doors are secured by a catch at the top, but this only works if the stable doors are fitted correctly halfway down. If they’re not then the doors just might swing open again. And once you’ve brought the thing inside and emptied it; you need to fold it up to give yourself more room. This is where the baseplate unbalances the whole thing; and if it’s stiff it could slip underneath you as all the weight transfers to the back. Not fun.