What we achieve inwardly will change Outer Reality.

-Plutarch.

It’s certainly true. If you convert a sandwich into fuel by consuming it, it will certainly change the outside world in some form or other; either by expanding your stomach which takes up more space, or expelling it out of your arse in a different form. Here, a different mass occurs, and you may hear a mighty splash and a smell of methane might also be released, depending upon the health of your digestive system. There may be sound effects too if you’re that unfortunate. Or if you take space travel, then the earth has had to evolve over thousands of years for us to manufacture the materials required to change the environment outside of it. But a more modern phrase to that of our Greek philosopher friend would be that you get out what you put in. Even if it does take a long time to shift last week’s curry out of you.

New York Old York

After our late-night walkabout, it was time for some nibbles, and we fancied some dessert, specifically some New York-style cheesecake. After a quick google search, we found a back-street restaurant that is famous for its desserts named Juniors. We walked in and the place was absolutely packed; but the maître d quickly spotted us and guided us to a table close to a window. The restaurant was very open-plan and had cosy comfortable seats and a bar-stool diner area, which I would have preferred to be seated at but I guess these were reserved for singletons looking to mingle. It was also very bright and colourful. I went for a brownie explosion cheesecake, while Mum ordered a cherry one Once we’d ordered drinks and our food by a very cheerful waiter, we noticed that a queue had formed to be seated. While we were waiting, we couldn’t stop reading through the menu, and it was a shame that we didn’t have time to go back there. On our way out we passed a theatre, and we noticed that a barrier was being put outside the stage entrance and a crowd had begun to form. After checking the show, we discovered that Jim Parsons was currently performing. We waited half an hour with other autograph hunters but we got fed up of waiting and decided to head back to the hotel.

Firebrand West Coast IPA at the Rose Villa Tavern, Birmingham

As I was passing through Birmingham’s Jewellery Quarter, I thought it was a great opportunity to grab the Cask Marque scan at the Rose Villa Tavern before I returned home. It was only a stone’s throw away between my destination venue and the tram stop, and it’s an area of Birmingham that I haven’t visited for a long time. I found the pub quite quickly, and wondered how I would remember it. As I entered, it seemed that it hadn’t changed much. It still had its magnificent stained-glass windows present. Once I’d reached the bar, it did seem that there was a local’s corner and it took some peering over shoulders to see the beers on offer. But I did spot a beer from a brewery that I’d never heard of before. It was kept in a great condition and was very reasonably priced too. Once I’d got my beer, I headed round the corner to sit in a very comfortable tall armchair. I felt that Morpheus and Neo could have met here. I still hadn’t spotted the certificate scan though, but I discovered through a quick chat with the bar staff that they were waiting for it to arrive. On the plus side, there was excellent wi-if and I connected quite quickly; only to find that my time was limited as my return tram was en route. Hopefully I can get back there again soon and take advantage of their offers on their mailing list.

Night at the Empire State Building

Going to a tourist attraction at night was a strange experience, but at least it was open. Macy’s was just kicking out as we walked past. Once we’d found the correct entrance, we walked into a marble lobby with a large picture carved into a wall. A uniformed bellhop pointed us in the direction of the ticket queue and once our money had been extracted; we were free to board. Gone was the virtual roller coaster from last time; instead Kevin Bacon narrates from a TV screen as you climb the lift. And we didn’t have to wait long. We spent an hour at the top trying to take in every view from every angle. I didn’t even realise that H&M was a thing stateside. What I did do was try and discover which building was being used as Stark Tower for the Avengers movies. We didn’t realise at the time that we could get a deal to climb the top of the Rockefeller as well but we wanted to tick off as many places as possible.

Mouse in the House

One night I was lying on the sofa watching a movie. It was a late night and I might have dozed off. I lifted my head and glanced down at the carpet to notice a large brown mouse look back at me. Our eyes met, then, having realised that it had been spotted, it ran underneath another sofa. I slowly prepared to catch it, but by then it must have run beyond the sofa and down through a hole in the floorboards cut out to let the radiator pipes come through. A few weeks passed, then one day while I was in the pub Mum had spotted a mouse living underneath the kitchen sink. She closed the cupboard and daren’t look again until I returned the next day. We made the room escape-proof and couldn’t see the mouse, but we discovered that some of cleaning supplies had been chewed through and a nest had been made. On the following day, we had a sighting, so a plan had to be made.

The AmTrak Convoy

I was looking forward to a long comfortable train journey on a sleeper carriage with all the comforts, and I was hoping to be on top of a double decker carriage. Sadly, our train from Washington to New York wasn’t to be. It was quite a hefty climb up the ladder and into the carriage. Luckily a guard was on hand to help us load our luggage, which we still had to hoist into the overhead compartment if we could. Although the seating was spacious, it did look slightly old and faded; especially with the round metallic ashtrays in front of us. The guard’s uniform also looked outdated; his round flat grey hat looked as if it had been made from toilet paper. Nevertheless, I got a lot of reading done and Mum fell asleep; which was just as well as we sat on the wrong side of train and missed most of the scenic views. At least our tour group had a private carriage.

Lady in Waiting

There’s a woman standing at the counter stating that she’s been waiting for ten minutes. She’s short with a tanned complexion, she has a pointy nose and is trying to talk in a calming upper-class accent, though her dyed hair with a large fringe at the front somehow makes me doubt her credentials. Her grey sweatshirt also does little to assist her image. Perhaps she’s trying to talk over me in an overpowering tone in the hope that I will offer her a discount in fear of her complaining too much. Instead I just apologise for her wait and explain that we’ve been tied up with other customers and begin to process her order, only to discover five minutes later that she’s ordered the wrong thing. Here then, is her just desserts for trying to act too snooty in the first place. She’s now forced to wait longer as we exchange and locate her new one. I do catch a slight conversation with a passer-by while she waits; but whether she knows the man or is asking him about his experience is beyond me. Her voice does drop slightly as she departs, as the evidence is clear that my team is clearly working as hard as we can to keep things running.

Union Station

From the outside, this building is very impressive. You can even imagine the trains rushing through the arches and onto the roads, not from a catastrophe in a movie but as part of everyday life. Inside, the hall is even more impressive. Its vast arched roof continues the arches from the outside, and it’s all very clean and pristine. Above the pillars are figures of Greek iconography to represent the progress of America. But when you step through the pillars towards the trains and shops, that’s where the architecture ends. An escalator takes you downstairs to a row of shops and beyond that is a rag market. Underneath that is a food court where dozens of fast food retailers are cramming for attention which all serve a central seating area. The classier restaurants are upstairs where they can take up more space, but there’s plenty of empty units here too. I guess all the money has gone into the airports nowadays.

Dead Pixels

Young adult hormones combined with a need to destroy make this comedy a fantastic watch. There are some great comic moments; whether it’s revealed that Meg and Nicky actually share the flat, Usman’s day job or the window cleaner’s revenge on Nicky. There’s some extremist gaming stuff as well that doesn’t really need to be there. The CGI in their game world is amazing, and it’s a great idea that they decide to cosplay it in their final episode. I wonder if there’s a game out there like that that I can play? One person that I can’t stand is Russell. The situations that he gets himself into derives of any sense whatsoever and Meg can definitely do better. It’s just a shame that she doesn’t try to take advantage of Alison’s friends some more. I love her metaphors though. I’d love to know what their day job entails so that I can try to get away with gaming at work as well.

The Pub Manifesto by James Dowdeswell

The Pub Manifesto: A Comedian stands up for pubs by James Dowdeswell
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I was disappointed with this book. I thought it would be more of a political tale of how we can stand up to our pubs in a light-hearted way. Instead, we’re treated to what makes an ideal pub. There’s plenty of interesting historical facts about the elements of each pub, together with some legendary stories of Dowdeswell’s experiences and a few recommendations of examples to visit, but that’s about it. And of course, not every pub is able to live up to his ideal requirements without some costly drastic alterations. He touches briefly on the state of pub ownership but doesn’t really address the elephant in the room. The result is more of a guide of what to think about if you want to run a pub. The book also seems a rush job as there’s several grammatical mistakes that the proof-readers missed. I think I could do better with my experience of visiting pubs and campaigning for them. I can already picture the opening chapter…

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A Tight Tea #nuclearmermaid6

One morning, Jenny woke up to find two huge lumps on her chest. She realised that she’d managed to eat all the remaining fish last night in a feeding frenzy, which must have caused her to grow quicker. Her head was touching one end of the tank while her tail was touching the other, and she had to float at a diagonal angle to keep herself comfortable. Surely it was time to tackle the roof, but then what? How far away was she from the next biggest source of water? And what would the bipeds do? With a bit of luck, they might be able to help her. It was hard to look up because there was always a bright source of light there. But she could easily poke her hands through the light and hard substance before it to make the holes bigger. Would more food come through or will the bipeds give up in shock?

Double Chin

Where has this second chin come from? Hopefully it’s the way that my neck is tilted towards the camera which has caused it to create a slight crink. Or maybe my neck has got bigger. Surely it can’t be from all this drinking. I’m not constantly downing a whole pint at a time. It doesn’t feel as if I’m going to grow any extra bones in there. And where has this long head and these chubby cheeks suddenly appeared from? They’re not features that are apparent in my mother. Maybe the extra fat travels up to my chin from my neck if I smile or raise a glass to my mouth. And if it is a health problem, then they do say that Americans do things bigger. I could just argue that I’m trying to blend into the local culture. Either that or it’s preparing to pop with all this extra historical knowledge that I’m learning.

The Dark Side of London

Like any city, London has its bad spots as well as its tourist attractions. The streets are no longer paved with gold, and going contactless with its public transport system has nothing to do with it. But it’s home to over one million people and not everyone is a good egg living above a café to work at an attraction and is happy to tell you which tube train to catch. I’ve always thought EastEnders was a dark side of London. There always seems to be some sort of dodgy deals going on in Albert Square linked to a criminal gang as each dog tries to eat up the others. I’ve never really had a bad London experience; I guess it’s because I’ve just kept my head down and kept to the crowds and keep moving as much as possible. They’re a loud lot but a fun lot too, and you can really take the mick out of them if you find the right crowd.

Passing the Pentagon

This isn’t the greatest view of one of the world’s largest office buildings, but at least I can say that I’ve been there. You can probably tell that it was a snapshot while we were on the move. Unfortunately, we were on our way back from Arlington and we were sitting on the wrong side of the bus. It’s not a very exciting angle from this distance away, and the east side carpark isn’t the most exciting of locations either. But at least I got a photo of it this time. Last time I went on foot with a friend and we rode the subway and got as close as we could. But despite the signs posted warning people not to take photographs, my friend decided to give it a go from a distance. Unfortunately, he was spotted and a guard demanded his camera from which he extracted the film and exposed it to the light, ruining all his photographs for the day. I offered to e-mail him my shots once we’d returned home, but he skipped breakfast the next day and attempted to re-take as many as possible before we set off for our next city.

A Trip to the Tip

I love visiting the tip. It seems wasteful to visit there for just one or two items, so usually I have to wait until a nice nest of rubbish builds up. Then I have to pick a nice day where it’s not too quiet, otherwise I’ll have to queue to get in to park. And just before I arrive, I have to load up and break everything down into individual components ready for the correct bin. Sometimes some bending is required to get it all in followed by some stable driving to keep it all stable so that it doesn’t move about during the journey. There’s plenty of hustle and bustle going on as other people arrive to rid themselves of their wares. My favourite part is when you get to drop a particularly heavy item into a skip and watch it smash over everyone else’s rubbish. It leaves a lovely echoing sound as it resonates off the metal containers. All that remains is to drive away with an empty boot that probably needs cleaning as I always forget to put something down to cover the mess.

Arlington National Cemetery

There’s a nice sense of serenity about this place but there’s also a sense of eeriness. After being searched and screened, you enter a large marble lobby and are quickly handed a map. Then you can either join the queues to ride the train, or make your own way around on foot. We chose the latter, though we did go around circles a bit in an effort to re-join the main path. What’s most outstanding is the views of rows and rows of tombstones. It was if someone had decided to set up a giant domino track on top of the hill, and the trees had been trimmed just right so true patriots can get a glimpse of national monuments in the distance to remind people what these brave folk were fighting for. There were some amazing pieces of architecture such as the old mausoleum (which was sadly shut as it was preparing for an art exhibition), the memorial amphitheatre, and the Women’s Monument. It was quite a ceremony to witness the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. We also saw some notable graves such as JFK’s eternal flame and a monument to the Space Shuttle Disaster. There’s also some very nice gardens which are home to a lot of squirrels. On the way out we saw some chairs being set up for a new burial, but unfortunately we ran out of time. I would have like to have witnessed the guns being fired.

An American Stalker in Washington

Americans love the English accent. It’s so varied in its dialect but they love hearing our pronunciation and Ye Olde Speke. So it came as no surprise that a gentleman in the donut shop asked if he could join us. Apparently my mother looked just like his sister and wanted to find out a bit about us. We told him briefly about our tour across the US and he told us about his visit to Washington which was about National Prayer Day. He told us what it entailed and he worked part-time teaching at a university and told us about his publishing business which has an office in London, at which point he handed us a pamphlet and asked if he could say a prayer for us. As we had our tour planned, we were quite confident in declining his invitation to join him, but as we prepared to leave we noticed that he had already gone ahead into our hotel. Luckily, we shared a different lift but he did spot us on our floor going into our room. I hope he was staying there.

Inside the Belly of the Bier Baron, Washington D.C

What looked like quite a nice establishment from the outside ended up being a bit of a dive. We walked underneath the canopy and up the steps and redirected through a side-door and back down the steps which tried to create the impression of stepping into a cellar. A long wooden bar with twenty hand pulls was presented in front of us, and if I was on my own I would have loved to have sat at the bar to chat with the locals. However, we were mostly there to dine, and so we got shown to a room full of tables in the backroom surrounded by brewery memorabilia adorning the walls. I ordered a homemade burger and was quite tempted by a hand-pulled beer; though they all looked expensive and very strong. In the end I was given a leather-bound handbook and I selected an IPA brewed by the Eye brewery. Meanwhile, mother chose a cider which she wasn’t too fond of.

Shimmer

I bought this doll at a bargain price as a birthday present for my niece. It’s of a decent size for a child her age. There’s some hair for her to comb which is a bit frayed, but she can always take it out of the scrunchie. It also says a few things but it’s a bit quiet. It sounds like it’s something about wishes but she’ll probably know more than me as she watches the show. Hopefully it’s quiet because it’s in demo mode and it gets louder once it’s out of the box. Or maybe it’s because it’s been sitting in the stockroom for a while, in which case a change of batteries ought to do it. I never would have paid the full price for it. I picked Shimmer because of the colour of her hair; I just hope that she likes the character and that she won’t mind that she’s only got one of them. I also hope that she hasn’t got something similar otherwise it’s back to the drawing board. I’m sure that she’ll let me know.

Expedition to the Bier Baron, Washington D.C

On our final night in Washington, I managed to track down what could be a real ale pub. We had quite a nice walk reaching the place. First, we headed over to Dupont Circle to see the fountain, which was more of a hang-out point for students. Then we headed over to the Spanish Steps, but unfortunately the fountain wasn’t running so it was nowhere near as impressive as the Italian one. After that we passed many embassies, though we were still a fair few miles away from our own. What we were most impressed with were the number of monuments that each embassy had chosen to display outside of their buildings. There was a large Ganesh from India and at its base was a child statue of former President Obama reading from a book with his peers. A few locals saw us admiring the statues and were kind enough to point this fact out.

You Can Do It!

"Believe you can and you're halfway there." -Theodore Roosevelt

It’s rare that you hear people say that you can’t do it. People want to see things being done, even if it’s only to make you work faster and that’s why they cheer you on. But those people won’t count for anything if you don’t believe that you can get the job done too. If that little voice in your head is urging you to give up, you start picturing the immediate benefits of giving up and reject the long-term solution of achieving your goal. In effect, you’re choosing the easy way out. But if you choose to persevere, the job feels easier. There’s less of a mountain to climb. And one of the easiest ways around this is to ask yourself what help is available if you can’t get the job done. Having someone to turn to makes it even easier because you can work the problem out together.

Lego House

One of the strange things that I thought about Mount Vernon was that the house didn’t seem real. It looked like it had been built out of some shiny plastic wood bricks resembling Lego. It also seemed very flat as it had been built just for the purpose of a movie set and felt more of a reconstruction rather than a house of nostalgia. It seemed quite strange to enter not through the main door but underneath an arch on a raised platform to the side of the house. Inside every room was a guide to tell us the various activities that would take place in that particular room. The big draw was the rear porch that overlooked the river; partly for the view but mostly it was the only area that had a vast amount of seating in the shade on the property’s veranda. The house also has a special look-out tower but it seems to have to get special privileges to be able to be invited up there.  

Bench Press

Now that we’ve got the new garden bench installed, we need to get rid of the old one. It was quite simply a contraption of wooden planks screwed into a cast iron frame with a supporting beam underneath. It was quite tempting to smash it but that would just leave mess everywhere and I’d probably hurt myself in the process too. Armed with a screwdriver, I managed to unscrew the bolts out of the wood with the help of a rubber mallet to loosen the beams up where necessary. But what do I do with the end bits? I decided to keep the screws and nuts for some reason, even though they could be rusted and we’ve got drawers of the things anyway. But it was a bit too much for the old green recycle bin, and a trip to the tip was in order to ensure a safe and reliable disposal. And while I was at it, I cleared out some other rubbish that was lying around as well.

Mount Vernon

Here, we get a rare glimpse of the private life of George Washington in between his military career and his presidency. It’s not hard to see why he found it so hard to leave this place. The commanding views of the River Potomac River and the surrounding trees certainly made it a home away from the rest of the world. Today there’s an interactive exhibit at the base of the hill welcoming you to his land and informing you what you can find. There’s plenty of demonstrations in the workshops re-enacting the trades of the times, and the gardens are nice to wander around too. You can get a solemn glimpse into the crypt where Washington is buried under a watchful member of the National Parks Service. You can also see his stagecoach and many innovations of the century that he commissioned at the time. But be warned, there’s very little shade out there, and you might also be swarmed by field trippers if you’re not visiting at the weekend.

Ghosts

The crew of Horrible Histories takes over primetime TV in this new and slightly entertaining comedy. Unfortunately, although the idea is novel enough, it’s not saucy enough for its late-night audience. The plot also needs some work and wasn’t realistic enough. I found the romantic poet too annoying, the caveman clearly too out of context, and the captain too much in his character. The headless Tudor man could have also been used a bit more and was even absent midway through the series. I thought that the death of Pat was very comical, but it would have been great at some point to have seen how each of the other characters died and how they ended up in the house. It would have also been great to have had the plague victims out of the basement at some point and discover why they confined themselves to that spot for so long. A great start, but with a few more episodes and ideas this could have been a more stable series.

Holes by Louis Sachar

Holes by Louis Sachar
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

If you’re looking for a tale that teaches kids good morals and to stay in school, this is not for you. If you’re looking for a tale of endurance, then read on. Yelnats has the most incredible bad luck, yet he keeps on battling his demons to get himself through the day. Eventually, he wins the friendship of his fellow inmates and their loyalty, though they constantly live in fear of the counsellors and of the power that they have over them. It takes time for Stanley to warm to Zero’s uprising as a stand-alone rebel, and I chuckled when he tried to commandeer the truck. It’s a shame that the rest of the camp didn’t organise a manhunt or follow suit. to I love how Sachar creates his own Wild West legends and brings a sense of history into modern times to do justice to these outlaws. It certainly teaches perseverance.

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Mike the Tyke

How much can you trust your employees when it comes to tardiness? You want to trust them and let them do their job, yet at the same time you can’t help but wonder if there’s a hidden agenda behind it all. Are they really up all night boozing away? Or are the tall excuses that they give actually true? When it comes to family illnesses, you have to give them a bit of the benefit of the doubt. You don’t want to appear too inhumane, but at the same time you’ve got plans too. Of course, the easiest way is to try and help them. That way, everyone gets to keep their position and you don’t have to waste time hunting for a replacement. But at the same time, if you’ve got the ability to replace them then it could be a worrying time for them when you’re ready to make the switch.

Amusement in the Museums

We didn’t have the energy to do all the museums of the Smithsonian; so we just picked out one each. First up was the Natural History Museum. We’d been recommended to visit the butterfly exhibit, and as Americans do everything bigger we thought this would be a real treat. Unfortunately, we were to be disappointed. There was a surcharge to visit this section of the museum, and its exhibit was no larger than two classrooms back to back. After exiting past stuffed giraffes and dinosaur skeletons, our next museum was the National Museum of American History which was much more entertaining. After reuniting a member of our coach party with his wallet that was left at the security checkpoint, we saw the giant star-spangled banner in its entirety in a low-level light room.  I also enjoyed the transport section where I spotted George Clooney’s Batmobile and a steam train that was featured on Parks & Recreation, while Mum enjoyed the First Lady exhibition which finally managed to get a hold of Melania Trump’s inauguration dress.

A Bursting Breakfast #nuclearmermaid5

Jenny was now starting to grow on a regular basis. Each night she seemed to wake up a bit bigger than before. She was quickly beginning to run out of hiding places and it wouldn’t be long until the humans noticed her. As she grew, so did her appetite. It wasn’t long before she was starting to consume all the fish. Meanwhile, on the other side of the glass, more bipods began to appear, this time covered in some kind of soft, white substance. She hoped that they would figure out that it was her who was eating the fish, and that they would be able to source some more for her, although she was also worried that she would need to find a new environment to live in. Each night that she got bigger, she also got stronger, and she wondered how much effort it would take to remove the roof from her tank.

Monument Shopping

Our next stop was a walk across the National Mall, where we stopped off by the World War II memorial. I always liked looking at the date of this piece; since the Americans only entered the war two years after it started. Unfortunately the Washington Monument was closed to have a new elevator fitted so there was no chance of going up for the view. There were however; plenty of school parties as it was that time of year; it was also World Prayer Day and various religions were also organising their own campaigning activities. Luckily, we did manage to get to the Lincoln Memorial just before they were all getting set up for their photographs. Then it was off to Vietnam where I thought the statues of the troops in the fields resembled ghosts in the field. Unfortunately I only had a dollar in change to tip our tour guide as we disembarked outside the Smithsonian; which of course was scoffed at.

How to Stop with Cut Brakes

If your brakes have been cut, why are you driving? Any decent driver should be checking their brakes prior to setting off, even if you live on a hill. In any case, you’d still be able to pull the parking brake to stop you from moving. Sure, it might cause some damage to the car but at least it’ll stop it and save you. You can also try shifting down a gear or even into reverse. Failing that, use what’s around you. If you’ve got steering, try to turn the car so that you’re parallel to the hill. If you’re moving at a slow speed, aim for trees, raised kerbs or even other vehicles to bring you to a stop. If you’re in a rural area, aim for bushes or verges; though be aware that any slope that’s too steep could overturn you. If it really is a life-threatening situation, the property owner would rather deal with the person liable for the accident than wait for a coroner’s report to come through. Failing all that, if you can’t stop, don’t stop! Get out of there! Causing collateral damage is always preferable to a fatality.