My New Big Friend #Titannabell 6

As daylight dawned, Olivia had begun to warm to her new friend. They both decided that staying put would leave them in a better situation than wandering about aimlessly. Anthony had been ridiculed by his peers for being too short for his age, and was often left out of games or left to be chosen last. Still, it was quite hard to wander around the rest of the kingdom as a giant. His ‘comfort cave’, as he had come to call it; was just outside of the giant’s forbidden zone; yet his smaller stature was still small enough to evade the border patrols. They agreed to meet once a week in the cave to discuss their feelings, and Olivia promised to bring a picnic next time.

Olivia sneaked back to the castle grounds and was spotted by a soldier patrolling the pavilion where the wedding was to take place. She told him that she wanted to get a sense of the atmosphere and some fresh air before making her morning preparations, and was promptly escorted back to her room where her entourage was waiting for her.

The Magus by John Fowles

The Magus by John Fowles
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Fowles leads us on an interesting account of the life of a nihilistic intellectual in an adult world lost of wonder. He combines imagery and imprisonment in unexpected places to create a sense of entrapment until Conchis offers him an alternative reality - magic. But isn’t that what we all want? But instead of learning from his experience and choosing to believe in these experiences, Urfe is hell-bent on getting his revenge; and it would have been great for him to have achieved some sort of justice or retribution for the trials that he has been put through. It’s a scientific mind trapped in an allegorical body rebelling against itself. As a result, it’s easier for Urfe to see straight through Conchis’s tricks. They’re not easy characters to like; and I found that my sympathy went to the twins which withdraws when you wonder how co-operative they are with Conchis’s schemes.

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Tatty Tattoos

Why do people feel the need to have themselves painted themselves? I can understand if you’re trying to hide a scar, but it’s a lot of pain to bestow upon oneself; especially if you change your mind about it later. There are too many people who have a Triad or gang tattoo. Why do you want to relate to that? It needs to be something personal and meaningful (unless I’ve underestimated the number of Triads in my area). And it also needs to be tasteful if you plan on having it on show. Do you really want someone who’s got fuck it on their neck serving you food? How well do you think that they would adhere to this statement if they had it inked on themselves? Still, if it goes wrong, at least you get to give everyone a good giggle and you might even end up on TV.

True Grit

Living on a main road does have some advantages. While it’s always noisy and there’s traffic going past and it takes ages to pull put of your drive; your road is always kept in a good state of repair. In wintery conditions you don’t even need to grit it yourself; you can guarantee that if the council’s got the budget for it; the grit truck will roll out in the early evening to keep the roads open and the buses moving so that business can continue and people can get to where they’re needed. But in a close you’ve got diddly squat apart from a plastic yellow box that the council fills once a year. It takes a true community to work together and clear these roads. I suppose it’s partly to stop nutters from trying to get up the hill in the first place and skid into someone’s drive.

Take me to my Leader

So Theresa May’s finally decided that she’s had enough of being at the top spot and is fleeing the throne to pastures new. Maybe she’s gone to hang out with David Cameron in his back garden. She’s tried to do a tough job. But when your team is constantly criticising you for doing the right thing; it’s hard to get things done. That’s why Brexit’s such a mess. And with the other half now breaking down into further factions; each with their own agenda; it’s unclear who will be our new leader and what their policies will be. Will it be a mop-haired pisshead? Will it be a bearded has-been with international friends in high places? Will it be a racial fascist? One thing’s for sure – we’re going to go on divided for a long time. There’s going to be election after election while the rest of us must go on with this instability.

The Scout-Out

Why is it so hard to get up-to-date traffic information? The best source is on the radio but if you tune in then you’re done for and you have to wait for the next bulletin to find out whether your issue is still ongoing, cleared up or forgotten about. Then there’s motoring organisations like the AA who you think you can trust but their on-line maps are very tricky to use and they’re not always updated properly. When a reported incident is still ongoing but there’s no sign of it when you get there clearly shows that something is up. And the traffic camera websites are so difficult to use. First, you have to hope and assume that they’re live; then you have to find your motorway and the bit of junction that you want to scout out; before discovering that half of the cameras are turned off. Sometimes the only way is to get out there yourself.

No Talk at Tui

This year, the role of the holiday rep has undergone a massive transformation. From the moment we set foot on foreign soil, the people at Tui seemed to dictate every movement. We found our transfer bus with no problems thanks to their guide outside the airport, but their customer service afterwards could have done with a bit more personal service. Rather than have a guide talk us through sights on the island, we had a young man who popped his head through the door to hand us a welcome envelope before disappearing again. That left the driver to do the role of hotel announcer as well as chauffeur; a role that he clearly was not happy about and he even had to wake some people up to announce their stop. At our hotel we chose to relax rather than spend an hour at the welcome meeting, but it took some time to establish what time was our bus back, which they got wrong. And then before letting us off the bus, an airport greeter boarded the bus just to ask for feedback about the company. It was all their agenda and there was no engagement or chit-chat.

A Pizza Hut

Why do some places charge peanuts and other places insist that you pay top dollar? In fact, you’re going to get worse service from the larger chains since they’re only paying their employees minimum wage and don’t really care when your pizza gets to you. As you’ve probably paid over the odds, they can afford to make it again for free anyway. At least the little guys who own their own places realise that they need to make sure that their mistakes won’t happen again if they want to stay in business. But as they’ve only got a smaller budget, their ingredients may not be as fresh. One thing’s for sure; you’re really going to struggle to find local ingredients on your toppings. They’ll either come from the local supermarket on whatever bulk buy offer that they can find; or you’ll pay through the nose for them to be shipped from a pre-prepared kitchen hundreds of miles away. The best thing to do is to buy a cheap frozen pizza then add toppings of your own.

The People on the Train

You’ve got to wonder what your fellow passengers are up to. Why do they think that they can stand outside the carriage and blow smoke in while they’re waiting for the train to leave? Why are they sending their children to sit on the seat in front of you and stare through the cracks? Is it to see if you’re awake for an opportunity to rifle through your bag? You know they’re scavy thieves when it’s term time; the kid’s obviously been thrown out. They also pretend that their mobile’s dead and get other people to ring their taxis for them. It’s the actions that they take that make you wonder if you should trust them. But everyone’s either too scared or they don’t care enough to act themselves. Not even the ticket inspectors do their damn job properly. And then the train company wonders why they don’t take in enough revenue. The result: a worse class of traveller and an increase in fares for those who do travel honestly.

The Tomb

How would you like to be put on display when you die? Would you like to be lit up in your own crevice on display with a guide informing visitors of your exploits? Would you like to be put in a hole in the ground out of everyone’s way where you can rest in peace? Having a tomb takes up more room as in theory your marker will be there forever; or at least until records end and your tombstone collapses. But then you’re confined to the place that you’re buried. Or would you like to be burnt to a crisp then (hopefully) be scattered at a place of your choosing and join the winds of time? The latter sounds the most novelistic and lets you move forward into the next realm, but it doesn’t leave much in the way of evidence that you’ve been present; apart from in your descendants and your physical belongings that may eventually be disposed of.

Let's do the Timewarp again

'Excuse me sir, would you mind taking a step to the left? Thank you very much. And now, if you’d like to, feel free to jump to the right.' I wonder in how many places could you persuade people to burst out into spontaneous song and dance just by uttering these simple words. It’s usually when members of the public form a queue while obstructing the path of someone else; most likely a staff member carrying boxes. Most people will have a giggle then go back to chatting about their wait in the queue, hoping that the person that they’ve let through will somehow speed things up. It’d be very impressive if the employee started to dance with their goods in hand. But you never know. If enough people do join in, you might be granted the ability to travel through time. Let’s hope that they’re people that you get on with. Or at least that they’re good-looking when you start doing the pelvic thrust. It might happen, but attending a screening of The Rocky Horror Show doesn’t count.

The Gateway

A lot of work went into creating this stained-glass window. The green on the outer side instantly makes me think that it’s a doorway to a garden. Look closer and the large chalice on top of the shield even has a face shaped like a lion. But any historian will tell you that the arm and hammer protruding out of the chalice represents the hard work of the Brummies during the industrial revelation. But what’s missing here is the traditional helmet that you see on the traditional Birmingham coat of arms. the figures are also reversed; but maybe that’s because the window was designed to be viewed from the outside rather than within. There’s no toilet paper here unlike the traditional sign as well. I’ve got no idea what the blue bits sticking out of the shield represent though. Maybe it’s space tentacles crying out for horiculturalism and green space as they stretch towards the garden.  

BBC's Watership Down

This was a very dark adaption of the classic tale. It got gory in the fight scenes which would upset younger viewers. The rabbits themselves were very thin and looked more like hares than rabbits; and it was a shame that the animators didn’t try to make them look cuddlier and cuter. There was also a lot of confusion about who was who at times; and perhaps the creators should have swallowed their realism a little bit and make better use of colours. Because of this, it was also unclear what was happening to who in certain scenes; most notable the arrival of the fox and the dog. I loved the little hidden Easter Egg of a memorial bench with Richard Adams’ name engraved on a plaque; and thought it a terrible shame that they missed out Adams’s famous escape scene. Their substitution (which was Fiver’s vision) also took up very little airtime despite the build-up in the flash-forwards that he had. The all-star cast worked well but the animation and the focus on the wrong side of the story lets this show down.

The Beserker Staff

Could this be the famous berserker staff? The symbols look Korean. Could they have invaded Egypt at some point? Are the symbols an insult or even some rhetoric? Could the Koreans secretly harbour a cult while at the same time import all the wealth back home? Is it truly believed that this staff predates Nordic times and belongs with the Egyptians? And which crazed-up curator now possesses its power? The building that he occupies has a great many exits; not to mention hiding places. And all it would take is a small crowd at the end of the day to pass on the power to whoever he chooses. The rest of us can only feast our eyes upon it from behind the glass stand; apart from those who aren’t too timid to take the risk and see if the case is alarmed. But once the power has been granted; those who already have the power can stop you. But it’s an easy way to see who already possesses the power.

Ultimate Lawmmowers

It’s time for the greatest gardening show of all time…ultimate lawnmowing! Using the same brand of lawnmower, contestants must do their best to create the best lawn of the season. They’ll be taking on all assorts of lawns, from golf courses and country manors to humble fields and even the odd scrap of green that’s on the top of a roundabout. There’s the chance to watch signature pieces of art being created with push mowers, and how tight can you steer a ride-on mower to get the job done? Each gardener can add to their lawn in their own unique way. We can watch mountains being made of molehills. There are different grades of grass for each lawn as well as location challenges; and why not keep up to date between each show with live webcam footage? Finally, we might get to learn the secret of how to make those garden stripes.

Choose your God

We all know an hear about the Greek Gods. Maybe they’ve been immortalised in our films too many times or maybe it’s just because we’re Europeans. But we know so little about the Egyptian Gods. A lot of them seem to be related (as royalty usually is), and the others seem to be related to animals who help people. Should we rely on animals to help us more; or are they helping us out already by becoming part of the food chain? I wonder if anyone worships any of these gods any more, or have they been replaced by modern equivalents? Were these people simply well known for their logic and wisdom as latter-day celebrities? Are Trollz just icons and dolls of the modern-day Bes? Were there national gods and local gods? And if these Gods were real, what would happen if they descended upon this earth again? At least they’re a method of getting people to come together.

Fi Fi Fo... #Titannabell 5

After a while, Olivia could hear some sobbing coming from outside the cave. As she looked inside, she could just about make out the faint glow of some embers.

‘Hello?’ she called. ‘Is there anyone there?’ The sobbing ceased. Olivia decided to step over the threshold and enter the cave. She might be able to take in some warmth from the fire.

‘W-who are you? Who’s that?’

‘My name’s Olivia. I live in the castle.’

‘The castle? What are you doing here?’

‘I-I ran away.’

‘I was thinking of doing that. Where will you go?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘I was struggling with the same thing. Round here I may be small but people know me. Out there it’s scary and I don’t know how things will turn out. I’m Anthony. Come closer so that I can see you.’

‘Olivia approached the fire. At first, she couldn’t see where the voice was coming from. Then she spotted two tall trunks clasped together. But why would trees be in a cave? Unless they were roots? She followed them up to the roof of the cave and saw a giant mass of hair attached to a huge, hairy body.

 ‘Have you been gone for long?’

My Uncle Oswald by Roald Dahl

My Uncle Oswald by Roald Dahl
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Bloody Hell! I knew that Dahl wrote a few adult tales but I never thought he’d write one as raunchy as this! I’d never heard of this tale before, but once you’ve read it it’s easy to see why it’s not placed in a prominent place in the bookshop. There’s no inner struggle here; just a simple straight-forward tale of how a well-placed elite independent man makes his fortune in a rather orthodox manner. Oswald wins the reader over by not snubbing us; he’s quite happy to disclose the best in fine dining and what to look out for; all while keeping his customers in suspense as he spins his stories. I loved the irony of the characters’ names and how they lived up to them. And there’s plenty of puns and innuendoes to make your mum blush. I did think the ending was quite sudden and the tables were turned on him the moment he got too greedy.

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We Shall not be Moved

What can the authorities do to you when you can refuse to budge? They may not have the legal ability to remove you, but they can find someone who can. It depends how confident those in power feel. In the meantime, they’ll ignore you and tend to everyone else while they call more people in. Those other people waiting will tend to ignore you too or at least look down upon you in disgust. Don’t expect to make any new friends unless you feel that your cause is truly just and that you’re prepared to explain it to them. And eventually, someone will have the authority to remove you. And in the meantime, you’re taking up a heck of everyone else’s time. So you have to weigh up the options and calculate whether it’s worth it. And maybe come up with an exit strategy just in case that it doesn’t work out for you.

Master of the Boxing

I’ve got a friend that’s really into her martial arts. She takes part in a local small club and travels to events near and far. She loves the history of backstreet brawling and the medieval and Victorian fighting styles of old. I went to a session once and it was good fun. Her speciality is urban combat. It’s not just knives and nunchucks that can come charging at you nowadays. If you’re fast enough, a simple item such as a jacket can provide a distraction or can even be used to temporarily blind your opponent. You could even use the sleeves as a strangling device. She’s even gone to seminars to learn that anything that you have in your pockets can be thrown at your opponent to either injure or distract them. You just have to be quick, nimble and accurate in your throw. And hope that your opponent doesn’t run off with the mobile phone or wallet that you’ve just chucked at them.

Checking In with the Riff-Raff #dreamdiary 77

I’m out with a group of friends for the day on a pub crawl. They’re a bit rowdy and I’ve already made a booking to stay in a hotel overnight to give me some space. One of them decides that they should all do the same and at random they pick the same hotel that I’m booked into. We crawl past a long line of locals on picnic tables outside and head to the bar. We order drinks and make enquires regarding vacancies. We’re shown up a flight of steep wooden stairs to a wooden reception desk and we’re invited to leave our drinks on a shiny silver tray while we check in. I check in separately when the group have headed to their rooms where I inform them that I already have a reservation. I then spot one of my local friends enjoying a ménage of pizzas in the restaurant.

Birmingham Museum

It’s nice to take someone around the Birmingham museum, especially if they haven’t been before. What most people don’t realise is that you’re visiting a set of council buildings and each one is interconnected by a bridge which is disguised by a series of corridors. The main entrance seems to be hidden at the back of the council building. But when you reach the angel in the main entrance, you forget that you’re not on ground level because it seems that you can’t go any lower. But if you head across into the next building; there’s a variety of staircases and directions to choose from. You can stay on the ground floor and view the traditional paintings; head upstairs for local history and the Egyptian exhibit; or head downstairs for the guest exhibit. I suppose having it downstairs in another building makes it easier for the guest exhibitors to construct and pack away.

This is Me

I’ve been hearing scraps of an amazing song on the radio. It’s one of those songs that get you off your feet and calls you to action. While I was on holiday, I realised that I hadn’t heard it all the way through, let alone watched the movie that it came off or watched the video. So when I got home, I did this the first chance I got when I had some alone time. When I watched the video, it found that the song certainly empowers you; even though the lyrics are repetitive, and I just had to add it to my collection. I still have no idea how the song or the video fits into the movie. Or even the singer or Hugh Jackman. I just had visions of wishing that I’d stood up to all my previous conflicts and hope that I’ll have the courage to do so in the future. I guess I’ll have to find out soon.

Taken

What do you do when one of your friends is taken away from you? Someone that you’ve known for a very long time is suddenly no more right in front of your very eyes? Do you think that they’ve been taken by an all-powerful being as dictated by fate? That they’ve been grabbed out of existence without you even having had a chance to utter a parting farewell? Or is there another factor at play that you haven’t considered? Who else has witnessed this tragedy or could have been nearby to assist? Is there something that your friend has orchestrated that you haven’t considered and is it to late for you to intervene and influence the outcome? And how far can you press people without upsetting them? Whatever the cause, there’s now a hole that needs to be filled. You and everyone else must move on with only wonder to dictate how this tragedy has occurred.

How Often is too Often?

I receive a lot of e-mail. Most of them are off mailing lists from organisations that I like to keep up to date with. Some like to send something out every week to keep me up to date. But some like to absolutely saturate my inbox. Do they think that I’m a millionaire? Of course, the easy way out is to unsubscribe. But they’ve already thought of that. There’s an option to send me less e-mails. So I click the button to make it happen, and I now get their stuff three times a week instead of five. I don’t know whether it’s taken effect or is it because the weekend that I unsubscribed was a bank holiday and it didn’t count? Maybe if I buy something it steers them away from marketing more products because they know that I’ve visited their site. But I’ll still receive an e-mail from them telling me what I’ve bought. Either way, it’s insane to keep thinking that I want their custom every week.

What the Camera Saw

What magical moment have I captured on the hillside here? At first glance, it seems that a proposal is taking place. A man is bent over with something cupped in his hands over a woman who is sitting down on a bench. But a simple zoom reveals the truth; they are both holding mobile phones. I suppose that the man could be loading a picture of an engagement ring on his phone; though the woman wouldn’t be too impressed. It’s a bit hard to make out what the woman is holding. My guess is a pair of headphones. Maybe they’re downloading an audio tour of what they can see at this viewpoint. From their angle, the trees would tend to obstruct the view, so they’re obviously looking for privacy. Or they could be in the middle of an ambush. The smaller trees have distracted them while the larger trees are preparing to sneak up on them from behind.

The Nip

I’ve been getting a bit too close in the car lately. I’ve been driving a bit too close to some other cars with some very narrow misses. Last week we had an appointment to keep. We weren’t entirely sure where we were going and we’d already heard on the radio that there would be a traffic delay on the motorway. So after overtaking a bus while praying to hear a traffic update; I then drive past a parked car on the road outside a pharmacy where my passenger mirror hit his driver’s mirror. I knew that there was no damage but I saw his reaction in the wing mirror so I had to stop and found a spot twenty feet further down to the road to pull over. As I walked back, he’d got out out of the car and was trying to spot the damage. He was relieved when I came over to apologise and was happy that that was the only impact that had occurred; especially that no damage had been caused to his electric mirror. So back on the road we went, but I had to adjust my mirror back into position.

Photo Geek

As I stand on this viewpoint taking these pictures, I’m just wondering what my friend is thinking. Is he embarrassed by the view that’s in front of him? Perhaps those Yorkshire folks take pride in their countryside and are wondering why we are gazing upon such an eyesore of urban conurbation. Is he thinking, ‘Why do I have to stand here while this nut tinkers with his phone to capture what’s in front of him? Why can’t people come out and explore for themselves? That’s because sometimes you need to provide a little evidence to convince them. Maybe it’s the shadow. Maybe someone sneaked up behind me and gave me bunny ears which I only realised by looking at the picture and he’s laughing at their joke. Or maybe the sun is in his eyes. Or he could be tired. He did refuse the offer to locate the war monument. As he’ll probably never see these pictures, we’ll never know for sure.

Lego Masters: Series 2

It’s great to see this show back on our screens; with an even more enthusiastic presenter. I don’t think I’ve seen him in anything else. The judges have become stricter; especially when they look at how each build has been planned and the way that it comes together. The presentation of the competition was a little bit sketchier this year; as it wasn’t quite sure which soundbite wasn’t associated with which stage of the competition; and I’m confused as to where the giant golf hole actually was in one of the bait clips between commercial breaks. The final sculptures were quite impressive but I would have liked to have seen more movement within them; though I can see why the invention of a Lego mutoscope was pure genius. This year also saw a Christmas special; though there was an unfair advantage when it was revealed that one of the contestants had a creative arts degree.

Making out the View

This viewpoint looks so familiar and yet so foreign. There are things that I know that I should recognise but I can’t find in front of me. There are also things that I’m surprised to see. One of them is the large pink ‘h’ which identifies the Hollywood Bowl at Birmingham Great Park. Another is the beginning of the city skyline in the distance, and it just goes to show how much the urban area stretches before you get into the centre itself. On the right-hand side, you’ve got the unmistakable shape of the Queen Elizabeth Hospital and behind it you’ve got the famous BT Tower. And on the left you can make out the start of the Clent Hills. But it’s a shame that you can’t see the view towards home or the motorway. Sometimes the trees really do get in the way. But it’s good to see this much shrubbery in between all these buildings.

Lockdown: Part Two #scavenger 11

Kit was being chased. He’d managed to break out his containment chamber in the science division while the eggheads were at lunch. They’d released the clamps once the car was safely inside. However, what they didn’t count on was the maintenance guy opening the main door to sweep the leaves out. Unfortunately, the army had stepped up its perimeter fences in the nick of time, and tanks were homing in on his location. Just one shot would take out his tyres which would make his escape all the slower. But if Kit could get to Kat, things could get a lot easier. While Kat’s rails and rotors were heavily clamped; her engines weren’t. All Kit had to do was eject his doors so that Kat could eject her motors onto his magnetised frames. Then it was just a case of getting up to speed on the runway outside. They’d never see this one coming.