The Tardis Satchel

I used to own a Dunlop leather satchel. It was sturdy, fashionable, and it did the job until holes appeared in the corners and every time I sat it down, more of the lining came out. Eventually, it didn’t shut, and it had to go. I looked at the high street and saw that they weren’t selling anything out of the ordinary. So I decided to get something I really wanted; a TARDIS bag. Of course it’s only got limited space; but it’s not something you see every day. I did have to wait a fair while for it to arrive as it was shipped from China; and in the intern I saw a dalek satchel which would have been even more novel. When it did arrive, I was a bit dubious at first as the strap wasn’t very big, and I began to wonder if it was child-size. But just like the TARDIS, it’s grown on me.

Animal Monkey at the Rocklands Social Club, Redditch

It’s strange that monkeys are the guardians of the beginning of the week; as usually they’re up for a bit of fun. It’s also strange that there aren’t any other animals to represent other days of the week. The humble sloth could represent Sunday, making it Sloday; and a Saturday could become Tigerday; willing people to leap into action. But if you want to positive spin on it, monkeys are the key to having fun during your working week. It’s why they’re famous for wearing bowler hats. It’s just a shame that I can’t jump up onto my boss’s desk and throw faeces at him. But, just like the monkey, we’re forced to jump through whatever hoops are presented in front of us to encourage our survival. If one monkey rebels, he is thrown out of the troop. But if the whole troop rebels, that’s when things get interesting. And if they rebel on a Monday, then the boss has got real problems for the rest of the week.

Twitter Gets Lazy

I used to like reading stuff on Twitter. I didn’t actually go on Twitter; I just read the e-mails that Twitter sends me. But lately, they’ve got very blank. As I use e-mail more than Twitter; instead of e-mailing me the usual content of who tweeted what, it’s decided to send me a list of how many tweets that I’ve missed from each person I follow. This makes for a very bland and pointless e-mail which quickly gets deleted. And the tweets that it does decide to send me features retweets or comments from others users that the people I follow follow, making it for a very confusing conversation indeed. And now it wants to double the length of our tweets. Does this mean that my pointless e-mails will get bigger? Will Trump’s tweets be less offensive as he’ll have more space to express himself? Will the Twitter bird double its size and become an eagle? What’s strange is that no-one is actually tweeting about this. 

AJ's Ales Stuck in the Dog House at the Rocklands Social Club, Redditch

I’m in trouble. I’m solely responsible for a project that’s long overdue and I’m having to hide behind other people’s backs. It’s my fault; and yet there’s also a side of me that feels that it isn’t. For starters, no-one is thinking positive about this whole organisation. There are many arguments about what we should and shouldn’t do. And I’m also expected to deal with issues left, right and centre as they develop; as people tend to think that that I have more experience than them. So this doesn’t leave me with a lot of apathy for what I do. I could stand to lose some good friends in this organisation, but I’m kind of burning bridges already by not doing anything. Should I disappear or surrender so that they can re-build without me? Or should I go head-on without giving up; which is going to have a heck of effort put upon me?  

Come Fly With Me

I think that this was one of the last shows that Walliams and Lucas worked on together. The characters are absolutely brilliant; and they’re all snubbed up or dumbed down as much as possible. There’s also a storyline that all the characters have to react to. I think it’s great how they take the mick of all the airport regulations in u=such a novel way. It’s such a shame that they had to stop because of racism issues; but they were only saying what everyone was thinking. It’s also a shame that they couldn’t get every character into episode. I would like to have seen more from Precious and the baggage handlers. There could have been a lot more antics from Tommy too; it would have been great to see him get a second shot at asking Keeley out. It’s also a shame that the BBC doesn’t seem to archive its programmes anymore; Wikipedia seems to do a much better job.

You Had Me at Hello by Mhari Mcfarlane

You Had Me At Hello by Mhairi McFarlane
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

McFarlane takes us on a wild goose chase through her university years. We know she’s desperately in love with her protagonist; the question that dominates the book is whether or not he shares the same feelings. The flashbacks to the former university days can sometimes be confusing; and sometimes it’s difficult to figure out the context of each chapter. And also the actions of Rachel’s friends can sometimes be hard to follow; though ultimately they’re sub-characters that just offer advice. It’s probably why Ben and Rachel are the only believable characters in the story, and they have conversations and references that you can actually laugh about. Everyone else is just too annoying. I also thought that a character would have better intelligence than to overlook her protégée to her cost. But I did feel betrayed when Rachel revealed to the reader that she did sleep with Ben when I put so much trust in her earlier narration. But ultimately; you just her to find happiness with someone.

View all my reviews

Purity Pure UBU at the Windmill, Stratford Upon Avon

This pub is perfect for locals to gather. It’s hidden at the end of the high street, away from the river and the shops. It still has a half-timber frontage like any other pub in the town, and inside there’s few features to distinguish it from the other venues. There’s lounge-style seating right near the entrance for those who want to congregate away from the bar in groups. The rest of the pub is devoted to nooks and crannies to create table spaces for private dining. The beer was in good condition, and the barmaid might have been friendlier if it wasn’t so close to closing time. The patrons mainly seemed to be local businessmen looking for a quiet place to unwind and use the free wi-fi before returning to their hotel. A couples was finishing their evening meals. But it’s definitely one of the quieter pubs in the town; with no music or entertainment available.

Black Tap Beer and Music Festival

After a late shift at work, I dropped into the Black Tap to sample a few beers. Luckily, I had the house to myself for the weekend; so I didn’t have any rush to get back home. Unfortunately; the night was in full swing, but I did manage to meet up with a friend and share a table. I was hoping for more of a focus on the beer than just eight on show; but the main emphasis was to get people through the door and buy something to contribute to the entertainment. Tonight’s entertainment was a request night from a DJ in a room that was barely twenty feet wide. It therefore wasn’t surprising that we decided to take a wonder elsewhere once our tasting session was satisfied. But we did pop back in the following day once we’d checked out another beer festival at lunchtime. Here’s the beer was flowing less, but the bands were in full swing.

Kodak Moments

Has the art of photography died? Is it only to be used for lounge portraits and the paparazzi? No longer are we forced to flick through slideshows of our friend’s holiday snaps. Instead we can click through them on Facebook and press the like button to pretend that we’ve seen them. There’s been a decrease in the humble digital photo frame thanks to the increase of the internet. But there’s something about walking into someone’s home to see a picture that they’ve chosen instead of a painted wall. It shows their personality and their interests rather than something a designer has picked out for them. With a digital frame; you can update them every time someone comes to visit. It offers them a window on your life; and I’m astonished that they’ve declined in an increasingly digital world. And that’s why there’s still interest in photography; it showcases people’s creativity. Unless we’re no longer encouraged to share each other’s lives in person.

Why I feel like a Minion

I’m a Stock Team Leader but I don’t have much scope to lead my team. Often, it’s dictated by my manager; who in himself is dictated by what we are set by our corporate office. He’s a maniac in himself who just stresses too much and is easily distracted and often struggles to listen to others. And our company values are too number-based and don’t really treat customers as human beings with needs. I don’t receive much planning of our daily activities and what I need to do. It doesn’t listen to employee suggestions or when it does it passes them off as too expensive to develop the workplace. And it also doesn’t tell me which hoops I have to jump through in order to be considered for a promotion. I also feel that no-one upstairs cares about people; only results. I just need some time to break free and decide what to do instead. 

Stephen King's It

I really enjoyed this film. It was scary, it was well thought out with plenty of suspense moments and childhood moments as well. The clown had a perfect form of evil; but with the amount of power it wields it’s hard to see how the creature can actually die. I also found it strange how at times one person decides to break away from the group without giving the others an explanation. I’d also like some context on how Pennywise came to be; which will probably encourage me to read the book. But I did find it quite strange that the grown-ups couldn’t see the horrors that the kids did. The characters are great; especially comedy Ritchie; and I kind of felt that the kids were a combined washed-up gang from Stand by Me and The Goonies. It’s great that despite the horror there’s also a combined sense of friendship, childhood, and brotherhood. The clown’s dance is perfect; starting off innocent and can change form whenever it pleases. But soon these kids will struggle to learn what is real and what is not.

Tickets and Tenners

I was a bit confused by this promotion; as I wasn’t quite sure what the tickets were for. I’ve never of the EFL; but there was a picture of a football on the pack. Did this just mean that tickets were to lower league games? And what’s the difference between this and the F.A cup? I have no interest in football so I had no idea what scores to predict for the matches that the computer displayed. In a friend’s fantasy football league, Paul’s Puppets always were at the bottom. Sadly, the promotion ended before I got the chance to put my other pack through; so I’ll never find out whether I won or not. But I did get a good snack for under a pound. It might have been a bit green on the edges, but it did the job. And I’m not surprised if anyone won anyway what with publishing each entry code on the front of the pack. Whatever happened to putting prizes inside of things? Suddenly, winning competitions suddenly becomes too much work.

That darn printer again...

It’s that time of year when ink is running low; and you’re running out of places to go. You can buy it on the cheap and wait to get it delivered; or buy it now at the nearest store. Fortunately, I had the best of both worlds as I could get the new cartridges discounted from work; meaning that I could get them at the same price without having to wait. But I’ve got a terrible feeling that the ink’s just been left on top of the printer in the sunlight. How many pages have we wasted because of that? And then there’s fitting the darn thing. After turning the printer on and off a few times; I realised that I was disconnecting and reconnecting the mouse cable instead of putting the printer cable in. Luckily, the re-alignment process wasn’t too bad this time; and I only had to use one sheet of paper to do it. 

Coach House Post Horn Pale Ale at the Rising Sun, Redditch

‘Make way, make way, the post is coming! You there, stand aside! Make sure that child doesn’t wander into the road! It’s going at full speed as it should have arrived an hour ago! Jenkins! Open the stable doors and get the lads ready to unload! Tell them they’ll have to finish their tea later!’

As the dust cleared, a thunder of hooves approached attached to four white horses followed by a wooden carriage containing some very frightened and green-faced passengers. The horses shot past the inn; and having clearly missed the entrance to the stables; swung a right at the next junction; its carriage struggling to stay on three wheels. The crowd, bemused by the fact that the driver had missed the entrance; stepped into the entrance of the stable doors.

‘Move move move; he’s coming back’ said the landlord; and sure enough the horses appeared directly in front of the inn. People scattered as the horses started to screech to a halt but came in at the wrong angle; and the rear wheel smashed into the entrance of the stables.

Brains The Reverend James at the Black Lion Royal Hotel, Lampeter

The Black Lion Hotel is in an excellent location on the High Street; though you do get all the action of buses; nightlife and hustle and bustle fed through your window as well. There’s a private car park but the locals can walk through it to access the other areas of the town. The staff are very friendly despite rumours of the hotel closing at the end of the month. The bar is well furnished but there’s not much nostalgia within. The rooms are good value but need some much-needed work which may not come about if the brewery is planning to close the premises. There’s no bedside lighting but there is a phone (who uses these in hotels nowadays); and the main light switch is in the corridor near to the door. The bedside table also gets in the way of the bathroom door. The bathroom itself is very spacious and clean, with a bath and hot shower; though it could be a bit more powerful and have more shelves. There’s tea and coffee available and biscuits; providing you can find some room to plug in the kettle. The staff can be less attentive during breakfast; you may have to make your own space if not staying as a group. But they are very friendly and cheerful and always help when asked.

Phoenix Double Gold at the Rising Sun, Redditch

A phoenix is a bit of a myth in itself. It’s usually a solo bird which renews itself through fire once its life has expired. So how does a double work? Is it proclaiming that a single phoenix only has the ability to be re-born once and that it’s cyclists done, thus making a double stronger? Or does one Phoenix become two? Does it follow the pattern of the mystic Hydra? And how would you know it’s the sane bird? Would it still keep its original characteristics? And would it reproduce like normal birds? Imagine having to look after your own mother after her re-birth. Not that that doesn’t normally happen in life anyway. So is that the re-birth when the offspring becomes the parent then the role is repeated when the offspring is re-born? And what happens if both re-births take place too soon? There could be heaps of trouble. 

Twit Twoo

I’ve been invited to Twoo. I’ve never heard of it until a random stranger invited me through e-mail. At first I thought it was spam so I headed over to Wikipedia to check it out. Turns out it’s a social networking site and it works like Tinder. So rather than give all my information in one go, I jump on the Facebook mobile to set myself up that way. I’m able to add a selection of photos which are rejected by the server twenty minutes later as my face isn’t big enough. It then picks a really ugly one to be my main profile photo; and not my current profile pic. Now I’ve got two likes and I still haven’t found the person who originally invited me. Not that I’m looking for him anyway. And why is it suggesting men when I’ve told it that I’m not looking for them. I need a serious social manager to screen this shit. 

Artemis Fowl and the Opal Deception by Eoin Colfer

Artemis Fowl and the Opal Deception by Eoin Colfer
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

A sequel to a sequel. Life becomes difficult when you struggle to kill one of your character off. Yet all hell can be let loose when you decide to bring them back again. Especially when they’re thirsty for revenge. This is exactly what happens in Colfer’s latest adventure. It’s also good to see that Fowl can play the act of the stubborn teenager as well as a criminal genius. But I felt it a shame that Fowl’s memory recall was done all in one swoop; it would have been much more dramatic if it was pieced together in drips during each chapter. It’s as if Colfer wanted to get that aspect out of the way. But the chase across the abandoned wasteland to re-unite the characters worked very well. And the coup de grace to destroy the villain; while short; was certainly a nice surprise. What was interesting in this edition was that there was no Gnomish translation. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go out into the garden and dig a hole in the ground.

View all my reviews

Electric Blues

We had an electrician come to our house the other day. As I understand it, he was here to turn our fuse box into a circuit board. Initially I thought that he was just popping round for a quote; but apparently he could do the whole job in the same visit. This meant that as well as turning the power off for the day; we also had to figure out where all the sockets were and turn those off as well. When I got back from home; there were lots of timers for me to re-program. He’d also moved a lot of stuff around for no reason. The position of lamps. Headphones perched on top of my TV. And lots of stuff in the garage. We also had to figure out how to re-program the security lights; as well as the microwave. Eventually I gave up; pulled the plug; stayed up until one in the morning then plugged it back in again.

Marstons 61 Deep at Seven Stars, Redditch

Two months have passed between the rebranding of Marstons beers and me spotting the new logos on the bars. It’s very confusing because at first glance you think the licensee’s finally changed the barrel and put a new beer on the bar. I’d probably order it straight away on sight; and only on reflection I’d realise that I’d had this beer before. Others might think that they’ve had a change of ownership or have stopped brewing completely. And they’ve celebrated the throwing away of their heritage by brewing a new beer. This beer has a strange name; and not one that you’d expect from a brewery based in the Midlands. If it was at a seaside town then maybe I’d expect a nautical theme; but apparently the reference is to the number of metres of the depth of the well at the brewery. It’s very nice though, and the tropical fruit balances the bitter taste perfectly.

The quest for a SIM card

I got my new phone. The problem was that I also needed a new SIM card as it took a smaller size than the old one. So as soon as I realised this, I jumped online and had a word with the O2 Gurus, and after a short chat which involved me trying to remember letters from my security password (which I only got when she told me the question), she popped one in the post for me. As it was coming directly from O2, I would have thought that it would have been pre-programmed for me; but this wasn’t the case. To activate the SIM card I had to fill out an on-line form with my mobile number. They then wanted to text me a code to verify my account; which of course I couldn’t do. The only way to get round it was to take the SIM card into a shop and get my identity verified in person. This didn’t take long; and amazingly they were happy to do it even though I didn’t buy the phone from them. And to put the icing on the cake; they made my bill even cheaper instead of removing my discount which I’m technically not supposed to receive any more! Bonza.

Helmsley Honey at Rocklands Social Club, Redditch

Honey isn’t exactly the first thing that springs to mind when you think of beer. It’s more common in mead, but it does work well with some of the stronger beers. It makes you wonder when they add the honey to the brewing process; most people think of an old man adding jars to the wort and giving it a good stir with an extra-long wooden spoon. Some may be a bit more adventurous and think that the bees bring the honey directly to the brewing vat. Or maybe it’s brought over by women with giant swirls of honey upon their heads as the pump clip suggests. But how is it done in reality? Do the honeycombs drip over the vat after being snatched from the hive in the dead of night? Perhaps the hive is placed over the vat itself; causing some very merry bees. But in reality it’s done just after the boil, or in some cases it might be added to the cask before sealing it.

Lego City: Season 1

It’s great to see that the world of Lego has been brought to life in animation form. There’s no speech involved, but you can get the gist of what’s going on by their expressions. There’s not as much mockery in this series compared to some of the other animations out there; though they do make it interesting when their characters experience events that they haven’t planned for. The action mainly focuses on the crooks who seem to be able to break of jail in each episode; though occasionally some of the other emergency services are featured too. We never see the police preventing any new crime or arresting any new suspects; which makes life quite easy in Lego world. In later episodes the scene is set in a faraway land to make way for more disaster; but it still ends up ultimately being a police chase.  It’s worth a look but it can get a bit boring after a while as the music is quite repetitive.

Coach House Brewing Co Duckworth's Delight at Olde Windmill, Gentleshaw

On our outbound journey, we passed through Cannock alongside a pub next to a large windmill. On our return trip, we called in; although it was quite dark by then so there wasn’t much that we could see. The pub has two large houses merged into one with its entrance in the corner. To the right is the popular dining room, which had lots of booths and snug seating and every table was occupied. To the left is a separate bar area with more snugs hidden away; and a large circular table was placed just in front of the main bar; forcing people to queue around it. Further left was a separate smaller bar; and just after that was a small annex hidden with fruit machines. The beer was in good nick and I managed to squeeze in a second half while everyone else were making their preparations to board the bus.

Backward Blackcurrants

Last week I had to trek over the fields to a beer festival. Being a hot day, I took a drink with me but as I wasn’t taking much else I decided to store my drink in my bag instead of my pouch as I wasn’t taking much else and this wouldn’t throw me off balance when leaping over gates and stiles. Low and behold; when I got to my destination I found that my flask had leaked. As well as soaking up my wallet, cash, and letters, it also soaked up my phone. I wasn’t too bothered as I was planning for a new phone anyway; the headphone socket had gone; it wouldn’t go into stand-by mode or turn off; and it became difficult to get any data signal. When I got home I tried drying it out then I put it onto charge. The phone would vibrate but nothing showed on the screen. So don’t bathe your phone in blackcurrant… 

Damn You Autocorrect 2! by Lyndsey Saul

Damn You Autocorrect! 2: More Hilarious Text Messages You Didn't Mean to Send by Lyndsey Saul
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

This book is full of sex and sleaze. Most text errors just have spelling mistakes; but these Americans manage to take it to a whole new level. Granted, there’s no-one actually doing it, but most entries imply that there’s something going on. From time with the family to getting closer with friends; we learn of the general public’s suggestive bad habits and their petite denial to cover their acts. The messages are funnier when you read of the receiver’s reaction rather than the sender’s (sometimes) attempts to correct themselves; though these are also amusing. Sometimes you want to get to see the story behind these texts and the relationships that these people share together but as they’ve anonymously donated them to a website; and hey don’t want people to delve too much into their private lives. It’s a book to make you titter and groan but there’s no real LOL moments. And we can only conclude that Siri is horny.

View all my reviews

In or Out

There’s plenty of ways to make it into Blighty without stowing away. You could simply set sail in a bathtub to Ireland, then make your way across the border. Or why not settle in Ireland? It’s a lot greener and a lot less crowded. And once you’re in Belfast, there’s plenty of places to stake out. People tend to focus too much on the inhumane conditions of the immigrants. But let’s not forget that they chose to run away from their problems rather than deal with them head on. Why not just take shelter in the nearest safe zone? Hell, there may even be an opportunity to re-group and take back your territory. But there’s too much focus on caring and not enough of ensuring that these people can look after themselves. These people are welcome to visit our country but they must not be a hindrance to our everyday lives.

Beer Bingo

It’s eyes down for beer bingo. There are many methods that people use to win this simple game. There’s the humble student who likes to make notes about his opponent. There’s the happy-go-lucky newbie participant who relishes to try something new by pulling the levers in front of her with a supportive crowd behind her. And there’s the secret scorer who memorises the scores and scratches them off in their pockets to ensure that no-one can copy them. We also have a cheater that does exactly that, and let’s hope that no-one notices the giant mirror at the end of the bar. The giant lamps above are primed and ready to suck up any cash as soon as its placed upon the bar. Towards the end of the game, the locals will wander in hoping to scrounge a drink off the winners. But as long as they’ve got somewhere to sit, they’re happy.

Ring Fencing

Our banks have been forced to spend thousands of pounds lately. They’ve had to place funds aside to pay out for personal protection insurance. They’ve had to ensure that there’s funds to cover us customers when their bosses take too big a cut. And they also need to protect themselves against Brexit. That’s why ring-fencing has been set up; to ensure that each part of the business stays separate from each other. In other words, it sounds that there’s even less wealth to go round. But why the banks are sending this information to me is a complete mystery. I suppose it’s honesty; if it’s just described as maintenance work then we’d all be asking what’s improved. But to send out a six-page letter to tell us all about it is just a waste of more money; especially when they’ve e-mailed the document to me as well. But the most frustrating thing of all is that for some reason they’ve decided to print my sort code and account number on the bottom of every page. Why?

Palmer's Poison at the Red Lion, Longdon Green

Deep in the heart of the Staffordshire countryside lies this giant mansion that’s amazingly been turned into a pub. It’s owned by a restaurant group but it’s very welcome to drinkers as well. It’s opposite the village green, but in the dark it feels as if it has its own grounds. There’s a beautiful pillar archway on the doorstep to the pub, and above the window is a stone carving of a red lion. Upon entry, there’s a large variety of lunge seating with coffee tables to nest our drinks upon, while a large restaurant faces the other side of the bar. There’s also oak panelling and traditional tiles. The nibbles are excellent; and the tapas is worth ordering but beware- the sausages are very addictive. I shared two portions and my friend ordered a third for himself. The staff are very welcoming but it’s just missing that bit of history that you hope to find here.