Ant Man

Ant-Man takes us away from the heroic qualities of the Avengers and into the realm of the anti-hero; albeit a tale ridden with potholes. We see a story of a man who tries to live a decent life but is forced back into crime; but actually skirts the moral value because it’s engineered as a test by an old man who sold his company and got a raw deal out of it; mainly a very small house. It’s full of power-hungry people who’ve got more bark than their bite; stating that they could have crushed you ages ago but they’ve taken the humane option. It needs more comic moments with Ant-Man’s powers; the Thomas the Tank Engine scene was great but it was a shame that it was used in the finale of the film. There was only one major fight storyline; and we only got to see the ant army in action once. It’s also strange that an experienced field operative couldn’t figure out how to return from the sub-atomic realm; yet a rookie manages to figure it out in five minutes. The cops were also rookies here’ leaving people in mid-arrest to jump into action when the bigger things happen and they’ve got the suspects right under their noses -why? It’s like handcuffs have suddenly not existed. Don’t pay money to see this; you’ll be disappointed.

Looking dapper

I debated whether I should give my ticket away for the Sunday Christmas ball. I bought the ticket ages ago but I no longer work there. But I’ve left it far too late to sell the ticket on. On Saturday afternoon, I realised that I had to somehow start preparing. I headed downtown and bumped into one of the other guests for the day who was also doing some shopping. After a brief chat, I popped into the local suit shop and managed to rent a suit for the evening. Then it was off to a new hairdresser to get the mop sorted. It was quite quiet for a Saturday afternoon; and although the barber was a bit butch; I managed to get a decent haircut. All that I needed to do was decide on transport; drive up there or get the train. Eventually I decided on the train to give me more time to play on my way up.

How many people does it take to change a light bulb?

Granted, this wasn’t just an ordinary bulb in a house; it was a panel light which was on a strip circuit hung up in a large marquee. If it was me, I would have just left it. It wasn’t affecting the circuit as all the other lights were shining; and there wasn’t anything obstructing the other lights. It would just be a dark patch for the whole space of the four hours that it was required. But it had to be looked at. And this required an audience of four people. Two would have been fine considering the height at which it was raised. But the other two people had to get involved. I know they were only trying to help and suggest ideas; but the two were the trained professionals that should have followed procedure to get the job done and should have followed their protocols in order rather than listen to the other two’s suggestions. And so, I watched as bulb after bulb was taken in and out and swapped; but all they really needed to do was to take the panel away and swap it for a new one. Whose bright idea was this?

Sleep on the Move

It’s very difficult to sleep when you’re on the move. Firstly; you need to put some trust into the person that’s leading you; if it yourself then you’re sure to have some problems. Then you’ve got to get comfortable with your surroundings. Resting your head against the glass of a window is certainly a bad idea; if you hit a pothole or speed bump you’re bound to hurt yourself. There might be an increase of noise or sudden movement; especially if you’ve got an aisle seat and there are other people moving about. The speed at which you’re travelling may suddenly change; forcing you to wake up and take the change in your situation into focus. Hopefully you’ve stopped safely and you’re not forced into a panic. You’ve also got to make sure that you’re not too hot or cold. Maintaining consistency is what’s needed for a good nap; and that’s often hard to achieve. But a few beers should do it.

Wye Valley HPA at the Why Not, Astwood Bank

This pub is just outside of the main village of Astwood Bank; it’s where the traffic is finally released from the deserted road and drivers can really put their feet down. Inside this pub, it’s mainly a food-lovers emporium; with home-cooked food galore. The main lounge is very cosy with a fireplace and few tables set aside for locals who like to be kept near to the bar. The walls are adorned with horseracing memorabilia. The pub then stretches into a formal dining room with plain square tables; and a patio stretches out onto a beer garden with a small play area. In the rear is a parlour bar; a very small chequered tile room which hosts three or four tables shielding the rear wall. There are usually three beers here but don’t expect to cross anything off your beer-ticker list. In recent times it’s had a change of ownership, but retains its cosy atmosphere. 

The Demon Drink

It’s nearly time to go, but there’s one last thing that you must do. You feel a thunder rumbling through your head and you know it’s a good time to stop but you just want more. The master of mischief has crept into your soul. You have to try that new beer before it disappears from your life forever. You’re willing yourself not to but everyone is indulging and you don’t want to miss out. If it causes you to sing and dance all the way home; at least you won’t be alone. The world is spinning as a result of your demonic indulgence and all you can do is sit there grinning like an idiot; overacting the stimulus around you while blocking out anything that isn’t big or loud. And try as you might; there’s no resistance to any silly idea that falls into your over-stimulated brain. Go on, do it. It’ll be a laugh. And you’ll be the soul of the party.

Cyber Terror Comes to Our Door!

This morning we’re under threat of cyber terrorism so I’m having to change the password on our router. After rummaging in various drawers I’ve found some keys for the garden patio door, an old camera, an old mobile phone, and a 256MB flash drive before finding two ethernet cables. I decided to use my Mum’s computer because it’s faster but the connector in the thinner of the two cables got stuck in the port. It didn’t connect and it took quite a bit of prising to get it out again. So I decided to use my computer instead which is older and needs replacing anyway; and also chose the thicker wire. The connection to the internet was instant, but I had to reboot the server before I could access it to change the security settings. It took me about half an hour but it ruined my plans to go swimming that morning. And the daft thing is that we don’t really use that many smart devices. 

The Golden Birdwing!

The quest is on to find the golden birdwing! Somewhere out there is the ticket to the flight of your dreams. Just follow our cryptic clues; and if you find it you’ll win a dream holiday for two with all expenses paid; all you need to do is plan and go. This single golden feather is hiding somewhere in the country; and the race is on! Each day we’ll be releasing a cryptic clue as to its location.

Hotels are reporting a mass overbooking in Worcestershire as desperate holiday makers flood in to seek out this grand prize. Locals have spotted people bringing in trucks; metal detectors and back seats piled with spades, buckets, maps and laptops as they to keep their ears to the ground to find this luxury prize. The atmosphere here is a quiet and solemn one albeit overcrowded as these visitors are just wandering around deciding what part of the world they should try and dig up next.

Wheely Bad!

Aren’t wheelchairs pricey?! I ordered one from Argos then read the paper the next day and found out that I could have got one for half the price through the classifieds. But the one that we have got is OK. It’s only got small plastic wheels; and it’s designed for getting people in and out of cars and into buildings rather than taking them for a long stroll outdoors. It folds up well and the back just raises up and snaps into place but there’s supposed to be a way to raise and lower the footrests to adjust the seat. It’s also fairly heavy for a lightweight chair with just a canvas for support; but it’s fairly sturdy to lean on. It’s also supposed to come with a cover; but we’re not sure whether it’s missing or optional. The instructions are quite vague. It does the job but if you have the time do try e-Bay or your local newspaper.

Idle Earth Honey Dragon at the Old Oak Inn, Horsley Woodhouse

As soon as we arrived at the pub, everyone carried straight past the bar and into the back room. Not wanting to miss an opportunity, I ordered a half at the bar for a good look around. A horseshoe bar served a front room and a second to the right, and there was also a hatch out the back. There was also a smaller room to the left that served as an event room. I then headed over to catch up with everyone and discovered a second bar in the back room. This bar was well decorated and was in the middle of a beer festival. Each table was delicately decorated with stained glass and had a different game to play on it. We started on a game of snakes and ladders on ours but we got too distracted with trying out the beers. The young barmaid insisted that we stood behind the bar to have our picture taken as well.

Pledge for Pubs!

So we’ve had a flash election and the Conservatives are literally hanging on the edge of their seats to stay in power. Just before we voted; thousands of CAMRA members across the country wrote to their MP asking them to make pledges for pubs; which involved representing the interests of pub-goers; supporting action to make pubs thrive; and help to promote Britain’s breweries. A total of 773 candidates took the pledge; and of these 130 people were elected! Unfortunately, none of these MPs reside in the Worcestershire area so we have a real fight on our hands to protect our pubs over the next few years.  

CAMRA’s next step is to call for a further reduction in business rates for pubs, and to extend this to £5,000 a year per pub. The campaign is also calling a freeze in beer duty during the next parliament and is keeping Britain’s beer and pub sector at the front of people’s minds when facing Brexit negotiations.

CAMRA’s National Chairman Colin Valentine says: ‘Pubs are a force for good in local communities. They provide employment and support the economy and the local community while raising funds for local charities. As publicans are forced to put up prices; it is the consumer who finds it increasingly difficult to support them which ultimately puts the pub out of business. With1 in 5 MPs promising to back the pub trade, we hope those elected will come together to become a powerful voice for pub-goers’. 

Dancing Ducks

Cone on one and all and see dancing ducks live at the Bedlam Bar. You may not be a fan of folk music but here in our barn our lively entertainment is sure to get your toe tapping. Alongside a great selection of beer, wine and cider, our ducks dance nightly with their wondering waddle; all trained by the master of mayhem Colonel Q. You can also help Mama Duck feed her family and help dress the ducks in seasonal costume and help train the ducklings. They’ll dance to anything – wedding marches; the latest pop; pretty much anything the band can play. Each duck has its own entrance song and its own themed beverage for you to try. Stay till midnight and the ducks will dance with you in the last song of the evening. But you best behave yourself in there or they’ll peck your eyes out. It’ll drive you quackers. 

Memories of Dad

It’s strange to have to reflect upon a man who’s spent most of his life telling you off. A man who’s been worn down by practically anything; and just wants to have a nice kip on the sofa. In between he’s found time to head off fishing; perfect his snooker game, and pop out for the odd walk; but for now he just wants to relax. It used to be a lot different when we were younger; always encouraging the family days out and wanting to explore as much as possible. And when we were out he was never shy to strike up a conversation; which is why many people found him as a gentleman. But in the meantime, there was a lot of moaning and groaning from a man who just wanted peace and quiet without guidance to others; and a willingness to get the job done.  So now it’s down to me.

Good Santa

Amongst the many characters that we do get on our beer crew is a strange man with white hair and beard who always wears red. Whether it’s the summer or winter; it’ll always be a red T-shirt, jumper or jacket. He drives a red car. And his wife has red hair. Yet, despite the amount of beer that he drinks; he never gets a beer belly. He’s incredibly active; and he’s usually the first to stray off the beaten track in search of other venues. Often we have to send out a search party to get him back; but he’s never lost; he just has a different sense of time. He resides in a small village between Worcestershire and Warwickshire; and I wonder if he keeps reindeer in his back garden; and how many mince pies are in his pantry. And he’s the first in line to eat the Santa pies at Christmas; perhaps his costume starts there. 

Funeral Fun

Organising a funeral can be a difficult time for anyone but I do think that some people aren’t taking into account the feelings of others. What you have to remember is that it’s not just what you want; it’s what the other mourners want as well. Personally I feel that some more family flowers should be allowed given the anticipation of high attendance; but you also have to respect other people’s feelings and of course the budget. I was allowed to select the coffin but there was a limited choice given the time allowed which I also felt was rushed; but it was being organised to accommodate someone’s holiday plans. I felt the choice of venue for the venue for the wake was poor considering the highly anticipated attendance; but what I’m most upset about is the photographs. I selected a great cross-section of photographs to put onto a digital photo frame but then they got screened and cut. But there’s more than one mourner here.

Shiny Wrench at the Black Bull's Head, Openwoodgate

I love the Shiny beers. They’re novel, they taste great, and I’ve been to the pub that they’re brewed in. So it was a tasty delight when I entered the Black Bull’s Head to find it at the bar. This pub has traditional wooden seating in the lounge which overlooks the road; though the glass is filled in so you can’t see through the bay windows. The bar is horse-shoe shaped which means it serves the small parlour in the locals room too. Outside, there’s a small courtyard with more seating which serves as a smoking area. But behind there is a barn with a secret bar inside; the Bedlam Bar! This bar hosts a beer festival in itself; up to eight beers were racked in this small room which we all struggled to get inside and get seated. This room also has a traditional log fire but just remember to shut the door after you.

Yippee-Ki-Yay!

This was the film that started it all; a simple tale of seasonal goodwill which just happened to have the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time. Looking back, you’ll see some very familiar faces from appearances to come. And this feature is just the right length with a perfect storyline that’s not too far-fetched. There’s a great sense of the New Yorker in all characters here; from receptionist to the police despatch; they all convey a sense of a leave me alone attitude and ‘How can I use the situation to benefit me?’ Why get someone to thumb through a directory to find out what floor they need when there’s only one floor occupied? The stunts and fight scenes are very novel considering the limited amount of room available; which what makes this film such a hit; no-one else could conceive such a situation at the time. But there’s a bit too much blood in the bathroom scene; but then it’s a good day to live hard.

Elite Beer: Nadine and Roger

Birmingham’s favourite drinking couple pop up in the random of places; but if there’s venue that’s bound to put some great beer on then they’re bound to show up. Residing in the outskirts of Birmingham gives them great opportunities to get away and explore; and having access to car, bus, and rail gives them endless access to the West Midlands. Nadine is the southerner of the two; working in the south; but knows the city quite well. Roger is the joker and; although divorced; is one of the happy lads who is always willing to stir things up but never takes it too far. I wonder when they’ll tie the knot. They’ll always make time to share their adventures and attend as many events as possible; but their favourite thing in the world is to explore new pubs at decent prices alongside an excellent range of pub snacks following a good breakfast to start them off.

Russell Howard at the Genting Arena, Birmingahm

I hadn’t been to any gigs for a while and this was one gig I was really looking forward to; albeit it being on the larger scale of things. It was a bit of a disappointing start as my friend let me down on the day and car parking was an extra £10. Then when I got inside, the queue for the bar was huge. Then after I’d bought my overpriced souvenir keyring; I kicked myself as the bars nearest to the seating area were much quieter. Still, I wasn’t at the front so I knew that I wasn’t going to get picked on. The support act was great; though no-one knew that a support act was playing or how long the interval was before the main act started. When Russel came on, he looked a bit beefed up; evidently, he’d been at the gym in preparation for his tour. Then after the show; when we’d all attempted to cross a busy exit road because the arena staff had decided to close the footbridge, all I had to do was find my car. I ended up at the airport.

Shardlow Golden Eye at the Blue Bell, Melbourne

Our next stop was in Melbourne; the Derbyshire equivalent; and we’d had a bit of negotiating with the local traffic and a bit of jeering when it came to finding a space to let us through the narrow lane. But we found the pub just as it was opening; although by the time we’d got inside and got served, there was a local following in the pub’s lounge who’d already hogged the pool table and the lounge seating. But at least their tree was up. The pub had quite a nice terraced garden which overlooked the road but we stayed in the benched bar and I tried the locally brewed Shardlow Golden Eye. Unfortunately it tasted quite metallic; and when we were faced with the dilemma of a walk up the road or a wait for a lift, I opted for the walk to stretch my legs and give me more time at the next pub.

Minions

I love the minions! They’re funny; they’re yellow; and they seem to be strangely indestructible since they’ve never died. They’re also thousands of years old; yet they never seem to act their age. All they want to do is to find the best villain to follow and have a good time in the process. But rather than approach one villain; they could have spanned this film out into a much longer series; looking at different aspects of history along the way. But never mind; it’s a kid’s film so it’s not allowed to be educational. Instead we follow a star-studded voice cast; each of which has very little screen time. What’s also lacking is a minion translation class. But we still have a fun time; and it’s great to see a film of international repute base itself in England; alongside a theme of mad chases; plots and chaos galore. A sequel is planned but I would prefer another prequel. 

Reale Good Refreshment!

If you need a place to spend your loot then come on down and try the Boot.

Their food and ales are very fair and they’re worth seeking out anywhere.

If you’ve started out feel cold and bitter, their session beer will have you in a titter.

This house beer gives a nice warm glow and keeps you warm even in the snow.

The Clod Hopper fills your boots but not with mud or damp or soot.

Instead it’s got hops and yeast to put a smile on your face at least.

For those of us who’ve had enough why not try a beer from Tuff?

His dark beer suits the very old and keeps their cockles from the cold.

If you’ve reached the cross you haven’t got far so you’re better off coming back to the bar.

And for the locals there’s a beer for that so come on down from Sun through Sat.

Ask the Experts

Every year we get requests from different groups asking for us to run their beer festival. It’s harder than they think for us than for them. Obviously, they’re in a better picture to know their own clientele; know what’s going on around them and know who’s likely to come. What they don’t ask themselves is why they are running it. Is it to raise funds, get people together, or is it to showcase what’s on in the local area? And asking us to help them is a whole other level when it comes to health and safety? Where will the equipment come from? Who will be responsible for what? There’s probably more regulations for us to follow than them. What we always suggest is for someone to join our organising team to learn what we do with our planning and logistics so that they can earn some experience and decide for themselves where their resources will be sourced.

The Colonial Bar

A local landlord who gets some strange ideas into his head has decided to take on a pub closer to the town centre. For some reason, he’s decided to rename it the Colonial Bar. Fair enough; that’s up to him. The pub has always been in the centre of the Midlands and has never associated itself with any type of exploratory or naval history; and he would be better off keeping that kind of theme in his current pub as it’s closer to the canal. But how he has associated luxury dining with colonial times is beyond me. You want pilgrims in hats and captains of the British Empire looking for a table to lay out their maps. These people look like they’re getting ready for dinner for an evening cruise or are on their way to a jazz club. The artwork actually fits the new premises as you can picture the stained-glass windows in the pub. The name however, does not. 

My Neighbour Gollum #dreamdiary31

My neighbour next door lives in a hut. It’s not really a house; just a bunch of sticks constructed into a shelter on a piece of grass. His garden consists of discarded tins, papers, and rotting food, all of which is randomly dotted around the overgrown lawn. As you hang on the edge debating with yourself as to whether to set foot on his turf to persuade him to tidy up a bit; you get a sense of something present watching you inside the hut. A small steady burst of steam is streaming up into the sky; and you can smell plastic fumes filtering out into the neighbourhood. There seems to be a lot of movement around the hut; and it’s hard to say whether it’s some rodent come to investigate this new intruder or the man himself. Finally he rises, wearing only a loin cloth, and stares at you with large unblinking eyes.

Boot Repton Cross at the Boot, Repton

We pull into the sleepy village of Repton in Derbyshire and invade the first pub we see. It’s on a narrow road, and at the same time traffic is trying to overtake our bus so it’s a stagnated entry. But once we’re inside, we find ourselves in a modern pub with a shoehorse bar. We begin to crowd ourselves around large high tables which have easy access to the bar, and begin deciding which of the five ales on sale that we’re going to try first. All the ales are brewed on-site; though the brewery is closed today so all we can do is see the vats by peering through a window in a barn outside the pub. The young and attractive bar staff are eager to please us and they certainly know their way around the hand pumps. The beers are well-kept and are very refreshing. I tried their Repton Cross which was a session beer and an IPA.

Cloud Eight

If you’ve completed the seven steps to heaven and you’re trying to reach a state of euphoria on cloud nine; then there’s just one more gateway that you need to pass; the pearly gates. But those of us who work there call it by another name: Cloud Eight. We decide who gets admitted; who deserves eternal rest; who deserves to be sent into the pit of fire and who should be sent back for another spell. We have to assess each individual’s achievements and decide who needs more coaching; who has benefitted from their experience and who deserves a rest. It’s ultimately up to St. Peter to decide who should be admitted; and if you haven’t proved yourself worthy then you have to state your case to The Lord. So it’s up to the rest of us to check that all their paperwork is in order; or in disorder if there’s no chance of forgiveness. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it!

Green Jack Lurcher at the Rising Sun, Redditch

Lurch had been left, well, in the lurch. The man who’d been feeding him scraps for the past week had gone indoors; leaving Lurch out in the rain. He’d decided to stay outside as he didn’t want to lose track of the man; but it was also raining and there was nowhere for him to take shelter. He’d tried burrowing underneath a dumpster but he couldn’t stand the smell that protruded from above him. And so he’d taken to aimlessly wander in circles; occasionally stopping to sniff at a passer-by in the hope that they would give him some food. All the humans seemed very busy darting about in their trench coats and umbrellas carrying various bags; probably to find some sort of shelter. But Lurcher had nowhere to go, just like the man who was feeding him. Where was he anyway? It started to get colder and colder and the wind picked up. Then a gate swung open beside the pub as someone dashed out into the abyss. Lurcher creeped forward, hoping to find somewhere dry for the night. 

The Goofy Guy #dreamdiary30

I’ve just finished assembling my display for the big showcase. It’s a beautiful sunny day and everything is built up, polished and ready to go in the nick of time. The crowd are milling around waiting for the event to open. And there in the front row is the Goofy Guy. I don't want to discriminate against people, but from first glance I know that something's going to go very wrong as soon as he approaches the velvet robe. There's no air of misdemeanour about him, instead he displays a simple expression of curiosity. But one single touch will mean instant catastrophe. I'm begging for him to not come over before the judges start their rounds but there's no stopping his thought process. I can hear the calamity getting closer and closer with each footstep. There's a pause as he takes out his guidebook to examine what is in front of him. Perhaps I should go up and strike a conversation and put myself between harm’s way? Too late.

Decanter Decanted

I was a bit disappointed with my first visit to Bromsgrove’s newest high street independent off-licence; or so it seemed at the time of my visit. There were racks rather than stacks which made a pleasant change for an off-licence, but it was more of a showcase than a shopping experience. While the displays looked very nice; there was very little in the way of choice with only one whole bay dedicated to the good stuff. Just opposite, there was a huge range of bottled cider of both fruit and concentrate varieties; and beyond that was a section of glassware and upmarket children’s drinks. The front of the shop was dedicated to displaying unusual spirits in attractive bottles. The shop’s manager was quite pleasant to chat to but she did leave the front for an alarming amount of time; time enough for anyone to make a quick getaway. I’m also under the impression that she’s a franchisee of an off-licence chain. I wish them well but I do hope that they get some beers in from further afield.