NYE18

After recovering from a cold and spending a day in isolation, I really wanted to do something for New Years’ Eve to see off this terrible year. I was due in at work the day after; but it wold be a quiet day as most people would spend it curled up recovering. I’d invited some friends over with a plan to drink a few beers and play a few hands of cards; and also discuss some plans to have a holiday away somewhere. But not one of them got in touch. And no well wished text messages either. Luckily, I’d got a spiced winter beer that I hadn’t drunk over the festive season and cracked that open and put a pizza into the oven. I then had two options; stay in and try and catch up on everything; or play out an old computer game. I figured that if everyone else could put everything on hold to go and enjoy themselves then I could too. And maybe in the next year I could look for some better friends… 

Dashing like a Mad Squirrel (De La Creme) to the Nag's Head, Reading

Our next official pub on our tour was the Nag’s Head. Some of our group had chosen to get a head start on this so that they could do some other pubs on the way; which including the excellent sounding Purple Turtle. Unfortunately, the pub was closed for a music function and it wasn’t worth buying a ticket for the length of time that we were going to be there for. I’d elected to stay on with the oldies and get a lift on the bus; but we’d been waiting outside for a while. I got bored and decided to make my own way there and catch up with the young ones and get some fresh air on the way; as it was only a kilometre on the way. I staggered through a shopping centre with my phone out trying to work out the best route on foot. Amazingly, I arrived at the Nag’s Head pub to find that I was the first one there.  

Oh No You Didn't...

One of Britain’s great traditions during the festive season is to go and see a festive panto; somewhere where all the locals get together to see men dressed up in drag acting out traditional fairy stories. So we decided to take my five year old niece along to see just that. I had to book tickets in October and they were on the dear side as it was a premium showing; but our seats were quite close to the stage. The show was Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs; and it starred some bloke who won one of Simon Cowell’s talent competitions some years ago alongside someone from Emmerdale. But the real star of the show was Dave Benson Philips from TV’s Playbus who was a real treat to see and kept the show running. It was quite a long and drawn out show and there could have been more interaction with the audience. I’m also wondering as to why the dwarves all had Liverpudlian accents. But it made for a nice afternoon out on a bank holiday afternoon which would normally involve me either being at work or at home playing video games.

Graffiti Ghetto

‘We’ve been waiting all day for this drop. All day. You sure we’re at the right table boss?’

‘Aye, I’m sure. There’s no other place with our initials carved into the walls.’

‘What about another pub? Is there some other establishment with the same name?’

‘Nope, it’s got to be here. Ain’t no other places around that have this sort of tat.’

‘Well, I’m off for another beer. Am I getting another round in?’

‘Aren’t you supposed to be driving for this job?’

‘I’m driving if he shows which I know he ain’t.’

‘How so?’

‘Well, we’ve been here since three. We’re gonna want more money for each quarter he don’t show, and it’s been an hour and a half. There’s no profit in it for him.’

‘How do you know he ain’t here already?’

‘Cos the pub’s getting busier and busier and this ain’t the kind of business that you want overheard.

‘Well, we’ll wait another half hour then go to Curly Moe’s for a slice.’

Return of the Plague of the Pringles

So on I battled, but I still had this bug lodged in the back of my throat. In the past I’ve traditionally been much worse at Christmas and often I just want to sit and rest. But on I carried; right through to Boxing Day; though I opted out of going for a drink with my friends on Christmas Eve Eve as I had a late finish at work and an early start the next day. At one point I wondered if I’d got a bit of Pringle stuck inside my throat, and I could even taste bacon at times. But then on Boxing Day evening after eating some leftover bubble & squeak, my two-year-old niece decided to spew. She didn’t have much to eat; but she might have had a bit of sugar while we were at the panto. So we cleared her up the best we could and I volunteered to scrub the dishes. The next morning, I did not feel well at all. I’d only had one beer the night before but I was struggling to keep my spew down. I knew that if I made a slow move I’d make it; or at least get off the bed; but my legs were locked and I couldn’t bring myself to move until it was too late. Then it was bed rest and dizziness for the rest of the day; leaving my old dear to scrub up while I drifted in and out of consciousness.

Weltons Kaffee Dunkel at the Alehouse, Reading

There was quite a crowd outside this pub as people were making as much use of the sunshine as possible. Its interior looks small but attractive but not of anything particularly noteworthy; perhaps somewhere that’s stood the test of time for shoppers to call in on their way home, but inside it’s much more old-fashioned. The pub’s been stripped back to its bare floorboard minimum, while beers of every kind grace the bar. The main room hosts just a few tables and a rest bar opposite the window for people to sit and watch the world go by, while upstairs there’s a few wooden booths either side of a corridor area en route to the toilets. These are perfect for people to hide away in and talk amongst themselves, but it’s not very well maintained for comfort. In fact, this isn’t one of the world’s prettiest pubs to be in; but the main attraction is the beer which is in excellent condition and is as quirky and unusual as the pub itself. 

False Surrender

‘Sir, all the gates have been secured and the watchtowers still stand, but the enemy has now surrounded us. The city cannot receive any supplies.’

‘How long can the city last without replenishment?’

‘About five days sir.’

‘Is there any chance of creating an access tunnel?’

‘Sir we could try but there’s every chance we’ll be spotted when we emerge.’

‘Very well, perhaps we should consider a surrender.’

‘But sir, all our livelihood is here.’

‘Yes, but our lives are more important than our livelihood. And let’s not forget that this is a vast empire. On the downside, we’d be occupied and we’d be forced to obey their will. But let’s not forget that this is a vast army. Once we’ve surrendered they may well march onto another territory, leaving a much smaller force for us to overpower.’

‘Sir?’

‘Get all our finest troops underground. Ensure they are well stocked and well hidden. Then we’ll prepare to surrender.’ 

Pubs Galore

I felt a slight tinge of annoyance on one of our pub trips that someone was promoting a rival website to our own club site. Both sites promote pubs but ours is the club’s one which also assists local members in selecting their pubs for future competitions and encourages other people to join our club to help promote their own pubs. Of course, finding the pub is one thing, but deciding whether if it’s any good or not is another thing altogether. And that’s why googling the pub can sometimes be easier; as reviews are a lot more accessible and you get results from a selection of websites. There’s a lot of choice for websites which offer reviews and our site isn’t one of them; as it encourages people to visit anyway and find out for themselves. But in a world where every pound is precious; a bit of foreknowledge can be very handy when deciding where you should shell out for a pint.

The Reaction Faction

"Life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent of how I react to it." -Charles Swindoll.

From what I can gather, Swindoll is a Christian evangelical preacher with many publications to his name. I wonder how many of his events or publications got rejected or postponed; and how he reacted to those? Did he just put his feet up and say; ‘Oh well; the next one will be better?’ And are there more events than reactions; or do we react to every event and are just ignorant for most of them? Do we blame world hunger on someone else and decide that it’s not our problem? In most cases; yes, because we have our own events to react to. But there’s a certain school of thinking that’s saying that you’re waiting for things to happen rather than making them happen. You don’t make your plans but you react to other people’s plans. And if you feel that life’s passing you by, then perhaps Swindoll is someone that you should probably stay away from.

Butts Barbus Barbus at the Rowbarge, Woolhampton

Being a rare sunny day, this canal-side pub was extremely busy and it was difficult to queue at the bar just to get a half in while lunch orders were being taken. The pub itself was a large extended seventeenth-century cottage with ample snugs at the front and a restaurant area at the back facing the canal. The facilities were all up a small wooden staircase and you had to queue in the corridor to wait your turn to use the converted bathroom. Outside there were many, many picnic tables filled with large groups of people sifting through menus. There was also a barbecue area but the wait was at least half an hour and fries were an extra four quid. Not many of our group decided to take them up on it. Most of our party who had decided to camp here were grumbling about the wait at the bar and the food prices. There were certainly no latecomers when it was time to re-board the bus. An interesting beer range but you best pick a quieter day to fully experience the pub itself.

Surprise Shirts

While we were in the pub one night I had a brainwave on what to get one of my friends for Christmas. When we’re out on a beer trip we always wear some kind of beery shirt; but my lager-drinking friend hasn’t got one. He’d love it and he can rub in his lager shirt whenever we’re wearing our ale shirts; and I thought that loads of people must be selling them cheaply on e-Bay as they would have been given out as promotional pub prizes. After scouring the internet I found just one auction. I couldn’t even find an online shop from the brewery selling them; although now that I think about it it would have probably have been easier to choose a different lager. The size described was L/XL. What does that mean? I needed the shirt to be on the XL side so I e-mailed the seller and she opened up the packet and told me the collar size. Apparently it’s on the small size but she’s got her fiver and I can’t return it, but you’d had thought there would be more of a market around for a major well-known British lager brewer.

Sharp's Atlantic at the Angel, Woolhampton

The wait for lunch was a lengthy one, so we decided to walk into the village and try one of the pubs there. This meant that we had to cross the canal and walk back towards the railway crossing and wait for the next train to pass. I was tempted to just cross the canal but we were a long way from home if things went wrong. This pub was mainly food-based and was very quiet; probably because everyone was at the pub by the canal just down the road. The restaurant looked nice but the pub’s bricked exterior didn’t do anything for it; although it was very enjoyable sitting on the front outside terrace watching village life pass us by. Once we’d finished our drinks we left the pub and headed back to the railway crossing and try the official pub stop. Overall, that crossing held us up a total of four times that day, as the coach had to pass through it twice as well.

Plague of the Pringles

Like many people; I enjoy a late-night snack. My latest fancy is Tesco’s Chipz which is a cheaper version of Pringles. They’re the same shape but they come in a lot less flavours but they’re also cheaper which is why they’re so popular. And just like Pringles, you can’t stop once you pop. A few days before my Pringle-fest I did a smaller supermarket shop on my own to pick up a few Christmas presents; and restocked the cupboard with Chips but I also got some genuine bacon-flavoured Pringles to stash under my bed since they were on offer. And on the evening in question I’d been out for some beers and had a good scoff in bed upon my return. On the following morning I felt dreadful and didn’t have any energy whatsoever. I forced myself up as I had to be dragged through another weekly supermarket shop and nearly passed out. I was gagging for water when we returned and had to go for a lie down but was forced out to another expedition to take my mother to visit some else’s sickbed. A mediocre coffee had little effect; and neither did water or an afternoon nap. I didn’t have any energy in my legs whatsoever. But somehow I pulled through and made it into work the next day.

Daleside G & P at the King Charles Tavern. Newbury

This was the second pub that we were visiting as part of a series around Berkshire, and our first stop was in Newbury. I’d only been to Newbury once before where I spent the day dressed as a clown on the high street collecting money for charity. That was a very slow day with very slow traffic; and I’d positioned myself at the end of a street where bollards would be raised and lowered to let buses through. Apart from passing the Vodafone headquarters on the way into the village; nothing looked familiar. This pub was on a street corner which allowed it to maximise its size; and several locals were calling in en route to the beer festival at the local racecourse. It was a square bar which was smartly done up with 4 handpumps on its main counter and two on the side. Gin in a Porter made for a very interesting beer; but it was quite flavoursome.

Chasing Cars #dreamdiary46

I’m playing a board game with my Dad. It’s a racing game and it’s based on the Disney film Cars which I still haven’t seen. There’s three tracks and each track is made of plastic and our cardboard cars ride on top of these tracks. There’s also some kind of clever sensor in the tracks as when you roll the dice the cars move by themselves. This could make for a very interesting game since there’s only three tracks and it caters for up to six players. But in this particular race there’s just the two of us. We’re coming to the end of our first lap; and my car has just negotiated a chicane and it’s climbing a hill, and I land on a yellow square that says POW! I don’t know whether I’ve crashed or landed on a power-up square, but we’re both puzzled. I hunt around the box trying to find the rules but they’re nowhere to be found.

White and Black

Bluebells offer the perfect cover for us to vanish during the light of day. The flowers attract so much light that they actually give off a hazy fog which also creates blackspots in between the bluebell clusters. This gives us the perfect opportunity to hide during the day. Of course, it’s hopeless if you want to go anywhere as you’d have to move into the light and you’d instantly be spotted; it also makes scouting out the area rather difficult as you can’t see the haze yourself. But if you just want a place to relax in and spend the day recharging, then it’s perfect so long as you have enough supplies to see yourself through. And no-one will stumble upon you by chance as they won’t want to disturb the beauty of the bluebells. You just need to make sure that you’re in position by sunrise to ensure your protection.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Hassars! The next chapter of Star Wars is finally here, as a new generation of cinema-goers are introduced to spaceships and lightsabers. And it starts off very well. There’s some great X-wing scenes and even some modern-day humour as Poe puts the empire on hold as he stalls for time. But from there the fun deteriorates rapidly. The action somehow becomes a series of lectures about the force narrated by Professor Skywalker; who himself is a bit of a miser. And instead of leaving Princess Leia to die peacefully and gracefully with her fellow rebels, she’s miraculously brought back to life through some sort of Jedi reflex. And the lightsaber scenes are pitifully sloppy compared to the beautifully choreographed battles in the earlier films. BB8 seems to be the only worthwhile hero; while Chewy, CP3O and R2-D2 are solely there to make a cameo appearance because it is a Star Wars film. We’d have also liked to have learnt about Snorke and how he came to power; but perhaps there’s a chance for him to have a backstory in the upcoming Han Solo movie.

The Bitches of Wirehill

Jim was lost. He’d seen a boar and gave chase through the woods; but he was too noisy and the beast was too quick; it had seen him the moment he decided to move towards it and had charged off into the undergrowth. Now he’d come off the trail and he couldn’t find his way back. Darkness had fallen and he was struggling to make out the difference in the ground between stream and undergrowth. In the distance a fog had crept in and he could also hear voices. Perhaps his family had ventured out to look for him; concerned that he hadn’t returned before sunset. As he got closer he noticed that the fog was actually steam, and the voices were of three hooded elderly women. They seemed to be stirring a cauldron of some kind. Bitches! As he turned to go back, his foot fell onto a twig which snapped.

‘Well hello sonny.’

A Hair-raising Time

Mum’s hair brush thing is a bit faulty. It still works but one of the catches that holds the brush to the handle has come off and you have to hold it together while you use it. So because I bought it from my shop using my discount, it’s up to me to sort it out. It’s not technically faulty and I did wonder if she dropped it and broke the catch but it was out of the shop’s guarantee, so I had to call the manufacturer. So one Friday morning I made the call and thought I’d be put on hold to various departments only to be told to take it into the shop anyway. But I got straight through to a woman who asked me some questions then e-mailed me a label and asked me to post it off. The good news was that the postage was free, but I was sure that they’d just take one look at it and say it’s not their fault and send the thing back. I was wrong. Instead, we got a brand-new replacement of a completely different model.

Bluebell Walk

Mum needed a lot of support while Dad was undergoing dialysis; and although she wanted to go on the walking group; it would mean putting herself on show a bit. Dad wanted her to go, and being as I had the day off work I decided to go with her. Today’s walk was through Wirehill Woods; a strange name since it was a good two miles from Wirehill, and it also backs onto Rough Hill Woods and climbs the ridge onto Studley Common.  Nevertheless; if it’s somewhere new then I’m happy to explore it! There was a sign outside erected by the council stating that the site was an area of archeological interest; and it’s easy to see why as you climb the hill. It’s full of bluebells. May is the best month to see them and this wood is so full of them that they give off a natural foggy haze. They just wrap themselves around the trunk of every felled tree and take over. 

Ghostfusters Assemble #ghostfusters2

‘I call to order the January meeting of the Redditch Rouges. Is the secretary present?’

‘NO.’

‘Where’s Phil?’

‘He could be giving that new barmaid at the Rising Sun a good haunt.’

‘HEE HEH’

‘Why do we have to meet in these dusty old offices anyway? Can’t we just meet in the pub?’

‘No, the daywalkers are onto us; they have cameras now. Even these offices have security cameras so we have to vary our meetings to avoid detection. Ah, here’s Phil.’

‘Sorry I’m late everyone; I thought we were meeting at Beech House. I got there early and it was only when I got the minutes out that I remembered that we were meeting here.’

‘Very well, let us begin. Are there any apologies? And is everyone happy with the accuracy of the minutes of the last meeting? Terry, how are you getting on with keeping temps out of the Old Forge Mill?’

‘It’s business as usual boss but are you sure we’re taking the right approach? Every act of vandalism just causes the building to be abandoned and eventually the people’ll get tired of trying and they’ll just knock it down.’

Ghostfusters #ghostfusters1

While doing some research on Wirehill Woods; I came across a spooky video of a ghost entering an old social club. We see a door open, hear some movement (possibly footsteps) and see a chair move. Now what could be the cause of this? Could there actually be ghosts? Is someone out to catch them? Or is it staged with very fine wire which is why there’s a camera present in the first place? Or is there a natural creature which has a stealth ability and hasn’t as yet been seen by humans? Perhaps these humans are sworn to secrecy and live as a covert society; controlling or directing the future of mankind? Or maybe it’s some kind of super-evolved cat; in which case we’re all doomed. The final moments of the video shows the camera panning down before fading off. Has someone stopped the video and is putting their equipment away, or has the camera been knocked to the ground as it doesn’t want its presence recorded? 

Banks's Sunbeam at the Hopwood House, Hopwood

This pub is nestled in the beautiful Worcestershire countryside in a green belt section between Redditch and the outskirts of Birmingham. It’s directly alongside a canal which has a towpath for pedestrians, though the major link road that runs outside keeps the pub very busy. The pub’s built on a hill which gives s very steep climb up the steps from the pub’s car park, or you can avoid this by climbing the hill up the road and entering the pub through its traditional porch entrance on the other side. There’s a large variety of tables to suit all groups from couples who fancy a quiet meal in the corner to a family meal and there’s even bigger sections for those who want to make a night of it. Towards the bar area there’s two large snugs for. Ore groups; and just round the side of the bar is a space reserved for drinkers to meet up. 

Webheath Wanderers

My folks are part of a walking group called the Webheath Wanderers. They roam back and forth across town once a week as part of a council-led get fit scheme. The walk would typically end at the village hall where they were served tea or coffee. Due to a council budget cut; they started to ask for weekly subs to keep the group going which would cover public liability insurance. A lot of the group weren’t keen with this so they decided to form their own group and cut out the middle man.  The walk now finishes at the local pub, and if it’s the first of the month they go for a meal as well; which is the day my Dad would join them.  There’s been some strange policies from this pub in recent months; from not having enough mugs to turning down a whole host of diners because of a bingo group; even though there’s a bar as a separate room. They now go to a different pub for their meal.

Pup Pains #dreamdiary45

I’m on my way back from a long country walk to my camp site. Along the way I’ve adopted three beautiful puppies from a farmer. The last stretch of the walk is through a bridle path that runs alongside the main road, and the entrance to the site is in the middle. On the other side of the path is a line of fences which backs onto people’s gardens. One of these fences has many holes in the wood panelling; and a German Alsatian is sticking its nose through it protecting its territory. Naturally, the puppies are frightened and scatter in all directions. The owner of the Alsatian comes out to see what all the noise is about; and the puppies slowly congregate at my feet. One of them has lost his fur and is completely bare. I open my satchel to take some notes and get the owner’s address, but my pad is covered in dog shit; and further small pellets of poop come out of one of the other puppies. This is not a good breed to adopt.

The Waiting Game

While we were waiting for results; we had to call the doctor out twice as my Dad was too fragile to visit the surgery. The doctor took a while to attend as he had to make a number of other calls but when he arrived he too was fragile and had to be helped out of the car. He also couldn’t make it up the stairs so Dad had to journey down to him. Not much was decided other than to be referred to a specialist at the University of Birmingham’s hospital where some further observations would be done and to decide whether dialysis was required and how often. The problem then was waiting for a bed; and all we could do was wait for a phone call from the hospital to tell us when to go. Unfortunately, the day we got the call was the day that I was stuck at work and I’d left my mobile in my bag, so I wasn’t initially available to drive him up. When Mum did hold of me through the work phone I fled home to find my brother was just getting ready to go; but they opted for me to drive still. We got there just after 8 which was unfortunately when the ward closed; but after visiting the admissions desk downstairs we got them to open up for us.

Sometimes it's Better not to Try

It may sound cruel, but we love to see others fail. And with so many video cameras out there today ready to record our follies; you can get a great entertainment feature going with enough camera clips. Jeremy Beadle’s You’ve Been Framed is still going; although the studio audience and interviews with the stars has long been replaced by Harry Hill and hilarious commentary. Even Channel 4’s got in on the act with a series of clips from the internet. And now the latest channel has arrived on YouTube; the Fail Army. These people scour the net to gather the best clips; poaching and sourcing wherever they can and encourage as many people as possible to make submissions. Their videos are hilarious; and as well as a weekly video of the best clips sent in of those rare moments captured in the street; there’s also the occasional themed videos to make you crack a smile. Go check them out and see what other people are failing to achieve. Sometimes it’s better not to try… 

From Floating Ribs to Feeble Reminisces

This narrative is part of a long saga that I’ve tried to avoid writing about for a long time but I feel the need to press on and move onto other things. It all started in late 2015 when flu season was in session and my Dad caught the bug and was holed up for weeks in bed. The following year; we tried to convince him to get a flu jab which he turned down; but he didn’t actually get sick until he returned home from a trip to Hereford in February; which for reason is a hotspot for this particular condition. It took ages to convince him to go to the doctor; but with another trip approaching (and this one being abroad) he knew he had to get himself checked out. The doctors first diagnosed him with a floating rib which was strange as he wasn’t feeling any abdominal pain. But after a blood test we had to take him to hospital immediately.

Perfick!

"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence." -Vince Lombardi

There’s no such thing as a perfect person, because a perfect person would live in a perfect world in total harmony without being subject to pain or misery. And since you ask; this perfect world would be in a perfect universe. Lombardi knew this but still pushed his players as much as possible so they could become as close to perfection as possible and achieve excellence. It also makes you wonder; was the world perfect before humans arrived? Would animals accept that they were part of a food chain? To achieve your own version of perfection you really must put up a fight; and put your views and values before all others. Of course; you’ll meet much resistance along the way as your views class with your neighbours. It’s another reason for starting a conflict; there’s just too many individuals trying to achieve their own goals. But if people agree to work to the same values, you might not hit perfection but you’ll be a lot closer to it.

Porking Out on Pies

I like a good pie and Ginsters really do hit the spot. You can carry a slice around with you all day for when you’re ready to tuck in. But the trouble starts when you begin to heat it up. The pastry just gets too soft to contain the filling, and things get very messy very quickly. They haven’t been on offer either just lately. Perhaps it’s because it’s not the snack season and everyone’s too full up on Christmas food. Or maybe it’s more of a summer thing when you’re on the go a bit more and just want a pie away from home. It’s nice of them to put them on offer when we want them; but does this persuade us more to buy it? Surely they’re better off selling them cheaper in the winter when sales are down? Or does the company produce too many in the summer and it’s just so that they don’t go to waste? It’s a very strange marketing technique.

A Troubling Breakfast at the Trouville

I’m usually not too worried about dining alone; but when you’re in a hotel it’s a bit more inconspicuous as you tend to see the same people every day. But I was hungry and I’d showered and made by best to look respectable. There was an Indian maître’ d who was waiting to greet me upon my entry to the dining room; and after ticking me off his list he beckoned me to follow him to a table. After following him to two other members of staff which he had conversations with in another language; I was remembered again and led to a table. I wondered if he had difficulties seeing me behind him as he did have just the one eye. He arranged for fresh coffee for me and invited me to help myself to the continental buffet. But the strange thing was that the full English was supervised. It wasn’t cooked to order and it was laid out like a buffet but you weren’t allowed to help yourself. They’re obviously counting the pennies.