Butterfly Circus

Roll up, roll up for the butterfly circus; come one and all to see the butterflies as you’ve never seen them before. Marvel at their amazing colours as you get up close and personal with Britain’s beautiful beasts. Witness them spin through hoops and be mesmerised by the speeds at which they travel. All our butterflies are trained posers and will happily keep still while perched to allow you to photograph their beautiful colours. During feeding time you’re welcome to help serve them dinner while they perch on your hand. And every half hour they’ll dance to music and lights for your entertainment. You may even like to flutter past and imitate their movements. And Saturday night is Burlesque night where you can get down and party with our lady butterflies in our country bar. We’ve got glitter, we’ve got glamour, and we’ve got the greatest creatures that you’ll ever set your eyes upon.

Regatta Rucksack

I needed a new rucksack for my walking holiday. My old one served me well but its zips no longer seals the main compartment. So I ordered a nice new and blue one off e-Bay. It’s made by the same people who have made my tent, so it’s a reputable brand. It’s got the elasticated side pouches just like the old one to hold drinks. It’s also got a larger elasticated pouch on its front side; though I’ve yet to trust putting anything into that pouch. What it hasn’t got is a front side pocket, so all my secure stuff has to be thrown into the main compartment. But within a minute of wearing it one of the zips comes off the track. Not a problem since there’s a second one. But when I was in a dark and dinghy pub I was desperate to find my wallet, and now the second zip has come loose. It’s now absolutely useless. When the old bag went, I managed to use the strap on the back to secure the main pouch. Now I have to use the zip ties, and it’s not the easiest thing to undo afterwards.

Arm of Darkness

While the crowd was distracted; something evil was lurking behind their very backs. As I grew accustomed to the darkness that was being generated within the crowd, I could make out the single stump of an arm. I couldn’t make out what the arm was attached to; nor did it look like a natural pose. It was simply a branch of flesh ending with a fistful of fingers and a thumb; yet there were no individual fingernails or joints. The arms proceeded to brush under the back of the necks of the people standing in front of me. As it passed, they each gave a cold shiver; yet not one of them broke their eye contact from the stage to see what the disturbance was. The music was too enchanting for them. Behind the arm was just a dark blurry haze of blue merging into black. When the lights came back on to mark the end of the song, the whole thing had vanished.

Black Sheep Best Bitter at the Dalesway Hotel, Ilkley

This was a corner pub in the heart of a busy village. The bar is built into a corner too; and the pub is divided into two sections through the corner. There’s plenty of round tables for group seating; which we took advantage of to hang our wet coats on the chairs. The main bar was left for the locals to be a bit more intimate. The atmosphere was very quiet for a late afternoon but they sell themselves as a music pub during weekends; though what the reaction is to the guests of the hotel is unknown. The beer was good; not inspiring but it was local to the area and it was very welcome after trudging through the moors during a hailstorm. The lighting is quite bright; especially at the bar area. They’re very enterprising with their social media; no sooner than I’d checked us in on Facebook did I receive a comment from themselves suggesting I order something from the kitchen! A shame that they didn't come out and engage with us in person. 

Centurion by Simon Scarrow

Centurion by Simon Scarrow
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I’ve read the first book and the second last book; but even if you haven’t been following the adventures of Marco and Cato in chronological order; this works very well as a standalone tale; apart from the conspiracy that they have been assigned to. It certainly wants to make you follow the rest of the saga. The rituals of the Roman army; their tactics; lifestyle and equipment are all explained in perfect detail; and Scarrow spares no detail when it comes to the fight scenes. The only downside is that the principal character seems to incur major wounds which would normally finish a soldier off. There’s also a three-tier stage to the battles which engaged me to keep reading. Along the way, we encounter the everyday marching orders of the Centurions on the frontline; whether it’s avoiding a mutiny or finding a fling on their travels. There are some plot holes that are yet to be filled; but whether these are forgotten in later books; we shall have to wait and see.

View all my reviews

A Night on the Town #dreamdiary34

It’s Saturday night and I’m having a shower. Everyone wants to seem to head up into Birmingham for a pub crawl and a curry but it’s way too late to set off into town. I’m upset because I just know that I’m going to get sick. Everyone is preparing to set off without me; moaning that I’m letting the side down. Not wanting to miss out on anything, I decide to set off after them and catch a bus. I’m the only one on it. I’ve got no idea where the others are. Eventually, I reach town and pop into a bar for a pint. The bar’s empty because it’s last orders. No-one’s answering their phone and I’ve got no idea how to get back home without my own two feet taking an expensive cab. It’s one of those feelings that you get when everyone else wants to do something without you.

A Trio of Desserts

For those not in the know, these are apparently a trio of desserts. The big pink thing that looks like a tongue is actually strawberry sauce slithered out of a catering pack. It’s probably measured for its length and the chef likes to take pride in a colourful plate. The brownie is the brownest brown that I’ve ever seen and I wouldn’t like to think where that comes from when I’m eating. And you’d think that that perfect brown sphere would be chocolate ice cream. It’s not, it’s a macaroon. The white chocolate mousse was nice, but I’ve seen bigger Forrero Rocher. And look at all that white space on the rest of the plate. How is this a festive pudding? As this was a Christmas party, couldn’t there be a better choice or something more traditional? Or has health and safety decided that this is the safest pudding that can be served? There was a choice of starters, so why not desserts?

Dunkirk

I was quite looking forward to seeing Nolan’s version of events; but it seemed to show scenes rather than an actual plotline. We’re shown three different storylines but they’re not really fixed together. And you can tell it’s a Nolan film because there’s plenty of bass, sirens and heart noises in the build-up to the action scenes. The aerial sorties were excellent; though you don’t see things from the enemy’s point of view as in traditional war films. In fact, you don’t see the enemy at all other than the Messerschmitts. There are a few outcomes that I didn’t understand. Why did the commander decide to remain behind? Why didn’t Peter seek justice for George’s death And I thought that the trawler scene was quite weak. I was really hoping that they would charge up to defend it. I suppose it comes down to those who chose to serve and those who were drafted. But the fear and cowardice and will to survive is portrayed perfectly, and it was very enjoyable to watch. 

The Shadow

Just when you’ve got the perfect angle for your shot, you have to deal with the other buggers. The ones that get in your way. When it’s a still picture it’s all fine and dandy and you can just press the button again or crop them out afterwards. If you’re lucky then they’ll move out of the way or duck as they pass. But when it’s a moment like a live action shot; it’s very difficult to re-create the moment again. Some people like to engineer the pose but that’s not really capturing the moment. Maybe you’ll have a chance in a few minutes or maybe it’s worth popping back later.  Sometimes you’ve just got to accept it. After all, you’re not the only person on this planet; and you’ve got no idea as to why this person has disturbed your shot. Why should the whole street come to a standstill just so you can squeeze your image in? 

Sharp's Atlantic Pale Ale at the Foxlydiate Arms, Redditch

This is a pub that’s clearly for diners. The small bar is not enough to cope with the size of the pub, and if you know what you want to drink then you’re better off opting for the table service in the open-plan lounge than hanging out at the bar. If you do find space; there are a few tables designated for drinkers and a couple of sports screens are available; though it lacks the pub atmosphere. Three handpumps are available; though there’s usually just the one bar available from a national brewer. The pub’s exterior isn’t particularly inspiring; it’s just a large bricked up building. In previous years it would have served as a hotel; though this is now operated by a chain and is through an extension at the side of the pub. It’s a pub that’s quite popular with larger groups; though it’s better if you book in advance. The pub’s best feature is its extensive beer garden; though its play area has been replaced with foliage. 

Head Over Heels

Well, you’d have to be if you’re close up and hurtling towards each other’s’ privates every performance. I hope they’ve washed their loin clothes. Imagine being a partner to one of them; you’d be the envy as this unknown performer gets to hurtle you in any direction and gaze upon you in any direction they please with no signs of resistance, all while keeping their intimate parts in view. Meanwhile, you’re wondering if everything is tucked in so as not to expose anything on stage. But what if it was you and you got distracted by martial matters? You could really lose your life after starting an argument about who’s going to do the washing-up tonight. Or maybe you caught them looking at someone else from your unique viewpoint. Of course, it’s not the ideal place to discuss whether your mother is able to come and visit that weekend; which is why you have to have absolute focus and trust in your partner.

Pre-School Duplo

One of my favourite things that my niece likes to do when she comes over to play is to build things out of Duplo! We’ve made towers for her to knock down, trains and bridges for her to drive; and I’ve bought her a zoo set to add to her collection. It’s easy to spot the new Duplo sets from the old one; as well as the faded paint, the old bricks seem to be made of a sturdier plastic. But her latest favourite thing is to build a school out of what we’ve got. So I’ve found a school Duplo set, complete with teacher, desk, two pupils, and a door featuring a classroom wall. Oddly, there’s even a bathroom set. And although she’s five she’ll still love playing with it, and the younger one has also begun to join in with the building. Next year I’ll have to get her on the proper stuff; but hopefully not until the younger one’s ready.

Human Ladder

What we see here is more than meets the eye. Right now, they’re a trio of classy acrobats performing for everyone’s delight. But once the show is over and before the night is out, they become the perfect cat burglary team. Their abilities to stretch allows them to get up close and personal with each other and reach new heights that other cat burglars just can’t manage without a lot of climbing equipment which draws attention to themselves. In the summer, they can mask their shadows easily as three people merged together will be quite a difficult shadow to identify. Winter is a bit more difficult as they have to wait for rain and wind to mask their movements. But what they practice on the stage makes for a perfect plan in real life; whether it’s lower a member down through a chimney or make a ladder and pull each other up to scale new heights.

An Awkward Social Call #dreamdiary33

It’s early morning and the doorbell rings. I’m still in my dressing gown. I head downstairs and as I start unlocking the front door I see a familiar man standing in front of a modern saloon car on our driveway. I can’t put a name to his face but invite him inside and I tell my mother that we have a visitor. She greets the man but says no more and instead picks up a newspaper to read. I smile and attempt to make small talk but every subject seems to have fled my brain. Eventually I cone out with ‘Nice today isn’t it?’ to which he responds ‘Yes, it is’. After another awkward pause no general conversation has started so I offer our visitor a hot drink. ‘Tea please’ he says. My mother still hasn’t made any conversation and I suddenly wonder whether she actually knows him or not through her walking group; or has our visitor come to see me? I’ve still no idea why he’s here, but he does have an air of being expected about him. How do I approach the subject of his visit?

Artemis Fowl and the Artic Incident by Eoin Colfer

The Arctic Incident by Eoin Colfer
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

For a book aimed at young teens, this is a difficult book to follow. I’ve read the first book last year but the story is also written as a standalone adventure so I didn’t have to worry too much about what I read last time. Even so, the action scenes are just too technical to visualise; especially with all the unfamiliar equipment that the fairies use. And there’s plenty of plot situations which hinders their technology which discards certain courses of action. The constant change of dateline within chapters is also confusing; and it would help a little to diverse on where each chapter actually takes place. Some of the explanations take place after the action takes place; which only serves to confuse the reader and make him backtrack; and there's a bit of confusion as to why the plots are intertwined. The ending is also sudden and mysterious. It’s all tied up rather quickly and conveniently with the use of magic, without any real sense of completion. It’s as if Colfer has reached his word limit and is ready to start the next book…

View all my reviews

Commander Inappropriate

Too many awkward pauses and mistimed jokes ruin this series which would otherwise be a very enjoyable series. It’s a cross between South Park and House of Cards; with the focus on mocking the actions of the Trump administration. The newsreaders and spokespeople seem too superficial and artificial at times, sometimes appearing completely crazy on their first introduction; and always dodges the questions that they are asked. There’s also too many gaps between each scene. Their main character also has too many gaps, but that could just be to portray his intelligence. Only one episode has been made, but whether this was out of fear of being sued or was just unpopular we will never know. It would be interesting to see how much of Trump’s career could be mocked. But on the plus side; they’ve got his tweeting habits right; and all his co-workers hate him. It’s a shame as this could have been a brilliant idea.

Tribal Firemen

A member of the Wamapoke tribe is on duty, and he’s spotted smoke from a mansion afar! After a quick scout with his binoculars he sees flames and hits a button inside his lookout tower. The bell sounds and the tribal firemen race into action! After sliding down the pole; they jump into their jeep and they’re on their way to attend the fire. A herd of zebra is grazing outside the fire station but within seconds a crew member leaps out with a spear and slaughter the nearest one. The others get the message and flee quickly. Meanwhile the passenger throws the zebra’s legs into the back of the jeep and throws the skin onto the seat of the vehicle. Once they arrive, they gather the local villagers and get them to hold hands in a circle surrounding the mansion while everyone burns inside. Once the house has collapsed, they begin roasting the zebra legs. Better sort it out yourself chaps. 

Purity Ubu at the Rose and Crown, Redditch

This estate pub has evolved from a community venture that looks after its locals to whoever pays the bill. There’s a small bar area with a pool table for the locals and a TV or two to keep them occupied; but the main event is the open-plan lounge that’s open to diners. Three hand pulls are available on the horseshoe bar, but usually there’s just one beer available from a national brewer. There may be a second if it’s closer to the weekend. There’s also a staggering choice of food on the menu; though often it depends on what’s actually in stock and what devices are working that day. There’s a beer garden which used to host a play area but this is now devoted to grass. I wonder if this is an increasing trend to pubs to ensure that they’re not liable in case of accidents. But there’s no sense of localism here unless you’re prepared to squat in the bar.

What the Audience Saw

So there’s four blokes in front of us hanging off a pole at the moment. The bottom one’s fallen asleep; he’s just crossed his legs over and nodded off. The one above him is also getting ready for a kip. Wouldn’t it be nice for them to at least smile and wave? Or are they on the minimum wage? Tribal man number three looks like he’s having a snack while he’s up there. And number four’s the look-out; making sure that no-one’s going to interfere with his brothers while they’re on the pole. But shouldn’t one of them be facing the other way? Or at least they should each be at ninety-degree angles? It’s a bit rude of them to have their backs to the other half of the audience. And what have they got in their hats? I think I might just nip off to the bar while it’s quiet;  hopefully something more interesting will be happening when I get back.

A Walk in the Woods #dreamdiary32

I’m walking in the woods. I’m alone but I’m following a trail and I know where I’m going. I’m at the top of a hill and the trail bends round to the right and descends into some trees; where the mud path gets turned into a stone trail. I follow this trail and I’m at the gates to a stately home; and there’s a big wooden information board showing all the trails that you can do on the site. It’s late in the evening but not too dark; so I decide to head home. When I arrive, the house is in darkness so I quietly make my way to my camp bed which is already made up in my friend’s living room and go to sleep. I’m the first to wake up and head into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. Everyone else is hungover and seemed to have gone to the bar to drink vodka rather than explore the evening trails.

You Put Your Left Leg In...

It takes months of training to put on these sorts of events; and that’s not just to gather all the booze! The acrobats have to be placed on very strict diets just for the show so that they can be at their physical peak; and train for 4-5 hours a day so that their muscles can cope with any unplanned changes in their situation. The choreography, costumes and make-up all take time to organise so that the show can be as authentic as possible, and they need to get used to the music, the lighting and the audience too. The headdress and the jewellery must be tight enough to withstand the movement; yet loose enough so as not to impede the joints and muscles. So that’s a long time of abstaining from their favourite foods and tipples just for everyone’s enjoyment. And then it’s let down by the rigging; although to add scenery would impede the audience’s view.

Despicable Me 3

The film’s opening is quite crude; injuring Nemo in its first few seconds. It has a star-studded cast; but the voices are put to little use; as are the characters. Wouldn’t it cool if the new leader of the AVL was actually a villain? We also miss comic moments such as seeing Gru and Lucy try out other situations. With the build-up of the minions from the other movies; it’s a shame that these characters aren’t put into succession. Instead, we’re introduced to Mel; a minion that we haven’t met before. We also fail to learn to learn what happens to the convict who escaped with the minions in their plane. And there’s no family re-union between Dru and his long-lost mother. But despite not choosing to go down these paths; it still makes for a very entertaining movie; with just the right amount of minion antics. Oh, who am I kidding, let’s have a Minions sequel.

CAMRA's Peak District Walks

Camra's Peak District Pub Walks by Bob Steel
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This guide really made me want to get out there and explore the Peaks. I’ve even bought a map in readiness. As well as detailed directions; there’s also advice on where to go on both good and bad weather days; and it also suggests diversions if you’re looking for something that’s off the beaten track; or for just more information on the general area without taking too much context away from the title. Each walk tells you the type of terrain to expect as well as transport information to the starting point. It also gives ideas of places to explore when you’re tired of walks; and the photographs just want to make me get out there and see it all the more. Most importantly, it recommends some good pubs; not just pubs that sell real ale but pubs that are welcoming to walkers. I just hope that the information is still in date.

View all my reviews

Black Sheep Bitter at the Bell, Astwood Bank

This is one of Astwood Bank’s friendliest pubs; and you’ll always get a warm greeting from the bar staff at this corner boozer. Although small (just like the twins who run the pub’s kitchen), it’s got something for everyone.  The front bar has a few coffee tables for the locals to relax in; and there’s plenty of bar-side seating; though getting to the bar and finding seats afterwards can be difficult in this respect; especially if the locals decide to stretch out. If it’s quiet then the half-timbered lounge has tables aplenty so long as no-one’s dining. Otherwise it’s to the outside decking or the grass beer garden which is well hidden from the main road. Home-cooked food is available and there are special deals for the over 60s. There’s also a regular quiz night; though I’ve never been so I’ve no idea how hard it is. Expect two real ales; though they’re rarely going to have any beer tickers.

Three Wise Tribal Men

‘I am Iris. I watch for all danger. I will now be quiet as I can see that my brother Tin wishes to speak.’

‘I listen for all danger so that I can tell Iris where to look. But I can now hear my brother Lip speak, so I to will be quiet.’

‘I breathe fire.’

‘Iris, Lip says that he is breathing fire.’

‘Where shall I look?’

‘That way.’

‘Yes, Lip is breathing fire. Why is he doing that?’

‘Lip, Iris wants to know why you are breathing fire.’

‘Because you provide air.’

‘Tin, that fire does not look safe. I will go.’

‘I have no fire.’

‘I will go and find Iris and tell him.’

‘Lip has no fire so it is safe for us to come back.’

 ‘I can see that there is no fire so let us go to him.’

‘I breathe fire.’

‘Looks like we’ll have to go our separate ways.’

‘So much for the brotherhood.’

Doctor Who: Season 10

I have mixed feelings about Pearl. She’s not the brightest companion that the Doctor’s ever had but she’s certainly street smart which does create a bit of a mouth on her. A big clue is the huge mouth that she wears. What was strange this season was the Doctor’s ability to blend in with the rest of the world. and despite Nardole making an appearance in every episode; we’re not entirely sure what his background is. Still; everyone is written off nicely; not dead but departed in some way to inconvenience them but not enough for them to come back in future episodes. I am sorry to see Missy go; it would have been so much better if she had been lying and had turned out to be the Rami all along. But there was too much emphasis on knowing the series’ outcome; there wasn’t enough on the how; and the deed itself was so fast that you would miss it if you blinked. The big secret now is who will be the next Doctor?

Monkey Waiters

If you’re bored of using regular nonchalant waiting staff, then why not hire some monkey butlers? They’re quick and nimble to get around your restaurant; just as long as there’s a network of overhead branches for them to swing from. If not, our older chimps can roller-skate; drive; or deliver your customer’s order to their table in a number of novelty ways. Ordering by number makes things so much easier; and there’s an interactive screen at each table so that someone is always managing service from behind the scenes. They’re only too happy to help so long as they get a banana when they return to the kitchen. Got a complaint? Then they’ll just blow a raspberry at your customers; leaving you to take care of your more straight-forward paying customers. And once the evening is over; they’re just happy to party the night away until it’s time for the next service. They’re the original grease monkeys! 

St. Austell Tribute at the Oddfellows Arms, Astwood Bank

Hidden in the backstreets of Astwood Bank is the perfect community local; the Oddfellows Arms. Its bar is on the list of CAMRA’s regional Historic pubs as it has changed little since the 1940s; and you may still find that you can your beer served 5p cheaper. There’s just about room for a dartboard; but if the bar’s full then you’re better off in the lounge which is full of open-plan seating and a much larger bar. Head out back and there’s a function room which then goes out into a long stretch of a beer garden. In previous years the pub has hosted the Astwood Bank Octoberfest to raise money for local charities; though the gaffer is a bit of a miser and rarely cracks a smile these days. If you’re lucky there’ll be three beers available alongside a great range of snacks; try the spicy rings. We used to stock up on these while we waited for our cab to arrive. 

The Ascension of Zu-Zu

The crowd cheered as the dancers danced faster and faster; spinning on their podiums and waving their fire in the air. Suddenly a yellow beam of light opened and a man with a sun for its head fell out of mid-air and landed on the stage. ‘Zu-zu’ it called; and the dancers stood still. ‘Zu-zu’ it repeated; and as one the crowd gave a single clap in response. It called again; ‘Zu-zu’, and the audience clapped again. The dancers were unsure as to what they were supposed to be doing, but slowly started to spin on their podiums again until they could figure out what this unknown interruption was and to get back to the script. Encouraged by their dancing; the creature started to chant faster and faster as the audience clapped in turn. In the background, a rumbling could be heard; but this seemed to be coming from the stage itself rather than from the surrounding speakers. At this point, the stage crew had appeared at the side of the stage and had begun to wave at the spinning dancers; trying to grab their attention. The creature gave one last roar and the dancers shot into flame, followed by nothingness.

The Ascension of Corn-on-the-Cob Man!

In order to spend a gift voucher, I bought a Lego Mini-figure for the novelty of it. There was immediate interest as some of the girls had no idea what was inside. It was a shame that we didn’t have any of the Batman figures on display but in a way it made it all the more novel as I got -corn-on-the-cob man! Whether he’s an unsung hero in the Lego universe or simply a humble farmer trying to sell his wares is a complete mystery which makes it all the more interesting to find him a backstory. Is it a costume; or was he grown that way? Was he raised in the middle of a field? Is he loved for his novelty or mocked for wearing his moustache? In a way I’m grateful that he’s not a banana because of the innuendos that he’d otherwise open himself up to. But like all people in the Lego world; he’s happy, he’s green; and he’s ready to be involved as much as he can. He certainly looks out of sync with the rest of the Lego world; but then why not?

Aztec Antics

This year our Christmas party took on the theme of the Aztec. There were stone idols of fake gods; thatched look-out towers and huts; all connected by rope bridges. It looked like a film set for the Crystal Maze; although no-one was able to climb up and play. But why were we asked to wear formal evening wear and not aloha shirts and tribal face masks? For the first time in my life, I did manage to get a nibble from a tray of canapes while the others were trying to figure out how the free bar worked and that huge rounds wouldn’t work out. While we were entertained by the dinner bell we were entertained by dancers and people in tribal costume on stilts; though I would have preferred a table magician any day. But we got a great view of the stage to see the acrobats who danced between each course alongside fire jugglers and gymnasts. Then as the last course was served; I got randomly French-kissed and we were left to our own devices on the dance floor and to ride the waltzers; where my offer to help the ladies out of the car was rejected by one and she fell flat on her face.