The Right Way #richmond 6

After discovering that yesterday we were in the wrong deer park, we set out to discover the right one. We enter through the north gates which has an active and busy road with cars and cyclists. Not knowing what to look out for, we rely on Google maps for our location and landmarks to visit. We decided to follow a footpath north-east which was a fairly used chip path. Upon reaching a small lake, we decided to bear east into a wood to see if we could spot any deer followed by a visit to Holly Lodge which was closed. All we could see were acres and acres of green fields with the occasional clumps of trees clustered together and people making tracks on their chosen method of transport. We headed east, not really sure what we were looking for, until we stumbled towards a cluster of trees near a brook. There were thousands of them.

Running away is hard when you're older #dreamdiary 180

We’re looking for a quiet place to rest for a while. Three of us have sneaked into the back of someone’s garden to drink some beer and eat some pizza that we’ve bought from a takeaway. It’s one of those gardens where there’s not really a fence separating the two houses and you can just walk straight down the drive past the side door and park yourself at the bottle of the fence. One of my friends produces an empty pizza box and proceeds to throw it in the direction of a tree like a frisbee. Unfortunately, the branch doesn’t have much weight to it and cracks instantly, toppling onto a larger branch below which instantly collapses onto the garden fence in front of us, bringing the tree down with it. Naturally, this alerts the occupant, so we decide to flee quickly and swiftly before they work out that they can film us on their phone. One of my friends is a little slow in leaving. I hope that they don’t have a video doorbell to identify us.

Don't Dilly Daly

He’s a short and cocky loud man who has to fight to get what he wants. He’s had to work had while being friendly and hospitable in his trade. I’m not sure if he’s aged prematurely or he’s just chosen to shave his hair off and be done with it. It’s a strange choice given that he has a large Noah-like white beard too. He’s very possessive of his accessories and like to have designer sunglasses and hats. And they must be tinted. He likes to have the hardman persona while remaining friendly at the same time. Perhaps he got bullied a lot as a child. He can have a bit of a temper when things don’t go his way. He’s always up for a laugh apart from when the joke’s on him. He doesn’t like to boast so it’s a lot better when other people do it for him.

Bar Life #Richmond 5

There’s only a limited number of places that we can go at the moment, and we’re not allowed to explore them as a group. One of the easiest places to meet was at the terraced bar in the hotel that we were staying at. It was an overflow area designed to refresh people passing by from visiting the park, but it didn’t have the greatest of views. Beyond the terrace was fine, with comfy seating, heated umbrellas and waitress service. It was the prices and the view of the car park that we weren’t so keen on. At least it was free for us. The hotel itself was a large bricked building. Inside was a long brightly painted bar with a dining room beyond it where breakfast was served. It was very popular and we often had to wait for a table to ensure that we were seated with social distancing.

The Potent Artistry of Beer

To describe something as potent is to suggest a bad smell. That’s not a pleasant term when you want to describe something that you like. It’s also not pleasant to have it introduced by someone who you’re not entirely sure of their gender or what they choose to identify as. It is that month when we are told that we have to be aware of these things. But having a giant portrait of yourself in front of the article does little to make your case if it’s unflattering. Yes, you drink beer, but you also dress yourself casually to present it. I have no idea what this Wandle design is that you’re referring to, so you’re alienating your audience already. It’s great to have an opinion but people need to know what you’re talking about otherwise they just won’t bother and pick out the other things that you offer instead.

Young's London Original at the White Cross, Richmond #richmond 4

It’s a nice traditional boozer from the outside, but with all the clientele outside, it’s trying to portray itself as a trendy nightclub. There’s even bouncers on the door. We’re shown through a maze of umbrellas and into the building itself, past the bar for a brief glimpse of its offerings before being shown to an upstairs room kept for a party of our size to be able to interact together. The inside is very much a wood interior with small rooms and high ceilings. I wonder how a kitchen can operate here. There’s a balcony and even though the windows are open we’re not allowed on it. In fact, there’s very little that we are allowed which makes it frustrating when we want to order a second drink as it’s hard to get service. The food is passable at inflated prices for the area but offers nothing special.

Husband leaves wife because she becomes deformed. No one expected what she did next...

It all sounds a bit cruel and van when you think that someone supports you has decided to leave you after an accident. But there’s a right way and a wrong way to get even, especially if you do it purposefully. If she was to go on and best herself while shaming her partner, that gives her more power. However, the story doesn’t do that. You’re just lured in by the headline. There’s a lot of detail about her recovery and how people are making donations so that she get on with her life, but there’s nothing about what she has physically done. There’s no comeuppance or revenge mentioned here, or any word of her husband mentioned whatsoever. It’s also a bit unclear as to who is speaking at times. But what you do need to take away from the story is that you need to stay positive no matter what the circumstances are and work hard for a better future.

Richmond Ramble #richmond 3

We were determined to do a circular route rather than a linear one to see as much as possible. We headed north along the high street, taking in the shops, cafes, pubs and restaurants as possibilities to eat out at later. At one point we’d managed to stumble onto the Old Deer Park where there wasn’t much to see other than vast expansions of green fields. Occasionally a jet would fly over on its way to Heathrow. There was a small playground and the opening to a car park but we couldn’t see any deer here or work out where they might be hiding. Frustrated, we backed up on ourselves towards Richmond Green where a cricket match was in progress. After following a busy residential road, we climbed a hill alongside more terraced housing where a lot of it had been converted into flats. We climbed a long hill past a church with a huge steeple to pass another area of shops and restaurants before returning to our viewpoint to return to the hotel.

Sherbourne Wharf

Boarding a boat took a while. We had no idea if the gentleman in the galley was a crew member or someone simply stretching their legs. After a small interval, we were invited to board. There was a small bar and plenty of seats available. We opted for the triangular table which had comfy seats but didn’t necessarily give the best views. In front of us was the horn which was used at every turn. We set off at a steady pace and we weren’t sure what the delay was. The entire interaction was done through a recording. At the first instruction, we looked ahead and waited for the rest of the narration. There was certainly a lot of subtext encouraging you to rent out a private boat. The scenery and route wasn’t the best. At one point it took us past a waste ground where new housing was being built. But it was still a pleasant hour to relax and wave the world on by.

Wandering around Richmond #richmond 2

Our friends had made plans to join us at a pub, so we had a bit of free time to explore the area. There were plans for a boat trip but some were still worried about the virus. We decided to go for a walk along the Thames and have a walk around. A large scenic track and some park benches separated the main road which gave us a great view of the river below. This opened up onto a terrace with some sloped gardens leading down to the riverbank. As the sun was out, the towpath was packed with pedestrians and we wondered if we should put our masks on. We found the venue where the party was originally planned to have taken place and had a peak through the gates. It look liked the garden was a bit overgrown. We ventured under the bridge for a short while to find our meeting point for later then walked back to the bridge and headed into town.

The Argument

‘I don’t want to do it.’

‘Why not?’

‘It’s too much work.’

‘It’ll really give you great publicity.’

‘Yes, but it’s not for a big audience.’

‘It’ll get bigger if you invest.’

‘That’s the problem. We don’t have a lot of money to make purchases. We’re not a business. We do this as a hobby to promote our society.’

‘You’ll get people scoring beers regularly, and you’ll be able to track them.’

‘Yes, but we already have a system for that which people are keen to promote. They’ll also have access to the data and we don’t charge for it, and we can also use that data to determine our best pubs.’

‘You’ll get extra customers.’

‘That’ll be great in the short term, but we haven’t got a lot of time to set it up. If I had a dedicated volunteer that would be brilliant but we’re overstretched as it is. If you’d approached us earlier we might have had time to consider it.’

Riding to Richmond #richmond 1

I'm here in Richmond, famous for its views of London and the Thames. Our friends have cancelled the party that we have come down for because of COVID, but as the hotel we booked is allowed to open, they won’t let us cancel or amend our stay so we've come to make a weekend of it. I'm also bunged up with ear wax and I can't get anyone to pump me at the moment. But I've just negotiated the motorway without causing too much congestion. The only tricky bit was a roundabout with traffic lights and full lanes. There's a 20mph speed limit enforced here and everyone seems to be sticking to it. Normally people are tailgating me, but here I have to remind myself occasionally. We're staying a fancy boutique hotel which is only a stone’s throw from Richmond Park. The rooms are very bright and colourful, and looking at the cars in the car park, I wish I'd hired a sports car for the weekend. 

Mrs. Palfrey at The Claremont

Dear God, this was depressing. The few joys that this film did bring was trying to recall where I'd seen each cast member before. We're introduced to people who believe that they’re elitist because they’ve amassed a fortune to retire in a London hotel to socialise with high society so that there's no shortage of companionship or boredom, yet too  many lies are woven with the protagonist to create an impression. It's a shame that the other characters aren’t profiled more with similar values to create a sense of humour. Instead, we’re treated to a depressing display of degradation as the characters attempt to escape their lives. There's an attempt to bond with a younger generation to create a sense of happiness, but this is overpowered by too much demise. There's a few opportunities to suspect that the protagonist has had some sort of celebrity status, but it’s not commented on enough to make it clear to the viewer. Avoid.

Cross to the Common

We set off from the town's hospital. Not a great place to start for a walk, but it's a very handy point on the edge of town and a lot of buses head that way. I think I’m fortunate enough to say that I've used the place more as a starting point than having to go inside. We turned right and followed the footpath right downhill to the roundabout, then turn right and continue to follow the road in a south-eastern direction. At the crest of the hill was a junction which used to be a pub called the Griffin. It's since been burnt down and converted into housing. We turned right here and headed west for a bit, passing a pillar box with a knitted cosy on top. Once the houses had thinned out, a stile appeared on our left which took us into a field. Here we bore south through a kissing gate into Studley Common, a green belt area that had been developed into a  community nature reserve.

Fart that Tune!

What is this! Do I get to guess what comes out of the speaker? It’s going to be a delight. We’ve always heard it done in cartoons but it’s physically impossible without prerecordings and re-arranging them to suit the tune. Will there be bass and tenor? Oddly, this is all happening on International Women’s Day. Will you be able to tell who’s farted? If I refuse to play, I’m told that that’s no fun, followed by a sad, slow, quiet fart. Unfortunately, it’s multiple choice followed by a bit of bass. It’s a bit obvious once you hear the choices, but you do hear the real thing afterwards, and there’s a bit of a pun in it as well. The real art is guessing it before the tune ends. Thank goodness Alexa doesn’t ask you to do the same. You’d need a large can of beans and an airy room. But you can only hear three tunes a day before it asks you to subscribe.

Shelf Shine

 

These panels could open any way. We’d certainly get taken out if they were flung vertically in a swing, but would anyone expect them to drop down horizontally on top of us? It’d be like staying in a caravan where the furniture is falling apart. The whole wall moves with the camera. The full set of doors could come tumbling off at any moment. Maybe a hatch in the ceiling will drop open followed by a ton of stuff including a bowling ball, then the hatch itself. Or the blind rail could come down followed by the tiles. How about the doors retracting into themselves along a slide rail to reveal a host of electrical gadgets? It could be secret spy stuff or kitchen inventions previously unknown to man. Food from other establishments could be teleported into this space once a few buttons have been pressed and the doors have slid shut again.

I'm Hating It #dreamdiary 179

I’m at an exhibition hall and I decide to try McDonald’s for lunch. It’s located at the end of the hall in its very own corner area. It’s a large open building laid out with fold-up tables and plastic folding seats. At the end is a display of everything already cooked and placed into silver trays. There’s large fried fish fillets with cheese sprinkled on them, and there’s also rows of hamburgers with fries and McChicken selects. They’re all behind glass screens and there’s uniformed staff opening them up and placing them onto plastic trays for serving so I guess I need to go and place an order. There’s a queue for a silver box with a microphone so I start to head for that. There’s five people in front of me, then there’s a gap between the rows of counters containing the food, and these people are queuing too. Then there’s another gap, and there’s even more people. I can’t seem to find the end of the queue. In the end, I declare that this place is rubbish and decide to eat somewhere else.

Tying the Knot #devils daughter 21

In Lucinda’s shadow, Luke rubbed the ring over his shirt before passing it over to the cleric. It was a thick golden band topped with a large red ruby. He could have worn it as a bangle. Then he looked up at his bride. It was as if she’d materialised out of it like a genie in a fantasy. He was vaguely  aware of some mumblings in the background in front of him until there was a short pause. Realising it could be his line, he took a gamble and said it.

‘I do.’

The mumblings continued. Then there was a friendly sweet warm voice that echoed the same. Lucinda took a step back and bent down directly behind Luke, her breasts brushing him either side. He could hear a creaking sound in front of him as if something was being stretched. Then she reached out her hand and the cleric put the ring over her index finger. It was official. She was his.

Take 2

My hair looks even wilder and my grin looks even more manic than before. I’ve somehow managed to make my teeth look even wonkier. The room somehow looks brighter. It must be the angle of the sun. There’s even a stroke of light emitting from the candle, or perhaps some unknown force has passed through the wick to enlarge the flame. The camera seems to be tilting along to the music. Considering the time it took to make this video, I’m wondering if I’ve somehow managed to copy it on my phone. The sound isn’t great either apart from the doorbell. Perhaps it’s because we’re not miked up. Next time we’ll have to try a more practical location, though we were partially worried about spilling any wax on the carpet. Perhaps the garden or the front of the house would have been better, though we’d have the embarrassment of the neighbours wondering what we were up to.

“If you're offered a seat on a rocket ship, don't ask what seat! Just get on.”

That does sound a little irresponsible. It’s worth finding out a few things before boarding. You’ll want to know what’s inside and what’s required of you unless your last wish is to have a ride on a rocket ship. Who’s controlling this thing? What’s expected of you? Are you expected to contribute somehow? Will you be able to figure it out without putting the team at risk? Or is it all going to be at your leisure? And you might want comfort to put yourself at ease, especially when exposing yourself to all those Gs. But if you survive, it could be a great opportunity. Sometimes you’ve just got to take the risk and jump into the unknown. Ask too many questions and they could regret offering you a place. There’s a risk that you might become unpopular as a result of it, but you won’t know until you try.

Fire!

 

And we’re live! We’re standing there with stupid grins on our faces singing along to a single tune coming from our musical doorbell. I’ve definitely got that crazed Uncle look with my two front teeth all crooked and about to fall out. Maybe we’d just in from the rain. Meanwhile, the wax drip down the muffin but at least we include both children and it’s also a bit of entertainment for them while they have their breakfast. There’s also an attempt at interaction alongside a sense of reality. Hopefully she didn’t get too upset at the fact that we’re going to eat her wax-covered muffin. I’m quite proud of the lighting as the reflection of the white blind upon the orange canvas behind us draws the eye to the centre of the shot. We do what we can in these times to keep them in our lives while we get on with our own.

The Frank of Joy

I can’t recall if this was in place or not during my visit. I tend to focus on what’s inside rather than it’s exteriors, though I suppose that this will have to change now. Two randy pensioners isn’t what I’d choose to post on my wall, though it might give off the impression of everlasting love to some. To others, they might have just met. Inside, there’s a long traditional wooden bar in a corridor with stools to match. You get the impression that little has changed much over the years and you’d probably find someone holding a cigarette in the next room. The bar has a window and you probably wouldn’t be surprised if a plastic shutter came down if the publican was to refuse you service. There’s an open parlour room opposite with tables and stools, and a long banquette on the wall. There’s also a smaller lounge at the back, though this was filled with folk musicians while I was there.

Kitchen Cam

 

This is a quick attempt to make a birthday video for my niece. As you can see, the make-up department have yet to arrive. There’s lots of shaky cam footage and awkward posing as we attempt to get the height right to show a giant birthday candle which looks like it’s just hatched out of a muffin. I’m amazed that I didn’t end up dropping it on the floor. You can also see the thought process going through for our prep work and rehearsal. Still, you can get a quick glimpse of what our shiny kitchen used to be like before it was all turned to wood, as well as a quick glimpse at the other tasks that we’ve got planned for the day. It’s an exciting time to be alive, and it’s a good job I noticed that we were already filming. That would have been an interesting greeting. 

My landlord is evicting me because I'm two years late on rent. How do I tell him I'm not leaving no matter what?

Do you need to tell him? You’ve already decided to disobey the law. Do you think that telling him will stop an attempt to evict you? Is it a warning that he’ll need more assistance if he’s going to attempt to get you out? By all means write a letter, post it on Facebook, put a sign outside the door with lots of barricades but if you’ve already decided to stay then there’s not much point. You could even telephone him; I’m sure he’s given you his contact details if you haven’t been paying up. The trouble is that the law is on his side so you can’t run the risk of going out again or he’ll just enter and change all the locks. If one set of circumstances change, you can’t expect everything else to work around you. People can be understanding and a little lenient but they won’t put up with things forever.

Coffee Table Capers

The camera is angled for a view. I’m not looking my best but there’s little that anyone can do about that in the circumstances. At least there’s room for a more glamorous partner on the sofa. I just have to find one. My voice sounds a little high, but with my speech I suppose that I’m only going to look like a technician, someone who’s going to be clear of shot as soon as filming begins. I do like how the light brings everything into focus before the camera swings to the correct angle. It’s like I‘m getting up in the morning, only it’s happening a lot faster. Perhaps I should have lit the candle to make it more dramatic, even though it was the morning. It’s literally a fly, though it’s in a glass bowl on a coffee table that’s observing me rather than on a wall. But with the picture, it really is nature captured indoors. Perhaps that’s all that’s left.

 

Ghost Castle

This was a modern uptake of the original and it brought back so many memories. There’s been a couple of substitutions in that the characters are dressed as ghostbusters and the antagonist is just a ball bearing rather than a luminous skull. It is a fair bit of work to put together and you do have to look after the cardboard as there’s dedicated instructions on how to put everything back in the box. There’s a little bit of work for first-time assembly as well as for each game. The girls weren’t too impressed with it as they were expecting Mousetrap and I did assemble it wrong for the first time, and I hoped that more of the grown-ups would join in. I had the axe dropping in the wrong room, and I wasn’t able to install the wobbly floor or give an adequate explanation of the different footprint spaces. I just hope that they’ll want to play it again.

Wet the Road #Barnt 5

So the bridge has done an oopsie. There’s been a crack in its arch. The trouble is, who’s going to clean it all up? And the bridge itself has to assessed as well. Everyone can get by, but not at the same time, and what’s going to happen if two different types of users attempt to use it at the same time? You know that there should be water under there but you just don’t know for sure, otherwise why is the water there in the first place? And it’s not still, so something could be emerging. There could be no bottom and you can’t see it. Looking ahead, this is just a taster of what’s to come. There’s some very serious flaws in the infrastructure here. Better take the kerb on the right side; the left is spilling over. Hopefully it won’t take long to fix and without any diversions.

Our Man in India

I've never watched any of the previous seasons, but I picked this one out as I'm heading that way myself in a few months’ time. While I'm only going to a few of the destinations covered in the programme it certainly gave me a light-hearted idea of what to expect in terms of people and culture. May is on his usual comedic form and while he undertakes a few activities which aren't usually offered to tourists, there's some brilliant comedic moments where the fourth wall is broken as filming goes wrong. There's some great banter with the locals as their wares are showcased and you get a great sense of attempting to bond with your fellow man without being elitist, especially when the locals are desperate to be captured on camera and he’s prepared to lose his dignity for entertainment’s sake, especially given our history with this country. Expect few facts, but a great journey.