At the Car Wash

I’ve been having a lot of problems cleaning my car lately. After rinsing I get a lot of dirty streak marks which makes it look as if I haven’t done anything at all. I was beginning to wonder if it was the turtle wax stuff that I used as it’s not a metallic car; or whether the shampoo itself hasn’t aged well. So I went out and got some new detergent and treated myself to a new sponge as well. As it happened, there was a deal which gave you these plus a bucket and a set of cloths for just a fiver; it was dearer if you purchased these items separately. The first time round I thought I’d try it with just the new sponge but still got streak marks. So then I used the new stuff but I also used a rinsing bucket as well as a wash bucket. So I still don’t know if the old stuff’s any good until I do it a third time with a rinsing bucket.

Who's the Dude

 It was my ex-boss who recommended this game to me. The front of the box reminds me of The Big Lebowski. I can just imagine him sitting round a kitchen table with a few mates and a few bottles wearing a gigantic hat while his pals try to flick bottle tops into its brim. But the idea of the game is a great one; you get to position the inflatable man as you see fit for everyone else to guess what you’re acting out. And there’s no doubt that this is a great game for parties until The Dude gets a puncture or becomes more animate than he should. He’s also probably been on more than his fair share of stag parties as well. But at the end of the day, it’s an expensive version of charades. You could probably get Lego figurines or action figures for a low-budget version of the same thing.

Imagine if Gravity Suddenly Stopped Working Inside Your House

The first thing you’d notice is a very messy room. Suddenly, everything is on the move. All your possessions have been possessed by a poltergeist; though from a different point of view they’ve each been freed of their possession and they’re finally allowed to wander around at their own pace. You may want to shut that window in case some of them escape; and keep an eye on what’s about to float upstairs. You might need to go shopping for a trapdoor. But to do that, you’ve got to get yourself around the house and to the front door. Maybe you’ll be OK swimming about. Just watch how hard you push off from; you don’t want to make a hole in the drywall. If not, you’ll have to use what’s around you to pull yourself around; bearing in mind that your force will propel the assisting item in another direction. Time to invest in some rope.

Twinkle Toes

I feel like I’m being worked to the bone. Every shift I’m either taking stuff off a shelf or putting more stuff on. Meanwhile, my colleagues seem to be having it easy. Some are swiping projects that I’ve started and they’re taking longer to finish them because I know which areas can be skipped. Some are just stopping work altogether to chat. And some are trying to find as many excuses as possible not to complete the task that they’re assigned to. The trouble is that I need the money without the responsibility. At the end of the day, I’m just going to keep my head down and get out of there as soon as possible. And when managers must act out their roles and complain to me afterwards about their woes; all that I can do is to pretend to sympathise with them; at least during working hours. It’s either that or maybe I shouldn’t have gone to the gym in the morning on the same day.

 

His Dark Materials

This dark, eerie drama had lots of suspense, though much of it was anticipated since I’d already watched the book and seen the movie. There was very little that was new, apart from the inserts into Will’s world which sets the series up for the second book. What I didn’t like was the fact that some of the characters were dressed very similar to the movie, though I suppose that they wanted to stay loyal to the books. I found Mrs. Coulter’s daemon very eerie since it doesn’t utter a word, especially as it’s a daemon belonging to the main antagonist. It makes a character mysterious and act irrational if they have no-one to confide in. I’m surprised that they didn’t make more episodes, but it’s good to see that a second series has been commissioned. There’s still many mysteries to solve such as who is from what world and whether further worlds are involved as the opening title suggests. I just hope that it catches on and encourages a third since the original film stopped at the first book. Time for a re-read.

Strictly Come Dancing: The Bored Game

 So they’ve made a board game based on a TV show. It’s not the first time this has been successful; but this is a board game about dancing! It’s probably at its best if you play it as a large group; it’s going to be a short game if there’s just three of you. The glitterball offers a sensational six songs; but that’s hardly going to offer any variety. Fortunately, you don’t need to have watched the show to answer the trivia as it’s either true or false; but there’s pub trivia too. I’ve never known anyone who’s owned or played this game. There’s plenty of pictures of the pieces proudly unpacked on kitchen tables online; but I wonder if there’s any takers? Perhaps it takes a certain type of fan to act out dances on a board using inanimate figurines and it’s why the discount shops are now flogging it.

What do British people call bread that is dipped in an egg/milk mixture and fried?

When I was in the scouts we used to call this eggy bread. We used to take turns in our tent group to cook breakfast for the rest of the troop; and there’d be a group of six of us supervised by one adult. Cereals would be put out as a starting point, but after a night spent sleeping under canvas we’d really want something hot while we waited for the day to warm up. The sausages and bacon could be undercooked and burnt to a crisp, the baked beans would stick to the saucepan and bits of shelled egg were everywhere. But eggy bread was the one thing that was guaranteed for the kitchen team not to get wrong. It was very hard to burn as it was saturated in the mixture and it was easy to scrape off the eggshell bits. It became the chef’s last resort when he’d had a nightmare of a kitchen team to co-ordinate; but at least you knew you had a chance of a decent hot breakfast item without running the risk of food poisoning! And we’d never give into the frogs…

Captain Choosey

You’ve seen an opportunity to give great customer service. You’ve spotted that there’s a choice in an item that you’ve chosen and you’ve rounded them all up to give them as many options as possible. It’s nice when some of them think that they wouldn’t get a choice at all. Some of them are even infuriated at having to make the decision. But it’s sod’s law that some expectations have already been defined. Some believe that it’s the full set that they’ve ordered. Others are after a character that you just haven’t got. What do you do? We could order more but we can’t guarantee which one comes in. It would be nice if we could take the time to make enquiries to get their desired item ordered. But everyone’s in the same boat so you’ve got no way of knowing without another pair of eyes handy. And then you’ve got to get it from A to B somehow. But apparently we just can’t make the effort nowadays.

Old Habits #nuclearmermaid12

 When she woke up, she was glad to see that she was still surrounded by water. After swimming round to investigate her surroundings, she decided to peek at the surface. Having no fear, she rose quite quickly. Once she removed her hair from her eyes, she saw nothing but stone at first. There was no blue sky above her, instead there were several small suns hanging from the ceiling in a linear shape. Suddenly a light splash hit her shoulders followed by a small plopping noise. As she turned she saw something sinking towards the stone bottom. Food! She dived for the fish and ate it quickly and greedily; she couldn’t recall when she last ate. But there was something strange about this fish. It felt too cold and slightly hard. And where did it come from? As she returned to the surface, she saw the biped with a bucket at its feet. She realised that she wanted more. Much more.

The Story of Craft Beer by Pete Brown

The Story of Craft Beer by Pete Brown
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

It’s interesting yet brief. It gives you a basic background but not enough to rush out reciting facts to your friends while filling in an application for Mastermind. The illustrations are simple yet to the point; and there’s quite a focus on graphic design; perhaps as a space-filler. The history is vague, but then again Brown comments on events that weren’t really charted until they were identified as trends which were spotted afterwards. The main thing to take away from it is as little or as much you want; and experts may not learn anything new. It’s rather a flip-through coffee-table book to refresh your memory of what’s out there and to welcome new suppers into the fold; preferably reading with glass in hand. What it does make you do is to discover more; and it’s a shame that Brown doesn’t provide other avenues for further pursual. I’d be disappointed if I’d paid for it.

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Awesome Aaron

Dressed as raggedly as possible with holes over his knees, long plimsoles and long hippy hair, he’s a cross between a modern Shakespearian Puck who loves drama and a skater boy. He always has a grin on his face but you never know whether you should trust it. He’s quite lanky with an honest demeanour that you just want to trust. He’s not Irish, but he has a great date for a birthday as he gets to party with them every year. He’s quick-thinking and always takes an interest in what you do. he’s never one for property and prefers travelling around by any means necessary to hogging everything. He knows how to have a good time and aims to create fun in all he does, no matter how long the task takes. He’s always got that kid inside of him. When he’s out, he’s out for the day, and what he can’t carry around with him he’ll procure the cash to obtain it no matter what it takes. 

Stored inside a Store

On the edge of a hill stands a supermarket. It’s hidden near a wood yet it serves a vast populace with only one entrance and exit. Even to the staff, it’s a fortress to gain entrance. There was once a common policy to have the gate open during all trading hours; but ever since the pandemic was put into place; their security was also raised. Nowadays you have to push a button and wait to be admitted. If you’re lucky, the delivery staff will see you and let you in. If not, you must wait it out. And even when you are admitted, there’s a strict debate of where you can and can’t go; and there’s also the question of who will attend you and when. It’s a very strange policy because if you deliver to one of the smaller stores; they generally welcome you to wander where you like.  

Are you feeling Lucky?

 Well, are you? Do you really fancy your chances while holding that pink slip indicating that you’ve shelled out for a stake in this prize draw? Have you entered because you fear that you’re missing out and that you couldn’t face yourself if you denied yourself the opportunity? Or do you just fancy a bit of fun while you’re helping a good cause? If truth be told, it’s no longer got the glamour that it had. The days of televising the results are over; perhaps because we’re more drawn to the bigger jackpots that the EuroMillions game has to offer. But you never know, it may make a comeback if we ever get around to leaving the E.U. It’s great fun to announce to your family that you’ve won, even if it’s just to tell them that you’ve earned a tenner. Then again it might be wise to keep that quiet…

Invasion of the Inflatable Snowmen

It was a simple family gathering. We were dressed up for afternoon drinks and a buffet to get the locals together. Everyone would be greeted by a jolly inflatable snowman that would bring a smile to every adult who first entered and a sense of mischief to every child once they were settled in enough to wander around the room. It wasn’t long before Frosty started tottering on a regular basis; and not because of a constant supply of drink. But once everyone had got bored of the scenery, Frosty wanted revenge. At first, it was harmless photobombing. He’d somehow managed to appear in every picture; and because of his large size no-one thought much of it. As the afternoon wore on; we began to get colder rather than warmer; even though everyone was wearing their Christmas jumpers. When the music started, some people stood up for the dance floor while others raised to get their coats. Then, in in one giant white flash; no-one moved again.

The Compromise #dreamdiary93

I’m in the capital meeting some friends for a party. I’ve spent the morning doing some sightseeing but now I’m running late for my rendezvous. My last activity is to explore Debenhams for a pair of sunglasses but I haven’t come across any that I’ve liked. I make my way to the exit via a posh step of stairs but they’re quite steep and I can’t quite grasp where the next rung is. All of a sudden the background noise fades away behind me and all I can see is an advert for Dior in front of me. I realise that I’ve walked into a designer lift. I head to the top floor where it becomes a glass elevator and there’s a toothless old man in a rag costume looking at me. I step out of the lift into a bar. The man looks at me and says, ‘It’s not twelve o clock yet but if you like you can wait here for a few minutes then I’ll serve you first.’ I thank him and he moves over to his open square bar which features Fosters and one handpump. I’m eager to see the clip but it’s out of sight and I’m not really in the mood for a drink as I’m one my way to meet people for quite a few. The bar is already quite full and some people still have drinks. It’s a bare, grim atmosphere with cigarette smoke and fruit machines. The barman is now talking to one of his regulars and I decide to slip out onto the street. I’ve got less than an hour to meet up with my friends. I get out my smartphone and discover that a few hops on the Bakerloo line should do the trick as we’re meeting in a pub near the Elephant and Castle. I make my way down to the platform which is absolutely packed and realise that it’s easier to wait for the next one; this seems to be a vintage train as the carriages are made of wood and they’re similar to an American mail train. I’m just about to text my friends where I am when I feel a tug at one of the pockets on my rucksack. Someone is trying to steal my water bottle! Thankfully it’s an empty one that I found lying in my hostel earlier that someone said that I could keep, but as I snatch it back off him and turn away the kid’s now trying to steal my full one on the other side of the rucksack. Being as he hasn’t got a drink and I’m on my way to acquire several, I decide to reach a compromise. I open the recent acquired flask followed by my own, then pour the contents of my flask into the first one. A crowd gathers to watch this; fascinated by this act of charity. The next train arrives but it’s another wooden one; although this one is open-topped with wooden seats inside. I jump into the carriage before it starts filling up again, but thankfully my carriage doesn’t become too crowded. I arrive at the terminal and make my way pass the castle; realising that I’ve visited a similar castle somewhere else. I walk past a child’s play-version of the same castle realising that it must have been the same castle but I was with a different group of people at the time.

Out of the Cocoon

 It’s nice to see kids out of their cocoon and enjoying themselves. At parties, they can really let their hair down and fly away; especially if they get the chance to share their experiences by mingling with other children. Or they can just misbehave and go nuts if the fancy takes them since they’re in an unfamiliar environment. It’s just a shame that they’re a bit shy to strangers; as they could make things interesting for them; but then again it’s probably safer for them if they are kept on their guard. If there’s safety in numbers, they’re more likely to appoint a leader to interact with the stranger. But it’s difficult to tell who’s your friend and who’s your foe when you’re under four feet. Hopefully they’ll be like beautiful butterflies when they’re older and will spread their wings even further, and we won’t have to wait too long for them to crack.

Dinosaur Lights

Early man didn’t have electricity. But these cavemen needed light at night. Usually this took the form of burning wood, though occasionally the odd dinosaur helped when they were cooking it. Today, the same thing happens as we heat dinosaurs to make decorative light; though we lack the after-product of a brontosaurus burger. But even though the dinosaurs are long gone, it’s good to know that we’re still burning them up even if it’s only to burn smaller effigies of themselves. At first glance, you may think that they’re seasonal lights, and you can pretend that it’s Christmas whenever you switch them on. But their soothing glow helps to ebb stress away and it’s quite hypnotic to sit there and watch them change their glow. I just hope that they retain their quality though; otherwise you might as well burn them up once and for all just to keep your cave alight.

Glammin' up the Lounge

Operation Christmas tree is usually a family affair, even if not all the family members can attend at once. It all starts with me bringing the stuff down from the attic. This in itself is not a big job since we’ve organised what we need to be within arms’ reach to the hatch as possible. Because Dad fell off the ladder years ago, we now have a lightweight aluminium ladder instead of a heavy wooden one; though its top plate is slightly smaller and it’s a leap of faith to get yourself up through the hatch by standing on the handle. Mum still likes to hold the ladder to ensure that no accidents take place; though I’m not sure how she could prevent me from losing my balance. But nowadays it’s just a case of passing the boxes down then bringing them downstairs. All that remains is to build the tree in time for the minions to come around and decorate it.

Brook Looker

What role does a brook have in a modern society? It’s no longer a source of water for human consumption; you get that from the tap. They might look pretty and encourage local wildlife and tourists to visit as a picturesque beauty spot but that’s about it nowadays. It’s simply a means to get water from one place to another. If it’s not managed, it could look very unpleasant and off-putting. It could spawn a marshland and attract the wrong kind of wildlife. It could be a danger to anyone attempting to cross it. dumping ground for waste or a deposit for runaway shopping trollies. Still, if you don’t do something about it you’re going to end up with a lot of water somewhere if it gets blocked. And it could create a lot of other hazards too. It only remains to keep an eye on them to prevent any disturbances. 

Micro Van

It’s amazing the amount of stuff that we sometimes have to cart around. Often people are baffled by the size of the vehicle that we arrive in just to deliver something that fits through their letterbox. Of course, they’ll hopefully that the vehicle isn’t just for them and that bigger items have gone out to other customers as well. But occasionally we get replacement vans that are made to feel like clown cars. It’s all very well if you’ve just got a few toys to distribute, but if just one customer orders a sofa bed then it turns into a reverse TARDIS. You must load your van with space in mind rather than in order of where you’re going first; and at some point you also have to dig deep to find the right item for the right drop. It does make finding a place to park much easier though.

Stan & Ollie (2019)

I thought this film was quite sad. It focuses on the duo’s declining years rather than a biopic of their career and I would have like to have witnessed the moment that they’d paired up. It was if they’d kind of accepted their declining years and that there wasn’t much of a fight left in them left to claw it back. It would have been funnier if the duo resembled their on-screen characters in real life. There were a few attempts at this but it just came off as frustrating and were acts to fill out some screen time rather than have any comedic value. I did enjoy identifying some of the landmarks that were used in the filming; though I must question how a Black Country pub can be substituted for one in Newcastle. But a distortion of the facts to create a compelling drama seemed to have let this down; and perhaps if the breakdown of the relationship had been exaggerated with a few gags, this would have created greater conflict and would have made the film a lot more interesting.

Poor Packaging

It doesn’t look good. You’ve got a customer in the front that’s saved up their hard-earned cash and they’ve trusted you as a provider. And this is what you have to give them. The easy way is to find another one, but sometimes that’s not an option. They don’t want to wait that long or it’s the last one that you can source. After that you’ve only got one option; to grab the Sellotape and get covering those holes. If you can convince them to take it and prove that it’s just the box that’s got holes and the product within is OK then you’re onto a winner. The problem is that just one hole will cause your customer to cast doubt. They don’t want to waste their invested time in a second trip to go through a returns process. After that you’ve got to open it up and show them to prove their satisfaction.

Spam Scam

It seems that the spammers have upped their game during this pandemic. It’s either that or the people monitoring these scams have suddenly been furloughed, leaving us to deal with it. It’s a shame that someone must oversee this in the first place, but I suppose you’ve got to have prevention in the same sense that you’ve got to have security. Several schemes seem to be abound. As everyone is desperate for celebrity gossip, the first one seems to be of makeshift tabloids describing celebrities endorsing bitcoin schemes with tales of wealth and tax havens. Next up is a more realistic shopper’s survey from a major chain store that you might have visited with the hope of obtaining a high-value gift card. Fortunately, it’s not hard to work out that I haven’t visited these stores recently. The latest craze seems to be just gibberish but there’s a promise that you can remove yourself from their mailing list with one simple click. They all seem to be sent in the dead of night; either to take advantage of late-night prowlers or hope to be at the top of the inbox when you check your mail in the morning. All it takes is to think before you click and you can save yourself a lot of hassle.

Part and Parcel

Damaged goods puts you in a state of incompleteness until you can invest in the time to resolve the issue. How long must you wait before you can continue? All because some incompetent person couldn’t do their job properly or didn’t get the right training to do the job correctly in the first place. How could they give two boxes that are the same? And who has the other half of your dresser? What an odd combination of parts it must have looked. Have they somehow managed to reverse-engineer it to suit another purpose? Or were they too polite to go through the hassle of having the mistake corrected? Failing this simple task doesn’t give you much hope that they’ll get it right the second time round but all you can do is to trust and hope. And of course, you could get started in the meantime (if you’ve got the first box), but equally you could be wasting your time.

Patterns and Shapes

At first glance, there’s just nonsense. There’s just a blur of squiggles and lines. There may be some repetition or a hidden object to decipher. It can be soothing to follow but also chaotic to make sense as you try to work out what it all means. If you can just find the starting line, you might be able to follow each stroke around the page. But one cris-cross and you’re all lost. What was the artist trying to achieve? And did they get bored in frustration or lose focus on their goal? Or perhaps they completed their project as intended. If you stare at the page for long enough, you might just find some meaning. A face may appear, or even an animal. You may even see an original subject that was scribbled out. Either that or your brain has wandered off and has found something more interesting to focus on.

Key Chaos

I managed to finish my shift early. I got back to the yard and signed off the van. There was even someone willing to let me out. He just had to unlock the front doors. We walked through the shop but the keys weren’t there. He wandered off to look for them but five minutes later he returned with a sheepish grin on his fence. ‘I’ve locked them in the office’ he said. Luckily, there was a supervisor nearby in the pub, but as someone always had to be on site, I was the only person who could go and get them. So I had to walk out the service yard and past the other service yards to get to my car at the front of the store. I then had to drive round the one-way system to get to the pub; only to find that roadworks had recently closed the street that I wanted to get to which forced me to do a second lap of the town. I met the supervisor who gave me the keys and told me not to worry about returning them to her tonight. I don’t think we even bothered with greetings, but I was off with a quick thanks back to the store. Half an hour later, I was allowed to go home. 

The Worst Day Ever

I woke up. Something in my stomach is churning. My brain says that I should get up and do something about it but I’m too comfortable where I am. Slowly, I sit up and think about it some more. Maybe I can wait and it will pass. I think about lowering myself back down again but then my stomach decides for me. A mixture of undigested solids and putrid liquids spews out of my mouth and onto the bedclothes. This has instantly given me a lot of work to do and if I don’t deal with it soon enough, the after-effects will ruin the rest of the day. But my priority is to make sure that my stomach has finished its business so I make a beeline for the bathroom. On my way my foot catches the door and I bang my toe. This reaction causes me to lose control of my stomach and I fire blindly into the void of the bathroom, knowing that I’ll probably hit anything but the bath, sink or toilet which gives me even more work to do. Then I hear voices telling me what I should and shouldn’t have done but it’s far too late for this pointless advice. Still, everyone loves a nag…

Address Agony

You’ve got to wonder how some of these councils planned the roads. Sometimes they just go out on a frenzy securing more and land to be developed on. Closes technically evolve into roads as they lead to other closes. And someone from the Post Office must have got drunk when it came to writing out the house numbers on the map. You’ve got no idea whether they follow a circular pattern or whether someone just decided to join up the dots. Half of these new estates them don’t even go to the hassle of putting signs up directing you to which number or even which road is where. I expect that they think it’s a waste of money since they’ll be vandalised. You can spend ages trekking around to find the right place. And if you’re delivering something heavy, it’s probably better to make two trips just to save your arms.

Chris the Lad

Tall and cuddly with wispy white hair and a distinguished deep loud black country voice, he’s always keen to see people. He never makes jest unless he knows who he’s talking about and never intends to offend. He looks as dopey as he sounds. He’s always aware that he’s not the clever one and in most cases he’s willing to learn and adapt but never at a disadvantage to others. He can be a true country bumpkin but he can always make a tall tale out of his adventure afterwards. He’s very partial to hospitality and has a golden heart. He loves parties and gatherings and always knows how to host one; and never skimps on the supplies. He loves to party and always indulges when offered elsewhere; though he isn’t always aware of the needs of others when it comes down to it. He’s a true lad who will always be young at heart.

The Shell Seekers by Rosamunde Pilcher

The Shell Seekers by Rosamunde Pilcher
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Pilcher creates a perfect blend of characters who intermingle between wartime Britain and as close to modern-day times as she can get. I love her liberal characters that don’t judge people by convention and are happy to support and respect others independently and without any meddling. The passion that Pilcher uses to describe her relationships is simple and honest; there’s no vulgar metaphors or lengthy descriptions about the scenery; just honest dialogue and interactions between her characters. I did find the flashbacks quite annoying at times; I would have liked to learn about the interaction between Antonia and Olivia before the reunion with Penelope. During the flashbacks I expected further relationships which led to disappointment. The conclusion was so sad that it brought a tear to my eye; but it was fantastic that Penelope overcome her tragedies and took steps to choose compassion over maternal bonds to build future hopes.

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Living someone else's dream #dreamdiary92

I’m standing in a large building with a corrugated iron roof. Inside, there’s thin red metal rafters holding everything up amongst piles of rubble. I’ve been trying to attract video gamers into my venue to play laser tag but not a single person has turned up this morning. I’ve used my best on-line marketing skills to attract people by placing adverts on social media, but the building is quite makeshift and sparse which hasn’t encouraged anyone to make a booking. There’s only a few rusty barrels and yellow illegible graffitied signature plasterboard walls that I’ve put up myself alongside overturned stacking tables which people could use as cover. I haven’t even got a light and sound system. As I pass through a doorway, the wall surrounding it collapses behind me. It seems that the path to follow my own dream has failed and all that remains is to live out someone else’s and help them to realise their potential.