New Year's Dishonours List

As we approach 2016, the Queen's New Year honours list has been announced. And what a scandal it has caused. As well as the worthy list of sports personalities and actors or actresses; it is now deemed necessary for politicians and leaders of failing businesses to receive an award. Despite it's failure to process enquires; the Head of the U.K. tax office has been made a Dame despite her failure to successfully run the department or previous departments in her career. So has she been nominated for compensation for all the suffering of being complained at? The palace surely seems to be rewarding failure here; and there seems to be a secret buddy system amongst the bureaucrats for working long hours and making mistakes. If the queen is that of touch with the common people; it surely demeans everyone else who has achieved this award. I think we need a bit more information regarding these nominations.

The saloon bar at the Woodland Tavern, Leamington Spa

Our next pub was in CAMRA’s Good Beer Guide so we were really looking forward to it. It was a small community pub just beyond the reach of the shops, with a local greeting us upon entry. But once we were inside, it was just like walking into a saloon bar. The few people in the pub immediately stopped talking as we looked at the ales on offer. The beer was a bit plain and nothing special for an accolade pub. Luckily there was a dartboard in an isolated corner so we decided to inject some life into it; which soon caught the eye of everyone else as we played a variety of different games. There was also a juke box nearby but that may have caused a riot. The Cask Marque certificate that we needed to scan was in a corner right behind someone’s bag propped up on a bench. 

A farewell to Doctor Who Legacy

I really enjoyed this game when it first came out but lately there seems to be a new update to download every time you play. There is too much emphasis on content, not enough work on maintenance  and making the game run smoothly. Updates take ages to download, then once you reach the title screen there's more lag while you wait for the weekly offer screen to load. I'm frantically tapping the menu screen to get a response to start a level; and even during the game you have to be extremely patient when trying to move a gem into position or activate a character's special move. However, I recently changed devices on the same platform; and while the game allows you to save game data to the cloud; it doesn't seem to allow you to retrieve it. In the end I had to say goodbye to my time playing it as it hasn't made itself future proof. 

Woodeforde's Wherry at the Hope & Anchor, Leamington

Our first pub on our tour was the Hope and Anchor, which was a long stretch away from the rail station but our furthest pub on the crawl. From the outside, it seemed just a small local’s pub, and from the outset we weren’t expecting much as we had already discovered that it belonged to a pubco. Inside was a singular hand pump selling real ale, but we were amazed to see that it was Woodforde’s Wherry; all the way from Norfolk; and it was in fair nick as well. As it was our first pub after a long journey, we settled back to watch the football, which seemed to be the highlight of the back room. The front room seemed very crowded with its three people, and we wondered how this pub would cope in busy periods. The local was enjoying a spot of low league soccer; though he thought it odd that we weren’t cheering anyone on.

Getting the troops organised

Every year our little gang likes to do an annual Christmas pub crawl. We simply pick an area we haven’t visited before, work out a way to get there, then seek out the top pubs in the area. However, this year we were a little stuck as we were at the breakfast stage and we still hadn’t decided where we were going. Furthermore, we were restricted to an unofficial bank holiday with restricted public transport and unknown opening hours as many pubs operate their own hours over the festive period which would be different to the regular advertised ones and only the locals would know. After discovering the star attraction of the Wolverhampton tour would be closed; we settled for Leamington Spa which none of us had any regular experience of its urban centres. Nevertheless; armed with a very low phone battery we managed to board the correct set of trains which were only fifteen minutes late and head out to our first pub.

Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is a truly classic tale of morals and values as Harriet Beecher Stowe describes the hardship of slavery in the nineteenth century American south. The language is very colourful and captures the innocence of the enslaved black people. Eliza’s heartbreaking flight from Shelby’s farm in fear of being parted from her son illustrates the many hardships that African Americans had to endure. Stowe mocks the slave trader in both appearance and manner and portrays Haley solely as an evil businessman who has to contradict himself in order to secure his profit. The societal laws are also mocked as the wives of the decision-makers begin to rebel against politics and place moral Christian values higher than revolutionaries. The purchase of Tom to St. Clare gives us hope in that some men see the errors of society and aim to appear erratic but actually demonstrate compassion to their fellow man. It's a shame that he is upstaged by his wife Marie who is the epitome of everything she says. Stowe’s characters are well thought out and create great banter in their dialogue; which makes this for a very entertaining read.

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Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas! I was dragged out of bed at the ridiculously early hour of 7am for our present opening ceremony, but we had to get ours out of the way before the girls came over so that we had enough room and that there were a fair share of presents for everyone to open. No moneypot to open this year, I expect it's all been spent on holidays and the girls. But I did get a nice pair of goggles from my brother. I did feel a bit cheap handing over just some chocolate and a DVD but I had bought presents for his family as well. Millie loved crawling around with her pillow, and Kim was very impressed with Chloe’s present. Chloe looked at it very politely, I expect she'll enjoy it more if she gets round to playing with it. Then it was off to the pub for the usual Christmas pint with the lads before Christmas dinner where we hide away from all the hard work! After lunch and a nap it was over to my aunt’s which was a bit dull this year as it was just us. Luckily I played the work card and managed to sneak away early.

A Day Off for Christmas

I was really looking forward to Christmas Eve. For once I had the day off, a pub crawl was planned with the possibility of a few pubs closer to home later that evening. And the one thing that I found myself doing was that I was actually Christmas shopping. I still had presents for four people to buy (one of which is still sitting in a corner of my room). And of all places, it had to be in sunny Stratford upon Avon. But it turns out that the traffic wasn't too bad. I was expecting to be queuing before the roundabout of the main road, but I just sailed in and found a parking space without too much trouble at all. I'd found a parking space, didn't have to queue too much in the shops, dodged the carol singers (even the begging ones) and even got in on a McDonald's Christmas burger. The only thing that ruined it was having to venture into Tesco for a few last minute items. The shelves were completely bare and even the roof lacked decorations. I felt so sorry for the people working there trapped in a soulless environment. Then I went home and decorated my pretty purchases.

Sherduck and the Missing Slipper #Sherduck2

‘And it’s always so crowded. I don’t see why people have to wait for other people all the time. I mean, if everyone agrees to conduct themselves in a similar manner, there would hardly be any hold-ups at all.’

‘Excuse me sir, but I do have an appointment.’

‘Yes, I’m afraid you’ll just have to wait while we sort this out. Better start getting used to the idea, but if we can get things moving along a bit faster now then it’ll be a lot quicker for everyone. We just need a bit more planning to get the space right.’

‘But with all due respect Sir, I’ve been waiting a month.’

‘A month? Well, that’s just simply ridiculous. I should like to cancel everything to attend to you directly, but we must offer those that lack the pace a chance to catch up.’

‘But I just don’t understand what it is you require, your Majesty.’

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

The devil is in the detail as Stevenson tells a short yet intriguing tale of Victorian horror. The tale begins through gossip, with neither the doctor or the lawyer actually witnessing events. The character on the whole are way too polite; expecting the worst out of any criminal outcome; and even admitting to the authorities that a crime may be at stake when attempting to settle the compensation of the innocent girl. Jekyll’s narrative confession at the end of the story is too long-winded for any reader to acknowledge, as the narrative is too scientific and there is too much information on which to dwell. The story’s conclusion is too short, and it is not made clear what has become of Jekyll in Doctor Lanyon’s letter, or of the outcome of Lanyon himself in Jekyll’s statement. Perhaps this is why the book is so successful in that Stevenson has missed a trick to allow other producers to finish his work for him.

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High rolling at Christmas Party World

Our table had been blessed with wine and beer, and we found out that we were the closest to the

kitchens. While this didn’t mean that we were the first to be served; we had a view of who was being served and how the system operated. My crab starter was very nice; and a lot more refreshing to the soup that everyone else chose; but I could smell the soup and it was done very tastefully. We also had a big twitter screen to post our pictures and comments throughout the evening, and high wire dancers complete with colanders and candlesticks on their heads.

The chicken and dessert, although small in size; were very tastefully done, and my eyes lit up when I found out that Marstons Pedigree was part of the free bar. We danced and rocked; rode the waltzers; then watched our manager throw up in a wine bucket (who watched us riding the waltzers!).  There was also a casino and I was doing very well at the roulette table until it was time for last orders and I put everything on the evens…only to receive a big fat green zero. It somehow seemed fixed…

Crashing at Christmas Party World

The taxis that the girls had booked to take us to the venue certainly were a let-down; I wish we’d gone by train as I suggested. It was a bit of a struggle to find the exit to our apartment block, and from there we were struggling to work out who our taxi firm was. We had opted for two taxis rather than a people carrier and we didn’t actually know where we were heading as there was nothing posted on the ticket. Luckily I spotted signs to the venue and was able to navigate. However, the girls arrived at a different part; and we were constantly calling them and texting them to tell them which hall to head for; and consequently we missed the canapes. The hallway was packed with people; but luckily the first call to dinner was announced and we wandered off to find our table for the evening. 

Baby racing

While lost in an apartment complex, I came across a rather novel form of entertainment. Two adults were racing their babies down the corridor between the apartment rooms. With a complex of this size, I was wondering if I would bump into the twin sisters from The Shining, but this was very enjoyable. A quick search on the internet proves that baby racing has been done in the past as tots chase soft toys down a small track to reach the finish. It would be ideal at church fetes where all the grannies could coo over the new-borns, with parents on hand to assist should any boo-boos occur. In America, there is even a website dedicated to the post World War II ‘Diaper Derbies’. There is of course, the morality of the sport; for instance, in the case of commercial gain it would deem to be cruel (unless the babies were genetically cloned midget actors; the series could easily be staged similar to worldwide wrestling entertainment). All I need is a group of volunteer parents with new-borns to spare…

Wonderbar!

I’ve been looking for a crowd for ages to accompany me to the German market. It’s nice to look at, but many people don’t see the novelty of it as every bratwurst vendor is the same and there are only two types of beer available. But it’s Christmas with music and lights and outdoor drinking; so the only group willing to go are my work’s managers before our black tie bash! It started off quite mixed with the big boss getting straight into the spirit of things by ordering a two-pint stein. I went for a pint of the wheat beer, while the others stood around looking sheepish. We decided to head on up to the square, stopping for garlic bread on the way. We ended up bagging a table by the cider stall, but unfortunately I couldn’t convince anyone to take up the ice skating. So we slowly headed to the apartments, stopping for food and bottles along the way. 

The Postbox

The mission was simple; pop back to the apartment, grab a beer and some shoe polish for the boss, then head back down to the girl’s apartment. We were staying in a refurnished complex called the Postbox, which was conveniently next to the Mailbox. Parking was difficult, we had to circle the area three times before deciding where to go; and the venue only had room for one car. But we eventually stopped in a nearby shopping complex that allowed overnight stays. Upon checking in, I wasn’t really paying attention as I didn’t make the booking, but we were given room keys once the spares had been found. We were shown to our rooms which were well furnished and had a nice view of the square and the library beyond. The girl’s apartment was a little bigger and plusher and we should have switched as there were more places to crash. But the strange thing was that our keys didn’t actually have our room number on it, which caused great confusion when I was sent on my mission.

Time to Upgrade

I have a new phone! I’ve grown quite fond of my old phone despite its slowness and its now cracked screen. I get on well with the software and its artificial intelligence. There are a lot of new models out there, but they also cost a lot of money. I’ve worked out that it’s cheaper to buy a model of my current phone with more memory than pay for a new model and an upgraded contract. The phone shop only sells the latest handsets and won’t have my phone in stock anymore; so it’s off to e-Bay to find my new purchase. It’s been open but the words ‘mint in box’ are clearly etched on the item description. So far it looks very clean and it turns on. I just hope that it’s quick and painless to swap everything over, though there still plenty of time for something to go horribly wrong. 

Another works do...

I’ve been invited to take part in another works do. This one is posher and is just for the mangers and team leaders; we’ve been asked to acquire black tie which luckily someone offered theirs for beer. A hotel has been booked (though I’m not entirely sure where) and a deposit has been paid. Though I’m in two minds as to whether or not to go; it does look like a glitzy party with proper canapés and entertainment. Then this week I find out that we’re starting at midday in the German market. Why is everything so last minute in this company? I’ve now been forced to give up a full two days for this party instead of a long late evening. I just hope that I’m granted some freedoms and don’t have to stick to the boss’s itinerary. And I’m already at a disadvantage as I’m not paying for the room. 

First Brit on the Space Station

So we’ve finally managed to send a Brit to join the team on the International Space Station. He will spend six months orbiting the earth while doing experiments. But what these experiments are; we have no idea. If it is to test new technologies, then the need for confidentiality is understandable; yet frustrating since the venture is undertaken with public money. But if it’s to see how fast you can complete a Rubik’s Cube in space or the effects of drinking Coca-Cola in low gravity conditions; these experiments are clearly wasted. Surely if Peake is conducting a series of educational experiments to inspire children; we have a right to know what they are? I personally feel that his time would be better spent helping to develop the space station. And what’s most frustrating is the coverage given to this event. Was it really a slow news day so that half of the main daily news bulletin could be devoted to it? 

Prescott is back...

I just found out that John Prescott has made a return to politics by becoming Chair of the Council of Europe’s Environment Committee. Has the world gone mad? This is the man who owns two Jaguars and drives one of them a hundred yards up the road to make a speech about saving the environment. A man who is well known to take naps during parliamentary debates. So what has he been up to on this committee? Well, not a lot apart from announcing that the targets set by the UK government are unrealistic. Probably from the comfort of a corporate jet paid for by us while trying to figure out how to form the Republic of Humbleside under the pretence of a police commissioner. I wonder how much free fossil fuel was thrown in for his performance? And in the meantime, if he does has to attend any boring meetings, he can always sleep through them. 

A bare back Christmas

I took my niece to a Winter Wonderland yesterday. It was a great novelty for her as she loves ice skating, but on reflection I saw it as a cheap monopoly for the garden centre to gain revenue. We had to pay extra for a skating aid and the skate hire booth was very bare. Some tots even did themselves an injury by toppling over the wooden benches.  The rink wasn't particularly big or decorated festively; the music wasn't Christmassy; and the nearby café was terrible. Bad food, rubbish service and the beverages weren't festive at all. The whole place was bare and dull. A quick wander away from the ice rink took us into an area of fruit trees and an abandoned play area. My niece honestly thought we were lost. These places need to make their venues extra special if they are to attract more than just visitors for their shopping.  

Please wait...

What do computers think we’re doing while we wait for them? Do they expect us to endlessly stare at the screen while they struggle to complete the task assigned to them? Perhaps there's no-one at home; actually they've nipped off for a fag or some other comfort break. Perhaps there's a group of people in an office that chooses what appears on your screen. If you’re doing something out of the box, they might need to call their supervisor for help. Or is it a marketing scam? Perhaps it's an effort to force you to do something else to distract you from the task you were doing; because if you were doing something it doesn't like then it's definitely trying to stop you. Maybe the distraction is a further excuse for it to allow its current task to run even slower. There are lists out there to suggest what to do while waiting for your computer. Some suggest ways to make your computer faster; some are three minute recipes and some promote exercise. But at the end of the day, we’re still waiting.  

The works booze-up

So I’ve missed out on the work evening bash, as I got the chore of having to cover the evening shift. And what a load of gossip I’ve missed. Drunken teenagers getting preloaded then actually getting served at the bar. Colleagues pushing random people across the dance floor, smashing glasses; grabbing every glass of wine that comes their way and stealing the rest of the bottle, then having to be taken aside by other colleagues to sit in the corner. People retching after the first taste of posh food. People attempting to walk two miles along a country road into the town centre with one step forward then seven steps back. And the final result is being thrown out of the hotel with a complaint to the manager a few days later with a lot of faded memories. That’s the people I work with. And I missed out on all of it! 

Dream Diary 3

Three very strange dreams came to me last night. The first was a culture shock where I was offering to drive someone home who was an ex-cop who was talking to an on-duty cop. He said to his friend, ‘I’m not driving so you don’t need to breathalyse me’! Then I was shifted to visiting a temple. I had managed to squeeze into a dumb waiter which was powered by two women who had to pull me up to the top of a bell tower. Once there, we looked down on the other visitors, who all saw us and instantly started to wonder how to get up there. The room became overcrowded very quickly, and I had to organise people so that we could all get back down in an easy and safe manor. Once I had returned, I had to find my friends, and was wandering around the hotel casino debating whether to eat first and try the hotel’s buffet or call them to see what their plans were. 

Tax Discs

I’ve just paid my car tax. It was a quick on-line affair where I handed over some hard-earned dough so that the government could buy more traffic cone farms. But the key difference this year is that I don’t get to receive a piece of paper to stick in the car to say that I’ve done it. So what am I supposed to do with my free complimentary tax holder? Surely it should now be illegal to display such an item to allow a greater view through your windshield? But no. Some organisations are recommending that you leave your personal details displayed in case of an accident. Some recommend holding onto it for nostalgia purposes; as there are actually people out there who collect tax discs and some will pay a fortune for some of the earlier discs. And as for me? I’m going to cut out the Batman symbol and place that there. 

The round robin...

In an effort to do more interesting things, I decided to support a friend who was starring in a community pantomime. I met with another friend and had an excellent meal; the Wetherspoons Christmas roast to be precise. Then we set off early as I knew that the venue would take some finding. After circulating the area twice, we still managed to arrive twenty minutes early; albeit to a fairly empty car park. However, inside were the production crew dismantling the set for the weekend. It turned out that the evening performance was for Saturday only, which my friend failed to inform us. Wanting to make the best of a night out, we decided on either bowling or ice skating; and a quick search on Google informed us that we were able to get to Solihull in time for the last ninety minutes of a skating disco. However, this was to be an ice hockey match in progress. So after a fifty-mile journey, we ended up losing our local pub quiz less than half a mile from where we first agreed to meet. When you try to make things happen, you just can’t win. 

Ulysses by James Joyce

Ulysses by James Joyce
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Joyce’s so-called novel is a complete rambling of life in early twentieth-century Dublin which follows the life of Leopold Bloom as he tries to survive in the world of journalism, though the people he interacts with all seem to be Irish Unionists intent on ridding the world on anything that is not Irish. It is on an parallel with Homer’s Odysseus. The only bit I really understood was Bloom’s dream of his ascension to sainthood, which is a very self-centred version of a future utopia; and that was due Joyce’s decision to switch from a narrative to a play script! The last narrative is clearly a rant of pure conscious and is of no narrative value whatsoever, and I can only conclude what is said occurs during intercourse such as it is with its climax ending. How it got so acclaimed is a complete mystery to me. Perhaps I wasn’t drinking Guinness when I was reading it?

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Caledonian Dirty Bear at The Bear in the Spa, Whitnash

After an afternoon meet-up, we decided to call into The Bear in the Spa for a quick pint. After arriving at the nearby Hungry Horse which had a very similar set-up; we got word that the plan had changed and trundled down the road. The pub had recently been refurnished and clearly caters for food; though we managed to find some comfy sofas for drinks. And for some reason they did not serve crisps; preferring instead to serve posh nuts and we tried three different varieties. Meanwhile the facilities were clearly from the previous pub’s layout. The beer was much to be desired, not off but very plain and clearly a session beer for the commute home. This in itself was a feat as the Europa Way roundabout to the motorway was all jammed up. Luckily I headed towards Gaydon then followed a country road down near Wellsbourne; which got me to the Longbridge roundabout and shot through Henley to reach home. 

http://whatpub.com/pubs/HOW/2291/bear-in-the-spa-whitnash

Christmas Karting

For our Christmas party this year, I’d arranged to go go-karting; as I’d become fed up with the traditional practice of going for a posh meal then ditching everyone afterwards. It was fairly pricey but it seemed to be well organized and they’d even arranged a trophy for the winner. But for a Christmas social, it wasn’t the best. I’d already doe a long shift at work and no-one seemed to be willing to take control to help me relax and get away from the afternoon drive. It was therefore a mad dash to get to the venue on time; but despite missing the turning I still managed to arrive before my manager. It was tight to park owing to the space that we had to leave for the storage containers that seemed to be dotted about the yard; and the track didn’t seem to be that big. We did get a lot of safety gear for our money; and the technical details were spot on, but there wasn’t really any opportunity for the whole team to socialise; as the second team had to climb into their karts ready for the next race while the first team were out racing. I also didn’t succeed in overtaking anyone; which affected my overall time for the tournament.

The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Nature meets mankind in this personification of conflict between democracy and dictatorship. The language is just beautifully simple and appeals direct to children; as if the professor himself was narrating it to his grandchildren. The plot is well thought out with much rivalry and conflict within siblings as is expected in families; something that each brother or sister can relate to. The beavers teach the children some very important lessons such as being prepared for an adventure; and at the same time we learn what happens by not being prepared through the misadventures of Edmund. Lewis’s attention to detail is second to none; and he has no problem describing woods, flowers, weather or castles in his descriptions. Yet there are similar parallels between Christ and Aslan’s sacrifice; it’s kind of an animalistic Easter story for children. The children have become saints and have been canonised throughout the land; and the story easily allows them to return them to sainthood when they return to Narnia again.

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#DW1

‘I don't believe it’.

‘It's true’.

‘Well, strike me down and blow me sideways’.

An electronic alarm sounds throughout the TARDIS as a sudden lurch throws Clara and the doctor to the walls. The doctor hit the wall face first; while Clara lands on top of him with an ‘oof’. A mug perched on the console flys across the room and smashes into one of the roundels;,narrowly missing Clara’s face.

‘Ah no’, said the Doctor, ‘this can't be happening’.

‘I’m OK said Clara, ‘it missed me’.

‘But that was my souvenir mug from Raxacoricofallapatoriuos’.

‘Never mind that, why have we crashed Doctor?’ yells Clara in annoyance.

‘Something must have interfered with the gravity stabiliser’. He pushes Clara to one side who gives a yelp as she rolls off him. He opens his waistcoat and puts on his sonic specs. After a few buzzes a screen on the TARDIS’s console flickers. ‘Hmm, it seems that we’ve arrived in parallel to local gravity conditions. I’m going to need more information.’ He climbs to his feet.

‘Doctor?’

‘Hello.’

‘You're standing on the wall.’

‘Yes, it appears so.’

‘How is that possible?’

‘I've no idea, but we're going to have to take a peek outside’.

‘Is it safe?’

‘I've no idea, there's just a bland grey on the video screen. Now get up.'

Bah Humbug!

So it's the first of December, and it’s already decided that the airwaves should be plagued with Christmas songs; despite the fact that the big day is over three weeks away. The plotting and scheming of how to spend twenty-four hours away from the shops has begun; even though some places will still be open. I've seen stair banisters covers with rows of Christmas lights and people filling their windows with flashing lights in December, and whole houses covered in a multitude of electric colours. And yet you're labelled a humbug if you haven't put your tree up yet, finished your Christmas shopping or even complained that it's too early. I've seen houses that have already gone overboard with Christmas lights; and it's great to see that people can afford to splash the cash. Honestly people, it’s just one day that you're forced to spend with the family guessing what materialistic items they've desired over the years.