Resident Evil

I love the fear of Resident Evil. Ever since strange creatures ran amok in a mansion, I’ve been hooked on the fear and the gameplay. I’ve never finished the first game and the only other one that I’ve played is the fourth one, but the series are well known for its toughness. Now that I’ve completed the fourth game in easy format; my next mission is to get through the normal setting; followed by the professional setting where I’ll be completely familiar with the environment. Of course, there will probably be many more monsters to kill or even avoid; the whole point of the game is not a shoot-em-up but a horror survival game where you must use strategy to either avoid or use your surroundings to conquer your enemy. I love the build-up of the music; it’s perfect to create tense moments; whether it’s getting past a corridor with a monster waiting to jump on you; or being surrounded by a mob which is purposeful of surrounding and outflanking you.

The Frolics of the Foley Brothers

Introducing one of the Foley brothers! These guys often accompany us on our beery adventures. They’re two fun-loving lads who work hard during the working week and spend their time exploring the best venues to drink beer across the country; whether it’s at a beer festival or an organised tour. One works for a building firm while the other works in playground maintenance. They live on the outskirts of Birmingham and have a very close family. They love the novelties in life and they love to stand up without fear of embarrassment in what they do. They’re never afraid to speak their mind; and while their opinions aren’t often or intelligent; once you make friends with them they become very loyal and welcoming. They’re always looking to party; whether it’s to celebrate the end of a beer festival or a long day out with a curry; but they also love value aren’t afraid to mock people when they know that they’re being ripped off.

Prescott Super Six at the Abbey, Redditch

The Abbey was a strange place. By day it was a lounge for the hopeless and discarded, serving cheap food and drink while showing the day’s news and sport. By night it was a dance venue that attracted the skanky and discarded. I don’t know why because it was a nice venue. There was ample booth seating by the windows for watching the world go by and large tables for groups to get together. This was followed by a long bar which always had real ale on at a reasonable price. It never strove to be a destination for beer, but it always aimed to have a beer on to attract people that were passing by. Opposite the bar was more seating followed by a raised area for those who wanted a more intimate area. Then at the back was a small dance floor in front of more seating; which acted as a VIP area at the weekends. It’s closed now.

A Night at the Nailer's

The venue was cosy enough. We had a table not far away from each other; and we each had our own pot full of sweets. The carvery that the pub put on for us was delicious. After the meal we all went outside while they set the room up for the evening. I only went for a comfort break; but when I returned everyone had vanished along with my pint. That was a huge waste of beer; and when you invest money in these things it's quite frustrating that you have to buy another pint. There was a good disco going on after that; but while the band were setting up I decided to pop round the corner to the Gate Hangs Well. I’d never been there before so it was an excellent chance to have  a quick comfort half. When I got back the band was in full flow and my niece was happy to hit the dance floor. I also made it to the very end where I got a bacon roll as a token of surviving the day’s festivities. 

Bring on the Magic

‘It’s no good. We have no capital. We have to close at the end of the month.’

‘How much magic do we have?’

‘We can only afford one more wish.’

‘But what if we used our wish to buy more magic?’

‘That seems a possibility. Bring in Miss Tinker-Tangle.’

‘Miss Tinker-Tangle, we need to buy some more wishes. How much will it cost?’

‘Well the price of each wish must be in keeping with inflation if you would still like me to remain on retainer. But since the last one, there hasn’t been an increase. What would you like?’

‘We would like to wish for more money.’

‘You do understand that if I suddenly added money to your account, there would be an inquiry as to where it came from? And there would also be an inquiry if I duplicated gold. The only way around this would be for me to duplicate piles of cash. And since the serial numbers would be duplicated as well, you would have to pay the cash into different banks so that they wouldn’t immediately realise that the notes had been duplicated.’

‘Very well, make it so.’

A Half-Hearted Wedding

I went to watch of my cousins get married. I only met him once before when I drove my mother and aunt to their engagement party; during which the groom got absolutely wasted amongst a group of my colleagues which weren’t even present for the service. On the day itself; we trekked out to the local church. I drove my family over and we witnessed the service in a local church. The music all seemed to be out of tune, and the vicar seemed to want to just disappear as soon as the service had finished. While we were posing for photographs, she sat in her car and smoked a cigarette. It was clear that she was just anxious to move on; but the horse-drawn carriage was blocking her car. When we got the go-ahead to head for the reception; I lost all sense of direction because of a long early morning shift at work; so consequently we were the last to arrive at the venue. 

Zombie Football #dreamdiary24

I’ve just finished work for the evening. We were locking up the shop and the car park was emptying out. I popped next door to the supermarket to use the cashpoint and bought something nice for tea. When I got back, a stage was being set up at the far side of the car park. A big screen was playing a video of a heavy metal band, and a live band were plugging in their instruments. Barrier fencing was being placed around the perimeter of the car park, and in the middle was a group of zombies huddled over an orange football. Suddenly, the music started and the zombies kicked the ball towards me and gave chase. I kicked the ball back to them but they knocked me to the ground and took my car keys then fled through the barriers and into the supermarket. I give chase, pushing past a big crowd of people queueing to enter the car park. Inside the supermarket, the zombies had already made a base using trolleys and stock to build a maze with walkways so that they could keep a close eye on the rat-runners below.

Map Reading

So here I am reading a map in another foreign land. I have no compass so I’m just relying on the piece of paper in front of me to get me back to the car park. The trail that we have followed has been quite novel but we need to know which path to turn off to complete our circuit. With a bit of planning I could have plotted a great trail encompassing all of the site’s features as well as a number of shortcuts. But I didn’t realise that the site was a park. We eventually walk an outside circuit which includes all the corners of the national trust. But it also goes past the very first car park that we stopped at which was to visit the Kinver corn maze. It seemed like that we trekked on for ages; but when we returned to the caves; it was a great sigh of relief.

Sharp's Doom Bar at the Woodland Cottage, Redditch

The Woodies is a small community local’s pub which is a short walk from the town centre. It’s mostly famous for hosting local bands on a Saturday, but it has a comfortable lounge to catch up with friends. Its bar is often camped out by locals but the bar staff are quick to recognise who is waiting. There’s also a small area for darts which is walled off from the rest of the pub. It’s a great place to watch sport as a community, and Saturdays will always feature the results as they pour in. It’s not a cheap place for a pint, but they do look after their beer and they are just starting to explore local beers because of a change in management. There’s also a rear patio area for smokers and some steps lead down to a small beer garden; though it somewhat feels like descending into a pit as the pub is on the very top of a hill.

Cliff Hanger

It’s time to enter the earth. Deep in these dark holes lies the secret of life. What perils lie for me within? Will there be Polynesian death-traps waiting for me? Is it better for me to crawl through the smallest hole? It offers the best view inside without being spotted myself. I have no hat, but I do have my trusty map. Although my phone only has so much battery life so I’m really hoping that there’ll be a pre-lit torch that I can take down so that I can read it. I’m also assuming that the map is up to date. Perhaps the roots of the very trees that stand above me will be inside. If I pull one, will the whole tree fall over? Perhaps it’ll start an avalanche and seal me inside. Or maybe the bushes behind me will creep over the entrance and prevent my escape. Into the breach.

Car Crash #dreamdiary23

I’ve had to park my car in a multi-storey car park. It’s a residential site but there are no signs to say that I can’t park here. I leave my shark grey Peugeot 207 in an empty space between a lift and a stone pillar. When I come back, my car is nowhere to be seen. But to my right is a red Ford Fiesta which appears to have all my stuff inside. I glance down at my key and it is indeed a Ford Fiesta key. The windscreen of this car has been spray-painted blood red. The front tyres have been slashed. And the back seat is full of yeasty, beery foam which must have expanded and multiplied out of the four cans of Guinness that I kept in my boot which was intended as a gift for someone but was politely declined. So, what do I do now? There is no-one around to help. I’ve had a few drinks so calling the police or the insurers at this time would be a bad idea. Instead I decide to seek the help of my friend who lives two miles away and ask him to put me up foe the night. But he’s having a house party so I must stay awake a little longer.

Tunnel Vision

It had to be done. Partly to prove to myself that I could get through the tunnel; (it was pretty tight) but also to get my money’s worth out of visiting the farm. It was a nice warm day and it wasn’t wet inside, but it also wasn’t comfortable. Luckily, there was enough room to use my arms to pull myself through. Amazingly, it was also quite clean inside thanks to the inner tube; there was just a bit of dirt kicked in from the outer layers. I also had no idea that there were people behind me until I saw the photo. They must have been and gone while I was stuck inside. It’s a shame that no adults have the same adventurous spirit that I do. Yet people could also argue that I was just being a big kid or even a little bit special. But I thoroughly enjoyed it, and if you’re only there once then you need to spend every moment exploring as much detail as you can.

The Lego Batman Movie

This film started off well with an excellent chase, despite Batman overselling himself on the logos and commenting on every little detail that appeared on the screen. The film works well at capturing all of Batman’s previous appearances and costumes; as well as a lot of heroes and villains from other universes. In her first appearance, Barbara Gordon was even wearing a Hans Solo outfit. But I thought that it was disappointing that there weren’t any cameo appearances from the characters of the first Lego movie. The plot also seemed to fold towards the end as all the villains suddenly decided to help each other and turn good in the name of friendship and teamwork. A few ‘reality’ moments would have been a bit more beneficial; such as a giant hand coming into sight to move the bricks into position. I’m also trying to identify the voice of the light-changing brick that guarded the entrance to the phantom zone. It sounds like Ellen DeGeneres who voices Dory. Overall, it’s an entertaining movie with comic moments that mocks itself and everything connected to it.

Swan Song

As we’d had a day out, I’d decided that it would be fitting to end it with dinner and ice cream. We’d managed to squeeze into a corner at the Hopwood House for a big pub dinner which was served quite quickly considering how busy it was. But for dessert we’d decided to get our ice cream from McDonald's. After passing through the local drive-thru, the best place to eat ice cream was at the council’s municipal lake. It was great just to walk around eating our ice cream outside like we were on holiday. We came to the docks which is a traditional spot to feed the ducks, and the ends were heavily fenced off to stop people fishing. The wildlife here can be quite vicious, and it’s a great theatre for bread battles.  Consequently, that was where all the fish were hiding, which also made it a great spot for the swans to gather to earn their dinner. 

The Eastenders Zombie Apocalypse #dreamdiary22

There is the everyday real world that we know. And there is the Eastenders Zombie Apocalypse. A world where one child has started an apocalyptic plague. The zombies have become easy to identify; their eyes are bright yellow. And its origin passes through the gateway of one terraced house which contains a small baby named London. The house is protected by Ricky and Bianca, and their dysfunctional family. Many believe that killing this child would end the apocalypse. But who has the nerve and the gut and the right tools? The affected seem to pass through this house then follow a path beyond to gather in a temple built in the Earth’s centre surrounded by rivers and waterfalls where a cult resides in a preach-like state. The journey there is terrifying as you must pass hordes of the affected; many of which you recognise. As long as you stay robed they cannot identify you as food. Can the curse be lifted?

Capture the Flag

I claim this land for all of England. I have battled through the maze of corn with my trusty scythe, which I am now using as a flagpole. I plant this flag defiantly upon this mount. I can use the blade as a hidden defence to anyone who should try and wrench my flag from behind me. From here, I can survey all of my land, from the empty shelter which I can use to store my equipment to the trees that stretch beyond. I also have my clipboard of mightiness with me, which tells me in more detail of the land that I am surveying. The skies are grey in anticipation of the doubt and conflict that I am about to inflict on my new empire. And I’m wearing the perfect outfit for the occasion. Look how casual and easy this conquest was. And there’s no-one around to stop me from harvesting my corn. Apart from my flagpole, as it’s also my scythe. So it’s going to take a while.

How Many Pubs a Week?

I was recently asked to sign a letter to a Lord asking to support a bill which would help to protect pubs when it comes to planning permission. In the letter, it stated that there were approximately 44,000 pubs in the United Kingdom which served real ale, and that they were closing at a rate of around 21 pubs a week. This figure seems a little lower than in previous years, so I googled the phrase and I found out that about a year ago it was around 29 pubs a week. But the figures also suggested that there were more than 50,000 pubs. So if you do the maths we’ve lost around 6,000 pubs in the previous year. To create a weekly figure, you need to divide this by the number of weeks in a year, which is actually 115 pubs in a week. So how is this data compiled?  And why have I been supplied with the wrong figures; and what are the correct figures? It just doesn’t add up.

Fishy Times

These fish are huge. They’ve been eating bread that’s been thrown into the lake and everything else in between. And there’s just hundreds of these fish thriving in there. Which is amazing considering how open the lake is. They could be poached by local fishermen and passing wildlife; but somehow these fish are not afraid. They’ll probably start eating the ducks and swans soon. There must be something hiding in the river. Perhaps there’s some kind of chemical that’s leaked into the river, turning them into mutant fish. Maybe there’s an underground breeding lair underneath the island. Perhaps the coffee shop is throwing the grinds of their coffee into the lake; making them super hyper. Maybe in the summer they’ll jump out of the lake and start feasting on human flesh. They’ll form an army and break into the coffee shop, and grow into enormous size. Unless the swans and ducks unite to save us. 

Moorhouses's Pure Witch at the Red Lion, Redditch

This beer was a strange but surprising choice for a pub that only has two real ales and is tied to a pub company. The Red Lion is a small local’s pub with a small lounge and a corridor around the back which accommodates a dartboard. It’s on the edge of an industrial estate which attracts a lot of post-work trade, but the road also goes off into the country lane and attracts a fair few locals too. There’s not even room for tables between the bar and the pub’s entrance, but the bar is long enough for people to lean on. Outside, the facilities look like they’ve been converted from an outhouse as you travel through a small corridor into the outside of the pub and into a separate room. There’s also a lot of land that could be sold for development. It’s another pub that we’re hoping to list as an asset of community value.

The Merry Berry Tree

All I want to do is to stretch up high into the sky and touch the sun so that I can keep as warm as possible throughout the year. The darkness terrifies me both day and night; so I must stretch out to stay away from the shadows as much as possible. There’s a lot of competition around me, so I’m trying to scatter my seeds to take over and crush the other trees. In the meantime, I must occupy as much space as possible as there’s plenty of greenery below me. Being tall, I do get the first choice of rain as it falls onto the sky and I’m happy that those below me may only use my excess, but there’s plenty of opportunity for them to do the same for me if I don’t secure my roots as well. This battle has been going on for many years.

Empty e-mail Addresses

One of the latest things that we now have to do at work is to gather customers email addresses. The idea is to send customers a copy of an electronic receipt in case they lose their paper one; and that we can recall their transaction more easily on our side too. The company has now made it a key performance indicator to encourage a client base; and we’re now under pressure to collect this information. The training method is to just ask for the customer’s e-mail address as people are expected to give out their personal information nowadays. But I disagree with this as it’s just a request for information and it doesn't say what it’s for. It also alienates people who are also on the mailing list. Furthermore, the e-mail receipts don't offer any news on product care. There's a whole more lot of thoughts that needs to be put into this before forcing us to make it part of our job. 

A Cure for Crazy Katie?

So, who is this mysterious person that has dragged me through all these hedges? Well, in an attempt to get outside more, my friend has decided to join the National Trust so that she’s got a justified excuse for getting out there to see the world some more. And I’m the one to help her do it. So far, I’ve only had to drive her to one location; and I’ve got a free parking sticker to show for it. Not that I’ve ever gotten around to using the parking sticker, it’s just sitting in my glove box. But it was a beautiful day and it was amazing as to how far we’d walked; and she was more game than I was somehow. And this was an achievement in itself; previously she chose to wear high heels when we were doing a pub crawl and were walking from pub to pub. So, is change in the air?

Wood's Shropshire Lass at the Cross Inn, Finstall

The Cross Inn is a small community pub in the middle of the village; and it’s the only one for a few miles. Consequently, the car park can often be full at times, and you generally are left to park in the potholes in the back of the property. That’s after you’ve negotiated the steep driveway and the awkward bend that the pub sits on. People generally try to be friendly, but there’s still an aura of ‘you’re not from round here’ when you walk through the door. There’s a choice of three real ales which are quite varied in condition, and the pub has been in and out of CAMRA’s Good Beer Guide a few times. It’s an open plan lounge with comfy seating, and there’s a very small meeting room. It’s also quite close to the cellar, so watch your step as you go in or you may have a bit of a tumble. The pub is listed as an Asset of Community Value and it also serves local real cider which took a small campaign to get it back on sale at the bar after the pub company tried to dismiss it from their portfolio. There’s also a variety of snacks and sandwiches.

Berry Lane

The woodland around Kinver is stunning. Trees and bushes just crowd around you to make a hidden road, and you never know what’s around each corner (unless you’ve been there before). I just love this berry tree with its silver leaves. The berries are large and round, but they’re just too high up to fall to the ground. They’re quite sturdy too. The whole tree is at an angle because of the cliff to the right; but it reminds me of a barrier at a signal crossing. When it’s lowered, you obviously can’t continue down the path, but it’s perfectly safe for the animals and plants to move around the corner without being spotted. The trick is to try and catch the barrier in the act of being raised or lowered. Or the berries could cunningly disguise the whole tree as a missile with tiny grenades attached to it. And the surrounding greenery attached to it could act as its fuse wire.

Cards Against Humanity

Cards Against Humanity is quite fun. It’s described as a party game for horrible people, and at first I had visions of having to divulge shocking sex truths; personal encounters and quick-witted lies to keep the dirt away from me while still following a trend of sorts. But the game itself is quite simple.  There’s just one question which is set by the game, and the game also provides the answers. You just have to pick the best answer which answers the question; according to what you think is the judge’s best sense of humour (though they may sometimes decide to opt for the grossest option). I managed to finish second in my first game and fourth in my second game; not bad considering there were six of us playing. And amazingly, the creators have a sense of humour in themselves; and have brought out many different versions across the world to cater for different cultures. So if you like being grossed out or have the wit to create religious and political sex scandals, then this game is for you.

The Great Oak

This magnificent oak tree can be found near the edge of Kinver Edge. Its vast shape and size has offered shelter to many animals, and during our visit it was the home of a bull and its calves. The cattle weren’t too bothered that we were there so long as we stuck to the path, and being that we weren’t the only visitor to pass through their grazing ground that day; they must have gotten used to sharing the land. The weather had been very much touch and go; bright and warm spells with the odd light shower; perfect walking weather but the cows were all for staying in the shade. The paths lead off the cliffs in a variety of directions which caused a lot of confusion between groups as to where they wanted to go. We just decided to do the circular walk and stay on the clifftops for as long as possible.

Lymestone Foundation Stone at the Royal Enfield, Redditch

The Royal Enfield was originally the town’s old cinema. It closed many years ago, and was converted into a nightclub by a firm named Chicago Rock. This national franchise was known for its American-style food, dodgy DJ, and cheesy rock music. It too failed, then Wetherspoons remade it into the Royal Enfield as one of their Lloyds outlets; maintaining its nightlife with Wetherspoon-style values and serves as an overspill pub for Wetherspoons in the daytime. Its horseshoe bar can be quite crowded at times and understaffed; especially at night; and it’s a shame that they got rid of the second bar that the previous club owners had installed. The building is quite large and open-planned, but it’s too dark during the day and they really need to install more lighting. It’s a shame that Chicago Rock got their hands on the site before Wetherspoons; otherwise the refurbishment would have otherwise a lot more in the style of the old cinema.  

Kinver

Kinver is a small town on the Worcestershire and Staffordshire border. It’s well known for its scout camp and the nearby Kinver rocks, but the village itself is also worthy of a visit. It has a high street with many independent shops that are free of chains; which is a rarity these days. The high street is quite narrow and it’s often hard to pass cars when they’re parked because of the chicane system used to control traffic speeds through the village. The locals will keep a close eye on you as you pass through. Further out, there’s a canal with a nearby pub with excellent views for those who like to watch the narrowboats passing through. There’s also a few industrial units on the east side just below the edge. Four pubs are worthy of your visit, but the first choice must be the constitutional club if you can find someone to sign you in.