When a long journey becomes short...

I took a long haul journey to Liverpool this week. Secretly, I was dreading the whole journey as we got the cheapest tickets with one of the tattier train companies that hasn’t got the best reputation for punctuality. And worst of all, the value of the ticket meant that we would stop at every single stop along the way. But the journey wasn’t that bad at all. For starters, the train was very quiet, both inside and out, which I was very surprised at being as this was a key time for travelling to our conference with the best value tickets. We had a lot of spacious room and even managed to get a table. We travelled at a decent speed and sailed through all the stations; and also enjoyed some very pleasant scenery along the way. I would have got some reading done too; but I had a friend to entertain.

Saturday Night and Sunday Morning by Alan Sillitoe

Saturday Night And Sunday Morning by Alan Sillitoe
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Sillitoe’s account of a young man’s adventures during his leisure time accurately portrays working class attitudes of work. Arthur Seaton only defines himself as what he does at the weekend; and tunes himself of his working day except when he has to interact with others; of which he does without emotion or prejudice. Seaton is always fighting to survive and never gives in; which brings out his anger quite easily after a few pints when society tries to get in the way of his fun. He tries to be an anti-hero with his immoral and selfish actions; but his employment in a world focused on industrialisation illustrates that there is little care for the individual from a societal point of view. The dialogue in this book makes it a nice easy read and the ending is justified yet unchanging of our hero who is just too set in his ways.

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Bank Holiday Syndrome

One of the strange things about bank holidays is that no-one knows your opening hours; whether you've got the day off or closing early; you can never count on your regular services. We popped into the Gate Hangs Well to try our local pub quiz; but found it postponed owing to the holiday festivities. Instead of taking to the surprisingly vacant dartboard (which was probably a wise decision given the number of pubs that we’d visited), our eyes fell on a box of dominoes. We found a table, and we were even permitted to use one of the pub’s official domino boards; a square wooden tile with framed sides to stop the dominoes from tumbling over. It was good fun despite winning only one game, and the best bit was mixing them up at the beginning; of which the other tables outdid us proudly by making as much noise as possible.

HMS Caroline

Holed up in the Belfast Docks is HMS Caroline, a decommissioned Royal Navy cruiser vessel that’s over a hundred years old; though you wouldn’t know by looking at it. It served in World War One in the Orkney islands, and was later used as a training vessel. It’s amazing that to think that the entire fleet used to be commandeered from here; and it just makes you think how the military outgrew it with today’s technology. Arnie can control a whole army from his i-Pad while descending in the lift. It’s preserved in excellent condition, and still floats, but her guns and engines have been removed for use elsewhere in the fleet. The docks do keep her well sheltered, but it’s been reported that she has come loose off her moorings a few times and even drifted into the jetty. Allegedly it is awaiting restoration to celebrate the centenary of the Battle of Jutland, but if that’s the case then someone had better get a move on.

Live from the Kennels of Parliament...

‘So the humans want to have us chipped. And any unchipped dog will be put down if found on the streets.’

‘Well, it makes them more accountable, doesn’t it? If we get lost or even rejected, then the humans will be responsible. And it means that every dog is by law bound to some sort of shelter.’

‘But it also means that they can track our movements. In gatherings such as this, for example.’

‘Well, we can’t change what the humans have already decided. They were going to find out sooner or later.’

‘Our whole covert operations will grind to a halt. Should we be threatened by another cat invasion, our counter-operations will be tracked by the humans.’

‘Perhaps they can help. It would be great for us not to have to do all of the work for all of the time.’

‘Or perhaps they can hinder us. There are as many dog lovers as cat lovers out there. And their movements will not be monitored. Plus, I believe that the chipping itself will be a bit painful for a time; putting many of our troops out of action.’

‘Well Mr. Squeaker, I just can’t help but feel that this debate will be a little rough.’

Adaptive Camouflage

Keys. They're a bugger to cart around, and yet you really do need them if you want some security in your life. But as soon as you unlock that door, they're no longer needed until you're ready to secure the lock again. I put mine down on the table yesterday, then while I was locking the main door, I noticed that one of the keys had slid off one of the key rings. I didn't panic as I knew that the missing keys would still be in there and it wouldn't be me who would unlock that same door. So when I returned, I found two keys in the place that I left them, but there was still a smaller key missing. I asked around to see if anyone had picked the two keys on the table off the floor to see if the missing key would be in that vicinity. When that didn't work, I retraced my steps to the other doors that I'd unlocked. Oddly, the key was found on the floor on a metal plate dividing a room from a stockroom. And the strange thing was that a lot of people must have gone in and out of that room; and yet none of them saw my missing key on the floor!

Bad Education

I used to be put off by watching Bad Education, thinking it was just about just a degenerate class of students that just acted up. But having watched a few episodes in passing lately, it’s really beginning to kick off. It’s actually the performances of the adult teachers and their child-like behaviour that make the comedy interesting rather than the chav stereotypical students themselves. The comedy arises for Alfie’s need to succeed and demonstrate his maturity to the other teachers and prove that he can lead; but he hasn’t the intellectual mechanics to do so and needs his pupils to help him succeed; bribing them with a field trip to Nandos and beer. His teaching methods are actually very imaginative; allowing chaos to ensue when using pupils in wheelchairs to act as tanks in war enactments. But you have to wonder how these people actually get these jobs that would be a great storyline to focus on. 

Belfast Peace Wall

You might find the idea of visiting the border of a former conflict zone a bit odd, but the Belfast peace wall conveys much of the trouble that Northern Ireland has had to overcome. The area itself is now a busy road into the main city; with a modern housing estate on one side and a motorway embankment on the other. But just on the other side of the housing estate; you can really sense the pain that people still suffer around here, simply by the number of memorial gardens and murals on the sidewalls of shops. The wall itself is over 21 miles long, and at times it really does look like a prison wall. The motorway embankment also emphasised the city’s wind corridor; conveying a great sense of loneliness when looking at these artworks in memory of those who lost their lives while fighting for peace and freedom. 

The Road to Wigan Pier by George Orwell

The Road to Wigan Pier by George Orwell
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

George Orwell takes a vacation up north to describe life as we know it to the rest of the world. He has a day out in the coal mines, tours the dwellings of the working class peoples and examines their social welfare. His efforts to create sympathy for the working class is heeded by describing their unsociable habits and squalor. When he arrives at Wigan Pier he finds it to be lost, as if all hope for these people has vanished. We are then treated to Orwell’s battle for equality under the mantle of Socialism; we learn much of his own background and life travels. But what he does do well is convey the message that these people are trapped in their hardships and that their habits are very hard to break. He concludes how the emergence of the machine has dominated over us all; and how we must keep funding the machine in order to survive as our population grows.

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Fresh Roadkill

More and more animals are venturing out into urban areas. It’s that time of year when it gets warmer and the animals are out and about exploring.  Just last week I saw a young deer near a supermarket roundabout, as if it was just finishing its evening shopping and was on its way home. But spotting these animals can cause chaos on the roads. Just last night I had to swerve to avoid a fox, and I beeped my horn to warn the driver behind me. Luckily he managed to stop in time; and I witnessed the fox dancing around in circles in front of the headlights. As he flashed me, I waited for him to pass to make sure everything was OK and I did the right thing; but no honks or rude gestures were made as he passed. Coming back the same way, another fox hadn’t been so lucky, his body laid down in the middle of the road. I just hope it wasn’t the same one. At least the extra roadkill gives the kebab shop owners a chance to stock up.

YouTube

YouTube is addictive. You only need to click on a couple of links, yet before you know it half the day has gone by as you think; oh, I’ll just watch one more; it’ll only take a few minutes. I’ve watched cheaply filmed stunts; clips from old TV shows and even full-length episodes of shows from around the world. Some are poor quality compilations taken from other sites and put together under a central theme; which sometimes makes them repetitive. But YouTube has become a legend of its own. It’s even generated spin-off TV series featuring high ranking videos and interviews with the stars of the clips. And all because someone took five minutes to make a quick video; whether it’s a planned production or spur of the moment click from a passer-by there’s always something to entice you. And the main thing is that it’s all free; provided that you have an internet connection and something to log on with; and that you’re prepared to endure a butt load of advertising.

Dream Diary 6

We’re putting on a play and it’s rehearsal time! We’re all on stage in demin overalls carrying clipboards and scripts trying to work out what’s the best pose is for our characters but there’s less than four weeks before we’re due to perform. The conflict begins when we’re short of players and we still have the set to build. Because of time restraints and the lack of volunteers we have to start to think about cancelling the production. We’ve also had to rehearse at a variety of different venues to work around everyone’s schedules; so our practice sessions have often been in confusion as there’s a different layout every time. Is it a subconscious sign that I’ve taken on too much; trying to organise the sheep when they too want to be sharks? Sadly, there’s no simple solution to this problem as I too woke up in confusion. So this week I’m trying to get as organised as possible.

Deception in my Curry

As I had a full hour available for my lunch break this afternoon, I decided to dabble in some microwave cookery. So I popped over to the Marks and Spencer food hall; and found a great big bowl of coronation chicken to bung in and go. Or so I thought. As I removed the sleeve I spied a plastic strip which I assumed to be the handle of a plastic fork. But when my food went ding and it came to serving up time; it was actually a lid similar to a steamer with just sauce underneath. I understand that it's very healthy and trendy to steam vegetables and it was quite a nutritious meal what with the cauliflower and the sunflower seeds; but the fact that there's a hidden lid halfway down the bowl makes the lunch somewhat deceiving. Sorry M&S but Sainsburys are still the kings of supermarket curries. 

London has Fallen

This thriller certainly does have plenty of action to keep the plot moving. It opens well with many of London’s landmarks exploding spectacularly; albeit with not as much devastation as I would have liked. There's some Arnie quotes thrown in like ‘Get to the chopper’ and ‘I’ be back’ without even a cheesy grin; meaning that the writers are clearly running out of ideas. The ending is a long and drawn out shooter with one hero taking on as many bad guys as possible; with the plot fading out faster than the terrorists can keep up with. It's a shame that the ending was confined to a simple closed building rather than somewhere more exciting and iconic like the top of a double decker bus on Tower Bridge. Plus a few more explosions would have made it much more dramatic. But as a movie it works well for a general shoot-em up; but the script seems to be suited more to a video game rather than a feature film.  

Samson and Goliath

Dominating the skyline of the docklands and dwarfing the rest of the city are two giant cranes built to sustain the city’s shipbuilding industry. Nicknamed Samson and Goliath, they stand over 300 feet tall and are seldom used today; though it would be an event to see them in action. Today though, they’re just fenced off as landmarks which are actually listed as part of the city’s heritage. It’s a shame that industry chooses to move onto other places, abandoning its historical heritage in its wake and leaves so much land unused. The company that owns the cranes still exists; but it now uses the site as its headquarters as it commissions other construction projects around the world. Its most recent ship refurbishment project

seems to be granted out of sympathy by the government since it was so local and the shipyard was practically redundant. But the cranes themselves are so noteworthy that my friend even bought a baseball cap commemorating it. Though mainly I think he bought it to try and stop his head from getting wet.

Budget Time

It was disappointing to hear that the government has chosen not to cut a further penny off our beer duty. This, together with a proposed increase in both sugar tax and the cost of labour; will surely see a rise in costs at the hand pump this year. Once again; the government has put the needs of businesses first rather than the common working man; forcing us to work harder and harder to make our money go further. There is always talk of building and improving; but never preserving our past heritage. There has been no investment to protect the rights of the workers; instead we are forced to be responsible for our own welfare rather than rely on government assistance. And yet; when you look at crime statistics; the government is hopelessly behind the times of enforcing its own laws. It’s often a lot faster for the media to report on live events than the government have time to enforce these problems. 

Deadpool

This is a new lead on the super-hero franchise; as many Marvel films portray their character saving the world and getting the girl in the process. This film is much darker and has a lot more satire; mocking both the traditional superhero plotlines and the characters that play them. A lot of the superhero character traits are discarded here as this ant-hero is a lot more adult and self-centred in his actions. The two X-men characters who were constantly trying to recruit Deadpool onto Professor X’s team also need a lot more development; as these are also two new mutants that we’ve never seen before. I actually fell asleep during the final moments of the film; partly because of the slow plotline and also because I was tired and the cinema was suffering from a overheating problem. There’s still a way to go to link up how Deadpool joins Stryker’s team of X-men; but I’m sure that that will be all wrapped up in the sequel.  

The Right of Way

Last month it was reported that one of Google’s self-driving cars was involved in an accident with a bus. The crash occurred when the parked Google car decided that there was enough room to pull out in from of the bus and that the bus would slow or yield. I thought that the whole point of self-drive cars was that they were to be safer than humans. But what happens to the right of way? In this case the bus clearly had the right of way; but the machine decided that it would rely on the good nature of the bus driver. This will simply not do. My bank doesn't rely on my good nature that I’ll pay back a million pound loan that I’ll borrow. It’ll want to see credit history; a business plan; and a guarantee that it’s going to gets its moolah back. So why has a car been allowed to think the same way? The fact that Google has amended its programming to mistrust drivers of large vehicles less is not the answer at all. If self-drive cars aren't to yield at all; then how is that different to a human driver?  In a world where we are increasingly mistrusting other people; why has a computerised car been allowed to think the opposite. These cars need to yield when they should in order to make them safe. Google, it just doesn't make sense. 

The Gregory Guesthouse

If you're looking for a comfortable stay in Belfast with all the trimmings; then the Gregory is an excellent choice. From the moment we booked; the manager got in touch with us to find out our requirements; and when we arrived we were made very welcome; shown the downstairs guest lounge and breakfast room; told us about the free wifi and how to get in touch if there were any problems. The room itself was very comfortable with very high standards; and was cleaned and tidied every day during our stay with the upmost respect to our belongings. We had tea, coffee and biscuits in our room every day; and extra supplies were available from reception. There were no problems with noise and traffic; and each morning our breakfast was cooked to order. The Gregory is a fair distance from the city centre; but there is an excellent bus service which runs regularly on the main road; which is just round the corner. Belfast is also served by a very efficient taxi service (we used Value Cabs).  

Limited

Every time I try to master my own destiny, something always goes horribly wrong. I had an excellent chance to escape early from work today. I even managed to take a full rest break; we also didn’t need a full crew for the evening shift which meant that I was able to stay and get the next morning’s run ready. Which meant that when they returned; we all got to go home early. ‘Great’ I thought, ‘I can finally crack open a bottle-conditioned beer.’ When I returned home, my parents were out which meant a bit more peace and quiet. I ate some leftovers, grabbed a mousse, then I was ready for my beer. The downfall came when I couldn’t find the key to the backdoor. It just wasn’t in its usual place. I looked over; then tried to peer outside in case my parents had accidentally locked it outside. I had a good rummage through the cupboards for a spare but no luck. And I want my beer! The only possible thing that could have happened is that they have taken it with them as there is a camera on the table in place of where a key might be. I so need my own place if I’m to live a little more freely.

I didn't get it my way

The staff looked bored stiff as they trudged their way around the kitchen and order counter. A man just in front of me looked as if he had been waiting for a considerable amount of time. A girl walked back and forth between the burger counter and the till in a state of confusion. The girl who served me didn’t smile at all and actually yawned as she turned away to get me a cup (which took a considerable amount of time to do). As I waited, a woman came over and said that there was a large amount of drink spilled on the floor. A man in a shirt said that he’d get someone over right away to clean it up. My food came quite quickly, and I soon spotted the sea of coke on the floor. When I got my burger, it was tiny for the price paid for a premium burger. As I ate, a capped youth came to supervise the drinks machine; but no-one seemed to do anything about the spillage. I won’t be back.

Dock Talk

‘Do you think they’ll notice?’

‘No, we’re too high up for them to care. I’d like to see one of them climb up all the way here. Just be careful what you’re doing. As long as we don’t draw attention to ourselves, we’ll be fine. Did you bring the sugar?’

‘Dam, no, sorry I forgot.’

‘Oh, now come on. I’ve managed to lug all this kit up today and you had to do one thing. Now we’ve got all this tea brewing and I can’t even drink any.’

‘Sorry. I’ll get you a pint tonight.’

‘Yeah, well tomorrow you can smuggle the brew in. Now surely you’ve got the tools.’

‘Yeah, they’re here.’

‘Well, let’s get drilling then.’

‘Did you see the game last night? Murphy scored a hat-trick.’

‘No, I spent too long talking to old Paddy at the bar. He wanted me to look out for a new shipment of whiskey for him.’

The Titanic Experience

One of the must-see things to visit in Belfast is the Titanic Experience. Don’t be put off by its hefty price tag; its six floors of interactive exhibits is well worth the money and you’ll spend a lot more time there than you’ve planned for. It’s situated in the heart of Belfast docks where the original Titanic was built; and the modern building that encompasses it is built to scale so that you can get a glimpse of the shape and size of just how big this ship was. The exhibition marks the pinnacle of Belfast’s history and tells of the major industries and the stories of the peoples who lived and worked here. Then there’s the shipyard ride which takes you into the bowels of the ship to give you a glimpse of what

it was like to work in the dockyard during Titanic’s construction. There’s then a tour of the facilities where you get a feel of what it was like to be aboard; in both first class and steerage. Finally, the tragedy comes together as the story of the iceberg unfolds; and there is a very solemn atmosphere as you learn the stories of those who perished as well as the survivors; followed by some incredible footage of the wreckage when it was visited by a remote submarine. There are also some great views of the city and its skyline from the docks here.

A Hermit Life Beckons?

I'm getting very annoyed with technology at the moment. I have an iPad which is really struggling to get up a charge and  I have a laptop which is struggling to install a windows update which I am only installing as the Norton antivirus is refusing to run, the Norton "fixit" tool has given up; and the re-installer tool refuses to do anything at all. Meanwhile, everything else that needs updating requires a password which will obviously need a password which will create a huge crash owing to not downloading any email for a week. The only thing that is coping is my trusty phone which I cannot transfer my photos from my camera into the digital world and am very close to going outside to live in a tent and become a gypsy forever keeping up with the world on a three and a half inch screen. So I'm very close to stopping my technological subscriptions at the moment and Microsoft, Norton and Apple can all go to hell.

The search for a good coffee Spot

One of the disadvantages of working on the go is that it's always hard to stay away from the chain coffee shops. Today gave me an excellent chance to break the habit by visiting a garden centre very close to Broadway tower which offers excellent views of the Vale. With my delivery just around the corner; it seemed the perfect spot today. However, as I approached here was a big sign on the front stating that the tea room was closed owing to a burst water pipe. Not knowing of any other outlets close by, I decided to push on and opt for a cheap cappuccino sachet when I returned. This meant braving the school run and trying to drive around mothers with push chairs who insist on walking down the road despite the large pavement on the other side. And when I knocked on the door of my next customer; I got treated to an ‘oi’ as he told his dog to shut up. As I was early; I decided to retreat safely to the retail park where there's just  enough room to park the van and sit in this Marks and Spencer coffee shop. But it's actually freezing here as it’s a food hall; not a nice place for a winter coffee at all. I do hope the sun will shine soon so I can get to some of these better places.

Cave Hill Park

It’s frustrating when you see a beautiful lookout point that’s just asking to be conquered; and your travel buddies Cave Hill is a good walk to the summit, but with someone who works on a farm and didn’t even pack a raincoat; it just wasn’t going to happen. It was a sole country lookout over the whole of Belfast, with just a single platform sticking out over a cliff. There’s also caves to explore on the trail, as well as Napoleon’s Nose, which was the inspiration for Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels. This was one of the better weather days that we had; but we’d already been rained on our trip up the hill to the castle. It was agony when we walked back down and the sun was still out. A true mockery. Fortunately, it’s not one of the highest point of this fair isle, but it is a beautiful one.

Belfast Castle

March isn’t the best of times for a holiday in Britain; and so our itinerary was at the mercy of the weather. Once we’d worked out our sunshine days; we decided to head out to Belfast Castle for a view of the city. Today, this is more of a stately home used for wedding ceremonies rather than a historical monument; but it’s an excellent base to explore the adjacent Cave Hill park (which sadly we didn’t have time for). Instead we climbed from the bus stop up the hill (which was a considerable climb and we could have saved ourselves a few minutes by following the footpath) and took in a good value coffee break inside the castle’s downstairs bar. The thought was quite novel but it did feel like we were in the vicinity of a small pub. However, the outside building and gardens are well worth seeing alongside the views of the city below.  

St. Mary's Cathedral

In the hustle and bustle of this noisy city sits this chapel, hidden in the backstreets of loading bays and service roads. It’s a sign of sanity and hope to all those trapped in the city; an area of peace for those in trouble to turn to. Conveniently, it’s also adjacent to social housing for those who need counselling.  The chapel itself looks like a cave; mirroring the Easter Sunday moment when Mary visits the cave to witness the resurrection of Jesus Christ. It also looks like the figure of Mary likes to move around the chapel, as it has been photographed in different places; but always poised to prayer. I just love the fact that the whole building seems to be surrounded by a multi-storey car park. It’s as if the shops have disappeared completely and this is the sole attraction left in the city, with the Mary of the Grotto inviting everyone in.

Albert Clock Tower

Midnight. A bell tolls once. It’s cold, damp, and a low wind blows across the marsh. Three ladies are leaning on the base of the clock tower with mist all around them. Suddenly, a horse neighs, then a light shines and the sound of hooves squelching on turf becomes louder and louder. Quickly, the three ladies dust down their dresses; pull up their stockings and tighten their corsets. Cigarettes are quickly extinguished and the stench of cheap perfume suddenly fills the air. The horse neighs again as it comes into view; a black stallion which is startled upon seeing the ladies and raises its front legs in defence; but it's rider is quickly able to bring it under control. The horse turns a full circle in front of the ladies; then comes to a stop as its rider jumps down.

‘Good evening’ said the masked man, sheltered in a long green cloak. ‘Hope I didn't disturb you’.

‘Not at all’ said the tallest of the three; a brunette with very short hair and an even shorter skirt who flashes her eyelids in response. ‘A pleasure to see you Sir on a night such as this’. 

The Big Fish!

It’s the big fish of Belfast! Found on the waterfront alongside the River Lagan, this giant mosaic fish is made entirely of tiles and depicts the development of Belfast’s industries. We were quite lucky to get a picture as it did seem to be fenced off for the rest of week; partly to protect it from revel concert goers, and partly because they were repairing the surrounding road. Also it was a very quiet time of morning when we visited. It’s a shame that the fish industry isn’t represented here; I could have fancied some whelks or fresh seafood. But there is still much work to be done on the regeneration project surrounding the area; the Waterfront Hall is still being constructed. Apparently, the fish is also a time capsule which means it will be a great shame on the day that they choose to crack the fish open. Still, a great landmark to visit for daft pictures; so visit while you still can!  

Belfast City Hall

Belfast City Hall may not be the most glamorous of places to start a sightseeing tour; but we hadn't
yet come up with a plan for the day and it was the biggest and most impressive building that we could see as we stepped off the bus. We later found out that it was the local roundabout for the buses; since they all rolled passed at some point. Inside was a very solemn atrium with steps leading up to the forbidden offices above. We followed the signs which took us through the west wing passim more forbidden offices; where we came across a smaller atrium with some exhibits. We passed the Sinn Fein Party room, which like the offices also had great big wooden doors spreading the ‘keep ye out’ message. Finally, we entered the coffee shop; and although the exhibits here were much smaller; they were a lot more interactive as we learnt about Belfast’s famous citizens. Then instead of trudging back to the front, an office worker said that we could exit through the rear which took us into a beautiful archway with a fountain at its centre. We left through a cobbled archway past an unmanned gate and onto our next destination.