That Beer Belly!

I’m physically quite skinny, so it worries me when my pot belly appears. Now, it might be known that I drink a lot of beer, but I do take in a lot of exercise as well. At work I clock up a lot of mileage on my feet; and I try to balance it out by hitting the gym once a week. This year I bumped it up to twice a week but no swimming to try and catch up; but the lockdown hasn’t helped. I’ve even added a daily set to my morning routine; but this is mostly to save time in the gym. So it worries me when this little bump appears. It’s most noticeable in the morning. Is it because I’m not in motion during the night? Am I overeating? Am I exercising too much in one area and not enough in another? My calves are enormous; but I can’t seem to get the excess to come upstairs. It also makes my man-boobs appear. Maybe I need to spend more time hanging upside-down to shift up the six-pack from my calves. 

Turn on the Lights

How do you turn off the lights at night? Why, with a flick of a switch of course. Of course, you’ve then got to face the task of negotiating yourself to the bed in the dark. But man has evolved. We’ve created lamps to place by the bed to solve this very problem. It’s very handy when it comes to light out and hopefully the sun will be back in the morning to light your way. But what if you need to get up during the early hours? You’ve got to fumble around on that table for the switch. You might even have to change your position. Well, fear not. You can now control the light with your voice with just a simple smart plug. You can program it to turn on at certain times and you don’t even need the expensive internet bulbs unless you want to put on a light show. Laziness at its best. Now all you have to do is to try and find those slippers.

Nightfall

Nightfall by Isaac Asimov
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I spent a lot of time wondering when this story was written. I wondered about the ambiguity of the foreword and the necessity that some parts of this alien world have been translated for our convenience. Had it been set in today’s time I’m sure our scientists would have sent something up there to see this impending catastrophe. But now that I’ve discovered that this was written before the space race, my respect has increased for the authors. They’ve created a great concept of a world without darkness but it does focus too much on the academic world. this is convenient for the reader when the event occurs as it gives the professors the instant ability to document the after-effects, but a little more Kalgashian knowledge before the incident wouldn’t go amiss. The characters all seem to be quite isolated beings (though protagonists usually are) and only come into being when presented in the plot. But after a brief conflict, the novel comes to an interesting and convenient conclusion which may be too short for a full novel but perfect for the publication for which it suited.

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Angry Managers

By day you’re in a shop and by night you’re pimply boy racer with a flash car and a pass to take pictures at nightclubs. But life changes and you may get to a point where you end up somewhere that you didn’t plan to go. That’s fair enough. But you still need to uphold the values to which you’re expected to; especially if you’re managing other people. Buying treats for your colleagues is a great to motivate them; but it can get expensive to repeat the process. And you’ve also not got to make a big deal out of things and blow them out of proportion. Saying to your colleagues that you’re sick of people getting the process wrong isn’t going to bring about a change. It’s down to you to change the attitude and be constructive in how things can be improved. Dismissing colleagues when they’re trying to point out your attitude isn’t really going to help.

A bit of Boss at the Seven Stars, Rugby

This pub is nestled in the oddest of places and it’s a bit tricky to find even if you’re using satellite navigation. It’s hidden on a main corner opposite a new housing estate away from the main roads, but its bricked exterior is a welcome sight. Each entrance guides you round a selection of tables to arrive you in the pub’s central corner where the bar is located. A huge array of fourteen handpumps awaits your selection, and beer board are available for an at-a-glance selection, or ask the friendly bar staff for a recommendation if you’re not sure. There’s a cosy snug to play board games to give you an excuse to stay and there’s also a great selection of pub snacks here. The pub is an ideal distance to the train station, and with the help of a sat-nav you can get there in less than ten minutes. You won’t want to leave though!

Choose Your Own History

Bad things have happened. We learn from the past and move, on, but these things should never be forgotten. If everyone did everything correctly then there wouldn’t be any conflict anyway. But what exactly do we pass down to our future generations? We can’t leave them a gap and say that everything was fine. They need to know that their ancestors suffered so that they can enjoy the freedoms that we have today. But they can’t learn it all so what do you omit? And if we go back and explain that was acceptable then but it isn’t now then how do we explain the societal problems that we have now? There were people who committed what believed to be noble actions in the past which today would be regarded as outrageous, but equally we need to fix our own societal problems before we can label a period as ‘the bad times’. 

Collyfobble Bob On! at the Squirrel Inn, Rugby

Located on the outskirts of the commercial district, this charming street-side pub is a delightful cottage to visit. Its well-kept appearance is inviting and inside you’ll find something a lot different from the Marston’s portfolio from the outside. Its dainty cosy tables suggests that it’s laid out for afternoon teas even though no food is served. Instead you’ll find a lot of knickknacks and pictures mounted on the exposed brick walls and an interesting array of well-kept beers to sample, though at first glance you’ll be forgiven for thinking that you’ve wandered into a cafe. Its central features consists of a fireplace at the end of the room and cottage-like windows to transport you from the modern world outside. The clientele are very friendly and everyone’s happy to stop and meet you regardless of how long you plan to stay, and if you’re on your own there’s a bookshelf stocked with topical literature to keep you occupied. I’d certainly be happy popping in again if I’m passing.

Delivery Dream #dreamdiary98

It’s a beautiful sunny day and I’m expecting a computer to be delivered to my house. A white Luton van turns up and parks up outside the house opposite. The delivery driver gets out and unloads a fridge freezer, a pre-assembled white bedside chest of drawers and a headboard. He places these in the middle of the road which essentially blocks himself in as he’s put these behind the vehicle as we live in a close. He then rings the bell and points at what he thinks I’ve ordered. ‘Those aren’t mine’ I say. ‘I’ve ordered a computer. He shrugs and returns to his vehicle. Meanwhile, my nosey neighbour whose house he’s parked outside has come out to see what’s going on. She sees the lovely sunny weather and heads back into the house and returns with her eldest sun who is carrying two sun loungers. They then assemble these loungers in front of the delivery vehicle; which is now essentially blocked on both sides. I refuse to move the items that he’s placed in the middle of the road; and I get on the phone to the delivery company to try and find out where my computer is. 

Don't Give In!

Keeping your children happy is important but looking out for their welfare takes priority. That’s why it’s important not to give them everything that they want all of the time. For starters, it would be nice if you could, but shelling out for everything that they set their eyes upon could be expensive; and you’ve got to distinguish between a treat and an everyday outing. You’ve also got to try and manage their concepts by thinking up decent excuses. You need to weigh up between what’s good value and beneficial and their future happiness. Letting them play outside all day may keep them happy but they may also become cold and soggy which could bring them colds when they fall asleep. You’ve also got to manage them to ensure that they’re in the right place at the right time; even though it may mean sacrificing their happiness and desires now to benefit them in the future. Best of luck with this one!

 

Airtime Rewards

We all want to save a bit of money. This little beauty proposes to save you money on your monthly phone bill when you spend at certain retailers. You need to register your card number so they track what you get up to. I’m a bit annoyed with their services lately. For one thing, you have to wait an absolute age to get the cashback verified before it’s credited to your account. Then since I’ve begun using it, the minimum amount that you can redeem has changed from a choice of £5 or £10 to a minimum of £20. Because of the increase; I wonder if I will actually get to apply it since I now pay less than the redeemed amount that they’re offering. And in the meantime, who gets to play around with all this data that I’m generating? Perhaps it’s too good to be true, and it’s an excuse to bombard you with special offers. I can’t remember how I came across it now and I don’t know anyone else who uses it either. And I can’t truly endorse it until I’ve been shown the money.

Microsoft Moans

I’ve always wondered about people who buy these cards. Why don’t they just buy them on-line? It’s certainly not convenient for them to just come in for this single purchase. Is it somehow cheaper for them to do it in this manner? Perhaps they’ve got some cash to flash or some loyalty points that they’d like to use. Maybe they don’t trust computers and don’t want to hand over their credit card to the machine. Perhaps they think that their personal details will be published and other people can get hold of them to purchase goods in their name. Essentially, they’re just doing the same thing here; only we give them a receipt and a piece of paper to say that it’s done. And because there’s another human involved; they’ve got someone to blame if something goes wrong. Fortunately, I don’t believe that is ever has unless the till rejects the payment right away. I’ve got no idea how we would check if it accepted it.

Spooks

I enjoyed this series from the start but missed some of the key seasons so I was delighted when I could browse through the whole thing from start to finish. I can certainly see why applications for the service tripled when it was first broadcast. I like the great tension between government departments who can’t trust each other apart from the almighty GCHQ who conveniently locate and pass on information to help advance the plot. There’s usually a few plot lines within each episode and sometimes it’s confusing to remember who is investigating and conspiring against whom. I found Quinn to be a bit arrogant and miserable, but Carter was a much more watchable character. Some of the agents’ departures are a bit heart-breaking at times. I like the graphics of the ending of each episode which suggests that the events that we’ve just witnessed are secret and are never to be discussed again.

Upstanding

These lamps are immensely popular. For its size, it comes in a small box. I literally never gave a thought as to the product inside. There’s a fair amount of metal within, but I never realised how slim it was. It may look quite tacky in the corner with its power cable hanging out, but if you can get it close enough to the socket then you may be able to hide it. It looks quite cheap when put in the corner, and it makes me wonder jut how big the room is if you need a singular lamp in the corner. But I suppose it has its practical uses. There’s no point in buying a table if you’re only going to put a lamp on it. And as usual, there’s not a complete listing on the website. There is a ‘Questions and Answers’ section, and by now you’d have thought that the sensible questions would have migrated their way into the main listing. But it hasn’t happened yet.

Fast Feast #nuclearmermaid15

Jenny feasted. It had been a while since she’d had proper red meat, and even though there wasn’t much, there was plenty of sauce. She relished sucking the organs down her throat then began the long task of stripping the meat from the bones. When they were clean, she licked up as much blood as she could from the stained tiles. She felt no remorse for the creature whatsoever as she had been in captivity for longer than she’d cared to remember. What she did miss was a supply of fresh water and it was her next task to seek it out. But first, she needed rest. Attacking the biped had used up a lot of her strength. When she awoke, the pit seemed somewhat smaller than before. Although her head remained in the same position, her fins were pushed up against the pit wall. As she lowered herself back into the pit, she found that her head had become level with the pit’s edge. With a small push, she managed to pull herself up and out. 

Cake on Your Face

Once thing that’s sure to keep the kids at the party is the food on offer. They may be out to enjoy themselves but they’re still dressed to impress. That means you’ll have to try and keep them clean while they eat. And if they get their hands on some chocolate cake, you need to make sure to have some wet wipes at hand or prepare that garment for a write-off. It may even start a local sweepstakes as to how clean they can stay. But as soon as you get the wipes out, they know what’s coming and it’s going to stop them from achieving what they want to finish. The best thing to do is to pray that they don’t embarrass you, and if they don’t then you can treat them to a reward afterwards. If they do, then you can be sure that they’ll be in for an early night which won’t make them happy at all.

 

At what point did you find it too hard to work in retail?

There’s a prayer out there somewhere that goes along the lines of ‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change.’ I aimed quite high in my retail career before I learned that the bigger the organisation is; the harder it is to change something. I played a supervisory role for over ten years and attempted to enter management several times without success. I applied for development courses and took part in forums to change the way we worked but the people I encountered always had another agenda. They’d admit that the proposed changes would never happen because of budget allowances or take a very vague interest then leave the company the following quarter. Since then I’ve been demoted to a regular squaddie because of cutbacks and it gets frustrating when I have to advise a superior on the best course of action to fulfil a process. And of course, there’s the other colleagues. I’m all for high standards and great customer service but I can’t be there 24/7. And when I have to correct someone’s mistake because they haven’t spent the same time ensuring that their responsibilities are up to par, a little part of me dies and makes me not to want to work with these people any more.

Party Games

How can you keep children entertained during long sessions? If there’s other children present then the task is easy as you can encourage them to form their own games; just so long as you are comfortable with other small strangers. If not, you’ve got to have a game plan ready.  Is there a device or a game that you can give them to keep them occupied? Are you prepared to bring up songs and games to join in with them? Do you have the time and the patience to keep them happy all night? Or will you whisk them away at the first sight of whining? It’s great that you can involve them, and they probably feel very special for being treated like grown-ups at first. But at some point they’re going to want to do something different, even if it’s just standing on the chair for a stretch to dispel their boredom. Good luck.   

"A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That's why they don't get what they want."

-Madonna.

What you want and what you get are often two different things; especially if you’re not entirely sure what you’re getting. Something might sound delicious when read on a menu but what’s plated in front of you mightn’t be what you expected at all. The trouble is that we’re British. We risk offending others, and in this day of lawsuits any offence can easily put in as a case of slander. Of course, even if you say what you want it still doesn’t necessarily mean that people will be able to accommodate your request. But those who don’t speak out will not be feared and instead it gives more control to the provider to supply something that doesn’t live up to expectation. In most cases we’ll just vote with our feet and not use that service again; but this doesn’t necessarily help someone who’s unknowingly made a mistake. Don’t be afraid to speak out!

If people in the US are 'free', what is an example of something a US citizen can do that someone in Britain can't do?

To be honest, there’s not a lot. The days of tyranny are over. We don’t really have a feud system anymore where the peasants pay rent to a tyrant who decides all the rules. These people’s rights are now protected by the government; and there’s more support funded by UK taxes when things go wrong. You could argue that there’s more protesters in the US because there’s more people as we generally tend to restrict our nutjobs to major cities that have good media outlets; and we don’t tolerate their actions. There’s certainly a greater proportion of demonstrations broadcast on YouTube in the US; and it’s probably why people are more tolerant of them there. There’s recently been ‘pockets’ of UK people demonstrating their rights in a similar manner to the US, but these people seem to be more of a nuisance to society and don’t respect people’s privacy in a manner that would otherwise be accepted across the pond. The land of the free is somewhere that you can rant and rave and people can choose whether or not they care.

Out with the OId, in with the New

So the big question is why do so many people like to celebrate New Year’s Eve? Does it depend upon what day of the week it falls upon? ‘It’s a Thursday this year which means that I’ll have to work the following day so I’ll not bother’. Is it the fact that we’ve made it through another year of human existence and we’re celebrating the notion that we’re still ticking along? Or is it the chance for a fresh start? ‘I’m going to ignore all the troubles from last year and start over’. For many, it’s a chance to review what went wrong and put a plan in place to stop the same from happening next year. Then they party hard and forget as they’re spending the rest of the year recovering from that great night out but wasn’t there something important that they were supposed to do? The truth is that it’s down to you.

TV Trouble

 Our kitchen TV has given up the ghost. It’s always been a bit fiddly as it runs off a house aerial behind the kitchen appliances and up into the attic. We often pick it up and move it around on the counter to try and get reception. I’ve also been up in the attic to try and adjust the aerial outside but this hasn’t had much of an effect. Now the cable’s finally snapped, and we’ve been watching shows streamed on our tablets. My friend came round to repair the aerial cable by stripping the wire and attaching a new socket but it didn’t make much of a difference. I felt that the easiest solution would be to buy a streaming stick rather than a new indoor aerial which would be about the same price but would take up more space in the kitchen. This also gives us the choice to watch what we want rather than watch what is on.

Ribbiting Stuff

If you’d like your child to get some exercise while sat in front of the telly, then this perfect for them. The giant novelty frog descales their sense of reality; though I suppose it would devolve any fear towards a real frog which would be a good thing so long as they don’t chase it into the water. Adults can get annoyed with the irritating tunes while kids can get annoyed when the adults turn them off and spend the next ten minutes trying to turn the music back on again. After that, I’m sure the adult will spend half an hour trying to figure out how to remove the batteries. Don’t expect the blue plastic to be comfortable either. I just wonder how long it will be until the child gets bored of the frog staying in place and ventures off to explore? There could be many marks generated from the scrapes…

The Silver Dollar

There’s not a lot that you can get for a dollar. Currently, you’re more likely to spend two or three and you’re more likely to pay with a card rather than coins. I wonder if the practice of rounding up will end. You’ll actually be able to pay for a litre of fuel without being charged an extra tenth of a penny. And because we’re not bothering with change any more, you can deduct the exact amount without having bits to throw in charity tins or at tramps. They’ll have to think up other ways to do their fundraising. It also means that there’s no risk of being given a different currency out of the till either. I’m starting to wonder about those bits of paper in my wallet as well. Perhaps I should cash them in now before they fall off the face of the earth. At least I’ll get a bit of interest back, and future generations will wonder what cash is.

Discover Raglan Castle by John R. Keynon

I don’t know whether social distancing had anything to do with it, but we didn’t get our hands on the guidebook until we’d passed through the giftshop on our exit. Our route was somewhat to the published tour as we followed the one-way system then went back on ourselves to cover the sections that we felt that we’d missed Nevertheless, we needn’t had bothered with the purchase at all. There were informative displays surrounding the castle to tell us of the history and the guidebook was more of a takeaway souvenir refresher. We also discovered several memorable features with our eyes that weren’t addressed in the guide at all. I feel that my photographs would be more useful as mementos and I did capture a few shots of the castle that were very similar to what was published as well. At least it’s a small publication to reflect good value for money.  

Bus Driver #dreamdiary97

It’s my birthday and I’ve decided to hire a red London Routemaster bus to take all my friends around country pubs for the day. It’s got lots of rust and faded paint and I get first dibs at the wheel. I’ve chosen a few friends who have volunteered to stay sober to take us the rest of the way. My first task is to pick them up; and I’ve told them what bus stops to be at. We’ve made a customised route number that says Paul’s Pub tour. At the first stop, my best friend joins me and takes a few pictures of me behind the wheel; then I get out and take a few pictures as well. But then a woman comes along and gets on our bus! I explain that we’re not a real bus but that we’ve hired it for the day. 

‘But who is driving?’ she asks.

I open my wallet and show her the permit that I’ve been given for the day; which surprisingly looks like a bus pass. ‘But I suppose I can take you’ I say. We’ve got a few stops to make first. ‘Where do you want to go?’

I pull out into traffic. The next stop is only two hundred yards away and a group of five people are standing by the post. One of them sticks out their hand. I stop but only because I’m in traffic waiting for the lights to change. Foolishly, I’ve left the door open because it’s such a hot day and there’s no air conditioning; so on they hop flashing bus passes. 

‘Em, we’re not a real service’ I explain, but they don’t seem to hear me and take their seats. What do I do now?’ I turn to my friend. 

‘Just stick to our plan and pick everyone else up’ says my friend. ‘If they haven’t gotten off by then we’ll drive them to the hospital and chuck them out at the interchange. They’ll be able to catch another bus from there.’

Ten minutes later we’ve taken on another eight passengers and I’ve earnt £4.50 in fares. We’ve had numerous complaints though; we’ve not been giving the correct change; issuing tickets or accepting contactless payments. We’ve decided to let these passengers on for free. Then one drunk wants us to wait for him while he goes and gets a bag of chips. I’m close to bursting to tears at this stage as everyone is messaging me to see where I am; whether I’ve broken down or is the pub crawl still on. Then I realise that a real bus driver wouldn’t wait and I decide to man up and put the pedal to the metal.

 ‘You can catch the next one’ I yell through the rolled-down window. I head off. 

The Prancing Penguin

I found this happy chappie sitting on a downstairs toilet which belonged to a family friend. It’s a classic
animal to top porcelain Percy and he’s dressed for the party season too. Everyone’s obsessed with him. I can’t remember whether it took batteries or a simple prod set it off. It could have even started from the flushing mechanism. I sent it to a friend who is mad about penguins but didn’t hear a reply. How rude! It’s not as if I was demonstrating where the thing was or an accidental something else in the video. It’s in a great place; although you have to ask if it’s in the right room. Perhaps all the other rooms are fully decorated. And if you don’t go, you’re going to miss out on this feature. It’s a bit of a distraction when you’re trying to aim though. Just don’t try to join in.

The Water Carrier

Mum wanted to be a bit more flexible with her walking when out and about. Rather than having to carry a rucksack just to carry water, she came up with an idea of a strap to carry the flask instead. It’s like a hip flask but bigger. The holder is made of insulated foam and fits the flask very smugly, with just the right amount covered so that you can still access the flask. The strap looks quite thin but it’s pretty sturdy and doesn’t pull on your shoulder too much as you walk. I just hope that it doesn’t fray and deteriorate. It came direct from Hong Kong and we didn’t expect to see anything of it for about six weeks, but it transpired that it took just two to ship. It came in a black package with a customs label printed on it. I wonder how many ports it passed through.

Banks's Amber Ale at the William Webb Ellis, Rubgy

From the outside, this looked like a lovely welcoming traditional pub with its large windows, hanging baskets and plant life. Inside it looked attractingly painted in a light modern blue and large plank-style tables capable of holding large groups. From there, the friendliness seemed to end. Our beer was handed over by an unenthusiastic barmaid and the chilled effect still didn’t disguise the vinegary taste.  We took a glance at the large cardboard menus which sounded tempting but looked overpriced for what it contained. We couldn’t see anyone else eating so we took it as a sign. What we did see were groups of lager lads sprawled about the place engaged in either pushing each other around or staring at the giant screens dotted around the place. It’s as if the place was a day-care centre for young adults rather than a welcoming place for all to come and socialise. It didn’t take us long to forgo discovering who William Web Ellis was in favour of moving on and our next destination.   

Georgie Porgie

This secret guy is tall, dark, and handsome, and speaks in mysterious ways too. He’s quite soft spoken and works for the government but he’s not allowed to say which department. We’ve always suspected the security services. He’s certainly got the manner for a spook; he takes an interest in everything that you do but reveals little about himself apart from his past. He might not even by telling us his real name. He’s also a snappy dresser he’s prepared to show off a cloak and hat by day, always with impeccably ironed trousers and polished shoes. When it comes to the evening he’s not afraid to climb into a tux whatever the occasion. He may even wear a wristwatch that he talks into when he thinks that no-one’s watching. He’s also well-groomed and fragranced to impress the ladies. But he’s also quite punctual and reliable; and is always at the end of a phone or a quick reply to a text.

Return to Rugby

For our Christmas drinks womble, we headed back into Rugby. We started our tour at the Victoria after a steady ten-minute gentle incline from the train station. As our second planned pub opened a while later, we had some time to kill here and relaxed in the pool room chatting to the locals as they came in. We particularly enjoyed the plush leather pews and the tiled floor in the atmosphere of a sports pub, and we managed a few frames too. We couldn’t see the full range of ales from this side of the bar; but as it was initially quiet the barmaid was happy to help us out. I decided to warm up with a traditional half of a light Oakham ale followed by a selection from the house brewery. Memory forbids me from recalling what the house beer was but I remember deciding that the former beer was in better condition.

 

Twits wot Tweet

It’s getting a bit vulgar out there. People that we currently admire seem to have the power to bitch about anything they want without consequences. It’s nice to know what they’re thinking even if their views are controversial to the norm. But half the time, we don’t even know what they’re talking about. If we’re lucky, they might include a link to that of which has offended them. Of course, by sensationalising the issue they could secretly be in it themselves and could be endorsing the cause by offering clickbait. What a conspiracy! Because of their fame; it’s led them to believe that they’re a public figure of authority. What these assholes need to understand is that the rest of us must share the planet (with the internet included) as well. But if they’re going to offend us then they must realise that we can switch them off at any time. That’ll teach them when they wonder why their book sales are down.