Keeping the monkeys at bay

Poor old Dad. What started out as simple bathtime fun has led into a very messy adventure. I can’t make my mind up whether he’s posing as a sad, grumpy father who’s suffering from the antics of his daughters or whether he’s secretly enjoying the chaos that they’ve caused. It’s probably the former since he’s got the t-shirt. And now that the youngest one has turned up to join in, things are bound to get messier. Does she understand the concept of what’s going on, or does she think that everyone’s playing up and she wants to join in? Was it a simple afternoon of face painting or was the tribe preparing for war? I’m amazed that the rest of the bathroom didn’t end up a mess, or not that we can see anyway. There’s probably heaps of towels and toilet roll everywhere just out of sight of the camera. I just hope that it doesn’t take too long to clean up.

The Crossing #Tiannabell 7

The drawbridge creaked as Titannabell placed her first step on its frame. Her train wisely decided to hold back for a moment to allow her a singular crossing, then breathed a sigh of relief as she reached the other side. She passed underneath the gatehouse unhindered, though the archway brushed her hair. Within the courtyard were two large elephants which were being tended to by the servants. There was a large pile of plants in the corner, and the area was a hubbub of activity as people were preparing decorations for the party. As she approached the inner keep, it was clear that she had to both duck and enter sideways, with her breasts brushing the walls. She did it so gracefully and at ease as if she had done this hundreds of times before; though to comment of it within earshot would be considered heresy. She followed her mother and father into the Grand Hall for the Royal Welcome. 

The Rough Guide to India

The Rough Guide to India by Rough Guides
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

There’s a lot of improvement work to do within this guide. While it claims to be the latest edition; there’s still passages that are yet to be updated. It’s frustrating when you buy a guide that’s published in 2019 to find that approximate dates for festivals in the past are included, and that the writer hasn’t updated these sections. And when it comes to grammar, a lot of proofreading has been skipped. The introduction is exotic enough, the basics section is very off-putting when it comes to the health section; within each listing there’s also tales of overcrowding and harassment which is enough to make you wonder if this is really a trip for you. The few photographs that are in the guide are quite random at times, and the images within the chapters focus on daily everyday Indian life rather than the sites that are described within; they’re also out of sync with the text. That page could have been divided up into four smaller images and would still be a decent size to showcase within the page. Instead, the guide makes lots of use of similes to get its point across. I hope that the attached e-book is a bit more up to date. I think I’ll have to consider another series when purchasing future guides.

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Points of View

Here’s a chance to create a new sharing and caring community about the products and services that we experience while shopping with a company. The fact that the company is interested in opinions of other services is a chance for them to see what their competitors are up to; and how they can further develop and tailor their services to match or improve their own. It’s creating a team of corporate spies without having to pay them. Of course, we’re being bribed, though the promise of a £20 eyecare voucher somewhat limits people to a prize that not everybody wants. And only the company can dictate the agenda; they choose the posts and any negative feedback can quickly be responded to or even shit down and deleted; and it discourages people from posting on other sites that they can’t necessarily control. I’ve just realised by typing this that I’ve sold myself out. The last time I visited the store was to cash in my loyalty points for a pack of mints. Right then, I’m off to unsubscribe. 

Make-Up Artist

It’s good to let kids express themselves and try new things. We want to encourage them to do their best. But the big question is how well will they perform? It could be a chance for them to express and demonstrate a new talent or exhibit their skills. It could be an opportunity for them to discover that this is not one of their strongest attributes and things may not turn out the way they planned. Or they could purposefully run amok to take an opportunity to humiliate a victim either in jest or for revenge. This might not end well. Of course, at any time the tables could turn so that what may be an intention at the beginning of the journey could end up with a completely different result. And of course, it depends upon the interaction and the willingness with the recipient as well. But at least it’s a bit of fun and if any damage is caused it can (hopefully!) be rectified quite easily.

Frozen in Frozen

I bought a 3-D Frozen jigsaw for my four-year-old niece as a Christmas present. The box had 47 pieces and it was recommended for ages three and over. I thought that it would be a series of numbered pieces that would slot together to form a castle, then one of the characters would magically appear. It would be quite easy for her to build on her own. How wrong was I? First, the instructions showed that you needed a smartphone to create the light. What three-year-old has access to their own smartphone? The pieces supplied were in plastic boards which you had to push out before fitting in the correct order, but you also had to push out the slots as well. And some of them were so small that you couldn’t do by hand. I had to unfold a paperclip to pierce the holes. Clearly this is an item that requires assembly by an adult beforehand. If it was up to me, this piece of crap would go back.

Green Jack Jester at the Lord High Constable of England, Gloucester

We were in Gloucester walking by the docks and we’d ventured in here for lunch. It was a busy pub by the docks and many people had the same idea; though the rush hour had passed judging by the number of empty plates on the tables. We walked through a porch into a large but cosy room and grabbed one of the pew-styled tables near the window. After a brief visit upstairs to the bathroom, I grabbed some menus from the bar, which was in a similar-sized room directly behind us. The bar staff were young and eager to please. We both opted for the manager’s special mixed grill, which was an amazing platter of meat, chips, mushrooms and onion rings for just £5.99. I washed this down with a straw-coloured beer that was slightly on the turn, while my friend, who was only drinking because he was on holiday, opted for a lager.

Persistent Petitions

It seems that everyone wants to tell the government what to do at the moment. I’m seeing a lot of invites to sign on-line petitions. And you can see why it’s a call to arms. Petitions are more likely to drum up a response from your local MP rather than asking them direct first. If they can see that a clear number of people care about the issue; it must be discussed in Parliament. But what the figures don’t show is how many people from each constituency are involved. But I’d imagine that the MPs would be able to obtain that information; if only by waiting for their constituents to contact them. It’s then just a case of acting accordingly in order to maintain their popularity. But governments can play by the same rules too if they don’t have enough beef to make a bill become law. The power of Twitter…

Trespass Shelter

I always enjoy a good camping session. I haven’t got deluxe equipment; just a small tent and pots and pans. The idea is that I can throw it into the back of the car whenever I feel like it. But mornings can be a problem if it’s raining as I need to cook breakfast. I picked up this shelter as a real bargain in a clearance sale. It’s big enough to allow an outdoor porch and gives me greater space when it comes to cooking in the rain. It’s lightweight and easy to fold away while also being waterproof. I did a test pitch in the garden just as the rain was arriving, and it ended up being an ideal solution to protect the washing. I haven’t yet had the opportunity to use it in practice yet. All I need now is a fence to stake out my claim and I’ll feel like the miners of old.

Dracula (BBC 2020)

This show started well. There was gore galore and the way that Harker introduced the legend was genius. It was a shame that they only split it up into three episodes. I loved the idea of a repentance character from the legend; though I was disappointed to find that there was no Igor. There were many opportunities for Harker to become this character, and would have been better motivation for Dracula to enter the convent. I knew there’d be a modern-day episode, and perhaps there ought to have been more of this as we still don’t know why Dracula wanted to travel to London. With a bit of thinking, they could have panned it out into a full series and have a murder mystery; though that may shy away from the books. That was probably why they chose for Dracula to die than have a protagonist seeking vengeance. But there’s a lot of fun outcomes that the viewer never expects either.  

Branscombe Vale Branoc at the Rising Sun, Redditch

It would be nice to think that most breweries are on a traditional farm made by a handful of people in an idyllic location as part as their other duties. They would do the boiling and the mashing then head off to milk the cows or plough the fields while the wort was settling or the liquor was fermenting. At least that’s how most breweries started out. This one began in a cow shed. What started out as a spinoff for family and friends brought a reputation. People from beyond the inner circle wanted to try it. It gets sold in bottles and local pubs as people want more. But then it becomes profitable. And of course, you must keep up with demand. New production methods are sought to make the process easier. What once started as mashing in a large tea urn to evolves into great big shiny steel vats. But at the same time, you lose a bit of your tradition.

Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that Í may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.

-Mahatma Gandhi. You may not be able to turn yourself into an elephant, but you can certainly mimic some of the characteristics, and in the eyes of some people that’ll probably do it for them. But who knows? With enough crazy science and perhaps an army of resources, you may just about achieve it. The how is in the planning. If you can identify what you need to achieve your goals, then you’re halfway there. And if you put a time limit on your goal and you fail it, then you need to review your plan to discover what you learnt along the way and whether or not you can prevent failure again. Our whole lives are journeys of discovery, and the only way of bettering ourselves is learning along the way, whether it’s being told or personal experience. The key is to keep trying. But if you don’t believe in yourself, your dream is dead.

Birthday Breakfast

What do you do when you’ve forgotten the cake? Well, if you realise it early enough and recognise that you’ve got no time or resources to do something about it, you can make a great comeback by providing a substitute if you’ve got a candle handy. Even though it’s not sweet, the principal of blowing out the candle remains the same, especially if you provide all the trimmings as well. The swap may even be favourable to the traditional cake and could start a new tradition for years to come. But if you’re out of candles, you’re buggered. And it might not work the same if it’s something that can’t be shared; unless it’s an older person that recognises that the company is all the better for sharing. The fact that the celebrant gets something above everyone else makes it extra special. Be sure that the wax doesn’t spill though, and that you’ve got clean cutlery to hand.

Aiding an Aider #dreamdiary 88

‘Excuse me sir, I’m from the train company and I’m doing some first aid training with my colleagues; would you mind being a victim? There’ll be some travel vouchers for you.’

‘No’ says the man behind me.’ The trainer approaches me and asks me the same question.

‘Sure’ I say.

‘OK, we’ve got one. What we’ll do if that’s all right is get off at the next station? There’s an office there.’ I agree to all this and the four of us head into a ticket office and up the stairs into an empty carpeted room. I take my jacket off and lie down on the floor and he begins his training. 

‘Right, the first thing that you need to do when you spot an injured party is to get to them as quickly as you can.’

‘Hang on a minute’ I interrupt, ‘that’s not strictly true.’

‘How do you mean?’

‘Well, you’ve got to assess the situation first. It’s no good jumping down to help someone who’s unconscious on the rails if you don’t know what’s going on around you. Otherwise the next train turns up then splat. The next person that comes along has to deal with two victims. Never put yourself in danger; call the authorities first and listen to their advice.’

‘Good point. I’m now going to talk you through resuscitation. You open the casualty’s mouth then use your lips to create a seal’

‘Just a moment. You need to check the casualty’s airway first. Otherwise you’re putting yourself at risk again.’

‘How do you mean?’

‘Well, there could be anything in there. He could have taken some pills without swallowing all of them; there could be a piercing or some other nasty surprise; all of which that could be passed onto you.’

‘Are you a paramedic?’

‘No, I’m just trying to help. I used to be in the scouts.’

‘Would you like to take the course?’

‘Okay’. I take his notes and cover all his points in detail and I even have time to demonstrate the recovery position at the end. I’m now a full-time health and safety officer for the train company.

Beer Studio Misty Dawn at the Cross Inn, Finstall

This pub is a community local that’s gone under an amazing transformation under its new owners. An amazing amount of money has been spent developing the cellar, resurfacing the car park and on the interior of the pub in general. Gone is the little private room with its separate bar and the brick fireplace partition in the centre of the pub. Instead is a large mahogany bar overlooking the driveway and a utility room where the pew-styled seating would have been. A large LCD screen above the bar showcases the ales and ciders on offer, and at the end is a counter of traditional pub snacks, and compilatory salads and chutneys are supplied. A mixture of tables and pews creates a close and cosy community atmosphere, while old framed photographs of the village adorn the walls. Outside, sheltered decking to the rear of the pub creates an outdoor atmosphere; and there’s even a TV to screen live sport outside. It’s well worth a visit.

Side-Step Stu

There’s a manager who’s large and likes to be in charge, but when it’s his turn to step in and do some work, he’ll always try to pass the task onto someone else, no matter how mundane or small the task can be. Ask him a question or make a complaint, and he’ll direct you to someone else to deal with the problem. You can ask him to pick up your pencil and he’ll more than likely walk twenty feet away from you to find someone else to ask them to do it for him. It’s kind of frustrating as half of the time you want a solution that’s fixed for the long-term so it won’t occur again, and usually the problem has originated from someone else anyway. If you want a serious chat, you best make an appointment as he’s very busy chatting to his colleagues in the office.

A bit of Cornish

I really need to get over to the south-west this year. There’s a castle fitted with a brand-new bridge to cross which will make visiting it easier. I’ve never visited that part of the county before but I expect it’ll be even busier than before because of its new high-end profile. And just down the road in the village is a brewery! I’ve seen the beer on sale at festivals but I’ve never gotten around to sampling, whereas my family friends have already partaken by visiting the source and recommend it. I need to find out whether they tried it in a pub or whether they toured the brewery and ended up at the taphouse. I’ll probably end up driving, so I will probably sample the brewery first then stagger off the effects at the castle afterwards. But whether I’ll achieve these visits or not is another thing. And I just hope that both these attractions survive the lockdown.

How come the coronavirus can be so wrong?

I think the scariest thing about the coronavirus is just how many people it has affected. The priorities now are focusing on prevention and cure; but once we’re past that then people will ultimately start to look for blame. Many will just focus on the short-term losses or how organisations have failed to cope; not realising that there’s a greater force at play here; how did this situation originate? It’s quite scary as it’s from a country where most things are manufactured in a society that doesn’t like to disclose that they have problems. And when you’re not sharing things with your community it can be difficult to rectify at a later stage. I hope that the world really takes note here. Mass-producing a product for the benefit of a low cost will hinder you greatly if the logistics operation comes to a standstill, and there’s very little that you can do about it when things are so far away. Things are easier to resolve when they’re closer. 

Sadler's Hoppers Hut at the Rising Sun, Redditch

I’ve started my own hop hut! For Christmas last year I got a packet of hops seeds in a ceramic tin. I sowed the seeds in October, and watched the shoots grow. It’s always difficult to say if I’ve over or under-watered them, but the soil always looks a bit dry. I did get a plant of some sort, but it looks a bit on the stringy side. I’ve now moved them into the garden, but I’ve used the same pot and soil. I’ve just stuck a cane in there to help the largest shoot gain some support. I might have put them in the garden a bit too early, as it caught the last week of the winter frost. I hope they recover. If they take off, I can move onto the next step of brewing my own beer. But it’s too early to say yet. I might just be chucking the whole thing away in September.

Water Way to Go #nuclearmermaid9

Jenny could see that the stranger was trying to offer her an alternative life and a journey to somewhere new, but she was afraid of travelling anywhere without water. Remaining where she was would lead to her demise since most of the water from the tank had drained. The touch of water through her blonde shiny hair or dripping down off her body had always comforted her wherever she was. The thought of being without a supply of water would terrify her. She would just dry up. But how could she communicate this to the biped to tell him that she needed water in order to survive? Spying a piece of fabric on the trolley, Jenny picked it up and slid back to the remains of the water. She soaked the cloth in a puddle then squeezed the water into the sack. She then went to repeat the process, but the biped had disappeared when she returned to the trolley.

CAMRA's Good Beer Guide 2020

CAMRA's Good Beer Guide 2020 by CAMRA Campaign for Real Ale
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I now know about a lot more beer and good places to drink it in, from Abbots Ann to Zennor and A-B InBev UK to Zymurgorium; they’re all in there. But what the guide does fail to do in most cases is list where you can get these beers. Not everyone wants to buy a firkin, and after all the book is aimed at the consumer. It’s also hard to put a pub crawl together if you don’t know the area. I feel that some basic public transport information should be included rather than whether a bus stops outside or not. And perhaps there should be some clearer criteria indicating whether the pub is in an urban or rural area or a standalone venue. It’s no good setting off for a quiet drink to find that you’re in the middle of a town centre. I’d love to go out and explore these pubs but they’re all shut. And this makes me wonder if some of them won’t open again.

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Guiding the Way

I fancied a bit of meaningful bling for my birthday. I toyed with the idea of a St. Christopher pendant but the ones that I saw looked quite cheap reproductions of an old coin. Then I saw a simple pendant with a compass printed on it which would be perfect. The compass is an embossed eight alternate point star in silver which sits on a black background within a stainless steel border, and each smaller point has a small crystal install. The four letters are printed. It’s nice but it’s also quite heavy and it sits quite low beneath my neckline. I may need to get a smaller chain. What I’ve now got to get in the habit of doing is taking the chain on and off on my own. When I watch it in the mirror, I’ve got no chance. I must do it by feeling it. Hopefully it’s built to last.

The Lego Library

Somewhere in the darkest depths of someone’s basement must be a Lego library. I’ve seen the sados on documentaries displaying all their walls of Lego sets in mint condition from Lego’s early days, and some have probably even taken out storage to store their sets. But over at Lego HQ, there’s probably an ultimate collection. I wonder if they store copies of the buildings used for these displays; or whether they just keep the blueprints for them? They’re a very secretive company. What would be great is if you could pay a membership fee to take sets out to play with? This would help those who don’t have a lot of room to display their sets and help them choose which ones that they’d really want to keep. Obviously, there would have to be a very rigorous return process for when sets are returned. I should really set this up. All I need is a great pile of Lego and a huge space to store it in…

Terminator: Genisys

I was debating with myself whether to watch the fourth film for a recap before viewing this one, but it turned out not to be necessary. The previous timeline of this franchise has been torn open completely with all manner of paradoxes taking place within the film; the exception being the conclusion of the previous one. I found myself wondering if this film is a tie-up of the recent TV series that I hadn’t seen, or whether it was an attempt to merge the two. I was also disappointed with the stunts. I found the unexpected appearance on the San Francisco highway a bit unrealistic as the humans nearly reacted like machines; and the helicopter take-off was incomprehensible. The appearance of John Connor resembled an antagonist straight away, so I wasn’t surprised to discover that he was the film’s villain. I was also disappointed by Matt Smith’s lack of screen time, and it would have been nice to see how the original timeline had concluded. The only character worth watching is Arnie; who brings his usual charm to the franchise as he does.

Meet the Guests

So who are my fellow visitors? Naturally we’re all jostling for the best views of the models and the tight opportunity, and you’re bound to get a picture of a stranger in the way just at the opportune moment. Unfortunately, fat people will tend to get everywhere wherever you go, but unless you’re actually going to eat them or them you then you’ve nothing to fear, unless they become paranoid with the fact that you’re taking their picture, which is thankfully rare. Most of the other guests seemed to be children accompanied by the odd bored parent or two, or perhaps the odd grandparent who’s just discovering what their little charge is really like. This also makes the build areas rather noisy and chaotic, but you’re limited to a specific session to avert overcrowding. Because it’s marketed as a play centre, you’re currently unable to visit without a child. There are select adult evening sessions but this excludes the magic bike ride. 

What to Recycle

There’s always some confusion over what should go in the bin, if at all. I often wonder if certain things could be recycled and it’s down to the local area; and has someone taken the decision to say that this can’t be recycled in the majority of cases, so we’ll print that it can’t on the packaging, but in some boroughs it can. Pringle cans are especially annoying. I’m certainly not going to call UPS to collect them. I now end up cutting or breaking waste and sneaking things into our general refuse because we’ve now got our local collectors rummaging through each recycle bin and refusing to take the contents if there’s anything that isn’t recyclable (though I’m not sure they’ve been doing it recently). Perhaps each council should issue a physical list to each household of what should and shouldn’t go in each bin, and occupants could fix it to the underside of the lid. It could even have a template of Greta Thunberg in the memo.

Lego New Street

It’s great to see more of the city being showcased; and of course, the train had to move too. I love the old cinema which I’ve still yet to visit, and there’s a great bit of self-indulgence as people are queuing to get in to see their movie too! On the far right is the city’s arena; and there’s even a miniature giraffe replica of the full-scale model outside the building! There’s a great social scene of people gathering outside the station while they wait for their train, but skateboarders never draw an audience. I’m not entirely sure as to why the builders chose to showcase the outskirts of a multi-storey car park; perhaps it was something that they had to include in order to retain accuracy. Everyone also seems happy, and apart from an odd exchange of a briefcase behind the bus shelter, there’s nothing mischievous going on, which is rare for a Lego diorama.

Social Distancing

Hello over there. Can you back up to your line so that I can come into the middle? No, it’s not line dancing; it’s the latest craze to hit our nation; the two-metre rule. It’s difficult for some people to get the hang of. It’s also awkward when you’re crossing someone on the pavement. If there’s no pavement on the other side, do I step out into the road? Do I turn and walk in the opposite direction? Or do I hit the ground and twist my body in an odd direction so that my face is two metres away from theirs? It’s also awkward in the supermarket. You used to be able to strike up a conversation with a stranger in the queue; now they’ll be terrified if you so much as open your mouth out at them. But I think that the best bit is when they introduce a one-way system in the aisles so that people don’t block you. I’ve been thinking that for years. 

Lego Brummies

There’s always something going on in Brum. Buskers and skateboarders aren’t really in abundance; you’re more likely to find a beggar. And that goes the same for street traffic as well since most of the roads are confined to the outskirts of the city. Road sweepers are also rare when you consider the amount of times that the city’s refuse collectors have gone on strike; though they’re always on hand to help keep the streets clean around the city hall. Street performers are also remarkably rare. But you can be sure that there’s always an abundance of stallholders and market tradesmen showcasing their wares. You also tend to see a lot of businessmen in suits carrying briefcases and mobile phones as you approach the station; especially during commuter times. The people also seem to be the same colour, which isn’t really a cross-representation of the city at all. And what’s with the bananas?

Heads Up #dreamdiary 87

I’m lying in bed staring at the window. It sits above our front porch and has a flat roof. Suddenly there’s banging and scraping. I can hear laughter and chuckles and people telling each other to be quiet. Three heads materialise at the window; one after the other. Each neck is slowly stretched to see over the windowsill. Each face is a Caucasian male sporting a black handlebar moustache and mod hair to match. As soon as they see me, they quickly withdraw. I’m tempted to peer over there but I’m too tired. A few moments later, a head surfaces again then vanishes. This carries on for a while in a sequence. It’s like one of those baby pop-up toys that you press and a hammer to whack each head back again. You could almost put some music to it. I guess that they’re trying to work out whether I’m actually asleep or not. Eventually, I climb up and peer over the windowsill. Three bare arses are shining back at me.