Catching the Rye #dreamdiary 189

I’m visiting a small village to see a community play. The stage is set in a small square box garden at the back of the building. There’s a small row of seats but the rest of the audience is encouraged to stand behind underneath the awnings with plastic pints of beer. Rows of bunting cross the grass and in the middle sits a cardboard train from which the characters emerge. There’s some great in-jokes based on the villagers but it’s not hard to see who they’re about. After the show I feel the need to socialise with my fellow audience but I’m limited to how many drinks I can have and want to visit another establishment on the high street. I wander past the local chain pub followed by a micropub who has outside seating and the stillaging is on display through a glass window which has a Cask Marque sticker on. Next door is another micropub painted red with iron gates but the licensee is still  getting ready to open for the evening. I suddenly realise that I haven’t donated anything for the community play, but rather than head back to the hall I decide to put some money in the church’s poor box. 

A Dodgy Drive #dreamdiary 188

I’ve acquired a BMV convertible. It’s an old classic car in metallic silver but there’s no roof and it looks in excellent condition. It’s got a large engine which sounds great and it fits nicely on the driveway. It’s a great deal at the moment but it’s not so practical in the winter and there’s nothing to secure my property. As I climb out of it, I suddenly realise that I’ve not no logbook to handover or service history to read. I still need to sort out an MOT alongside tax and insurance. And I’ve just given my old car away with the contents inside. I didn’t take anything out and I’ve got no idea where it is. I didn’t even look the BMW over or part with any money; it was just a straight swap that felt a good idea at the time. I’ve got a horrible feeling that I’ve just been fleeced.

It's all Relative #warwick 31

I’ve got ramparts in my eyes, as if my dream is in my sight. There’s steps everywhere waiting for me to explore them. It’s like I’m in a Relativity painting and I’m trying to work out how it all connects and where everything is while not wanting to miss out on anything. The only thing that will get in my way is other visitors. It’d be cool to be able to charge about at speed around these corridors and chase off invaders. I also see it as the ultimate game of Hide and Seek. I don’t intend it, but as soon as I turn my back to read an information board, my friends have vanished into another section and it’s quite comical that we won’t catch up with each other and end up waving at one another from the top of a turret or something. At least it makes for interesting photos.

My parents are spending my inheritance. What can I do about it?

Have you drawn up a legal agreement or are you just concerned? If you have, the law is on your side and you can use it to force them into labour to protect yourself. Be aware that costs have increased and not everything runs according to plan. If you’re concerned, there’s other actions that you can take. You can seek out better employment or change your lifestyle so that money isn’t a worry to you. Or you could spend time with your parents. At least that way they’ll be sharing their wealth with you. They may also respect you for it. After all, it is their money. If they’re doing it out of spite, there’s not much you can do about it, unless you can prove that they’re incompetent in managing their funds and seek their power of attorney. But if you’re really desperate, you could make them disappear; though there are legal complications if you’re discovered. 

Bricking It #warwick 30

It looks like it’s all been put together very neatly, but it also looks very easy to push one of those bricks out. Either that or it’s designed to swing open with a little force from inside. It looks like you could pull out that whole rampart by tying a rope around its top and giving it a good yank. Even though it’s weathered, it’s amazing how straight they’ve managed to get everything considering the technology that they had available to them at the time. Someone would either have to measure the bricks or have a template made to ensure consistency. At least the locals have somewhere sturdy to retreat to in the event of an emergency, though the current owners may have something to say about that as it would eat into their profit margins. They’d have a great choice of places to visit for dinner though. They might even learn a trade.

Pukemobile #dreamdiary 187

It’s the first day of our holiday1 Our accommodation has a late-check-in so we’ve decided to kill some time by visiting a village stately home which is a bit of a walk away from where we’re staying. It’s further than we thought so we’ve called in a local taxi firm. There’s a bit of confusion over where our driver is going to meet us. We find our way out to the main road running through village. At first we get excited as a limo pulls up, then I realise that it’s a grey van. The taxi company has split our ride into two cars as some of us are going to different places and they don’t have large vehicles. I’m put into one lined with white walls and there’s malnourished children leaning up the sides. As we get moving, I notice that I’m covered in an orange substance. One of the kids is standing right behind me.

A Future Viewpoint #warwick 29

It’s not exactly the attire of the day. It’s as if a passing tourist has walked in on a historic moment of war being declared, hence the herald’s sword raised in the air to attract attention. I wonder if in the future there’ll be roped-off areas for time-travellers to gather so that they won’t get in the way of history; though they’ll also have to be cloaked and swear a vow of silence so that history won’t calculate that something’s up. Though you may be masked so that they can’t identify you, there’ll still want to question why you’re there, and it’s probably easier for them to despatch you rather than the other way around. But if you are there to change the course of history, then you need to act quick before other people get ideas. It’d be very easy to grab the scroll and sneak off back through the door.

Why Must You Treat Me So?

I got bullied a lot at school. I always ended up doing different things and no-one seemed to want to correct or help me. The teachers all seemed to be elderly and didn’t want to offer correction. So I wanted a character that I could get revenge on to punish them back for ruining my childhood years. There were a few things that I had to find out for myself as I didn’t have much to offer in the way of friendship. So this is the person who would cause me the most harm or they attempted to isolate me at my expense to enhance their own social standing and admiration. And yet when I tried to defend myself I just seemed to make things worse as no-one else had the courage to come to my aid. And of course, when I retreated, I was the hot topic of the playground and people had plenty of opportunities to come forward and enhance the bullying. This is my journey and my struggle and an attempt to get the revenge that I couldn’t get in real life.

Potty Man #warwick 28

And it’s all because of this, a little pot with a pair of eyes and a moustache moulded onto it, though you could be forgiven for thinking that it might be a penguin. Perhaps it was an offering to a small god. Its belly could be an angel with wings or a warrior preparing to fight. Perhaps it was crafted in memory of someone like a servant. Or maybe it’s a new range commissioned for the gift shop. It seems crazy that someone would purposefully make this to display, unless something went wrong and they just got creative. It might have been perched on a cork base, or one was provided and it’s hidden by the cloth. Its shiny glaze doesn’t make it scream an ancient relic but you never know. It’s too small for a water vessel, though it might have been used to store something stronger. There’s even a rim that could be a hat.

 

Give me a Vegetarian Recipe

It may seem a great idea at first to try something new, but it’s all done through the power of speech. Even if it’s a suggestion, you’re still going to have to google the whole thing including the ingredients and the method, or be prepared to write it down. Unless, of course, with a simple verbal agreement, Amazon has all of the ingredients boxed and ready to deliver to your home complete with an instruction card. Let’s just hope that you’ve got all the tools required to hand to prepare it. At least it tells you how long it takes to make it. It also gives you time to gather the ingredients, though you need to cook some of them first. Although by the time I’ve gathered them, Alexa seems to have forgotten what I was doing so I have to start the whole process over again. There’s also a lot to do in between steps.

#warwick 27

So how did these little minxes open a celestial gate? Perhaps they’d aligned the shadow of the sun at a perfect angle at exactly the right time when a flare was passing through the atmosphere to intercept it and summon it to do their bidding. A special laser consisting of mirrors and glass hidden deep inside the wheels traps and reflects the light to generate power to use the tower as an antenna. Or maybe they chanted an incantation that they found in an old library. It could have been an old text that hadn’t been stowed away properly and they decided to try it out to exploit its power, either for themselves or their community. They could have been watching something on TV like Charmed or Buffy and decided to give it a go themselves. One’s all set for a challenge while the other clearly doesn’t want the change.

"There are good times and bad times in life. Today you may be sad, but remember, tomorrow will be a new day and there will always be a reason to smile."

-Marcelo Velloso

When there’s a dark day ahead, it may be easier to hide away from it. Can you get away with not appearing? Can you feign an illness? What will happen if you don’t attend? Sometimes the consequences can be worse. But with a bit of preparation, you may find it easier to see it through. If you can see an end to it, than you can focus upon its conclusion with a celebration. Find something positive to focus in the day after and focus upon that. If you can get a period of rest at the end of it then hopefully you’ll be able to move forward the following day. It gets much harder when the sun comes up a lot later but you have to force yourself into a routine. You’ll enjoy it a lot more if you can encourage yourself to work through today’s problems otherwise it’ll keep hanging over you.  

Tiny Terrors #warwick 26

So what are the little girls going to be able to do with this? There’s already a net in front of them so maybe they’ve already launched something. It could be a ball full of powder that’s drifted off into the sky. They could have called a press conference to declare war upon their teacher. Or they could have already launched a reign of fire upon the door of the local sweet shop. It’s not likely that they’ve invented the thing, although they could have designed it and have recruited others to put the thing together. It would have made a great school project, though full marks may not be given for demolishing the school. One looks happy but the other has an expression of remorse as if she’s considering the consequences of her actions. It’s either that or the realisation that they’re going to have to share it with others.

 

Gigging Around

I’ve never been inside this place for a gig. I’ve dropped people off outside and occasionally I’ve been into the foyer to check the parking policy where there’s a tidy bar, a foyer with sofas and chairs, a snack counter and a ticket office. I did venture in for my covid jab where a maze of curtains transformed the place but I did look up to see spotlights hanging from the ceiling. They’ve had a few events on here that I’ve been interested in but I was either unavailable or they sold out very quickly. It’s great to see the building up and running again as it supported many community events. But it looks like the group whop was running it for the community have now had the keys taken away from them as the new owners attempt to attract big names to the venue. I hope that they’re able to keep it running smoothly and that it doesn’t fall into disarray again.

Take your Marks #warwick 25

They might be innocently frolicking or fishing for food but they could also be secretly lining up for an attack. It could be a defensive line to halt any boats from passing through or diverting them away for the banks. Perhaps there’s a nest nearby or a food source that they don’t want disturbed. Or perhaps they’re waiting for their numbers to build up before they reclaim more land. Or it could be the other way around and that they’re waiting for more humans to go away. They’re not big enough to change the flow of the water, though they certainly try by making ripples. They might gain a height advantage by having a bird scout the battlements, though they could easily be spotted there. They may already have a bird perched and hidden up in the trees or down in the reeds. They’re just waiting for a honk for go time.

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare

I had high hopes for this film. The trailer looked good and I really enjoyed the mocking in the first scene. But that looked to be the only humorous scene and things got far too serious after that. There were a couple of ‘god-mode’ executions that just made it unrealistic, and the penultimate scene was something akin to watching one of your mates play a computer game. The off-battle scenes were mostly too predictable. It’s a shame that the script got too close to the truth, and I think a better angle live a love interest could have been told. It also seems unrealistic that a ship could be declared ‘unsinkable’ just by reinforcing the hull. I did spend some time wondering where I’d seen these actors before playing similar roles. Cavill performs well in his role as leader and it’s nice to see him fully clothed for once. Kinnear merely plays dress-up in his role as the Prime Minister.

A Test of Strength

Lots of breweries pride themselves on brewing high-strength beers. In the past there’s been a race to see who could brew the strongest one. Tactical Nuclear Penguin and Sink the Bismark are just two examples of beers that have exceeded the 30% ABV mark. But who could sit down and drink a whole serving of these in one sitting? The cost would also be extortionate. I know of one bar that charged £5 just for a shot of this beer. I hope that the whole bottle was used. But sometimes you don’t want a strong one, especially if you’re driving. And if the choice isn’t offered, it might persuade you to go elsewhere. The point is that people want to enjoy these drinks. If they’re able to finish them, the only reason that they’re likely to purchase them again is for bragging rights. But there’s also been challenges to produce the lowest, bitterest and hoppiest beers.

Wild Goose Chase #warwick 24

You wouldn’t think it, but there’s lanes in the water. There’s circular ripples that geese drift on to get to where they need to go. Occasionally they have to change lanes to keep on track to their destination. And that’s where the chaos begins. Whether it’s a commute or a migration, the whole flock is constantly on the move. Their aim is to either position themselves for the best viewpoint, or put themselves forward in an ideal place to be the first in line for food, or to help protect the flock. As different birds have different objectives at different times, this often means bumping into each other. Some might use it as an excuse to copulate or assert dominance, others may find it a nice gesture. Be prepared or a lot of arguments as they chase each other, especially when the defender has had enough and flies off with the attacker in pursuit to either assert or explain their intentions.

If I win 8 million at the casino and leave immediately, what will be the consequences?

If you’re leaving immediately, then I’m assuming that you’re not stopping to cash any chips. That means that either the money is already in your account because you’re playing an on-line machine, or you’ve had a payout in cash. It’d be very hard for you to get far with two million quarters. Someone might help you or you might drop a few on the way. You’re also expected to tip the staff, but that depends if you’ve availed yourself of their services. They’ll certainly attempt to congratulate you if they find out. You can leave a bit more anonymously if you’ve been using a video machine, though there’s also the chance that it’s notified someone and they can follow you via the security cameras. You can perhaps expect some sort of hired goon to follow and stop you until they’ve engaged with you, unless you’ve physically left the chips on the table.

Visitors #warwick 23

What are all these people doing here? There’s so many of them. Some of them do help out. They mainly wear black or traditional dress and walk around slowly and purposefully leaving feed in bowls hidden from the eyes of others and carrying tools. Sometimes they ride around in shiny boxes carrying their equipment. The others park their boxes in a cluster outside of the green. Some of them work slow and build smaller carts for their young charges while others march purposefully in front of others, either to beat the queues or show their eagerness to explore. It’s these ones that look around then disappear at the end of the day, never to be seen again or at least for a long time. But when I give them the feather and show them my arse they love it and take loads of pictures. At least it encourages them to buy my merchandise from the shop.

Keeping Time

These timers have shrunk a bit. I suppose that it’s partly to save on the cost of producing plastic and partly because the technology has moved on and everything is being controlled by smart speakers and phones. Upon first use, I thought it would be really tough to use because I couldn’t push any of the time segments down. Then I discovered that they came pre-pressed. The smaller scale of the dial markers makes the time segments difficult to view. It’s also difficult to view the time needle, but if you’ve used one before then you don’t really need to read the instructions. There’s also a simple override switch for those times when you want on for a bit longer without having to re-program it. And there’s not much point in using it for anything other than a lamp, unless you were going to rig up something technical for a trap.

Peacocking #warwick 22

I wonder if they know their fate; that the lord of the land just waits for them to gain some weight before they pluck and cook them? Do they not know that they will be hunted at some point? If they see their mate go under the knife, will they attempt to defend them or attempt to hide or escape before they go the same way? What’s this one doing? At the moment, it’s unsure. It’s keeping its eye on the situation while planning an escape route at the same time. If it was me, I’d go into battle to get revenge, though I’d want to strike when no-one’s looking. I’d just keep jumping up to peck them without quitting and I wouldn’t give them the chance to arm themselves. If I needed a break, I’d put my feathers up. I’d never trust another human again. I’d rather steal from their food supply than use any bowls left out for me.

Christmas Bumps #dreamdiary 186

It’s an early sunny Christmas Day morning. I’m off to the other side of town to see the family. There’s a blue Volkswagen bug parked outside the house that I’ve never seen before but it’s not blocking the driveway. I back my car out, but I accidentally tap it. I have to stop and pull up to see if a mark has been left. A woman dressed in white is inside with her two children.  They get close as I back up and try and line up my car on the other side of the driveway. I can see that their boot is filled with presents. How long have they been sitting inside? I’m about to give a bad start to someone’s Christmas. Hopefully there’s no visible damage and I can get away with swapping insurance details and that’ll be the end of it, though it’ll probably have to be reported. She doesn’t look happy though.

Winging It #warwick 21 #sherduck 22

Buttons managed to find the desk sergeant in a matter of moments. What they could not locate was where the key was for the locker. It had been registered to Sherduck when he was thrown into the cell but they didn’t have a record of who signed him in or out since he’d been up to these antics before and they didn’t want to bring it to the attention of the superintendent. What they did have was a rather out-of-focus CCTV camera which triggered a separate investigation of how long it had been like that for and whether anyone had reported it to the maintenance team. When they’d rewound the footage back to the moment it was working correctly, it showed a tall black swan swatting it with its wings while being dragged towards a cell. It wasn’t a great lead but it was the only chance that they had at the time and because the quackademy taught them that they weren’t allowed to believe in coincidences they followed it up and circulated Drowser’s description.

 

Stud Squad #vampress 21

The vampress sighed. These little people were very good at pampering her. They’d bring food which she’d either swallow whole or slit open with her fingernails to suck the blood out of them, or the occasional outside witness which would either be drained and persuaded or disposed of depending upon their status and how much meat they carried. But what she really needed was…satisfaction. Occasionally a horse would be brought in to attempt to fill her needs but she could only get a quick go before the beast was startled and panicked itself to death despite however many tried to hold it down. What she really wanted was to be loved. She’d need to train a special team to attend to all of her sensitive areas. So she began to train a group of young men to transform into hunks. They’d be fed the finest meats then put through a strict exercise routine to ensure that they would perform.

Showboating #sherduck 21 #warwick 20

Sherduck loved to showboat. This wasn’t in the sense of showing off (though to others it does look that way) but instead he liked to strut his stuff by going to areas that other species wouldn’t have access to. For example, if there was a large crowd lining the banks of the river, not only could he get a literal bird’s eye view of what was going on, he could also land in the middle of the river for his own perspective without fear of any harm coming to him. He might get something thrown at him or towards him to encourage him to move if the audience required him to, but then that would give him the motive and the moral high ground to retaliate and fly towards his attackers. This act made him equally unpopular with both humans and ducks as they saw it as an act to dissuade the humans from feeding them, but it did assert Sherduck’s dominance as top duck.

My Expectations

My good reader, if you could spare a few minutes of your attention to focus on the humble words in front of you, you’ll learn quite a bit about my life. In sorts, it is a diary of places travelled, some of it in more detail than I would have liked. I share the details of people that I interact with in what I hope is a friendly and amusing narrative. At times I examine where things have gone wrong and how they can be rectified, perhaps sometimes in too much detail. In other subjects I may create short works of fiction, though sometimes I do get into the surreal as I focus on different perspectives. The main aim is to piece these pieces together into a narrative that could be enjoyed by all and might even be sold commercially in various formats. You might find yourself wanting to visit a few of the places yourself. On other days, you might be baffled or offended by the words placed in front of you as I face moral dilemmas and choices. But please feel free to leave a note or two of your opinion of my scribblings.

Rescue Attempt #sherduck 20 #warwick 19

Suddenly, the boat filled with smoke. It was if someone had forgotten to open up the chimney but Shelduck knew tear gas when he could taste it. He was relieved to see a small skinny duck charge underneath the big swan’s neck and stick a mask on his beak before the big fella toppled over. He wasn’t even sure that the little duck stuck around to see what was going on. Instead, he turned to see where the duck had come from and a familiar face stepped through the gas.

‘What did you do that for?’ said Sherduck.

‘You were kidnapped by hired goons’ said Buttons.

‘Yes, but they never got to tell me why. I didn’t get a name’.

‘But we can bring them in now under an abduction charge.’

True, but I believe that something a bit more sinister was about to happen. How did you find me anyway?’

‘Just routine patrol. Jenkins called it in.’

What's the medal count?

I assume I’m going to find out some sport results rather than expect a definition. I’m also wondering if this feature works when a tournament isn’t in session. Will it default back to the latest international tournament or will it find an event that is taking place currently? Will I get a response at all or will it ask me to back another time when a tournament is taking place? I get a lengthy list of the top five countries and how many medals they have won. For the winner, I get a full list of bronze, silver and gold totals. But I can ask for a specific country to be told its bronze, silver and gold totals. If I ask for the event, I’m told that Team GB didn’t win anything this year, though to be fair I did specify UK rather than Great Britain. When I get the phasing right, I’m told that it doesn’t know. I guess it’s back to Google.

Smoke Signals #warwick 18

I wonder if the smoke can be controlled. Do they have fans to choose which way it travels? Is there a thickness button to control how long it’s in view for? And do they have to use more or less smoke depending on the weather and atmosphere? Is it dry ice? Using real smoke would be a right pain if it got into your eyes. But perhaps the birds are used to it and they’re able to use it like camouflage. It helps to protect them from the crowd, and they can always dip into it like a cloud if they feel threatened. Or maybe it marks a no-fly zone to control where they’re allowed to go. After all, their eyes must be much more sensitive than ours, and there’s a few different species of birds. It wouldn’t be surprising that they didn’t all get on. Hopefully we don’t see too many aerial battles.

“Just put one foot in front of the other and don't worry about the length of the path. Once you get on that path, and the longer you stay on it, there eventually will come a time when you will not turn back.”

-Martina Navratilova

Little steps always help when you’re facing something big. As long as you’re making progress, it’s still progress, especially if people can see it. Stopping to do nothing won’t help things at all. They’ll be many distractions, and some of them will need dealing with while others can be ignored. But if you can stay the course without looking back, then eventually you’ll reach your goal, wherever or whatever that may be. You might need to keep an eye on the length of the path if it’s a literal one though. You’ll need rest stops and supplies to keep you going, otherwise you’ll arrive wishing you’d never departed. With a bit of training, you’ll get used to it. It’s also nice to know that at some point you can leave your troubles behind and you won’t have to face them again, though hopefully others won’t have to finish the work for you.

Snack Time #warwick 17 #dozo 2

Dozo pondered his next move. There were plenty of humans in front of him with snack foods but he’d probably get told off by the trainers for that. Some were paying him a bit of attention but most of them were focusing on the other birds in front of them. They may also retaliate as there were a lot more of them than him so he could probably get hurt, though most would just get out of the way if he asserted his dominant speed as a threat. There was also a black hole in the wooden square behind him, but again he could get into trouble if he went inside. The stick holding the panel open could also close quite quickly, and they might not let him out again. Dozo had heard of some humans who didn’t want to leave these structures. Then his rattle began to rattle so he knew that it was time for a proper snack.

Passing Trade

He’s tall. Taller than me, but not by much. He’s also a bit lankier and has a slightly better physique but it’s not too much on me considering he’s a builder. He’s not the brightest when it comes to technology but what he has in place is practical skills. He’s not the best conversationalist when it comes to topics unless you’re discussing his trade. He keeps himself smart and well-trimmed unless he’s been working hard (in which case a few signs of stubble will start to show). And while he never formally suits up, the clothes that he does wear while out and about are always branded. He’s always great at playing the host and sources quality ingredients for his guests. Though he doesn’t have much interest in the way of hobbies, he loves spending time with people he values. He’s happy with the work that he does, he’s good at it and he charges a fair price.

Spot the Birdie #warwick 16

Nature works best when camouflaged. Everyone’s drawn to the biggest subject in the centre of the picture. But it’s not the shed. There is someone inside it who’s keeping  an eye on the control centre making sure that everyone’s behaving themselves and that there’s no risks. He might also have a sound desk in front of him. You’re then drawn to what’s on the shed. There is something sticking out on the top of the roof, but if you zoom in it’s just a receiver. You’ll have to look where the people are looking. If you focus on the left side of the shed, you’ll see a pole sticking up just in front of it. Follow the pole up to the top, and you’re suddenly looking at an owl. It’s amazing how the light of the tree offers him perfect camouflage in this daylight setting. He’s found the perfect spot of shade too. 

Futurama (Season 12)

There’s a bit of confusion in the writing here as some of the character’s back stories have been forgotten, and there’s a few characters that aren’t featured in this series, though they do make an appearance. Often it’s the subplots that make up the best episodes as they all seem to tie everything up together. A few Armageddon scenarios do appear here but not enough in a context to portray that a solution is required. There’s some good comedy, but perhaps not enough to make us geek out as in earlier seasons. There’s also some interesting themes and it makes you wonder if you’ve seen some of the characters elsewhere before, though I may have seen a YouTube clip of Frank. It’s a shame that the chatbot wasn’t linked to a domination plot, and although Mom was featured in a later episode, she wasn’t as active as she’d previously been. Perhaps we’re used to longer seasons and we’ll have to wait for more.

Not Welcome #dreamdiary 185

I’m here to see my friend. I’m not sure if she even recognises me. Maybe she thinks I’m here to see her flatmate. She’s certainly in a mood. She admits me and invites me to sit on the sofa and watch TV. . She looks like she’s all made up to go out. She’s wearing heavy foundation to make her face slightly tanned and trimmed eyebrow hair. Then there’s the short black hair that she’s spent a long time curling. Why did she admit me in the first place? Perhaps I’ve got the wrong address and she’s too timid. She tells me that she’s going out now and opens the door for me to leave. We haven’t even had a conversation. As I pass through the door, she gives me a funny look. Then she puts on a black cape and heads out the door herself and turns in the opposite direction. I wonder if I should follow her.

Platform Positions #warwick 15

After starting with a traditional cottage, you’d think that they could have done better than a platform on a scissor lift. It doesn’t exactly look in keeping with the surroundings, yet it was perfectly hidden at the beginning of the show. I wonder if they weren’t permitted to use a regular platform with a ladder because of COVID regulations. Perhaps the platform needs to be adjusted for different heights in windier conditions, but you could just build another level into the tower. Perhaps they were concerned for the performer’s health, and it would be a quick way to get them back down in an emergency. Or maybe the whole show was new and it was a work in progress. It would certainly be difficult to carry a bird while climbing up a ladder, though they could have trained it to fly from one performer to the other beforehand. For today’s show though, the birds seem to be coping well.

Free Beer?

Who is going to get through £60 of beer in one day?! OK, it is London so that bumps up the prices a bit. And it’s nitro-beer which has a lot of gas which also increases costs. They’ll be entry fees and glass hire costs to come out of that too. When you get round to looking at the price list, it’s probably only for five or six pints which is slightly above what the average festivalgoer drinks. You’d probably want someone who has a little more experience than someone who’s just passed the legal limit though. It’s nice to give but you have to hope that they’re going to give back by turning up without a hangover and that they’re able to do their duty. There’s even a video to attempt to demonstrate how little effort is involved but it does depend on how busy the festival is. These volunteers could be working their asses off.

Smoke but no Fire #warwick 14

If we didn’t know what was going on, we might have been slightly worried. We could see people in costume inside tending to a fireplace in the background. We hoped that they knew what they were doing, but why did they need smoke for a show? It was unlikely that they’d trained the birds to put the fire out. Maybe it was someone’s lunch that had got out of control. They might have caught a nice bit of fish and they didn’t want visitors to cotton onto the same idea, so they made a smokescreen to hide behind. A fire wouldn’t be easy to put out in this weather, and I can’t see a chimney on the building. Did we need the theatrics? Did the boat run on steam? Or was it something that the birds expected to help them perform in the show? Perhaps a dragon was going to emerge.

Blow Your Whistle

I bought these whistles for my team to use at our beer festivals. They’d be hung up on the stillaging next to the barrels. The idea was that when a beer started to run low, the volunteer would blow on a whistle to attract the attention of a bar manager, who would either stoop the firkin or take it off sale. It was a good idea at first, but I don’t think that people liked the idea of using something that had been used by other people or being whistled at. They disappeared very quickly, either into bins or people’s pockets. It was a shame as they were quite bright on shoelaces with a little plastic ball inside. And I got twenty of them for under a fiver. I might have ordered them the year before and they didn’t arrive in time so I had to store them for a year. I’m surprised I didn’t lose them.

Falconer's Quest #warwick 13

We knew that this activity would be very popular so we had to quickly locate a spot. We left the girls there with nanny while we headed back to the car to get our picnic bag, which was quite a long trek. But we got back before the show began and other people were being turned away and were told to come back for the next show. It was worth the wait, there was music, smoke, a narrator and actors performing on rafts across the river. Then the birds would be let loose and flew in sync with the story. Some flew in circles and came back to their trainer; others took off and rested on a perch, often just above us with steward falconers on standby to make sure that the audience was kept seated. Some flew close to our heads, and even swooped down for a peck or two. But it made for a very entertaining show.

Should pork be banned in the UK to avoid offending muslims?

It’s difficult to ban something that’s always been there. If there’s health benefits then it’s worth considering, but you’re talking about a huge section of the economy. How will this be replaced? People need to value the culture that they’re in rather than make it their own. If they’re not going to adapt then they’re really going to struggle with interaction, and they’re going to be isolated in return. If we stop everything that offends someone, then there’s not going to be much left. It certainly restricts your freedom. People have likes and dislikes. You just have to come to a unanimous decision of what is and isn’t’ permitted, and agree with authority so that it can be enforced. In the meantime, you have to show a little tolerance or find an environment that supports your values. It’s just a way of spotlighting those who have different values. Some people don’t like vegetables.

Under Fire #warwick 12

Out on the hill in front of the castle, we’re exposed. It would only take a couple of archers placed in the spire of the cathedral to despatch a few arrows into our backs. Naturally we wouldn’t expect this, but this was an opportunity should anyone feel the need. The little one has a bit of protection from headshots with her hat but not much. She’s better off where standing where she is behind the wooden board but it depends on how thick the board is. If the enemy’s spotted by our photographer then there’s a slim possibility that the fencing would protect us if we were to duck down in time, but not by much. If we’re quick on the draw then we could return fire, but they have much cover than we do. We’d have to get down on our stomachs and crawl to the east to get behind the shrubberies.

A Late Awakening #titannabell 21

Morning arrived at the palace. It was a very quiet morning followed by a rushed one since the watch bell didn’t ring to wake the servants. Some of the servants who were used to waking up before the bell rung suddenly realised that something was wrong when they saw how high the sun was getting. They quickly roused the others into the common room to organise the day’s work.

‘Why didn’t the bell ring?’ asked one of them.

‘Never mind that, we’ve got chores to do. Get those berries cut double-time!’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘OK, head out to the barracks. Hopefully we won’t have too many complaints.’

‘There’s no-one there, Miss.’

‘No-one there? Was a war declared last night? Very well, it certainly makes our job easier. Send out the dressers. Let’s get our lords and ladies ready for our guests. And quickly before we get any complaints of tardiness. I’ll let his lordship know what happened.’

Round the Bend #warwick 11

In medieval times, it could be a man with a knife. After all, they were designed to protect the residents from the enemy. These days, you’re more likely to find a man busking or selling refreshments or souvenirs. I doubt the spotlight was there. At night it might cast a shadow to give a clue that someone was approaching, and in daylight the sun would probably do the same. In modern times, I’m not sure if the slate is indicative of restoration work from passing vandalism, or if it’s purposefully placed there to reflect the spotlight. That cable could pose as a bit of a trip hazard though. The dry grass could also be hiding a pit which takes us to our deaths below the fence and bushes. But venture on we must, there is plenty to see, even if it’s all wired up to power a murderous robot around the corner.

Dear Bad Guy

I’m going to stop you. I don’t care what it takes, but you’re not going to stop me. You might put hundreds of obstacles in my way, create relentless distractions, but the freedom that you have now is not going to be for very long. Things are going to get worse for you, so cherish this very letter as it could reflect upon your last moment of happiness. So now you know that someone’s about to get in your way. You’ll definitely change tactics. You might even desist and run away, but I’ll never let you rest until you’ve been brought to justice and become accountable for the misery that you’ve caused in our society. And I will never trust you, even if you give yourself up or begin to show any remorse for what you’ve done. So tread carefully because I’m waiting for you to make the mistake that will cost you your future.

What are You Waiting For? #warwick 10

Something’s happening. The marquee and gazebo are roped off but there’s some kids sitting down in the shadow of the castle waiting patiently in the courtyard. Nearby, two grown-ups are fleeing the scene. Perhaps something loud is about to start. Perhaps something is due to emerge from the marquee. The kids may have spotted some performers going in earlier, and they’re waiting to be the first in line for whatever treat or activity awaits. But there’s also a load of dead grass. Maybe they’re misinformed, or what they’re expecting has been and gone. Perhaps the tower is about to be toppled onto the gazebo which is why it’s roped off. Or maybe the spire is about to launch into the courtyard. The other thing that could have happened was that their parents have convinced them that a show was about to start while they sneak off for a half hour of peace and quiet at the café.

Insult Me

It’s probably going to be a short but concise noise followed by a fart sound. It might vary depending on the time of day. Or she could be too polite to engage in such an atrocity. Apparently I’m a cure for insomnia when I talk about myself and I’m hailed as a medical wonder. So it’s an insult of wit. How can I make someone laugh in a bad way? Is it an uncontrollable fit of the giggles that leaves them in a bout of pain? Is it too loud? Or is it terrible and they’re just being polite? Either way, they all seem to be about my company rather than any physical or olfactory characteristics. I wonder how many there are? She hasn’t repeated one yet. And there’s no subscription either. Still, if you want to feel down without any swearing or conversation, this is the way to do it. At least you can unplug the thing.

Castle Climbers #warwick 9

Back outside in the sun, it’s not so dark and scary. We’ve begun our turret walk to explore the castle ramparts and have put on extra sunscreen. From here, we can see what we’ve already explored and how much more we have to investigate. There’s some great views of the castle grounds and we can also see past the river into the city. There’s views of the cathedral, the surrounding park and the hustle and bustle of everyday people going about their lives making purchases and completing their business. The adults decide to stay perched on a bench for a packed lunch and after the girls have eaten I decide to take them across the rest of the ramparts which is steeper and narrower with some steep steps to descend back to the courtyard. Then we ascend up the long winding path back to the grown-ups, where there’s a nice breeze in the air.

"Take the Team With You"

-The Doctor.

If your team does follow you wherever you go, that’s a very loyal team. You have to make sure that you treat them like family and not servants, even if you are paying them. Otherwise, they’ll be very keen to jump ship, especially if they get a pay offer. Don’t forget that they have similar needs to you, and that you need to be seen doing your fair share of the workload too. With modern technology, you can always keep in touch with them, though you also need to respect their privacy and give them rest time and downtime which may eat into your time occasionally. But if you can be flexible then they will try to do the same when you need them to work longer and harder. Sometimes people will want to leave and you have to respect that, but it’s important to find out why if it’s a mistake that you’ve made so that’s it not repeated again and you know what sort of qualities to look for in your next recruit.

Balding Brian

Short, loud, proud, bold and bald. That’s the easiest way to describe him. He’s also a bit of a disciplinarian. I’m guessing a teacher; either in drama or sports. He makes it clear what he expects of his team. He wants everyone to have a good time; so long as the enjoyment of others isn’t put into jeopardy. He does enjoy digs at his head because it’s so shiny, but he’s not afraid to dish it out too. He’ll even let you rub his head for good luck. He’s got a huge perfect smile without a hint of mischief that makes you want to grin back at him. Sometimes he’s so loud that you don’t you whether he’s scolding or saluting you. He’s well up to speed with his celebratory gossip. Even though he’s short, he’s got a thick but healthy physique; and he’s not afraid to pace himself to flaunt it with bicep curls and warm up for the game.

Ready to Play #warwick 8

If this guy has a minor role in entertaining his guests, it’s probably going to be in the bedroom. He’s a character that Hugh Hefner would probably look up to. He’s already in his smoking jacket with his cigar in hand. I wonder if he ever waited downstairs? It could be the whole purpose of the evening while the ladies slipped off to the powder room one by one right underneath his wife’s nose. He’s even got a minibar set up to refresh his guests and a typewriter to record his memoirs. Some could argue that it was his job to record everyone who entered the castle. There’d be a good view of who was crossing the courtyard and the sound of footsteps could be echoed in the corridors. He might even have a team at his disposal to change the sheets quickly or have several rooms handy. It’s not the sort of character that you’d expect at a medieval castle, but there he is.

Redirecting Resources #dreamdiary 184

I’m camping at a brewery with a team of volunteers. There’s been a terrible storm through the night and a gale has forced its way through some of the buildings. Corrugated roofs have been torn off and the equipment inside has been upturned and damaged. Meanwhile, my volunteer group have took it upon themselves to start taking down my tent and pack it away. The last thing I want is a mob of people going through my possessions and putting things in places that are going to make it difficult for me for find them later on. I know they’re only trying to help me but there’s other ways that these volunteers could be deployed for the greater good benefit rather than myself. So I rally them together in a huddle around me and explain that the brewery needs their help more than I do, and we should concentrate on getting it to an operational state again, especially when my tent withstands a hurricane better than a building.

Gunning Around #warwick 7

This is a disaster waiting to happen. Even if the gun isn’t loaded, you could still do some damage by pivoting the butt of the rifle into someone’s face. And how are you going to fire it at speed from a horse? It would have to be set at a pre-determined level and reloading would have to be done by a runner. Its sturdiness would be too impractical for the battlefield so perhaps it was designed for buildings only. You wouldn’t have a horse dressed in armour in the hall either. It would have to be well trained or you’d need someone nearby to scoop up the poop quickly. Then again, it’d make an impressive chess piece, but you’d need bigger squares and thirty-one other pieces. The modern lighting makes the reflection look like lasers as it passes around the room. Perhaps that’s what caused the knight to lose its hand.

Young Sheldon

It’s easy to forgive this character, as he’s still young and has much to learn about the universe. He’s aware of his intelligence but seems to think he’s superior. Thankfully, his tantrums are entertaining as he reacts in the least childlike way, unlike the adults that surround him in the later episodes. I love Missy, she’s cute and sassy while retaining a bit of her brother’s intelligence, and I love their relationship together. There’s also  a bit of suspense over George as we know that he’s not around in Sheldon’s later life so we never know when he’s going to go. It’s a bit shocked that we see Mee-Maw as a sassy troublemaker since Sheldon describes her so fondly in his later years, though there’s a hint of mischief about her when she meets Amy. Then there’s Professor Sturgis who’s a bit overdramatic and childlike in his way which explains why he gets on so well with Sheldon, though there’s little mention of him in Sheldon’s adult life. There’s also some great pop references to the culture of the time, so the researchers have done their job well. There’s not too much comedy here, but there’s enough going on to make you want to find out what happens to the characters.

T minus Tantrum #warwick 6

One wants to learn while the other wants to play. One wants to stay cool while the other wants to feel the sun on her shoulders. This means that one of them is getting their way while the other isn’t resulting in happy and sad. It’s hard to please everyone so you have to take it in turns but this can’t be seen as fair to the loser. Maybe it’s the heat and she’ll calm down in a bit. It’s a bit formal and shiny in there with plenty of dark spaces with very little to interact with. As well as armour that accommodates beer bellies, there’s kid-size armour too. I wonder if they could fight in it or is it merely for protection should the castle be invaded. And they might have let you try it on if it wasn’t for the fact that there was a pandemic in progress. We’ll have to wait for a later date to come back and find out.

@joebiden: You can't be Pro-Insurrectionist and Pro-American

You can if the government starts to make big mistakes like confusing your protagonists with your antagonists and giving away trade secrets. It’s where freedom of speech goes to hell. It might not be lawful because the government forbids it, but if they can justify that it’s in the best interest of the country and they can convince other people to think the same, then they might just outnumber those in power and form their own majority. Being American needs a definition that everyone can agree on; otherwise there’s going to be conflicts and that makes it easier for people to break things, especially when leaders start to tell people what they can and can’t do. It just stirs up insurrection even more; though it might not look very professional once you start to break things or accuse others of breaking things And at other times you can’t win either way.

Mystery Curtain #warwick 5

Your guess is as good as mine. It could be an ancient scroll placed behind curtains to protect it from light and we’re either allowed a sneak peek within or the curator has forgotten to pull the curtains shut after finishing a maintenance session. It could be a speaker beckoning us in to enjoy a light show. It could be a ghost from an American terrorist group, though you’d probably wouldn’t want to pass on this knowledge onto the little ones and it would be a bit out of place in this context anyway. Or it could simply be a case of a misplaced camera shot. It looks slightly female with a veil and a stumpy skeleton-shaped body. Perhaps it marks a tomb or even a candleholder. It’s left one of the bulbs to drift away like a balloon with a misty vapour. Though it looks dusty enough to contain cobwebs, I can’t see any now. Perhaps something else is expected to breeze through. 

Clementoni Pen Creator Studio

My niece absolutely loved this. I was wondering what to get her for her birthday and after asking her mother for ideas to avoid duplicate presents I spotted this on the shelf and put it forward. It turned out that she saw it at her cousin’s birthday and wanted a set for herself. I was delighted that towards the end of her birthday party she wanted to open up the box and play with it. It takes an adult to set up the holder, and there’s little compartments to hold all of the materials. There’s enough to make up ten pens, though the holder holds up to five at any time. Economically, you’d only need one but I suppose it’s helpful if you make them in batches or with friends so that you can compare your results. Just add a bit of water for a lava effect, insert your biro and decorations, add on an animal topper and you’re done. Even her big sister was hoping to have a go. I was hoping that she’d make some to give out as party presents or even make one for me but no such luck as yet.

Swanning Around #warwick 4

He’s got a swan on his head! It’s not the best thing to have as a bearing animal upon your helmet. For one thing, it doesn’t strike fear into the hearts of your enemies, though it may demonstrate that you’re capable of breaking a man’s arm. It may also demonstrate that you’re a real git; as well as making yourself a large target, though your purpose may be to draw fire away from those surrounding you on account of your armour. It’s even painted for heaven’s sake! The armour looks hardly used so maybe it was designed to be a showpiece for the room or to wear on a special occasion. Its partner looks like a gorilla wearing feathers. Perhaps they were presented as a joke by a foreign dignitary or a gift of friendship. They might have even performed a song and dance in them one night after a few glasses of mead.

Do Firemen just sit around at work waiting for a fire to happen?

That’d be nice, wouldn’t it? If nothing happens, they get an easy shift. But why have them on call in the first place? They could always work at home. Time is of the essence. You need to be ready in your gear so that you can get there fast. I mean you could wear your uniform all day long and your wife would love you for it, but it also means that you have to be contactable in an instant, which could be troublesome if communications were to fail. It’s probably why this sort of equipment; along with detachable sirens; are only used by fire chiefs. During daylight hours they spend their time visiting schools and communities talking about fire prevention; supplying some detectors and letting little kids try on their helmets. There’s also practice drills. At night you may go on patrol. I assume you’ll be expected to change watches between one shift and the next, because no-one wants a lazy fireman who oversleeps.

Lombard Lane #warwick 3

So were the epic car chases in San Francisco based on this very road? Were there horses towing chariots racing goods up and down this track to supply the castle? Or is it an attempt to make the castle accessible for everyone? There could be a row of steps hidden behind the bushes, or even a lift buried in the mound and built into the tower. You could certainly see the enemy coming if they break the gate and storm the castle. You could take your time and pick them off one by one with your archers, even if they try to take the short cut and climb the fence. They’ll also have bushes to contend with, and with a water source nearby it wouldn’t be difficult to flood the plain if you had quick access to a dam. It would be a nightmare if you had an Uber delivery though.

#nuclearmermaid 22

Jenny shielded her eyes. Or at least she tried to; there wasn’t much room to manoeuvre. Her stomach was perched on a smooth but cold metallic rock while her breasts were close to brushing the ground. Her derriere was brushing the source of the light. She ended up perfectly balanced with her tail on top of another smooth metallic surface.

‘Well, what have we here?’ said one of the bipeds. Looks like our friend is preparing herself for us.’ The biped who spoke picked up a smooth black stick with a shiny end that looked sharp. The others did the same. Quickly, they surrounded her. One of them pressed the blade to her scales. She felt the thrust, but nothing more. The biped stepped back, holding up the folded blade. Were they trying to harm her? She suddenly realised that she could spin her whole body around the room. With a whack of her tail, she struck a huge blow upon one of the surrounding metal boxes.

Round and round the Garden #warwick 2

Inside the gates is a gardener’s dream. I can’t really imagine that medieval gardeners had the ability to keep their gardens this immaculate. It was also a shame that there were no character actors on our approach to the moat. We weren’t able to demonstrate to the girls what would happen in a siege but they were happy enough to run in and explore. Inside were lots of grand buildings centred around a huge courtyard which would have been a great space to run around in, but some of it was filled with tents and small fences prepared for activities. Naturally, our little princesses wanted to climb up as high as possible but we wanted them to learn a little bit about our surroundings first as we’d already visited the maze and wanted a little rest before attempting anything else. There was a little complaining but it was a hot day so it was a good opportunity to get them in the shade.

Prejudice

‘I need that armrest.’

‘But it’s mine.’

‘Yeah, but I’m bigger than you.’

‘I was hoping to relax and sleep.’

That’s fine. I won’t have to worry about you getting up to go to the bathroom. And I’ll have your in-flight meal too.’

‘But I paid for that.’

‘Yes, but if you doze off then it’s going right in front of me unless you surrender your armrest.’

‘No. I have a right to exist in a certain amount of space. I refuse to be bumped around just because I’m smaller.’

‘You won’t have to if you let me have your armrest.’

‘You will, you’ll just hover over my side trying to steal my space and I’ll be forced to sit upright in a locked position so that there’s still some space between us.’

‘Well it’s not my fault that these seats are so small.’

‘And it’s not my fault that you’re too big.’

‘Why don’t you switch seats?’

‘I don’t know if I can. These flights are usually full.’

‘Go on, ask.’

‘You ask. It’s your problem, not mine.’

‘But I’ve specifically paid for a window seat, which comes with an armrest.’

‘Well, I ain’t budging.’

UK Tides

I’m expecting to learn about high tides. Will it be different from an island on either side? I wonder what it will say about my landlocked location. There might even be some wave sound effects and some seagulls. The response is very detailed. You can ask for a place, town or whole area. A successful response does give you some wave sounds, but a negative response results in a narrative. Sometimes you will get the weather instead of tidal information, as you have to open the app first. Sometimes you’ll get a comical opening response but it’s hard to understand as you’re not expecting it. Asking for landlocked locations results in a response that there’s no information for high tides at the moment. That’s a bit worrying. It’s as if it’s expected to have some tidal data about a landlocked location someday. It’s as if it’s predicting that flooding is imminent.

Over and Under #warwick 1

At first glance you’d think that it’d be quite close to the city centre. There’s walls and gatehouses very close to the roads and shops, and the entrance isn’t too far away either. But once you’re in, you’re basically parking in reclaimed fields. There’s a fair trek through the woodland to the main entrance, and I’m surprised that there’s no shuttle service. Along the way, the path branches off to other features like the accommodation and areas which are reserved for special events. Then at the tollbooth there’s a stern watchtower of admission, a toilet block and a souvenir shop. Once you’re through the turnstile, you get your first view of the castle. You can take a circular walk around it, cross over the moat or venture into the gardens. Or you could do what we did which was to explore the Horrible Histories maze. There were facts to learn and things to climb over and under.

Ticket Touter #dreamdiary 183

I’ve been asked to supply tickets to different football matches. I’ve been able to procure some good seats through some discount websites for around £15 a person. I’ve got the monies and the tickets all sorted out. The only trouble is that I can’t remember which matches go to which customer. I’ve deleted all the e-mails with each individual order as I’ve already placed the order, but I didn’t create a master record of what everyone wanted. I’ve now got their names written on a piece of paper stuck inside a bank coin bag fastened with a paper clip, but I’ve got no idea of which ticket goes into which bag. I’ve got a vague idea of who supports each football team, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the match that each customer has made arrangements to save that particular date and destination. There could be some nasty surprises. Looks like I’ve got some calling to do…

#banbury2 #sherduck 19

‘What do you think the boss is up to?’

‘Dunno, none of our business really, is it?’

‘I think he’s gone too far this time; kidnapping a detective.’

‘I just do what I’m told. Keep him happy so long as he keeps paying me… But on a boat though.’

‘I know, I mean I wouldn’t want to step inside.’

‘I suppose we’ll have to if he calls for us.’

‘He’s got Dowser with him though.’

‘Yeah, he’s big, but he’s only one duck.’

‘The detective’s only one duck.’

‘He’s clever though.’

‘Yeah, this detective could probably outsmart him.’

‘I wouldn’t want to get too close to the windows to see what’s going on.’

‘Why’s that then?’

‘Well, if anything goes wrong, you could be spotted and identified later.’

‘Didn’t think of that.’

‘That’s why the boss wanted the windows open.’

‘Keep your voice down!’

‘Why’s that then?’

‘He could recognise that too!’

The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.

-Barack Obama.

You could do something. Any task is a good task so long as it’s not wasting time. Even if you feel overwhelmed, starting a task helps to achieve your goal, and a bit of planning can make it more manageable. But if you need a good night’s sleep, then you need to get down (although you might need to get up to get down). It’s no good trying to achieve something if you’re not focusing properly and end up doing it wrong. With a bit of energy, you’re better off getting on with it to make good things happen, although it is nice when they materialise without any effort, it feels better when you’ve accomplished something. You’ll also have a bit more time on your hands. And even if the task’s not going to benefit you, it might benefit someone else and it gives them good cause to perform a good deed in return. You might even be rewarded for so simple an act.

Banbury Bumble #Banbury 1

 This was a walk that I'd spotted many times from a distance on the motorway across reclaimed land next to a retail park. I thought that it was the Grand Union Canal but it turns out that it’s a river basin and flood plain to control the Cherwell. It wasn’t the most exciting of stops but perhaps with a bit of knowledge you could turn it into a circular walk; though you’d have to be careful about how long you leave your car at the retail park. You might be able to link up with the Grand Union via the Country Park. Just past Marks & Spencer is a footpath alongside the motorway. Follow this north and it’ll join up with the river and take you underneath the motorway to the dam. Once you’re there, it feels like a bit of a no-man’s land. It’s not impressive but it makes for a nice rest stop with restaurants nearby with facilities and you can let the dog out for a stretch.

Brakeman Brian

This is probably off a lead that I was given for an article about beer on steam trains but I didn’t pursue it. The trouble is that cask beer doesn’t travel well on trains if you intend to drink it, and even in bottled form you’d need to travel on the smoothest of tracks. Cut to today’s fast-paced trains and you might have a chance, though centrifugal force and harsh braking would still ruin the barrel. I’m quite happy to feature train-side pubs and bars in the county and visit a few of them but I don’t have the budget to go galloping across the country writing reviews and taking pictures. It’s difficult when people don’t realise that we’re volunteers. If someone else is happy to do the legwork then I’m happy to report it. But at the end of the day; I’m an editor, not a journalist. You need to make your own news.

Making Tracks #richmond 24

Who causes this much devastation to the landscape? Surely the wildlife won’t make this much mess on their approach to the water? They’d probably want to cover their tracks so that predators wouldn’t be able to follow them. But they’d also want a trail where there’s so scent of any danger. And if there was some way of encouraging predators to use the same trail every time; they would have plenty of safe options, as predators like the path of least resistance to preserve their energy for the hunt. These could be the tracks of humans attempting to tame the landscape. It’s worn down over time with footsteps tramping down the grass, tyres rolling over them and dirt being redistributed. I wonder if a canyon will eventually be created over time. They’ll have to rope off the area to stop people wearing down the trail which will cause restrictions to the wildlife but will let a new one develop which will allow the first trail to recover.

The Big Bang Theory

Girls geeking out and boys turning into men is the instant reason that makes this show so popular. There’s some great comic moments as social situations are dissected in great detail as algorithms are proved and disproved. The celebrity guest appearances are a fanboy’s dream to collaborate with this many people. At times the science can be a bit overwhelming, but they’re at the forefront of their research and you don’t need to make sense of it to enjoy the comedy, and many of the other characters don’t do this either. Along the way, they battle through life obstacles and it’s great to see the characters overcome their fears and achieve their goals, though there’s a somewhat smug feeling emerging from the actors that play them. It’s a shame that they had to end it but they found a novel way where everyone gets what they want. It’s great that a prequel has been produced; but plans for a second spin-off from characters from the first spin-off is overdoing things a bit.

Manners for Malliardi #richmond 23 #sherduck 18

Sherduck looked across. A black swan was sitting in the centre of the boat. There must have been a crash for a pool of water to appear underneath the swan but somehow the boat hadn’t sunk. Perhaps the owner had propped it up over bricks at each end with the intention of patching it up somehow. It would be cheaper than getting hold of a hoist. But why was he here in the first place?

‘I know exactly what you’re thinking. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Professor Malliardi. I was born in a nest not far from here-

‘Spare me your origin story. You’ve taken great measures to get me here, alone, unconscious, and without a trace. You’ve removed my phone. And you’re named after a duck -why is that?’

‘You’re too impatient, Mr. Sherduck. And it will cost you. I was going to reveal that knowledge before I was so rudely interrupted.’