Last Orders #dreamdiary 191

It’s a lovely summer’s day and we’re enjoying a meal at a local taverna. It’s quiet but the staff are very attentive and friendly. We’re sat in a small whitewashed room with room for a few small square tables. At the back is a pair of ornate brown doors and beyond this the view looks down onto the sea. It’s run by a lovely old mother wearing a traditional black widow’s dress and a white apron. We’ve had a lovely homecooked meal and we’ve just ordered dessert while we finish our drinks. The owner smiles at us as she slowly crosses the tiled floor to the doors. She looks at her watch then slams them. Quick as a flash, she bolts the door into the frame. Then without a word, she looks at us again and walks off. It appears that local hospitality ends the minute it hits closing time.

Boarding Bribe #dreamdiary 190

We’re on a holiday tour of Asia. This leg of our trip requires us to board a ferry for a short trip on the sea to our next destination. We’re given a boarding time and an assembly point so that we have a bit of leisure time at the port, and all we have to do in the meantime is get our passports  stamped as we pass through. We head through the security post, and everyone looks like they’re occupied with someone but there’s nothing to simply stop us from walking through. But we wait to get our passports stamped as we are told and we spot other people queuing in front of us in our party. There’s a bit of confusion as I present my passport as on my Visa page there’s a picture of my mother which is the process that they require. However, my mother is travelling with me so there’s a bit of confusion. I present the correct page and the officer tells me that’s not right. Then I present my UK driving license as further proof that it’s me and it’s still not right. Then she decides I have to pay a fine so I place a silver coin on the counter and walk away. I’m not sure if the coin was even a euro or if was just a scam to try and get money out of me, but I collect my documents without the required stamp. This is the first time that my travel documents have been examined inland. I wonder if this is going to occur every time.

Ogling the Obelisk #stratford 3

There wasn’t that much else to see. There were footpaths heading to the main road but it wouldn’t make much of a walk since it be so busy so we headed back the way we came all the way down to the canal. Once we’d reached it, we turned right which took us underneath the main road and past the pub garden of the Red Lion. Walking in, we were treated to a great-value meal while relaxing in the beer garden. We even got a discount in the government’s scheme to encourage people to help support local businesses. We took a small stroll around the Avon then headed back up the canal to the car. It’s a shame that the pub is now closed as they only wish to cater to the hotel trade. This seems to be a grave error as there’s the opportunity to cater to so many passing people.

Song Blast

Is it a musical melody of people singing? Am I going to be showered with music from the charts and I have to guess the song and artist? Or is it a continuous mixture of songs blended together? Will there be a daily scoreboard which I will have to subscribe to? And will Alexa be the host or will it be someone else? The first thing I have to decide is whether I want notifications sent or not. I decide to give it a go. I’ve then opt for subscriber information which I abort. Next comes the playlists to choose. The songs start but I’m not told what I have to do, possibly because I’ve played before with the girls but it’s easy to figure out. I try to instruct Alexa with another task halfway through but she ignores me, but I still beat my opponent. I now rank ten thousand and something but I don’t know who my rivals are or how many are below me or whether it resets every week. I could be at the bottom.

The Beacon Beckons #stratford 2

The tower seemed quite impressive, though it looked it had been converted into a private residence. We continued north past the tower into the woods. Once out, we continued north until we reached a gap in the hedgerow on our left then turned east to cross the field into the site of the obelisk. There was some sunken ground underneath it as if once there was a moat surrounding it but it was still reachable. I find it interesting that the commissioning brother had changed his name before dedicating the monument. Perhaps there was a rivalry to follow. The view from up here wasn’t that impressive. Sure, there was a big monument, but instead of being dedicated to the famous it acknowledged the founders of the town. The view dipped into the valley away from the town, and there was only empty countryside to see. If you had a pair of binoculars, you might have been able to pick out the Avon.

"It's Behind You"

-The Doctor.

It’s always nice to have a second pair of eyes to help you out and spot anything that you’ve missed. It helps tasks to get completed quicker, so long as you’re happy to repeat the favour when your partner needs it, whether it’s looking for the TV remote or warning them  of something with tentacles that’s just out of sight. It’s the classic panto gag. A lot of people will hear this a lot over the next few months. Most people will say it to help others out, whether it’s an evil monster, a way out, or something physical that they’re looking for. It’s interesting that they’re referring you to your arse. Perhaps earlier scholars used to say ‘It’s behead you’ until heads starting rolling off and the term meant something completely different so they started to refer to another part of the body. Maybe later searchers were ‘benecking’ it.

A Clamour Around Stratford #stratford 1

On the north side of Stratford is a country park offering hills and views of the town. There’s also a fancy hotel complete with golf course, but this isn’t what we set out to look for. What we really wanted to see was the obelisk and the viewpoint. Luckily I still worked at the retail park so I had unlimited free parking with only a ten-minute walk into town. Heading south along the main road, we had to cross at the pelican crossing over to McDonalds to gain access to the canal, then walked back underneath the crossing. Turning east, we reached the second bridge where we re-ascended streetside and turned left, following the road up a hill past large townhouses. At the very end, the road formed a small cul-de-sac, and we crossed the stile into the field. Bearing north-east, we followed the path through a large gap in the hedgerow to reach Clopton Tower.

Babblin' About the Brook

This was a fantastic little country boozer. In some ways it was a victim of its own success. it was known for its upmarket food in a quaint country spot. It wasn’t too far out of the town to drive or a meal, but its big attraction was the Friday night bands which were perched in the corner for everyone to join in. We’d often walk the mile down the road to get the pub then call for a taxi and join the fumbled queue of someone waiting for a ride when the taxi drivers didn’t care as there was plenty of business to be had and they’d just try to take the fares that looked like they’d tip them afterwards. The licensee was an absolute legend of a host who always welcomed whoever walked through his doors, but he got a huge offer to sell it to a pub company then left for better clients in the south.

Friends in Low Places

It’s frustrating when friends head over to events near you and you don’t have a clue that they’re on; let alone get an invite to join  them. The weather wasn’t brilliant, and I appreciate that they may want their space, but it would have still been nice to have been considered. I realise that restrictions might not let our groups mix together, but there were certainly people from different walks of life together in the audience. Perhaps they’d get worried that I’d be socially shamed by having to sit on my own while they eat cake. They might have expected me to be there and I missed an invite. Perhaps they just wanted a free show. But it’s often hard to hide things from me. They think of me as a stalker that way. But they’re no longer together so I guess they learned their lesson. And I didn’t even have anything to do with the split.

Family Guy

There’s some big characters with big personalities in this show. It capitalises on the American self as each character tries to assert their dominance while still trying to remain a member of the group. Their screentime isn’t shared equally. It all depends on who the storyline centres around each week; though they may have pop-up appearances in their infamous cutaway sketches. There’s also plenty of other references to other TV shows; some of which I don’t understand but they do their research when they refer to other cultures, but they have to relate to their current audience by being stereotypical for familiarisation. There’s a lot of confusion over who’s realistic at times, especially when they focus on the relationship between dog and baby. To be fair the other characters often don’t understand it either as the comedy is that they’re too ignorant of others. They also like to play a lot of pranks on their audience which can easily be accomplished through animation. But despite their antics, they’re also able to create a functional community of small-town life.

A Modern Landscape #hanbury 8

This is like something out of a Turner landscape painting. There’s a small but quintessential building that attracts our attention, but there’s also a great mixture of primary colours both on, above and below the landscape. It’s a great example of how the dominance of man can still combine with the natural landscape without being too interfering. The spots on the yellow hills don’t look too convincing though. They could be bushes in the fields, or they could be pits leading deep into catacombs underneath the church. Then there’s the wire. It looks like it’s leading to nowhere. It could be that one of the farmer’s sons is practising a tightrope act in his space time. He’s even got a spotlight trained on it so he can practice at night. Within the hedge, there’s a perfect arched circle. Perhaps he’s made his own entrance. At least the people on the mound can get a good view.

Easy Cheesey

Cheese is supposed to last for a good few weeks. So it’s frustrating when you open it to find a coating of green snotty mould hidden underneath the thick plastic packaging. After a quick glance at the sell-by date, you might be in time to take it back to the shop for a replacement or a refund, providing that you’ve still got a receipt. You might even be able  to exchange it for credit towards something else. Two tings come to mind as I attempt this process. Would I be able to prove that I’ve stored it correctly? Would the chill haze last on the journey back to the shop? And would I be able to prove that I hadn’t overloaded my fridge over the festive season? Fortunately, none of these questions were asked at the service desk, and as the holidays were coming to an end I got a full refund without hinderance. It must have been a faulty batch or storage issue at their end.

Climbing the Mound #hanbury 7

We didn’t really  feel like walking down someone’s driveway to see if there was a footpath next to the fence, so we decided to walk north along the road and turn left into the next cul-de-sac that the map showed that it led into. We found a path on both sides but didn’t bother investigating the south one to see where we should have gone as the sun was still  bearing down on us. It was clearly fenced and signposted separately to the green and houses opposite, and we were soon back in our fields. We had just three short fields to cross before stumbling onto the end of a track road then continued on the same direction across a larger field to reach the road. Then it was just a case of heading north back up the hill. The final hurdle was the steep climb back up the road leading to the church.

Catching the Rye #dreamdiary 189

I’m visiting a small village to see a community play. The stage is set in a small square box garden at the back of the building. There’s a small row of seats but the rest of the audience is encouraged to stand behind underneath the awnings with plastic pints of beer. Rows of bunting cross the grass and in the middle sits a cardboard train from which the characters emerge. There’s some great in-jokes based on the villagers but it’s not hard to see who they’re about. After the show I feel the need to socialise with my fellow audience but I’m limited to how many drinks I can have and want to visit another establishment on the high street. I wander past the local chain pub followed by a micropub who has outside seating and the stillaging is on display through a glass window which has a Cask Marque sticker on. Next door is another micropub painted red with iron gates but the licensee is still  getting ready to open for the evening. I suddenly realise that I haven’t donated anything for the community play, but rather than head back to the hall I decide to put some money in the church’s poor box. 

Nip Slips #devilsdaughter 22

Luke opened his eyes. All that he could see were giant curves of silky-smooth flesh. At one point he found himself wedged in. It was warm and sticky and he could feel Lucinda’s gentle breathing and her long hair on his back. As he crawled forward, he could feel the outside air rush back around his body as he became less restrained. It was if he’d been inside a cocoon. It felt cold outside but he couldn’t stay inside his wife forever, even though he could probably survive by sucking on her teats like a newborn. But Lucinda would also need sustenance at some point to keep her luscious figure, though finding clothes and buildings to cover her would be difficult since she seemed to spill out and squeeze through every space that she’d come across. Still, they couldn’t stay here. Lucinda had managed to change her dress. It seemed to be a similar style to her wedding attire, though it was slightly smaller and in a bright crimson colour to match her hair. He wondered where she had obtained it. There certainly wasn’t space for anything to be hidden in between her assets. It was more likely that an admirer had brought it to her.

Armed and Harmless #hanbury 6

And so we entered our second pub. This was more of a stop to refresh ourselves after a long walk across a lot of samely fields. There was a large, tarmacked car park which we knew that the owners had spent a lot of money on. Scattered around the outside of the pub were little picnic tables with umbrellas but we had to cross a little bridge over a brook to gain access to the pub. Inside were a few tables set up for dining in front of a small bar that was boxed into the centre of the pub. We all opted for a nice cool, hoppy pale ale while we contemplated that our journey back would mostly be uphill and that it was the longest part of the walk. Heading to the road junction, we were supposed to ear north-west behind some houses but we couldn’t work out where the path was.

Homes Sold and Cash Missing

This sounds like a scam waiting to happen. It’s probably someone who’s advertised better rates than the known companies but fail to pay up because they can’t keep their commitments. It sounds easy at first as you put your trust into someone who will take care of everything for you, but when a few obligations aren’t met you start to get suspicious. It sounds like easy pickings off those who are persuaded to sign up by family members to ease the burden. What kind of a society do we live in when we trust these people over friends and family? Is it the way that they manage to worm themselves into their lives and strike a connection with them that doesn’t maker them feel lonely and isolated? It seems that there’s little that victims can do once they’ve agreed to this process and that the people involved are hard to track down. It sounds like it’s best to avoid them if you can. 

Dropping for Hops #hanbury 5

We sat outside on little patio tables with umbrellas. The server stayed inside on her mobile phone and didn’t really want to seem to come out and engage with us. Fortunately, we were a bit peckish which warranted a second beer, but there was also a local butcher’s around the corner so I bought a pork pie and some sandwiches to share. There was also a wedding reception in progress, and people dressed up to the nines in sweltering temperatures were popping in to check the venue out. Refreshments done, we headed back to our footpath and headed south along a track path which took us through another three fields onto a single-track road. Crossing the road opposite a very bright bricked farmhouse, we crossed three more large fields, the last one came to a narrow corridor of fencing which lead us to a style on the main road. Here, we turned left then left again, passing some housing on the main road before reaching the village pub.

Why do you think British teens don’t sneak out at night like so many teens do in the US?

Maybe they do. They’re just better at not being caught. It could be a combination of the parent’s laziness and not bothering to enter the teenager’s room because all of the lights are off and there’s no TV or radio playing causing the parent to enter the teenager’s room and turn the devices off to save some money. Or perhaps it’s the thought of wandering the streets on a cold, dark night that put the teenagers off. Or perhaps teens know the value of completing tasks to be allowed out to socialise with friends and learn new skills rather than being locked up safe and sound. I suppose it depends on where they live. Towns will always be safer than cities simply because there’s less people and traffic about. There’s also the golden rule of never biting the hand that feeds you no matter how much you despise it. Or it could be that British drinking laws allow for British teens to drink younger than American ones.

Hanging Around Hanbury #Hanbury 4

We’re back in Hanbury for another walkabout, this time with a similar partnership. We met in the grounds of the churchyard, which was a little hilly but we got a splendid view of the surrounding area. Heading south, we descended the footpath from the church which took us through a field and followed a gap in the hedgerow to bring out down some steps onto the main road. We crossed the road and took the footpath opposite which brushed the school grounds. We then bore south-east which crossed three fields before arriving in a series of farmer’s workshops which was known as the Jinny Ring. It was busy with people buying fresh supplies but we were here for the beer as we wanted to try a new craft bar. It was full of bottles to take away, but we were hoping that they would have some of their own beers on offer.

My Song

You can do it! All you have to do is take the time to try. The rest will follow. The important thing is that you make an attempt no matter what state you’re in, and that you take the time to give it your best. Keep at it. Keep having a go. There’ll be lots of obstacles and distractions that’ll attempt to stop you but you’ll just have to say no. you’ll get your reward somehow. You just have to save it for afterwards. That way, it’ll feel like you’ve earned it more. It’s going to be tough, but if you feel that you’ve put the time in then you can’t blame yourself if something goes wrong. Just keep going until you need to stop and recharge, and don’t let other people take hold of your reins, especially if they’re going to try and do it for you. Remember that this sacrifice is all about making your future better. Don’t give up on your dreams. 

The Sickie #warwick 39

It’s good to get out into the bright light. It looks like I’ve been lacking it for a while. It’s probably because I’ve got few places to go other than work and socialising with my family as we adapt to this new way of living. Lots of people have caught it but it seems as if I’m resistant to it somehow. Maybe I’m a carrier. It certainly hasn’t affected my immune system as I regularly have to test, though my eyes are a bit red. Let’s put that down to the pollen. Of course it’s all done on good will and it hasn’t occurred to me that I don’t use much sick leave and I could get a free paid day off if I become dishonest and use a stock photo of someone else’s test. They’re not exactly going to check with the health service, though they could check my Facebook and make regular calls to see what I’m up to.  

Fart

It was just what I asked for and what I expected. She just gets right into it and lets herself rip with no introduction at all. There’s no doubt that she could have misheard me for another command. It’s as if she’s been waiting for ages to ask for my permission. A little noise comes out. It’s followed by a description of what it was, just to be sure. I’m then given the option between choosing a recommended fart or asking for a random one. I’ve now learnt the difference between crispy farts, wet farts and frosty Christmas farts (supplied by Santa). I thought a non-wet fart would be a dry fart, but apparently it’s crispy. There’s also the  option to learn about purchasing an extension pack if you’re really riveted. I never thought she would be so immersive with this. I’ve just asked for a fart alarm and tomorrow I’m going to be treated to a whole song. At least there’s no smell to follow.

Chasing Tail #warwick 38

Well, if that’s not flirting then I don’t know what is. Her tail is down. She’s certainly not hiding anything. She’s showing that she’s ready to be brushed under. All the colours are on show. Maybe we’re going to do it right there for everyone to see . Will they stand around to admire the show or retreat in shame or embarrassment, complain about the communal area that they can no longer tolerate to share. Just wait till the noise echoes across the courtyard. I just hope that there’s not too many thorns hidden amongst the hedges. There may even be a hole that I can fall through which she could have foreseen  a means to escape my perusal. The last thing that I want is to get cuts and scratches in my skin which could restrict my pleasure or reduce the experience for her ladyship. But I could certainly spend the rest of the day trying to chase tail.

Expect the Unexpected

 -The Doctor.

I’m quite disenchanted by this sometimes. I can anticipate lots of things going wrong to the point of absurdity and get disappointed that none of the events that I’ve envisioned  actually occur. Sometimes it’s a good thing that no-one gets kidnapped and I don’t have to play hero by breaking out a first aid kit, and it’s always better to be prepared, but then it seems a waste of resources when you don’t need the things that you’ve purchased. But if you can anticipate it happening, then it’s better to prepare for it so that you’re not caught short in case someone decides to test you. It all depends on the likelihood of these things happening, and sometimes people expect you to be ready for them. There’s even laws for this sort of thing. But life gets easier when everything goes right and people make decisions that benefit you while being able to enjoy themselves at the same time.

Resistance isn't always Futile #warwick 37

The bad news is that both of them have found cups. Whether the drinks were theirs bought for them in the heat or it was some rubbish found on the ground is hard to recall. Once they’re in, others could join them unless they’re kicked out by the maintenance crew. But there’s a whole rest of the site to explore and they may find somewhere better without disturbing anybody. You’d think it’d be safe with other families about but you never know. No-one else is taking a dip. There’s also that social distancing that we need to be aware of so that we don’t catch anything or pass anything on. Hopefully they’ll get the hint that it’s not safe and they could get ill. Perhaps if it was their own pool they’d have more confidence. But it's going to be hard to explain a concept like that to these two.

Calling a Cab

How hard is it to get a taxi in this town? Half of the numbers that I’ve been given either ring out, give me an engagement tone or ask me to leave a message. Some of them call back to say that there’s not a taxicab company on this number any more and ask me to pass this message on to wherever I got this number from. Others have clearly figured out how to change or delist the number. Then when I do get through to someone they’re either fully booked or could accommodate me either forty-five minutes before or after my desired pick-up time. I then have to listen to precise instructions on where to meet them and hope that someone doesn’t try to steal my ride beforehand. I guess that I’m accustomed to living in a town where I’m told someone’s always available despite having to chase them up twenty minutes later.

Do We? #warwick 36

It’s tempting. It’s been a hot day and it just seems an easier way to cool off, even if it’s just a case of dipping your hand in there. But once your hand goes in, it won’t be long until your feet follow suit in an effort to chill. It’s not deep and we’ve even come prepared in shorts, so if it’s not deep then everything will be fine. I’ve even got a cup to scoop up and chuck at people! But there’s no towel. Also Mum and Nanny might get mad. And we might get into trouble as everything looks so nice around here and no-one else is doing it. But if we were to take just one more step back…I’d have to  try and do it without turning around though. Maybe if I accidentally nudge my sister, then she would pull me in afterwards. I wonder how cold it is?

A Dodgy Drive #dreamdiary 188

I’ve acquired a BMV convertible. It’s an old classic car in metallic silver but there’s no roof and it looks in excellent condition. It’s got a large engine which sounds great and it fits nicely on the driveway. It’s a great deal at the moment but it’s not so practical in the winter and there’s nothing to secure my property. As I climb out of it, I suddenly realise that I’ve not no logbook to handover or service history to read. I still need to sort out an MOT alongside tax and insurance. And I’ve just given my old car away with the contents inside. I didn’t take anything out and I’ve got no idea where it is. I didn’t even look the BMW over or part with any money; it was just a straight swap that felt a good idea at the time. I’ve got a horrible feeling that I’ve just been fleeced.

Fall Guy

I thought this film would have a fun outlook but it’s possible that I mistook it for something else. It does have its odd comical moments but the audience is prewarned before the antagonist fulfils their intentions. It would have been funnier if the writers had attempted to break the fourth wall. Instead we introduced to a cushy love story while offering insight into a world that isn’t considered by most people. Some of the outcomes were very predictable and I’m not entirely sure what the sidekick got up to during the boat scene. If there was a reference to him then I didn’t see it, neither will it encourage me to re-watch it to find out. Blunt offers little but cute and cuddly eye candy. It’s a film which dedicates itself to n overlooked team which takes risks to make these events happen. I’m sure it won’t be long before we go inside trailers and witness the lives of make-up artists.

The Wanderer #warwick 35

I can go where I want. They could tie me down, but that’ll label me as cruel. They’ve got to provide something to want to keep me here. There’s food hidden behind buildings, but there’s also pretty flowers and landscaped gardens complete with fountains and pampered lawns to help me spot the worms so clearly. There’s also very little that they can keep me out of unless they build five sides around it. And if it’s not welcoming enough, I can always grace my presence elsewhere. Though I’m not known for long flights, I can always place some trust in the shiny metal boxes that the humans do. Of course, there’s an element of risk as to where I’ll end up and if I’m able to return here since they do admire me so much. But if I get bored and develop a sense of wanderlust, I’ll wonder if they’ll miss me roaming about the place doing as I want.

The Local

Should your nearest and dearest be the one that’s nearest to you? The one you’ll never loose because it’s on the way home and you always use it despite the miserable landlady who doesn’t know how to keep a decent pint or keep the place clean which attracts a dodgy clientele that you’d rather not bond with? Or should it be somewhere where everyone knows you and the bar  staff are happy to see you regardless of how many times you frequent the place? They’re always keen to hear your stories, make you laugh and get you to join in with their antics. Then there’s people that live around the corner that wouldn’t set foot into the place if you paid them but remember the old days when it was good and complains when it’s threatened with closure because there’s not enough money coming in to make the place profitable any more.

Bird's Eye View #warwick 34

It’s easy when you can reach high places. You get to see those on the ground struggle while you can take a short cut and find the best route. It could be the quickest one or it could be the most efficient one which allows you to collect the best of the resources along the way. You can’t really get lost, though you could get distracted. You can even make a little profit by helping them out if you feel that it gives you the advantage. Or you can humour them by  redirecting them way from spots white you pop in and harvest its advantages. There might be something shiny that someone’s dropped, or a tasty treat. Though there may not be other humans racing to retrieve this off the ground, there may be other creatures. You’re also going to have a problem in trying to keep me out from wherever I want to go.

Golden Street, Agra

Great food cooked at very reasonable prices served by polite and friendly staff. The restaurant was clean and comfortable inside with leather seats and the décor was similar to a 1950s American diner. We were a bit apprehensive at first as there were only two diners but we knew that we were onto a good thing when a small Indian family of fourteen people came in. We ordered our meals and the manager was able to advise us how hot the dishes were and how he could alter them to our preferences. They also serve a selection of Chinese dishes. We received complimentary poppadums accompanied by two different chutneys and some pickled onions. The portion size of the curries was excellent and we found that one order of rice and naan bread was enough to share between two of us. We had a lovely chat with the manager about how excellent his English was and the differences between his restaurant and those in Britain (which wasn’t much!).

Defensive Positions #warwick 33

Even the entrance has a defensive position. It’s handy if the castle has to be attacked as the troops can rally behind the walls which are hopefully thick enough to withstand a few cannonballs. If they want to take the cathedral first, there’s plenty of cover in the modern housing. They might even be able to smash through the terraced walls and find a way to the steps while being completely undercover. If they have time, they could even build a network of tunnels to take over either side while someone stands guard in the windows to spot the watchmen. Let’s hope that the church is on their side otherwise they could just end up with arrows in their backs. On the other hand, they could fill up their pockets with plenty of pencils for ammunition. And the crane offers a great vantage point to film the whole thing, though it doesn’t offer much cover.

Temple Tots #empress 22

Despite the earth shaking, it was still busy at the temple. Maybe it was a sense of panic that encouraged people to go there. People weren’t sure whether to cram themselves inside or avoid it completely in case it collapsed. The occasional boom encouraged more people to step inside. Inside, the walls and ceiling were shaking. It wasn’t a great environment for contemplation and reflection, and the monks kept asking themselves what had gone wrong outside while trying their best to carry on as normal. There was a crash of lightning followed by a huge burst of sunlight. It was as if the rooftop had been torn open like some kind of packet.

In fact, that’s exactly what happened. Peering down at them through the hole was the Empress.

‘Oh, hi little one’ she said, ‘I didn’t know that you came here. But you should probably start following a new entity.’

One is Not Amused #warwick 32

And the toddlers are lining up for starter’s orders. It’s time for their close-up before they’re released into the wild. One of them has been released already and the other is expressing serious concern that she’s not getting the same treatment. It’s not clear whether the bigger one has purposefully been released early or whether she’s wriggled her way out of her handler. This could be declared a false start unless she’s been granted a head start. But there’s only one who is not amused. Yes, despite the taller one’s size, it looks like she’s been granted a whole block of stone. It must be the roll of the dice. I can’t see any other reason as to why she should be allowed an advantage. I don’t know what the sport is here but she certainly seems composed and rested compared to the smaller competitor. There must have been a foul in play. 

Lauren Laverne given 'all clear' following cancer diagnosis

So someone’s made a recovery from cancer. And that’s great. They’ve undergone a personal journey with a realistic transformation and a better outlook on life while appreciating the people who have helped her along the way. But I haven’t a clue who they are. I do watch the show that they’re involved with, but I’ve never seen them on it. It’s just ex-singers, wags, and footballers trying to make an extra buck. It makes you feel isolated when the media glorifies someone that you’ve never heard of. How are you supposed to know them? I realise that people do other things too, but I think there’s just too a high profile here for what they do. She’s been involved with some big names that I have heard of. I’ve no idea to suddenly seek her out after reading about her career. She’s involved with stuff that I’m not in to.

It's all Relative #warwick 31

I’ve got ramparts in my eyes, as if my dream is in my sight. There’s steps everywhere waiting for me to explore them. It’s like I’m in a Relativity painting and I’m trying to work out how it all connects and where everything is while not wanting to miss out on anything. The only thing that will get in my way is other visitors. It’d be cool to be able to charge about at speed around these corridors and chase off invaders. I also see it as the ultimate game of Hide and Seek. I don’t intend it, but as soon as I turn my back to read an information board, my friends have vanished into another section and it’s quite comical that we won’t catch up with each other and end up waving at one another from the top of a turret or something. At least it makes for interesting photos.

My parents are spending my inheritance. What can I do about it?

Have you drawn up a legal agreement or are you just concerned? If you have, the law is on your side and you can use it to force them into labour to protect yourself. Be aware that costs have increased and not everything runs according to plan. If you’re concerned, there’s other actions that you can take. You can seek out better employment or change your lifestyle so that money isn’t a worry to you. Or you could spend time with your parents. At least that way they’ll be sharing their wealth with you. They may also respect you for it. After all, it is their money. If they’re doing it out of spite, there’s not much you can do about it, unless you can prove that they’re incompetent in managing their funds and seek their power of attorney. But if you’re really desperate, you could make them disappear; though there are legal complications if you’re discovered. 

Bricking It #warwick 30

It looks like it’s all been put together very neatly, but it also looks very easy to push one of those bricks out. Either that or it’s designed to swing open with a little force from inside. It looks like you could pull out that whole rampart by tying a rope around its top and giving it a good yank. Even though it’s weathered, it’s amazing how straight they’ve managed to get everything considering the technology that they had available to them at the time. Someone would either have to measure the bricks or have a template made to ensure consistency. At least the locals have somewhere sturdy to retreat to in the event of an emergency, though the current owners may have something to say about that as it would eat into their profit margins. They’d have a great choice of places to visit for dinner though. They might even learn a trade.

Pukemobile #dreamdiary 187

It’s the first day of our holiday1 Our accommodation has a late-check-in so we’ve decided to kill some time by visiting a village stately home which is a bit of a walk away from where we’re staying. It’s further than we thought so we’ve called in a local taxi firm. There’s a bit of confusion over where our driver is going to meet us. We find our way out to the main road running through village. At first we get excited as a limo pulls up, then I realise that it’s a grey van. The taxi company has split our ride into two cars as some of us are going to different places and they don’t have large vehicles. I’m put into one lined with white walls and there’s malnourished children leaning up the sides. As we get moving, I notice that I’m covered in an orange substance. One of the kids is standing right behind me.

A Future Viewpoint #warwick 29

It’s not exactly the attire of the day. It’s as if a passing tourist has walked in on a historic moment of war being declared, hence the herald’s sword raised in the air to attract attention. I wonder if in the future there’ll be roped-off areas for time-travellers to gather so that they won’t get in the way of history; though they’ll also have to be cloaked and swear a vow of silence so that history won’t calculate that something’s up. Though you may be masked so that they can’t identify you, there’ll still want to question why you’re there, and it’s probably easier for them to despatch you rather than the other way around. But if you are there to change the course of history, then you need to act quick before other people get ideas. It’d be very easy to grab the scroll and sneak off back through the door.

Why Must You Treat Me So?

I got bullied a lot at school. I always ended up doing different things and no-one seemed to want to correct or help me. The teachers all seemed to be elderly and didn’t want to offer correction. So I wanted a character that I could get revenge on to punish them back for ruining my childhood years. There were a few things that I had to find out for myself as I didn’t have much to offer in the way of friendship. So this is the person who would cause me the most harm or they attempted to isolate me at my expense to enhance their own social standing and admiration. And yet when I tried to defend myself I just seemed to make things worse as no-one else had the courage to come to my aid. And of course, when I retreated, I was the hot topic of the playground and people had plenty of opportunities to come forward and enhance the bullying. This is my journey and my struggle and an attempt to get the revenge that I couldn’t get in real life.

Potty Man #warwick 28

And it’s all because of this, a little pot with a pair of eyes and a moustache moulded onto it, though you could be forgiven for thinking that it might be a penguin. Perhaps it was an offering to a small god. Its belly could be an angel with wings or a warrior preparing to fight. Perhaps it was crafted in memory of someone like a servant. Or maybe it’s a new range commissioned for the gift shop. It seems crazy that someone would purposefully make this to display, unless something went wrong and they just got creative. It might have been perched on a cork base, or one was provided and it’s hidden by the cloth. Its shiny glaze doesn’t make it scream an ancient relic but you never know. It’s too small for a water vessel, though it might have been used to store something stronger. There’s even a rim that could be a hat.

 

Give me a Vegetarian Recipe

It may seem a great idea at first to try something new, but it’s all done through the power of speech. Even if it’s a suggestion, you’re still going to have to google the whole thing including the ingredients and the method, or be prepared to write it down. Unless, of course, with a simple verbal agreement, Amazon has all of the ingredients boxed and ready to deliver to your home complete with an instruction card. Let’s just hope that you’ve got all the tools required to hand to prepare it. At least it tells you how long it takes to make it. It also gives you time to gather the ingredients, though you need to cook some of them first. Although by the time I’ve gathered them, Alexa seems to have forgotten what I was doing so I have to start the whole process over again. There’s also a lot to do in between steps.

#warwick 27

So how did these little minxes open a celestial gate? Perhaps they’d aligned the shadow of the sun at a perfect angle at exactly the right time when a flare was passing through the atmosphere to intercept it and summon it to do their bidding. A special laser consisting of mirrors and glass hidden deep inside the wheels traps and reflects the light to generate power to use the tower as an antenna. Or maybe they chanted an incantation that they found in an old library. It could have been an old text that hadn’t been stowed away properly and they decided to try it out to exploit its power, either for themselves or their community. They could have been watching something on TV like Charmed or Buffy and decided to give it a go themselves. One’s all set for a challenge while the other clearly doesn’t want the change.

"There are good times and bad times in life. Today you may be sad, but remember, tomorrow will be a new day and there will always be a reason to smile."

-Marcelo Velloso

When there’s a dark day ahead, it may be easier to hide away from it. Can you get away with not appearing? Can you feign an illness? What will happen if you don’t attend? Sometimes the consequences can be worse. But with a bit of preparation, you may find it easier to see it through. If you can see an end to it, than you can focus upon its conclusion with a celebration. Find something positive to focus in the day after and focus upon that. If you can get a period of rest at the end of it then hopefully you’ll be able to move forward the following day. It gets much harder when the sun comes up a lot later but you have to force yourself into a routine. You’ll enjoy it a lot more if you can encourage yourself to work through today’s problems otherwise it’ll keep hanging over you.  

Tiny Terrors #warwick 26

So what are the little girls going to be able to do with this? There’s already a net in front of them so maybe they’ve already launched something. It could be a ball full of powder that’s drifted off into the sky. They could have called a press conference to declare war upon their teacher. Or they could have already launched a reign of fire upon the door of the local sweet shop. It’s not likely that they’ve invented the thing, although they could have designed it and have recruited others to put the thing together. It would have made a great school project, though full marks may not be given for demolishing the school. One looks happy but the other has an expression of remorse as if she’s considering the consequences of her actions. It’s either that or the realisation that they’re going to have to share it with others.

 

Gigging Around

I’ve never been inside this place for a gig. I’ve dropped people off outside and occasionally I’ve been into the foyer to check the parking policy where there’s a tidy bar, a foyer with sofas and chairs, a snack counter and a ticket office. I did venture in for my covid jab where a maze of curtains transformed the place but I did look up to see spotlights hanging from the ceiling. They’ve had a few events on here that I’ve been interested in but I was either unavailable or they sold out very quickly. It’s great to see the building up and running again as it supported many community events. But it looks like the group whop was running it for the community have now had the keys taken away from them as the new owners attempt to attract big names to the venue. I hope that they’re able to keep it running smoothly and that it doesn’t fall into disarray again.

Take your Marks #warwick 25

They might be innocently frolicking or fishing for food but they could also be secretly lining up for an attack. It could be a defensive line to halt any boats from passing through or diverting them away for the banks. Perhaps there’s a nest nearby or a food source that they don’t want disturbed. Or perhaps they’re waiting for their numbers to build up before they reclaim more land. Or it could be the other way around and that they’re waiting for more humans to go away. They’re not big enough to change the flow of the water, though they certainly try by making ripples. They might gain a height advantage by having a bird scout the battlements, though they could easily be spotted there. They may already have a bird perched and hidden up in the trees or down in the reeds. They’re just waiting for a honk for go time.

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare

I had high hopes for this film. The trailer looked good and I really enjoyed the mocking in the first scene. But that looked to be the only humorous scene and things got far too serious after that. There were a couple of ‘god-mode’ executions that just made it unrealistic, and the penultimate scene was something akin to watching one of your mates play a computer game. The off-battle scenes were mostly too predictable. It’s a shame that the script got too close to the truth, and I think a better angle live a love interest could have been told. It also seems unrealistic that a ship could be declared ‘unsinkable’ just by reinforcing the hull. I did spend some time wondering where I’d seen these actors before playing similar roles. Cavill performs well in his role as leader and it’s nice to see him fully clothed for once. Kinnear merely plays dress-up in his role as the Prime Minister.

A Test of Strength

Lots of breweries pride themselves on brewing high-strength beers. In the past there’s been a race to see who could brew the strongest one. Tactical Nuclear Penguin and Sink the Bismark are just two examples of beers that have exceeded the 30% ABV mark. But who could sit down and drink a whole serving of these in one sitting? The cost would also be extortionate. I know of one bar that charged £5 just for a shot of this beer. I hope that the whole bottle was used. But sometimes you don’t want a strong one, especially if you’re driving. And if the choice isn’t offered, it might persuade you to go elsewhere. The point is that people want to enjoy these drinks. If they’re able to finish them, the only reason that they’re likely to purchase them again is for bragging rights. But there’s also been challenges to produce the lowest, bitterest and hoppiest beers.

Wild Goose Chase #warwick 24

You wouldn’t think it, but there’s lanes in the water. There’s circular ripples that geese drift on to get to where they need to go. Occasionally they have to change lanes to keep on track to their destination. And that’s where the chaos begins. Whether it’s a commute or a migration, the whole flock is constantly on the move. Their aim is to either position themselves for the best viewpoint, or put themselves forward in an ideal place to be the first in line for food, or to help protect the flock. As different birds have different objectives at different times, this often means bumping into each other. Some might use it as an excuse to copulate or assert dominance, others may find it a nice gesture. Be prepared or a lot of arguments as they chase each other, especially when the defender has had enough and flies off with the attacker in pursuit to either assert or explain their intentions.

If I win 8 million at the casino and leave immediately, what will be the consequences?

If you’re leaving immediately, then I’m assuming that you’re not stopping to cash any chips. That means that either the money is already in your account because you’re playing an on-line machine, or you’ve had a payout in cash. It’d be very hard for you to get far with two million quarters. Someone might help you or you might drop a few on the way. You’re also expected to tip the staff, but that depends if you’ve availed yourself of their services. They’ll certainly attempt to congratulate you if they find out. You can leave a bit more anonymously if you’ve been using a video machine, though there’s also the chance that it’s notified someone and they can follow you via the security cameras. You can perhaps expect some sort of hired goon to follow and stop you until they’ve engaged with you, unless you’ve physically left the chips on the table.

Visitors #warwick 23

What are all these people doing here? There’s so many of them. Some of them do help out. They mainly wear black or traditional dress and walk around slowly and purposefully leaving feed in bowls hidden from the eyes of others and carrying tools. Sometimes they ride around in shiny boxes carrying their equipment. The others park their boxes in a cluster outside of the green. Some of them work slow and build smaller carts for their young charges while others march purposefully in front of others, either to beat the queues or show their eagerness to explore. It’s these ones that look around then disappear at the end of the day, never to be seen again or at least for a long time. But when I give them the feather and show them my arse they love it and take loads of pictures. At least it encourages them to buy my merchandise from the shop.

Keeping Time

These timers have shrunk a bit. I suppose that it’s partly to save on the cost of producing plastic and partly because the technology has moved on and everything is being controlled by smart speakers and phones. Upon first use, I thought it would be really tough to use because I couldn’t push any of the time segments down. Then I discovered that they came pre-pressed. The smaller scale of the dial markers makes the time segments difficult to view. It’s also difficult to view the time needle, but if you’ve used one before then you don’t really need to read the instructions. There’s also a simple override switch for those times when you want on for a bit longer without having to re-program it. And there’s not much point in using it for anything other than a lamp, unless you were going to rig up something technical for a trap.

Peacocking #warwick 22

I wonder if they know their fate; that the lord of the land just waits for them to gain some weight before they pluck and cook them? Do they not know that they will be hunted at some point? If they see their mate go under the knife, will they attempt to defend them or attempt to hide or escape before they go the same way? What’s this one doing? At the moment, it’s unsure. It’s keeping its eye on the situation while planning an escape route at the same time. If it was me, I’d go into battle to get revenge, though I’d want to strike when no-one’s looking. I’d just keep jumping up to peck them without quitting and I wouldn’t give them the chance to arm themselves. If I needed a break, I’d put my feathers up. I’d never trust another human again. I’d rather steal from their food supply than use any bowls left out for me.

Christmas Bumps #dreamdiary 186

It’s an early sunny Christmas Day morning. I’m off to the other side of town to see the family. There’s a blue Volkswagen bug parked outside the house that I’ve never seen before but it’s not blocking the driveway. I back my car out, but I accidentally tap it. I have to stop and pull up to see if a mark has been left. A woman dressed in white is inside with her two children.  They get close as I back up and try and line up my car on the other side of the driveway. I can see that their boot is filled with presents. How long have they been sitting inside? I’m about to give a bad start to someone’s Christmas. Hopefully there’s no visible damage and I can get away with swapping insurance details and that’ll be the end of it, though it’ll probably have to be reported. She doesn’t look happy though.

Winging It #warwick 21 #sherduck 22

Buttons managed to find the desk sergeant in a matter of moments. What they could not locate was where the key was for the locker. It had been registered to Sherduck when he was thrown into the cell but they didn’t have a record of who signed him in or out since he’d been up to these antics before and they didn’t want to bring it to the attention of the superintendent. What they did have was a rather out-of-focus CCTV camera which triggered a separate investigation of how long it had been like that for and whether anyone had reported it to the maintenance team. When they’d rewound the footage back to the moment it was working correctly, it showed a tall black swan swatting it with its wings while being dragged towards a cell. It wasn’t a great lead but it was the only chance that they had at the time and because the quackademy taught them that they weren’t allowed to believe in coincidences they followed it up and circulated Drowser’s description.

 

Stud Squad #vampress 21

The vampress sighed. These little people were very good at pampering her. They’d bring food which she’d either swallow whole or slit open with her fingernails to suck the blood out of them, or the occasional outside witness which would either be drained and persuaded or disposed of depending upon their status and how much meat they carried. But what she really needed was…satisfaction. Occasionally a horse would be brought in to attempt to fill her needs but she could only get a quick go before the beast was startled and panicked itself to death despite however many tried to hold it down. What she really wanted was to be loved. She’d need to train a special team to attend to all of her sensitive areas. So she began to train a group of young men to transform into hunks. They’d be fed the finest meats then put through a strict exercise routine to ensure that they would perform.

Showboating #sherduck 21 #warwick 20

Sherduck loved to showboat. This wasn’t in the sense of showing off (though to others it does look that way) but instead he liked to strut his stuff by going to areas that other species wouldn’t have access to. For example, if there was a large crowd lining the banks of the river, not only could he get a literal bird’s eye view of what was going on, he could also land in the middle of the river for his own perspective without fear of any harm coming to him. He might get something thrown at him or towards him to encourage him to move if the audience required him to, but then that would give him the motive and the moral high ground to retaliate and fly towards his attackers. This act made him equally unpopular with both humans and ducks as they saw it as an act to dissuade the humans from feeding them, but it did assert Sherduck’s dominance as top duck.

My Expectations

My good reader, if you could spare a few minutes of your attention to focus on the humble words in front of you, you’ll learn quite a bit about my life. In sorts, it is a diary of places travelled, some of it in more detail than I would have liked. I share the details of people that I interact with in what I hope is a friendly and amusing narrative. At times I examine where things have gone wrong and how they can be rectified, perhaps sometimes in too much detail. In other subjects I may create short works of fiction, though sometimes I do get into the surreal as I focus on different perspectives. The main aim is to piece these pieces together into a narrative that could be enjoyed by all and might even be sold commercially in various formats. You might find yourself wanting to visit a few of the places yourself. On other days, you might be baffled or offended by the words placed in front of you as I face moral dilemmas and choices. But please feel free to leave a note or two of your opinion of my scribblings.

Rescue Attempt #sherduck 20 #warwick 19

Suddenly, the boat filled with smoke. It was if someone had forgotten to open up the chimney but Shelduck knew tear gas when he could taste it. He was relieved to see a small skinny duck charge underneath the big swan’s neck and stick a mask on his beak before the big fella toppled over. He wasn’t even sure that the little duck stuck around to see what was going on. Instead, he turned to see where the duck had come from and a familiar face stepped through the gas.

‘What did you do that for?’ said Sherduck.

‘You were kidnapped by hired goons’ said Buttons.

‘Yes, but they never got to tell me why. I didn’t get a name’.

‘But we can bring them in now under an abduction charge.’

True, but I believe that something a bit more sinister was about to happen. How did you find me anyway?’

‘Just routine patrol. Jenkins called it in.’

What's the medal count?

I assume I’m going to find out some sport results rather than expect a definition. I’m also wondering if this feature works when a tournament isn’t in session. Will it default back to the latest international tournament or will it find an event that is taking place currently? Will I get a response at all or will it ask me to back another time when a tournament is taking place? I get a lengthy list of the top five countries and how many medals they have won. For the winner, I get a full list of bronze, silver and gold totals. But I can ask for a specific country to be told its bronze, silver and gold totals. If I ask for the event, I’m told that Team GB didn’t win anything this year, though to be fair I did specify UK rather than Great Britain. When I get the phasing right, I’m told that it doesn’t know. I guess it’s back to Google.

Smoke Signals #warwick 18

I wonder if the smoke can be controlled. Do they have fans to choose which way it travels? Is there a thickness button to control how long it’s in view for? And do they have to use more or less smoke depending on the weather and atmosphere? Is it dry ice? Using real smoke would be a right pain if it got into your eyes. But perhaps the birds are used to it and they’re able to use it like camouflage. It helps to protect them from the crowd, and they can always dip into it like a cloud if they feel threatened. Or maybe it marks a no-fly zone to control where they’re allowed to go. After all, their eyes must be much more sensitive than ours, and there’s a few different species of birds. It wouldn’t be surprising that they didn’t all get on. Hopefully we don’t see too many aerial battles.

“Just put one foot in front of the other and don't worry about the length of the path. Once you get on that path, and the longer you stay on it, there eventually will come a time when you will not turn back.”

-Martina Navratilova

Little steps always help when you’re facing something big. As long as you’re making progress, it’s still progress, especially if people can see it. Stopping to do nothing won’t help things at all. They’ll be many distractions, and some of them will need dealing with while others can be ignored. But if you can stay the course without looking back, then eventually you’ll reach your goal, wherever or whatever that may be. You might need to keep an eye on the length of the path if it’s a literal one though. You’ll need rest stops and supplies to keep you going, otherwise you’ll arrive wishing you’d never departed. With a bit of training, you’ll get used to it. It’s also nice to know that at some point you can leave your troubles behind and you won’t have to face them again, though hopefully others won’t have to finish the work for you.

Snack Time #warwick 17 #dozo 2

Dozo pondered his next move. There were plenty of humans in front of him with snack foods but he’d probably get told off by the trainers for that. Some were paying him a bit of attention but most of them were focusing on the other birds in front of them. They may also retaliate as there were a lot more of them than him so he could probably get hurt, though most would just get out of the way if he asserted his dominant speed as a threat. There was also a black hole in the wooden square behind him, but again he could get into trouble if he went inside. The stick holding the panel open could also close quite quickly, and they might not let him out again. Dozo had heard of some humans who didn’t want to leave these structures. Then his rattle began to rattle so he knew that it was time for a proper snack.

Passing Trade

He’s tall. Taller than me, but not by much. He’s also a bit lankier and has a slightly better physique but it’s not too much on me considering he’s a builder. He’s not the brightest when it comes to technology but what he has in place is practical skills. He’s not the best conversationalist when it comes to topics unless you’re discussing his trade. He keeps himself smart and well-trimmed unless he’s been working hard (in which case a few signs of stubble will start to show). And while he never formally suits up, the clothes that he does wear while out and about are always branded. He’s always great at playing the host and sources quality ingredients for his guests. Though he doesn’t have much interest in the way of hobbies, he loves spending time with people he values. He’s happy with the work that he does, he’s good at it and he charges a fair price.

Spot the Birdie #warwick 16

Nature works best when camouflaged. Everyone’s drawn to the biggest subject in the centre of the picture. But it’s not the shed. There is someone inside it who’s keeping  an eye on the control centre making sure that everyone’s behaving themselves and that there’s no risks. He might also have a sound desk in front of him. You’re then drawn to what’s on the shed. There is something sticking out on the top of the roof, but if you zoom in it’s just a receiver. You’ll have to look where the people are looking. If you focus on the left side of the shed, you’ll see a pole sticking up just in front of it. Follow the pole up to the top, and you’re suddenly looking at an owl. It’s amazing how the light of the tree offers him perfect camouflage in this daylight setting. He’s found the perfect spot of shade too. 

Futurama (Season 12)

There’s a bit of confusion in the writing here as some of the character’s back stories have been forgotten, and there’s a few characters that aren’t featured in this series, though they do make an appearance. Often it’s the subplots that make up the best episodes as they all seem to tie everything up together. A few Armageddon scenarios do appear here but not enough in a context to portray that a solution is required. There’s some good comedy, but perhaps not enough to make us geek out as in earlier seasons. There’s also some interesting themes and it makes you wonder if you’ve seen some of the characters elsewhere before, though I may have seen a YouTube clip of Frank. It’s a shame that the chatbot wasn’t linked to a domination plot, and although Mom was featured in a later episode, she wasn’t as active as she’d previously been. Perhaps we’re used to longer seasons and we’ll have to wait for more.

Not Welcome #dreamdiary 185

I’m here to see my friend. I’m not sure if she even recognises me. Maybe she thinks I’m here to see her flatmate. She’s certainly in a mood. She admits me and invites me to sit on the sofa and watch TV. . She looks like she’s all made up to go out. She’s wearing heavy foundation to make her face slightly tanned and trimmed eyebrow hair. Then there’s the short black hair that she’s spent a long time curling. Why did she admit me in the first place? Perhaps I’ve got the wrong address and she’s too timid. She tells me that she’s going out now and opens the door for me to leave. We haven’t even had a conversation. As I pass through the door, she gives me a funny look. Then she puts on a black cape and heads out the door herself and turns in the opposite direction. I wonder if I should follow her.

Platform Positions #warwick 15

After starting with a traditional cottage, you’d think that they could have done better than a platform on a scissor lift. It doesn’t exactly look in keeping with the surroundings, yet it was perfectly hidden at the beginning of the show. I wonder if they weren’t permitted to use a regular platform with a ladder because of COVID regulations. Perhaps the platform needs to be adjusted for different heights in windier conditions, but you could just build another level into the tower. Perhaps they were concerned for the performer’s health, and it would be a quick way to get them back down in an emergency. Or maybe the whole show was new and it was a work in progress. It would certainly be difficult to carry a bird while climbing up a ladder, though they could have trained it to fly from one performer to the other beforehand. For today’s show though, the birds seem to be coping well.

Free Beer?

Who is going to get through £60 of beer in one day?! OK, it is London so that bumps up the prices a bit. And it’s nitro-beer which has a lot of gas which also increases costs. They’ll be entry fees and glass hire costs to come out of that too. When you get round to looking at the price list, it’s probably only for five or six pints which is slightly above what the average festivalgoer drinks. You’d probably want someone who has a little more experience than someone who’s just passed the legal limit though. It’s nice to give but you have to hope that they’re going to give back by turning up without a hangover and that they’re able to do their duty. There’s even a video to attempt to demonstrate how little effort is involved but it does depend on how busy the festival is. These volunteers could be working their asses off.

Smoke but no Fire #warwick 14

If we didn’t know what was going on, we might have been slightly worried. We could see people in costume inside tending to a fireplace in the background. We hoped that they knew what they were doing, but why did they need smoke for a show? It was unlikely that they’d trained the birds to put the fire out. Maybe it was someone’s lunch that had got out of control. They might have caught a nice bit of fish and they didn’t want visitors to cotton onto the same idea, so they made a smokescreen to hide behind. A fire wouldn’t be easy to put out in this weather, and I can’t see a chimney on the building. Did we need the theatrics? Did the boat run on steam? Or was it something that the birds expected to help them perform in the show? Perhaps a dragon was going to emerge.

Blow Your Whistle

I bought these whistles for my team to use at our beer festivals. They’d be hung up on the stillaging next to the barrels. The idea was that when a beer started to run low, the volunteer would blow on a whistle to attract the attention of a bar manager, who would either stoop the firkin or take it off sale. It was a good idea at first, but I don’t think that people liked the idea of using something that had been used by other people or being whistled at. They disappeared very quickly, either into bins or people’s pockets. It was a shame as they were quite bright on shoelaces with a little plastic ball inside. And I got twenty of them for under a fiver. I might have ordered them the year before and they didn’t arrive in time so I had to store them for a year. I’m surprised I didn’t lose them.

Falconer's Quest #warwick 13

We knew that this activity would be very popular so we had to quickly locate a spot. We left the girls there with nanny while we headed back to the car to get our picnic bag, which was quite a long trek. But we got back before the show began and other people were being turned away and were told to come back for the next show. It was worth the wait, there was music, smoke, a narrator and actors performing on rafts across the river. Then the birds would be let loose and flew in sync with the story. Some flew in circles and came back to their trainer; others took off and rested on a perch, often just above us with steward falconers on standby to make sure that the audience was kept seated. Some flew close to our heads, and even swooped down for a peck or two. But it made for a very entertaining show.

Should pork be banned in the UK to avoid offending muslims?

It’s difficult to ban something that’s always been there. If there’s health benefits then it’s worth considering, but you’re talking about a huge section of the economy. How will this be replaced? People need to value the culture that they’re in rather than make it their own. If they’re not going to adapt then they’re really going to struggle with interaction, and they’re going to be isolated in return. If we stop everything that offends someone, then there’s not going to be much left. It certainly restricts your freedom. People have likes and dislikes. You just have to come to a unanimous decision of what is and isn’t’ permitted, and agree with authority so that it can be enforced. In the meantime, you have to show a little tolerance or find an environment that supports your values. It’s just a way of spotlighting those who have different values. Some people don’t like vegetables.