That's a Big Pot...

Built mostly out of limestone, this structure might not look like much; but if you look at the traffic cones below its easily over fifteen feet high! There must have been a big pottery business in Northern Ireland as this is one hell of a kiln. Either they were in the trade early to make scale models of the Giant’s Causeway, or they’re the proud manufacturers of the world’s biggest teapot which now resides in West Virginian. Bur for all I know, it could be a front for a traffic cone factory. Perhaps it was a multi-purpose structure with pottery at the bottom and a bakery at the tip to feed hungry fishermen? There may have even been a middle section for them to grill or smoke their catches ready for market. But the holes at the top suggest it may have been used for defence purposes as it’s so near the coast.

Canada's Worst Driver

One of the shows that I’m desperate to get hold of all episodes at the moment is Canada’s Worst Driver. The presenter is charming and places as much emphasis on common sense as possible; particularly when the drivers aren’t following instructions; and they also present each show in a very creative manner. As each series progresses; it transpires that many of the contestants have health problems and shouldn’t have been given a license in the first place; though they do have a fully trained panel of experts including a psychotherapist on board before they make that claim. It’s a shame that the copyright laws often make the program hard to follow on YouTube and there are often missing episodes or mislabelled seasons. But as well as providing entertainment, they also include video tutorials on how the manoeuvres should be done, providing an educational experience too. Don't think I'll be able to try the 180 reverse spin though.

Raising the Bar

On the last Sunday of February, Redditch and Bromsgrove CAMRA members flocked into the Golden Cross Hotel in Bromsgrove to present the staff with their Winter Pub of the Season Award. Records of the pub’s existence date back to the late seventeenth century as a coaching house; and today it serves a great choice of up to nine well-kept real ales alongside real cider. Branch Chairman Paul Richards said that members were impressed with both the consistency and selection of beers available, and that it was the first choice of pub for many Bromsgrove drinkers. On the day of the presentation, the beers included a copper bitter from Springhead Brewery named Surrender 1646; as well as a golden hoppy ale from Quantock Brewery called Wills Neck. Bar Manager Tracey Eastham and her team were delighted to receive the award and were heartily congratulated by their loyal locals. Congratulations to them for raising the bar. 

Eyes on the Road

There's a wide variety of topics about on YouTube. As I've been driving a lot more, one of the subjects that I've been most commonly watching are the fails; namely the parking ones. They're very addictive. The majority of them tend to be in Russia, as that's where the most hazardous conditions seems to be and everyone has a dash-cam to help protect them from insurance fraud. You get to see everything; from the conditions before the crash to the road rage and assessment afterwards, and it's a great learning tool to try and predict the hazards before they happen and who made the mistake. It might be the driver of the vehicle’s dash-cam itself or they may just happen to be a passer-by. Some aren’t the best quality; especially the earlier ones which have shot to fame because their content is so idiotic; but as technology has improved so has the quality of the video; some are even in HD. 

Hanging by a Thread

Owned by the National Trust; the Carrick-Rede rope bridge us well worth visiting. It's suspended 100 feet above sea level and offers a great view of the coastline, as well as the surrounding area. It's about a ten minute walk to the bridge; and you really want to time your crossing right, as you may get held up by coach parties. For health and safety reasons; only eight people at a time are allowed on the bridge which is carefully controlled by the Trust’s marshals. I asked if it was the same way back and the reply was; ‘Well, how good’s your swimming?’ Unfortunately, they'd sealed off the top of the cliff point because of the strong wind, but we still had a good crossing and even had a few minutes on our own for photographs; as some of our tour party weren't up for the crossing and wanted to see the bridge. But as soon as we’d made our return crossing a coach appeared; and the queues soared as nervous nellies waited for their turn to daintily cross. 

Slithering Around

One of my new distractions has been a fantastic new multiplayer game called Slither. Based on the traditional mobile phone game; Slither has no mazes but it does have a lot of other players which you have to avoid while gathering as much food as you can to make your snake grow. You can also convert other players into food by cutting them off and forcing them to crash into you; or if you're big enough; circle them so that they're trapped inside your mighty coils. There's a special turbo move that accelerates your snake at the expense of your size; allowing you to dodge or obstruct accordingly. And when a snake is converted; there's always a frenzy from the surrounding snakes as everyone tries to grab as much food as possible. I've been on the live leaderboard a few times now; and occasionally use even been at the top for a few minutes. Occasionally there's a bit of lag which makes the controls difficult; and the server has been know to crash a few times as well. But they've just updated the app version which will hopefully make it more stable. Go Slither. 

The Missing River

Isn’t it frustrating when you take a beautiful picture but you can’t remember where the place is? Somewhere on our Northern Ireland tour we parked on a small road bridge just before arriving at the rope bridge to look at a beautiful private dwelling which had a river running alongside it. There was a smaller bridge with a castle wall running alongside. I remember that it was somewhere between Ballygally and Ballintoy and I thought it was definitely inland as we’d left the coastline to make up time. After much searching on Google Maps, I finally found it to be Glenarm Castle’s Historic Walled Gardens, another must-see place on my return to the Emerald Isle. The place was so attractive that I’d totally discarded the sea on the north side. But Google Street View can often be very finicky; because as much as you zoom into the bridge before loading it; you still get an image with a river nowhere in sight. 

Wherefore Thou Art Fireworks?

So here I am in Stratford upon Avon in a crowd of hundreds of people waiting to celebrate Shakespeare’s 400^th anniversary with a fantastic fireworks display. The practice run which was the town’s new year’s eve celebrations was compared with those of London, and even made the morning papers. So for the last forty minutes we have been shivering in the crowd awaiting the start. There was some excitement just after ten when lights began to turn off inside. Then twenty minutes later a cameraman arrived to much cheer. After another twenty minutes an announcement was made as the tv people were running behind. We’re now doing Mexican waves asking where art thou fireworks and watching out for any signs of life from the show inside. I was really looking forward to this show but my faith in Big Will is starting to shake, I just hope it's worth the wait…

Health Food that Kills You

My Mum is slowly but surely being poisoned. Every morning she enjoys a bowl of Quaker Oats, which contains a chemical called glyphosate. This chemical is a pesticide which is also used in weed killer products. This in itself doesn’t make sense as how can the same chemical be used to kill it as well as protect it? Unless the plant world now works like the meat world and you have to stop it from breathing before processing it? It’s odd that this ingredient isn’t listed in the table of ingredients; because the box doesn’t have a table of ingredients. It simply states that the oats are rolled. You’d think stuff like flour and egg would be listed; but there’s not even a panel which says ‘contains oats’. This whole debacle is taken from the Daily Mail; but for once they do have a point to prove in that oatmeal is no longer healthy for you.

The haunting

Our guide on our Northern Ireland coach tour was a bit of a joker. He’d already caught us all out with a small house with six kitchens; Mr & Mrs. Kitchen and their four children; and had introduced us to his fisherman friend who he sees every day out on the coast fishing who always waves at him; which actually turned out to be a plastic dummy. But as we passed through the village of Ballygally, we were told of the ghost of Elizabeth Shaw who enjoys knocking on the doors of patrons at the Castle Hotel. Not the most exciting of ghost stories; but then the hotel specialises in pricey wedding packages rather than thrill-seeking historians; although you can visit the ghost’s tower. Other sites say that Mrs. Shaw was locked away after the birth of her son; and fell to her death; though how that can constitute to be a friendly ghost is beyond me.

Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl

Fantastic Mr Fox by Roald Dahl
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Dahl has done it again with this compilation of lively characters; all told in great detail as they try to plot and outsmart each other in a battle of wits between man and mammal. The personification of the animals is brilliant, with each species having its own character traits and detailed actions; and all are determined not to be defeated, which is the key motto of this tale set in the countryside. You could even say it’s the Robin Hood of the animal kingdom. The humans live up to their name in order to try and prove their superiority and social status at the expense of the animals. And aside from the animals talking; it’s a very realistic narrative. Every possible angle is covered from each character without needing further detail or question, which just blends wonderfully into this short story. If only I could do the same for the supermarkets…

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And my recommendations for the Campaign for Real Ale are...

CAMRA is about real ale. But this definition is becoming increasingly confusing. Many members will go into a pub and ask 'have you got any beer?' which then causes embarrassment as pubs do serve lager and keg drinks which are of course types of beer. So we need to ask if it's cask! We also need to talk about beer appreciation more so that we are truly recognising great cellarmanship. There has been much talk of people becoming beer sommeliers in Beer magazine; yet they seldom make any reference to CAMRA or make mention of how to become one; truly creating snobbery within its ranks.

Much of our campaigning is about protecting pubs; and for this we do need a wider audience. We need to stop rubbing down these potential members; and recognise that they may like to get involved as pub-goers.

CAMRA has always combined cider within its activities and has greatly helped to promote cider. However, the current organisation of APPLE is a running joke; and these members need to do a lot more campaigning to get cider members active within branches.

Serious Soverignty

They certainly take their sovereignty seriously in Northern Ireland. In the town of Larne on the north coast, local unionists have got together to build a giant eight metre crown on a roundabout to demonstrate their loyalty to the throne in time for the Queen’s Jubilee, which is a bit of a shame if Queenie isn’t going to make the effort to see it. Unfortunately, the crown is not yet on Google Street View, and others want the crown removed in the interests of equality since the Jubilee has now passed. This is a town that has a regular annual march to demonstrate its loyalties to Irish independence, which takes place just before St. Patrick’s day. I wonder if the crown will survive after this display? It will certainly make for an interesting battleground, as the defenders would be surrounded on all sides and would have to build barracks on the road itself in order to fight back. Get there quick if you want to see it.  

Is the end of CAMRA?

This was the question ringing throughout the media at the end of March (a day later and it would have been a great April fool!). But since CAMRA’s formation in 1971, the number of breweries in Britain has risen from 200 to over 1,500, with each brewing an average of seven real ales. The limited choice of fizzy carbonated keg beer with bland ingredients has changed to delicious concoctions of thousands of different combinations of ingredients. New technological innovations have been brought in to keep casks fresher for longer, and have helped improved the production and dispense of beer. So has CAMRA done its job?

And that’s the question that CAMRA is now asking. Although CAMRA records that over 11,000 different core real ales were brewed last year, nearly 16,000 pubs have been lost in the last 32 years. Many pubs have been taken over by large operating companies and have lost their identity; often selling national brands and alienating the customer. Overall, beer sales at the bar have declined by almost half over the last forty years as drinking habits have changed; with many people opting for other products. The option to drink at home has become increasingly popular; and many brewers have adapted by creating craft keg or canned products. Clearly, there is still much work to be done to protect our brewing heritage.

So what next? CAMRA’s focus has always been on real ale; but in later years it has campaigned for real cider as well as the rights of pub-goers and licensees. This summer, CAMRA is leading a number of consultation workshops across the country, encouraging as many people as possible to have their say on who should CAMRA represent. This is CAMRA’s revitalisation project. To get involved and take the survey, visit www.camra.org.uk/revitalisation. 

Noughts & Crosses by Malorie Blackman

Noughts & Crosses: Book 1 by Malorie Blackman
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

When I first learnt of the plot for this book; I immediately thought of yet another racial comparison story only with a simple twist to make it different. But the plot is very gripping and fast-paced as the narration switches from character to character; with the reader warming to them both through their innocent child-like nature. There’s also a few mysteries hidden away within the storyline that aren’t exploited fully; unless Blackman has done so in any of her follow-up novels. It’s a shame that a happier ending could not have been found; and that the author didn’t strive for a different change; but to mirror the current views in today’s society and tell it like it is. And so it’s just natural that their worlds are torn apart. Blackman does attempt an alternative ending; but this would have been much more interesting if they had decided to run away together much earlier in the story.

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You can't take that...!

More efforts are being made to try and ban one of the humblest pastimes of all time; photography. Just recently on our Belfast tour we arrived on the set of a Game of Thrones location; only to be thwarted seconds later by a man in a van trying to block our view of the site. If there was actually any filming taking place then I could understand; but to physically ban people from entering the site is a stage too far. Surely they should be thankful of such a following and allow people to visit; or better yet charge for a guided tour? But to have to have the area closed off completely and even to attempt to halt recordings is a bit too far. Here then, for all you Game of Thrones fans, is a zoomed version of what I took. I have absolutely no idea what it is other than it might be called Blackcastle, hopefully one of these days I’ll get round to watching it.

King Lear by William Shakespeare

King Lear by William Shakespeare
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is a tale of vanity versus loyalty which leads to the downfall of power and ultimately the British throne; which probably explains a lot of British history during pre-Anglo Saxon times. It's the characters who demonstrate the most loyalty that are the ultimate sufferers in this tragic tale of inheritance. Lear is that keen to demonstrate his power upon retirement that he actually demands that his daughters declare their devotion in front of the whole English court! For this, we have to allow a little sympathy for all of Lear's children; as there's no mention of a maternal figure to guide them while their father manages affairs of the state. But Lear seems to be more married to his fool than have reminisces of his Queen, and he realises his losses too late. But the fact that the sisters die might be a relief to the Kingdom, if Regan and Gonerill were to remain there might have been an even greater civil war. And yet; what the play does not do is look at how the aftermath of this Kingsmanship affects the common man. A serious flaw, Mr. Shakespeare...

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Booby Trap

Yesterday must have either been a slow news day, or we really have become a nation of perverts. Our headlines were dominated by cowboy surgeons who go unchecked on their practices for botched jobs. Again, this is another perfect example of the government taking far too long to act on something which should really be in place already. Of course, sometimes it’s necessary to cover or repair a major trauma or injury. But for those who live in vain constantly seeking botox treatments to slow down the clock, it makes you think how many chances has this person wasted to move onto the next step of their life, and that they refuse to accept the inevitable? To help prevent this, welcoming special deals have now been banned to attempt to halt people from becoming addicted to this specialist treatment; as it’s obviously an expensive process and people often use different practitioners to get these deals. But it’s good that the government is trying to clamp down on this vain aspect of human selfishness.

I see #isee1

I see a tree captured in time, making its slow journey alongside the coastline towards the shore, making for that perfect spot where it can cool its roots for all eternity.

I see a rush of sheep, startled by our passing presence and caught in a rush of panic to escape the unknown of the foreign object passing by them at such speed.

I see a giant green flying saucer floating over the mainland, covered in green panels to adapt to its surroundings, the perfect camouflage to disguise itself from passers-by.

I see rabbits on sentry duty, making sure that the sheep don’t approach the line for their own protection to keep them safe from the road where the constant threat of shiny metal boxes pass their land at such speed.

I see a stretch of no-man’s land stretched between two islands, a dividing estuary between two conflicting nations who do battle on this very patch.

I see clouds making their way across the skyline, going about their daily business and oblivious to the activities taking place below them.

Chasing Tail #dreamdiary7

Last night’s dream involved a new role in canine companionship. My new job was to look after dogs while people were on holiday, but this particular dog was being sent by train and I had to go to the station to meet him. My business was based in Wooton Wawen, an area I'd always want to explore owing to the source of the river Alne and its waterfall alongside many footpaths and plenty of wildlife; in short; a haven for walking dogs. I often visited my customers to collect my clients, but I'd never had to collect one via public transport before. Luckily, the recent addition in microchipping had allowed me to track this dog in person, which was lucky as I'd missed meeting the train and the dog had already disembarked. But who was the owner of this mysterious client who had paid in advance, and what sort of canine were they sending?

Greyhound for Breakfast by James Kelman

Greyhound for Breakfast by James Kelman
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

James Kelman is an angry man. You’d expect that to be a natural trait of a Glaswegian, but he’s taken 47 accounts of living on the line and has gathered them into one compilation. His characters are the lowest of the low; whether it’s a tramp begging for some change, a worker living in the stockroom or a man simply trying to balance the books till the next giro, there’s always an action that makes you want to feel apathetic towards them. Some accounts are simply a stream of conscious; most are colloquial, but all are first person perspectives. Expect smoking, vulgar language and lots of missing storylines and human depravity. But the clear point is that the situation of his characters all seem to be blamed on society’s actions which quite often portrays them as very angry indeed. If you’re looking for life-long inspiration then this is not for you; but if you’re looking for betrayal and human selfishness in a dog-eat-dog world then these short stories will do you just fine.

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Tax Havens

Tax havens have been around for a while; so the appearance of the Panama Papers is just proof of how easy it is to avoid the law. The main problem is that it demonstrates how lax our authorities are and how easy it is to overcome them. And of course, if those in power are permitted to get away with it, then why should us humble workers be oppressed by the law? If our adorned Prime Minister can get away with it, then why should the rest of us contribute? Far from calling for his resignation, if the owing balance is not paid (with interest) then surely these criminals should be jailed for profiting from the public purse? These matters need to be under greater scrutiny; especially at a time when politicians are making cutbacks on our public services. Otherwise, people will want to know where the money is going and will abandon the monetary system if necessary.

Power to the people

Our infrastructure is so ill-protected. With so many power plants on the coast, it’s so easy to cut off an area with a small team from the coast. A second team could easily scale this wall or even knock through it with a sledge hammer. Some could even argue that coastal plants ruin our scenic views. We need to do more to protect our supplies; we shouldn’t just take them for granted. Simple electronic stores are locked up like Fort Knox; shouldn’t the same principles be used for our larger sites? Perhaps a small army task force is effectively hidden away from public view for this very purpose. Or do we need to put trust in our fellow man? This doesn’t seem to be the case for those in power; the results can only be confirmed if an incident does or does not arise. The question is; is it inevitable?

Morrisons makes it?

A new TV supermarket campaign has hit our screens. So Morrisons now claim to be manufacturers of family moments. Not only do they supply us with food; they now believe that they engineer all family interaction, and that they actually make our homes. Yet, if you actually visit one of their stor4es, you will seldom find a home for sale. How dare they have the nerve? Moments come from social interaction; not a purchase from a supermarket. It’s almost a corporate suggestion to say that all leisure activities have been suspended and that you need only set off to one of their stores. It’s as if you have a faulty parent or child you can pop over to their store to buy a new one? It’s time supermarkets got realistic and realised that not everyone who visits their stores is part of a family unit. I’m still trying to find that chocolate chicken.

Carrickfergus Castle

This giant castle was another place for coming so close yet so far! Our stop here was for a quick photo opportunity and to grab a coffee while our driver took the bus off to fill the tank, which sadly meant that there was no time to explore inside. This stunning coastal castle is so majestic, and as the tide was out we actually had the chance to stroll along the beach and do a complete walk around the castle walls. The keep is huge and still has its original latrines (hopefully still not in use); and the large towers show that it must have been a contender to battle with when under siege from both land and sea. The trust had made a special effort to preserve the castle as it still had banners over its entrance and a figurine up on the barracks; so hopefully I will get the chance to return again someday and venture inside.

CAMRA's Good Beer Guide to include 24 hour format.

This was just one of the many changes to policy that took place during the CAMRA member weekend. Straight away I felt that it was a bad idea; as times in a 12-hour format are much easier to read. I was interested to hear the arguments of the proposers; which I felt fell right out of a train spotter’s guide. These people are trying to make the guide idiot-proof; but it will do more harm than good. Firstly, you are insulting the intelligence of those who purchase the Good Beer Guide, who may not necessarily be CAMRA members and therefore have no impartial say on improvements to the publication. Secondly, it’s sending mixed messages to the trade; that we are now supporting 24-hour drinking and need to clarify that a cosy backstreet boozer is not open from 10pm to 5am on a Wednesday evening. The extra characters may even take up more space in the pub listing section. Sadly, I was unable to write an opposing speech in time, and the motion was clearly carried. This is perhaps one of the last motions ever put to a live debate; since members are now able to vote on motions without hearing all the arguments.

The Titanic Pumphouse #doctorwho2

‘Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest. Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum’ sang the tramp, beating a pound coin on an old tankard as Clara walked passed. A gust of wind blew across the docks, and even though the tramp was behind her, she could still feel his gaze. She stopped and turned, and saw just four teeth emerge from a gaping black hole of a mouth surrounded by a grey beard. She walked back and the hole closed, but a humming of the tramp’s song continued.

‘Ahoy there shipmate’ she said as she approached, fishing in her pocket for a coin. ‘What can you tell me about that place?’

‘Ooh, there’s nowt to see in there for a nice lass like you, just a few broken bottles and an old sailor’s home.’

‘Well, I’ve been hearing stories about boats in the night’, opening her palm to show a pound coin. ‘I loves a good sea-fearing tale.’   

‘Aye, boats in the night. There’s many a vessel that still sails through these parts.’

‘But I’m after one ship in particular.’

Chaos at the top table

In all my years of attending a conference; never have I been frustrated with the disruptions that have taken place or the lack of communication. On our journey upwards, people on the train were discussing the headline news that the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) have been shutting down. This has never been more wrong; and the announcement has been a complete farce for our members. What is actually happening is the launch of a revitalisation project to review our objectives and goals for the next few years. We were all unaware of the drastic announcement that was to be made, with many of us missing it as we prepared to travel to the launch of this very project. However, such a consultation was not on the agenda paper. What was discovered was that the announcement had been made without prior consultation; with the members of the committee being suspended under investigation without anyone taking responsibility for the project.   

Belfast Cathedral

I've never known a public cathedral to be so effectively policed. Even from the outside square, the adjacent park of this cathedral is under the eagle eyes of a litter patrolman who is just waiting to catch you out. The stone cross on the east side is much cleaner than the rest of the building, so perhaps some restoration work has been completed as a result of the city’s conflict. Inside, the main entrance is restricted to just one of the three large arches; forcing you into the west side and towards the entrance booth, where a £5 fee awaits you; probably to pay for the outside stone cross. Usually, churches are free to visit so I thought this to be a bit much. And so, instead of taking a grand tour, I had just enough time to take a sneaky snapshot of the mosaic in the visitor’s chapel before whisking the lads back outside again. 

The People of the Abyss by Jack London

The People of the Abyss by Jack London
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

American journalist Jack London hopes to review London’s East End to unearth the truth of the poverty-stricken underclass within its domain. His approach of seeking a guide in the form of a tour operator is met with much distaste; as is his idea of a safehouse to separate himself from the true underclass experience. He demonstrates that beggars really can’t be choosers many times, as he objects to sharing a room with other people; chooses to abandon the services he approaches; and even seeks out a ‘costume’ to look the part; all in the name of experience. However, the detail that he collects while undercover in his travels gives a perfect portrayal of early nineteenth century London. Each fact describes the desolation and poverty that surrounds him, and at the end asks a key question about the benefits of civilisation to the modern man; and how effective the local economy is managed.

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