Showboating #sherduck 21 #warwick 20

Sherduck loved to showboat. This wasn’t in the sense of showing off (though to others it does look that way) but instead he liked to strut his stuff by going to areas that other species wouldn’t have access to. For example, if there was a large crowd lining the banks of the river, not only could he get a literal bird’s eye view of what was going on, he could also land in the middle of the river for his own perspective without fear of any harm coming to him. He might get something thrown at him or towards him to encourage him to move if the audience required him to, but then that would give him the motive and the moral high ground to retaliate and fly towards his attackers. This act made him equally unpopular with both humans and ducks as they saw it as an act to dissuade the humans from feeding them, but it did assert Sherduck’s dominance as top duck.

My Expectations

My good reader, if you could spare a few minutes of your attention to focus on the humble words in front of you, you’ll learn quite a bit about my life. In sorts, it is a diary of places travelled, some of it in more detail than I would have liked. I share the details of people that I interact with in what I hope is a friendly and amusing narrative. At times I examine where things have gone wrong and how they can be rectified, perhaps sometimes in too much detail. In other subjects I may create short works of fiction, though sometimes I do get into the surreal as I focus on different perspectives. The main aim is to piece these pieces together into a narrative that could be enjoyed by all and might even be sold commercially in various formats. You might find yourself wanting to visit a few of the places yourself. On other days, you might be baffled or offended by the words placed in front of you as I face moral dilemmas and choices. But please feel free to leave a note or two of your opinion of my scribblings.

Rescue Attempt #sherduck 20 #warwick 19

Suddenly, the boat filled with smoke. It was if someone had forgotten to open up the chimney but Shelduck knew tear gas when he could taste it. He was relieved to see a small skinny duck charge underneath the big swan’s neck and stick a mask on his beak before the big fella toppled over. He wasn’t even sure that the little duck stuck around to see what was going on. Instead, he turned to see where the duck had come from and a familiar face stepped through the gas.

‘What did you do that for?’ said Sherduck.

‘You were kidnapped by hired goons’ said Buttons.

‘Yes, but they never got to tell me why. I didn’t get a name’.

‘But we can bring them in now under an abduction charge.’

True, but I believe that something a bit more sinister was about to happen. How did you find me anyway?’

‘Just routine patrol. Jenkins called it in.’

What's the medal count?

I assume I’m going to find out some sport results rather than expect a definition. I’m also wondering if this feature works when a tournament isn’t in session. Will it default back to the latest international tournament or will it find an event that is taking place currently? Will I get a response at all or will it ask me to back another time when a tournament is taking place? I get a lengthy list of the top five countries and how many medals they have won. For the winner, I get a full list of bronze, silver and gold totals. But I can ask for a specific country to be told its bronze, silver and gold totals. If I ask for the event, I’m told that Team GB didn’t win anything this year, though to be fair I did specify UK rather than Great Britain. When I get the phasing right, I’m told that it doesn’t know. I guess it’s back to Google.

Smoke Signals #warwick 18

I wonder if the smoke can be controlled. Do they have fans to choose which way it travels? Is there a thickness button to control how long it’s in view for? And do they have to use more or less smoke depending on the weather and atmosphere? Is it dry ice? Using real smoke would be a right pain if it got into your eyes. But perhaps the birds are used to it and they’re able to use it like camouflage. It helps to protect them from the crowd, and they can always dip into it like a cloud if they feel threatened. Or maybe it marks a no-fly zone to control where they’re allowed to go. After all, their eyes must be much more sensitive than ours, and there’s a few different species of birds. It wouldn’t be surprising that they didn’t all get on. Hopefully we don’t see too many aerial battles.

“Just put one foot in front of the other and don't worry about the length of the path. Once you get on that path, and the longer you stay on it, there eventually will come a time when you will not turn back.”

-Martina Navratilova

Little steps always help when you’re facing something big. As long as you’re making progress, it’s still progress, especially if people can see it. Stopping to do nothing won’t help things at all. They’ll be many distractions, and some of them will need dealing with while others can be ignored. But if you can stay the course without looking back, then eventually you’ll reach your goal, wherever or whatever that may be. You might need to keep an eye on the length of the path if it’s a literal one though. You’ll need rest stops and supplies to keep you going, otherwise you’ll arrive wishing you’d never departed. With a bit of training, you’ll get used to it. It’s also nice to know that at some point you can leave your troubles behind and you won’t have to face them again, though hopefully others won’t have to finish the work for you.

Snack Time #warwick 17 #dozo 2

Dozo pondered his next move. There were plenty of humans in front of him with snack foods but he’d probably get told off by the trainers for that. Some were paying him a bit of attention but most of them were focusing on the other birds in front of them. They may also retaliate as there were a lot more of them than him so he could probably get hurt, though most would just get out of the way if he asserted his dominant speed as a threat. There was also a black hole in the wooden square behind him, but again he could get into trouble if he went inside. The stick holding the panel open could also close quite quickly, and they might not let him out again. Dozo had heard of some humans who didn’t want to leave these structures. Then his rattle began to rattle so he knew that it was time for a proper snack.

Passing Trade

He’s tall. Taller than me, but not by much. He’s also a bit lankier and has a slightly better physique but it’s not too much on me considering he’s a builder. He’s not the brightest when it comes to technology but what he has in place is practical skills. He’s not the best conversationalist when it comes to topics unless you’re discussing his trade. He keeps himself smart and well-trimmed unless he’s been working hard (in which case a few signs of stubble will start to show). And while he never formally suits up, the clothes that he does wear while out and about are always branded. He’s always great at playing the host and sources quality ingredients for his guests. Though he doesn’t have much interest in the way of hobbies, he loves spending time with people he values. He’s happy with the work that he does, he’s good at it and he charges a fair price.

Spot the Birdie #warwick 16

Nature works best when camouflaged. Everyone’s drawn to the biggest subject in the centre of the picture. But it’s not the shed. There is someone inside it who’s keeping  an eye on the control centre making sure that everyone’s behaving themselves and that there’s no risks. He might also have a sound desk in front of him. You’re then drawn to what’s on the shed. There is something sticking out on the top of the roof, but if you zoom in it’s just a receiver. You’ll have to look where the people are looking. If you focus on the left side of the shed, you’ll see a pole sticking up just in front of it. Follow the pole up to the top, and you’re suddenly looking at an owl. It’s amazing how the light of the tree offers him perfect camouflage in this daylight setting. He’s found the perfect spot of shade too. 

Futurama (Season 12)

There’s a bit of confusion in the writing here as some of the character’s back stories have been forgotten, and there’s a few characters that aren’t featured in this series, though they do make an appearance. Often it’s the subplots that make up the best episodes as they all seem to tie everything up together. A few Armageddon scenarios do appear here but not enough in a context to portray that a solution is required. There’s some good comedy, but perhaps not enough to make us geek out as in earlier seasons. There’s also some interesting themes and it makes you wonder if you’ve seen some of the characters elsewhere before, though I may have seen a YouTube clip of Frank. It’s a shame that the chatbot wasn’t linked to a domination plot, and although Mom was featured in a later episode, she wasn’t as active as she’d previously been. Perhaps we’re used to longer seasons and we’ll have to wait for more.

Not Welcome #dreamdiary 185

I’m here to see my friend. I’m not sure if she even recognises me. Maybe she thinks I’m here to see her flatmate. She’s certainly in a mood. She admits me and invites me to sit on the sofa and watch TV. . She looks like she’s all made up to go out. She’s wearing heavy foundation to make her face slightly tanned and trimmed eyebrow hair. Then there’s the short black hair that she’s spent a long time curling. Why did she admit me in the first place? Perhaps I’ve got the wrong address and she’s too timid. She tells me that she’s going out now and opens the door for me to leave. We haven’t even had a conversation. As I pass through the door, she gives me a funny look. Then she puts on a black cape and heads out the door herself and turns in the opposite direction. I wonder if I should follow her.

Platform Positions #warwick 15

After starting with a traditional cottage, you’d think that they could have done better than a platform on a scissor lift. It doesn’t exactly look in keeping with the surroundings, yet it was perfectly hidden at the beginning of the show. I wonder if they weren’t permitted to use a regular platform with a ladder because of COVID regulations. Perhaps the platform needs to be adjusted for different heights in windier conditions, but you could just build another level into the tower. Perhaps they were concerned for the performer’s health, and it would be a quick way to get them back down in an emergency. Or maybe the whole show was new and it was a work in progress. It would certainly be difficult to carry a bird while climbing up a ladder, though they could have trained it to fly from one performer to the other beforehand. For today’s show though, the birds seem to be coping well.

Free Beer?

Who is going to get through £60 of beer in one day?! OK, it is London so that bumps up the prices a bit. And it’s nitro-beer which has a lot of gas which also increases costs. They’ll be entry fees and glass hire costs to come out of that too. When you get round to looking at the price list, it’s probably only for five or six pints which is slightly above what the average festivalgoer drinks. You’d probably want someone who has a little more experience than someone who’s just passed the legal limit though. It’s nice to give but you have to hope that they’re going to give back by turning up without a hangover and that they’re able to do their duty. There’s even a video to attempt to demonstrate how little effort is involved but it does depend on how busy the festival is. These volunteers could be working their asses off.

Smoke but no Fire #warwick 14

If we didn’t know what was going on, we might have been slightly worried. We could see people in costume inside tending to a fireplace in the background. We hoped that they knew what they were doing, but why did they need smoke for a show? It was unlikely that they’d trained the birds to put the fire out. Maybe it was someone’s lunch that had got out of control. They might have caught a nice bit of fish and they didn’t want visitors to cotton onto the same idea, so they made a smokescreen to hide behind. A fire wouldn’t be easy to put out in this weather, and I can’t see a chimney on the building. Did we need the theatrics? Did the boat run on steam? Or was it something that the birds expected to help them perform in the show? Perhaps a dragon was going to emerge.

Blow Your Whistle

I bought these whistles for my team to use at our beer festivals. They’d be hung up on the stillaging next to the barrels. The idea was that when a beer started to run low, the volunteer would blow on a whistle to attract the attention of a bar manager, who would either stoop the firkin or take it off sale. It was a good idea at first, but I don’t think that people liked the idea of using something that had been used by other people or being whistled at. They disappeared very quickly, either into bins or people’s pockets. It was a shame as they were quite bright on shoelaces with a little plastic ball inside. And I got twenty of them for under a fiver. I might have ordered them the year before and they didn’t arrive in time so I had to store them for a year. I’m surprised I didn’t lose them.

Falconer's Quest #warwick 13

We knew that this activity would be very popular so we had to quickly locate a spot. We left the girls there with nanny while we headed back to the car to get our picnic bag, which was quite a long trek. But we got back before the show began and other people were being turned away and were told to come back for the next show. It was worth the wait, there was music, smoke, a narrator and actors performing on rafts across the river. Then the birds would be let loose and flew in sync with the story. Some flew in circles and came back to their trainer; others took off and rested on a perch, often just above us with steward falconers on standby to make sure that the audience was kept seated. Some flew close to our heads, and even swooped down for a peck or two. But it made for a very entertaining show.

Should pork be banned in the UK to avoid offending muslims?

It’s difficult to ban something that’s always been there. If there’s health benefits then it’s worth considering, but you’re talking about a huge section of the economy. How will this be replaced? People need to value the culture that they’re in rather than make it their own. If they’re not going to adapt then they’re really going to struggle with interaction, and they’re going to be isolated in return. If we stop everything that offends someone, then there’s not going to be much left. It certainly restricts your freedom. People have likes and dislikes. You just have to come to a unanimous decision of what is and isn’t’ permitted, and agree with authority so that it can be enforced. In the meantime, you have to show a little tolerance or find an environment that supports your values. It’s just a way of spotlighting those who have different values. Some people don’t like vegetables.

Under Fire #warwick 12

Out on the hill in front of the castle, we’re exposed. It would only take a couple of archers placed in the spire of the cathedral to despatch a few arrows into our backs. Naturally we wouldn’t expect this, but this was an opportunity should anyone feel the need. The little one has a bit of protection from headshots with her hat but not much. She’s better off where standing where she is behind the wooden board but it depends on how thick the board is. If the enemy’s spotted by our photographer then there’s a slim possibility that the fencing would protect us if we were to duck down in time, but not by much. If we’re quick on the draw then we could return fire, but they have much cover than we do. We’d have to get down on our stomachs and crawl to the east to get behind the shrubberies.

A Late Awakening #titannabell 21

Morning arrived at the palace. It was a very quiet morning followed by a rushed one since the watch bell didn’t ring to wake the servants. Some of the servants who were used to waking up before the bell rung suddenly realised that something was wrong when they saw how high the sun was getting. They quickly roused the others into the common room to organise the day’s work.

‘Why didn’t the bell ring?’ asked one of them.

‘Never mind that, we’ve got chores to do. Get those berries cut double-time!’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘OK, head out to the barracks. Hopefully we won’t have too many complaints.’

‘There’s no-one there, Miss.’

‘No-one there? Was a war declared last night? Very well, it certainly makes our job easier. Send out the dressers. Let’s get our lords and ladies ready for our guests. And quickly before we get any complaints of tardiness. I’ll let his lordship know what happened.’

Round the Bend #warwick 11

In medieval times, it could be a man with a knife. After all, they were designed to protect the residents from the enemy. These days, you’re more likely to find a man busking or selling refreshments or souvenirs. I doubt the spotlight was there. At night it might cast a shadow to give a clue that someone was approaching, and in daylight the sun would probably do the same. In modern times, I’m not sure if the slate is indicative of restoration work from passing vandalism, or if it’s purposefully placed there to reflect the spotlight. That cable could pose as a bit of a trip hazard though. The dry grass could also be hiding a pit which takes us to our deaths below the fence and bushes. But venture on we must, there is plenty to see, even if it’s all wired up to power a murderous robot around the corner.

Dear Bad Guy

I’m going to stop you. I don’t care what it takes, but you’re not going to stop me. You might put hundreds of obstacles in my way, create relentless distractions, but the freedom that you have now is not going to be for very long. Things are going to get worse for you, so cherish this very letter as it could reflect upon your last moment of happiness. So now you know that someone’s about to get in your way. You’ll definitely change tactics. You might even desist and run away, but I’ll never let you rest until you’ve been brought to justice and become accountable for the misery that you’ve caused in our society. And I will never trust you, even if you give yourself up or begin to show any remorse for what you’ve done. So tread carefully because I’m waiting for you to make the mistake that will cost you your future.

What are You Waiting For? #warwick 10

Something’s happening. The marquee and gazebo are roped off but there’s some kids sitting down in the shadow of the castle waiting patiently in the courtyard. Nearby, two grown-ups are fleeing the scene. Perhaps something loud is about to start. Perhaps something is due to emerge from the marquee. The kids may have spotted some performers going in earlier, and they’re waiting to be the first in line for whatever treat or activity awaits. But there’s also a load of dead grass. Maybe they’re misinformed, or what they’re expecting has been and gone. Perhaps the tower is about to be toppled onto the gazebo which is why it’s roped off. Or maybe the spire is about to launch into the courtyard. The other thing that could have happened was that their parents have convinced them that a show was about to start while they sneak off for a half hour of peace and quiet at the café.

Insult Me

It’s probably going to be a short but concise noise followed by a fart sound. It might vary depending on the time of day. Or she could be too polite to engage in such an atrocity. Apparently I’m a cure for insomnia when I talk about myself and I’m hailed as a medical wonder. So it’s an insult of wit. How can I make someone laugh in a bad way? Is it an uncontrollable fit of the giggles that leaves them in a bout of pain? Is it too loud? Or is it terrible and they’re just being polite? Either way, they all seem to be about my company rather than any physical or olfactory characteristics. I wonder how many there are? She hasn’t repeated one yet. And there’s no subscription either. Still, if you want to feel down without any swearing or conversation, this is the way to do it. At least you can unplug the thing.

Castle Climbers #warwick 9

Back outside in the sun, it’s not so dark and scary. We’ve begun our turret walk to explore the castle ramparts and have put on extra sunscreen. From here, we can see what we’ve already explored and how much more we have to investigate. There’s some great views of the castle grounds and we can also see past the river into the city. There’s views of the cathedral, the surrounding park and the hustle and bustle of everyday people going about their lives making purchases and completing their business. The adults decide to stay perched on a bench for a packed lunch and after the girls have eaten I decide to take them across the rest of the ramparts which is steeper and narrower with some steep steps to descend back to the courtyard. Then we ascend up the long winding path back to the grown-ups, where there’s a nice breeze in the air.

"Take the Team With You"

-The Doctor.

If your team does follow you wherever you go, that’s a very loyal team. You have to make sure that you treat them like family and not servants, even if you are paying them. Otherwise, they’ll be very keen to jump ship, especially if they get a pay offer. Don’t forget that they have similar needs to you, and that you need to be seen doing your fair share of the workload too. With modern technology, you can always keep in touch with them, though you also need to respect their privacy and give them rest time and downtime which may eat into your time occasionally. But if you can be flexible then they will try to do the same when you need them to work longer and harder. Sometimes people will want to leave and you have to respect that, but it’s important to find out why if it’s a mistake that you’ve made so that’s it not repeated again and you know what sort of qualities to look for in your next recruit.

Balding Brian

Short, loud, proud, bold and bald. That’s the easiest way to describe him. He’s also a bit of a disciplinarian. I’m guessing a teacher; either in drama or sports. He makes it clear what he expects of his team. He wants everyone to have a good time; so long as the enjoyment of others isn’t put into jeopardy. He does enjoy digs at his head because it’s so shiny, but he’s not afraid to dish it out too. He’ll even let you rub his head for good luck. He’s got a huge perfect smile without a hint of mischief that makes you want to grin back at him. Sometimes he’s so loud that you don’t you whether he’s scolding or saluting you. He’s well up to speed with his celebratory gossip. Even though he’s short, he’s got a thick but healthy physique; and he’s not afraid to pace himself to flaunt it with bicep curls and warm up for the game.

Ready to Play #warwick 8

If this guy has a minor role in entertaining his guests, it’s probably going to be in the bedroom. He’s a character that Hugh Hefner would probably look up to. He’s already in his smoking jacket with his cigar in hand. I wonder if he ever waited downstairs? It could be the whole purpose of the evening while the ladies slipped off to the powder room one by one right underneath his wife’s nose. He’s even got a minibar set up to refresh his guests and a typewriter to record his memoirs. Some could argue that it was his job to record everyone who entered the castle. There’d be a good view of who was crossing the courtyard and the sound of footsteps could be echoed in the corridors. He might even have a team at his disposal to change the sheets quickly or have several rooms handy. It’s not the sort of character that you’d expect at a medieval castle, but there he is.

Redirecting Resources #dreamdiary 184

I’m camping at a brewery with a team of volunteers. There’s been a terrible storm through the night and a gale has forced its way through some of the buildings. Corrugated roofs have been torn off and the equipment inside has been upturned and damaged. Meanwhile, my volunteer group have took it upon themselves to start taking down my tent and pack it away. The last thing I want is a mob of people going through my possessions and putting things in places that are going to make it difficult for me for find them later on. I know they’re only trying to help me but there’s other ways that these volunteers could be deployed for the greater good benefit rather than myself. So I rally them together in a huddle around me and explain that the brewery needs their help more than I do, and we should concentrate on getting it to an operational state again, especially when my tent withstands a hurricane better than a building.