Ratburger

This lovely film teaches people about the value of friendship and how you can overcome any problem by working together. Walliams plays the spooky rat catcher and fast food vendor, but he doesn’t oversell his role for the sake of others. Every person plays their part well and has equal time in the story, and each character has their own backstory, even the bloke in the newsagent who seems to play every stereotypical newsagent. I think the story would have worked even without a dancing rat, and the animation is a bit poor. Perhaps another animal would have been better. With Walliams’s connections, they could have got the dog off Britain’s Got Talent. The story also would have worked without the school’s talent competition altogether; it simply seemed to just pad things out a bit. A bake-off would have been more original, but perhaps that wasn’t in at the time. It’s a shame that we didn’t see more rivalry between him and the chef that the school hires to encourage healthy eating.

Where's Your Hat?

I’d been in a group of seats at a beer festival. It had been a fun day, but some of the younger folk were playing tricks on the older ones by hiding their stuff under piles of coats. It was close to getting time to head off home, and some had already left to visit a few pubs. At one point I was the only member of our group who remained and other people were looking to use the table so I invited them over. Then one of the younger ones came back looking for his hat; and went absolutely apeshit that he couldn’t find it and left in a rage. Half an hour later it was my turn to depart and got my coat from off the chair. As I turned to leave, one of the newcomers said that I’d left a hat behind. And there underneath where my coat had been was the hat of the young one. I smiled as I took it and even sent him a Facebook message of me wearing it on the train. I then thought of all the places I’d planned to visit that year and imagined me taking it on tour with me, sending him pictures as I went. Eventually I relented and gave it to one of the old folks to return it to him.

A Modern Shopping Centre #dreamdiary73

Our current shopping centre is modern enough inside, but from above it’s much less visually appealing. It was built in the seventies, so a lot of square brick has been put into the design. Luckily, most of it stands on the bottom of a valley so it doesn’t stick out too much like a sore thumb apart from when you walk up the hill. Even some of this is disguised by a dome and some high street shops on the outside. At Christmas they used to put up a thin wire of lights in the shape of a tree on top, though lately they haven’t bothered as it looks a bit crude. In the future, it would be nice to change to change the tower into a dome structure of a sleek silver hill with corridors feeding into it with a nice open space below and a raised ring road to amplify the views.

Derby Winter Ales Festival

I fancied a trip out to Derby. They were hosting a Winter Ales Festival at the famous Roundhouse building just next to the train station. I’d previously tried to get to it when it was being run as the National Winter Ales Festival; but failed on many occasions. This year, the national event had moved to Norwich, but the local branch decided to give it a go on their own. And with a venue that’s fairly central for the country to travel to, they weren’t mistaken. I arrived ten minutes before the doors opened to see a huge queue snake down the road. I passed some fellow members who graciously saved me a seat, and luckily I only had to wait ten minutes before the line started moving. We were ushered into a metallic building which served as an entrance, then once we’d been issued with glasses we were free to explore the building. Amazingly, the building also acts as a library for a local college, while the main room that hosted the beers was used to turn the engines around. It’s worth a visit if you get the chance.

The Devil's Daughter #devilsdaughter1

Luke was tired from all the drinking and decided to call it a night. He’d queued up for ages to see the buxom beauty, but his credit card had been maxed out at the bar and he could no longer afford to gaze upon her sights. With a sigh, he got into the lift and headed up to his penthouse. He opened his jacket to take out his key, and couldn’t find it. He patted all around his jacket and dug into his trousers but he still couldn’t remember where he’d put it. Perhaps he put it in his rear pocket next to his credit card? He was just running his hands over his rear pockets when he heard a voice behind him.

‘Now, there’s an interesting view.’ 

As he turned round, he saw that his eyes were level with the nine-foot buxom beauty in her stunning glittery red dress. Her head was scraping the ceiling, while a small trail of dress was flowing two feet behind her.

The Canal House

Colin had built the perfect den. He’d bought an old warehouse in the middle of the city next to the canal. He’d ensured that every side had an extended balcony with ample supplies hidden behind each wall. There would be a secret basement hidden underneath the building which would be submerged so that a secret getaway could be via a mini submarine or a pipe walkway connecting to a canal boat that looked seemingly unrelated on the other side of the wharf. The roadside access would be a small narrow street leading into a car park with apartments facing either side- which he’d rent out to his friends. It would be the perfect ambush for any unsuspecting nark, and he could dispose of the evidence quickly. There was even an option to make an escape on foot through a network of pathways which the novice visitor would find difficult to pursue; and the number of steps involved could divert any motorbike.

The Log

Isn’t it annoying when you have to fill out an on-line form and you have to read the text in an annoying font? Is it an ‘a’ or a ‘q’? Do capitals count? Oh no, I’ve done it wrong; it’s given me another one. It’s much simpler when there’s a box to tick declaring that you’re not a robot but this doesn’t seem a secure way of verifying that you’re not. Apparently, Google tracks your mouse’s movements to determine whether you’re a robot. But of course, that can easily be simulated. There’s now a video of a robotic arm doing that very thing. The other option is to click the pictures that contain specified images; usually from traffic scenes. This in itself seems more credible; although some of the images are debatable for humans if you look into the distance of each image. But with the amount of scanning technology on our roads today, it’s only a matter of time before a system will be able to do the same. If only people could just be honest and trustworthy, then there wouldn’t be a need for all this verification. It’s just another hoop that we have to jump through to ensure our safety.

The Mailbox

One of the things that I like to do when I’m showing people around the city of Birmingham is take them to The Mailbox. It’s a small shopping centre with many branded upmarket boutique shops; that’s nestled between the train station and the canal. At its rear is a selection of restaurants that overlook the city’s canal network and there’s even a cinema. But the best bit is having a TV studio inside of it. There’s always something different to see in the public area, even without booking onto a tour. You can see inside the radio recording studios and there’s a hands-on section too. In the past there’s been a present the weather exhibition complete with blue screen and reverse directions in front of the autocue. This time there was a virtual Walking with Dinosaurs tour while David Attenborough narrates what you see; and there’s a helpful assistant to make sure that you don’t crash into things. Upstairs you can see through the glass into the newsroom; there’s a broadcast walk of fame; a Peaky Blinders costume exhibition, and this tin can.

The X-Maze

We finally got invited into the Accident and Emergency department where a male nurse looked at my mother’s arm and of course it needed to be x-rayed so I shuffled her across the department and into another room where we took seats. Other people were waiting and we weren’t sure what the system was. There was a sign to check ourselves in, but we weren’t sure if we needed to do that as we’d been sent from the emergency department. We asked a passing nurse who took mum’s details and signed her in for us. After the x-ray we weren’t sure whether we should return to the main waiting room or head back to the cubicle in the emergency room. We decided to try the emergency room again and speak to the male nurse; but we got a bit disorientated trying to find our way back to the cubicle. Luckily, he recognised us and assured us that we were doing the right thing in coming back to see him.

Chinese Breakdancing

Most Chinese dance moves appear to imitate their animals. The animal on the banner looks more like a fox than a dog though. The lady in the left could be getting to do a crane kick or summon the next act onto the stage using a mystical spell. You can see a look of deep concentration on her face. But the lady in red looks as if she’s about to lead a rendition of YMCA. It may make sense to them, after all you do read Chinese letters backwards. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence and they haven’t got the dancers organised in the right places. There’s a younger girl in purple on the left; she might be starting to lead a charge of acrobats. The elder women are trying to stir up the crowd to applaud; especially the one standing underneath the lantern on the left. Perhaps she’s trying to shoo everyone away so that she can go home early.

Decide your Destiny

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

People often say that our future is written in the stars. We don’t know what’s out there but it’s up to us to find out. We need to interpret the path that we ought to follow. Or better yet, we need to become that star and write that path ourselves. If you let life dictate what you do, you’ll just be a leaf blown away in the wind. But if you can command your future, you can soar and take your place up there in the galaxy. Therein lies the beauty of stars. It’s not what people see but what people see them do. And the only way to take your place is to choose it. If you let others dictate your path, you’ll never fulfil your dreams. But if you can find that sweet spot that lets everyone progress including yourself, then there’ll be a space up there for you somewhere. You’ve just got to find it.

Cable Calamity

My old phone charging cable was looking a bit frail. I sometimes use it for my iPad when I’m lying in bed, and the cable does stretch as I try to lie at a comfortable angle. I needed something a bit more robust and a longer length. This braided cable was ideal and came in a choice of colours; it was also much cheaper than the one in the shop. The extra length would also make it easier when I use my phone as a sat-nav, the cradle would be positioned in a corner and would give me a greater field of vision. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always charge, or sometimes stops charging after a length of time which can make it quite annoying and useless. I also bought one for my brother as he said he could use one for his van when he’s working, so I got his in red to match the vehicle. I hope that he doesn’t have the same problems as I do.

Watership Down by Richard Adams

Watership Down by Richard Adams
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Rabbits at war! The idea is so cute but is also well-thought out. They even display military tactics! And because there’s so many tales within the tales, it makes for an excellent children’s book as it can go on for as long as it wants. It also teaches philosophy as each chapter is introduced with a quote from a famous author and gives some indication on how the chapter is going to progress. The book deals with real countryside issues that animals face in the wild, and I didn’t think that the rabbits would undertake such an epic journey as they did. I did find it a bit annoying to try and read Kehaar’s speech, but I suppose Adams wanted it to resemble as close to a foreigner as possible. There’re also verbs in the rabbit language that make you think on your feet as there’s no explanation of what they mean. But if you’re looking for a tale without the usual conquests then this is for you.

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The Sandman #dreamdiary72

Jollowitz was a small, man with thin arms sticking out of a round body and had a large egg for a head. He was wearing one of his ridiculous Hawaiian shirts. He had to get the dig to finish today; it was the last opportunity that the building site would give them before construction would re-commence.

Jollowitz turned to his Ruth, his assistant. She was a short woman with a pointy nose, and brown curly hair underneath a large, white-rimmed hat and wore round, wire-rimmed glasses.

‘Look who’s come back on board.’ The three of them stared at the mound of sand in front of them.

There’s got to be at least eight boposauruses down there.’

‘I thought we weren’t going to do this until Tony gets out of jail.’

Well, sometimes you’ve got to live in the moment.’

You’ve got to take the hold, take take take take the hold…

View from the Stage

We are honoured that so many people have gathered to see us today. It is great to see a mixture of people from different walks of life. We have some very important people who have travelled here to celebrate this event with us, including the Chinese Ambassador and the Mayoress of the city. We are thankful for our sponsors who have helped us to put on this event. There are lots of demonstrations taking place today and there is plenty of entertainment and food as well. We hope that people enjoy the activities and learn more about our culture, and that this encourages them to try more new things, and not just at our restaurants. Happy New Year, may you have a prosperous one. Wheng here has been up all morning practicing for today and now she is going to do some traditional Chinese dancing. Let’s get ready to party!

That Don't Impress Me Much

"I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do" -Leonardo da Vinci

Da Vinci was a man who wanted to see progress. He would be unimpressed with democracy as he would see too many politicians standing around talking and too few people actually getting the job done. There’re far too many people who just want to stand around to watch other people work to make the task happen. Having a piece of paper in front of you just isn’t as impressive visually as the man who’s physically creating your idea. Diving in without careful planning can lead to mistakes, but the doers can also learn from their mistakes and work to improve upon them. But sometimes the cost of the mistake is too great to bear; which is why so many ideas are lost in the planning stages. But when the cost of the planning outweighs the cost of the actual solution, you’ve got to wonder if you’ve got the right people in the right place to get the job done at all.

Year of the Pig

There’s not a lot to be said about this year’s Chinese New Year celebrations; perhaps it’s because it’s the Year of the Pig. As most institutions associate pigs with greed; very little has been said of it, though in news reports there’s been videos of children in traditional Chinese dress throwing food into the air. Perhaps it’s a feat that they don’t really want to publicise; after all their very characteristics of a pig defines them as someone who has small, enclosed social circles. And perhaps it’s these animal characteristics that dominate their country’s behaviour throughout the rest of the year, as perhaps they nominate people with these characteristics. Others may be less fortunate in their roles; which may explain some odd decisions. But why do the Chinese celebrate their New Year a month later than the rest of the planet? Is it to dominate their country over others or is it an excuse to reject other cultures?

The Midnight Gang

Walliams’s TV spot about a group of children stuck in a hospital made for excellent viewing. His adult characters certainly make abuse of their authority. They all have selfish traits which makes them quite comic but the power they command also makes them scary to the point that their actions are just unreal. Those who have goodness in them and should have authority are too humble and meek to exhibit it at the right time, and just choose to accept the situation that their superiors place them in and have little power to change it. The children that inhabit this world make for very trying times; so it’s no wonder that at first they mimic the behaviour of the adults and separate newcomers from their routine. But their attempts to turn everyday experiences into an adventure is heart-warming to the point that change can be actioned if you’re willing to make a sacrifice.

Move Over!

It’s really annoying how some people just dive in and try to get a better view when you’ve been hanging around for ages. They’ll happily move if there’s a child involved but when it comes to the adults it’s a real free-for-all. You’d never think that Asian people could be so tall. And all they care about is getting the perfect picture for themselves; not necessarily for them to revisit with fond memories but more likely for bragging rights along the lines of this is where I am and look what you’re missing out on. The sumo lady (which I think is Japanese) is even trying to keep a low profile; but whether she’s just trying to keep out of the picture or avoiding the public eye because she’s at the wrong celebration remains to be seen. With all that said and done, here’s a picture taken by a mobile phone of other mobiles taking a picture. It’s a real treat if you want to see what devices other people are using.

Waiting Times

I dropped Mum off at the Accident and Emergency entrance and helped her out of the car. Then she headed in while I headed off to park. On the way back, I rang my brother and filled him in on what was going on. Within five minutes we were seen by a nurse who established what had happened and gave her some painkillers and a sling to rest her arm in. Then it was the waiting game; entertained only by Prime Minister’s questions in the hospital waiting room. I found much more interest in staring at the screen on the coffee machine; it was very reasonable when I gave in an hour later. Another screen displayed the current waiting time; we later learnt that this was just an open word document on a computer screen rather than an accurate estimation, and the keyboard was kept on top of the vending machine. We certainly waited more than the projected hour that was displayed.

Jimmy's Spices, Birmingham

This restaurant has got some great potential as if faces over the city’s canals. Unfortunately, the owners decided to make this area as the serving area of the buffet; possibly because of the easier access to food from the area below. So instead of canal side dining, they’ve opted to fill in the windows with pictures of famous landmarks from around the world to stop people from gawking in their tracks while at the buffet. This has made it a very cave-like atmosphere. The waitresses are friendly, but they don’t tell you who anything works or how to get extra cutlery. There’s plenty of food to help yourselves to, but you may have a wait if you want some of the fresher dishes. Getting your dish is easy. You help yourself to the raw meat and vegetables. It’s the wait for the sauce chef that’s the hard part. The chefs barely break a mile as you tell them your order, while the dessert chef likes to go wandering off just as you’re ready for a pancake. Nevertheless, if you like a bit of everything then it’s the place to be.

The Arrival #Tinannabell 1

Princess Titannabell smiled as she ducked out of her custom-made chariot. It had taken ten full-grown shire horses to pull her ten-foot frame to the party, which would no doubt make her a nice meal if the welcome feast wasn’t up to scratch. Her elderly parents, the King and Queen of Fidelia, had insisted that they arrive the day prior to the party so that they could take their time travelling through the kingdom in a casual manner to meet and greet their subjects. It also meant that they could rest after the journey to be fresh and rested for the following day's festivities. Titannabell loved to party but her parents liked to keep a strict eye on her. Throughout their journey, they had instructed the guards to pay close attention to her safety rather than their own. Titannabell shared an unusual habit of being half fairy and half-giantess; and her unique demeanour tended to get her into mischief and a lot of people tended to disappear if she didn’t get her way. It wasn’t necessarily Titannabell’s fault; she was just made that way and they loved their only child. But their efforts to conceive her made for a very dark tale indeed.

Cosy Canals

On the way over to the canal, we passed through a tunnel where two lads were practising with their nun chucks. They were putting up an impressive display. Elsewhere, it was a cold day for exploring the canal basin. There weren’t a lot of boats around, but there were plenty of people walking about. We walked through a tunnel underneath a busy street of bars which led to a large open area. In front of us was a block of modern bars and shops, while on the right were some traditional canal-side pubs. On our left were some moorings and opposite that was a huge two-storey building that looked as if it was floating on the water. We went for a glance at the menu but it was very pricey. I also saw a new gin bar leading up some steps and into the depths of one of the brick-lined buildings that made up the conference centre.

If Satan was real and walking down the street would he be arrested on the spot?

‘Calling all units- we’ve got a report of the Prince of Darkness walking down main street. Proceed immediately to arrest and apprehend. Suspect may be armed and is considered to be extremely dangerous.’

‘What’s he in for chief?’

‘Conspiracy for everything.’

‘Wow, I hope you got the evidence for it.’

‘Just bring him in.’

‘Hello, Reverend Quartermind speaking.’

‘Reverend, we got him. Grab your bible and get down here.’

‘Got who? Who is this?’

 ‘This is Chief Naylor of the Bettawett Police. We’ve just arrested Satan. My men are bringing him in now.’

‘I don’t see how that’s possible. How are those men still under their own will? He will try bribery, corruption, and anything else he can think of to wiggle his way out of this. Plus do you really expect him to just sit there while I flick through the bible?’.

‘Well, yes?’

‘’Your station is about to be overrun by demons. ‘Demons good sir.’

Year of the Dragon

Inside the middle of the square was a second stage with people lined up all around the balconies to watch the entertainment below. The big draw seemed to be a karaoke competition which we didn’t really want to hang about all day for. The theatre was open with workshops but we didn’t head into there as we weren’t sure how they would be run. The Chinese stalls weren’t particularly crowd pleasing. There was a long selection of food stalls but we quite fancied one of the proper sit-down restaurants with the crispy ducks on display in the window. Unfortunately, every one of them was packed, so we decided to try the other side of town, calling at our second destination along the way, which was the Library of Birmingham. This public building is closed on Sundays so we were denied the pleasure of seeing the interior of it. So our next stop was the Gas Street Basin.

Don't Dilly-Dally

I had to collect a laptop for my sister-in-law. The closest place that had the one that she wanted was thirteen miles away by car. This wouldn’t normally be too hard of a drive, but it involved a motorway journey through a large set of roadworks. I decided to undertake the journey on a Sunday if the frost wasn’t too bad. The other fun factor was that I’d had a late night at the pub the night before. I set off late on the Sunday morning, and despite me being a bit wobbly on the roads, the traffic wasn’t too bad, and I didn’t get yelled at for being in the wrong lane when I had to take a turn from left roundabout into a following right roundabout.  There was also a bit of fun where I couldn’t work out the car park for the shop; the area I drove past looked more like it was to a service yard. I got around this by parking in front of a council house that didn’t charge for parking on a Sunday. It was just the reduced speed limits on the motorway which made the journey a bit unbearable, although thankfully these restrictions had been lifted on the return journey.

Tunnel Rats #ratpack2

Monty was running late. He had an important meeting to attend to and the last thing that he wanted to worry about was the whereabouts of his son. If he’d lost his seat on the council then his family would be forced to nest further down the line. They wouldn’t enjoy the freedom of their food being brought to their doorstep; they’d have to go out and hunt it like everyone else. He appreciated that his son needed his freedom but it just wasn’t safe with rumours of all these rival gangs wandering around with more on the way. And if his son was caught going above ground; it would be the end for them all if anyone found out. He’d spoken to all his allies and spies and found out they were last seen heading up towards the riverbank with some friends. But if Romeo had headed past the guard, he’d be exiled for sure…  

Chinese New Year

It was a cold, wet February and we decided to distract ourselves from the day-to-day life with an afternoon out in Brum. We went online to discover that there would be a stage rather than a parade around the city, mainly because of the football fixtures. We caught the train into town and found a spot ten deep from the stage. We were given a warm welcome by the Mayoress of Birmingham followed by a speech from the visiting British ambassador. Then an explosion of Chinese fireworks could be heard followed by what we were all waiting for; the awakening of the dancing dragons (It’d be interesting to see how they do this the following year with pigs). I got a great view of people taking pictures with their cameras and mobile phones. The dragon dance was followed by presentations and a performance by a martial arts school. The dragon dance would be performed hourly so we turned our attention to the markets and stalls.

Lenovo Laptop

I’ve never used a Lenovo laptop before; I’d also never spoken to Cortana before which was a new experience. The laptop wasn’t for me, so I had to set it up for someone else as well. The touchpad was a bit weird as there were no left and right mouse buttons; just a tap on the touchpad would confirm a command. It took some getting used to as I entered the wrong key for the wi-fi; though it didn’t affect the set-up too much. I’ve got no idea what to do if you do need to perform a right-hand click though. After we got to the main windows screen, I ran the updates then it came to virus time. The odd thing was that the package we bought came with a year’s virus program, but a 30-day program from another supplier had already been installed. More work for me in a month’s time then. I also thought that considering it was a new laptop, the load time for Office was a bit slow, but it was handy that I could attach my relation’s account to my own subscription. Hopefully she’ll find it easy to use.

It's Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life by Lance Armstrong

It's Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life by Lance Armstrong
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

This is an interesting read about an athlete’s return to form after a battle with cancer. Although it’s not about the bike, there’s a fair bit of cycling mentioned. Armstrong isn’t a natural writer, and just as you want to get into further detail exploring into one topic, he stops narrating it and launches into another. What we can learn from our author is that he’s a stubborn and arrogant man who demands to be put first and doesn’t show compassion for his fellow humanity unless there’s some kind of gain for him. But it’s also a story of never giving up and you really feel for him as he crosses the finish line. There wasn’t much mentioned of his first long-term relationship, so it’s not surprising that it doesn’t last. And ten years later, his career doesn’t last either as everything becomes undone with the help of performance-enhancing drugs. But of course, the book only charters his first title. It’s all downhill from there.

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