And now it's time for another update...

There can be no doubt that we live in a golden age of information. If we want to know about something, we can Google it or wiki it and be instantly updated with the latest facts. But how does existing sources of media keep up with this world? Newspapers are constantly out of date the moment they are printed and I’m surprised they don’t come with a time reference in order to avoid being sued. And then there is the 24 hour news channel. These channels assume that everyone already knows everything and that here is the latest update. However, if you’ve just tuned in, there is no way in hell you know the facts from the start. I appreciate it’s annoying that repeating the facts of the story so far can be annoying, but these channels do need to learn that not everyone is watching them all the time. 

It's all pants to me

So this morning I went swimming, and in a hazed state (mainly because I hadn’t had any tea yet), I forgot my underpants. So back home I went, bare bummed, with just a pair of jeans. And that got me thinking, who decided that we need an extra layer underneath our clothes? Scotsmen don’t have them when they wear kilts, some lovely ladies don’t wear them under their skirts and most people only wear vests in the extreme winter. So what is the necessity of wearing modern pants? Is it just a bit of warmth in the winter and we should all throw them out alongside our summer vests? It gets even more confusing when Americans refer to trousers as pants. And then you have the uber-cool people, who think that it’s confused to wear their underpants sticking out over their trousers. Clearly the world is very confused with the modern purpose of pants, and the warmer it gets, the skimpier we dress. 

Our Hillary

Hillary Clinton is one of the world’s biggest names in politics. Standing at just five foot ten, she currently lives in New York as she prepares to run for the senate. Her blonde hair and plain grey suit always shows that she’s ready for  business, and her white pearls makes her known across the land. But it’s hard to trust this hardened woman when you know that somewhere down the line she was publicly married to an open adulterer, who is also one of the most powerful men on the planet. Little is known of her before her husband entered the oval office, and although many sympathised with her during the Lewinski phase; the fact that she retains the name of Clinton only goes to show that she needs to retain her First Lady status in order to uphold her political influence. I’m sure she’s very lovely, but I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

What's Brewing...

I do love a good cup of tea. Milk and two sugars in a mug after leaving it to brew for a proper three minutes. If there’s biscuits or the sugar comes in proper lumps then it’s even better. But what I can’t suss out is the use of the humble teapot. Many people can’t. I’ve even had to show an American how to use a teapot in their own home. I’ve heard it’s mainly for sharing, but then you can cut corners by using two teabags for three people. But then the brew loses its strength; which isn’t fun at all. Weak tea is a big no; you may as well just serve hot water with milk and sugar. And then you have the great tea urns that must serve the most metallic tea ever. That’s just wrong. It has to be a fresh brew, and you have to give it time to brew. Think I’ll put the kettle on.

Ghosts

So I’ve been in the house all day on my own today, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the house must be haunted. There’s always something in motion or making a noise; yet when you pop downstairs to take a look, there’s nobody there. Some people say that this is just the house settling; but what exactly does that mean? It’s not as if it’s been out for an afternoon jog after lunch and is preparing for forty winks. But there are plausible explanations. Everything is vibrating to some degree. Water needs to flow, pipes need to be pumped and there are people outside too. But it’s the odd garage door closing or the car door slamming that makes the sound so close in the house; that it makes you think that someone else is here. It’s definitely something that you don’t want to think about when you’re on your own.

A long trek to a Local

So tonight I went in for the ‘who do I know down the pub’ scenario. It’s something that I don’t do that often; depending on where I am going and the fact that when I’ve done it in the past; the locals that are there are people I don’t tend to recognise. Today was slightly different in the fact that I knew that I would be recognised by some of the bar staff. And when I arrived I instantly recognised a group from a local club. But after they left, it was quite dead. There were a fair few people that I didn’t know, and it makes me wonder where the other beer fans are at these sort of bashes. I was a bit disappointed as it was a long trek to get there (though I did forget a bus that would shorten the outside journey), but a group did start up for a sing-song as the night drew to a close.

A Plea to cat-owners

Cat owners of the world! Your cats are suicidal! I will not be held responsible for squashed cats! They hide under my car! They run in front of my car! They expect me to brake for them! Just last Tuesday I had to honk to keep a cat on the pavement and not under my tyres! If you must let your cat out, either train it to the ways of the world or keep it in your own damn home! Our fish pond is not part of your cat’s home! I’m watching those cats; they’re always plotting something. Last year I was walking home and saw no less than eight cats just sat staring outside people’s homes, staring. Waiting and watching the world go by. I knew they were plotting or waiting for something as they were all on the same road.  But what they are up to I do not know other than to prepare to run out in front of cars to create accidents and compo schemes. They truly are evil…

Dat Technology Thing

It's always interesting to see how evolved technology has become; yet no-one knows how to use it! We are shown great features and slick designs of what or devices can do and look like; yet even the people who make them are not entirely unsure of what they are selling and what it can do. You pay a high price for a small box with little information on the top of it and a tiny manual tells you 'the basics'. But if you need any extra help then you've got no chance other than to tinkle and hope for the best. Or ask around. Google it, ask your friends and hear of their experiences; and get the best advice you can (don't ask me, it's not my job!). But it's just like life. There's no manual for how the world should work and no-one's able to claim their warranty; so why should technology differ?

The weirdly hippy gym guy

I've been to the gym today. I try to go at least once a week, and it’s a habit that I haven’t broken for at least a year (if I can’t go one week then I’ll go twice the next). But you meet some weird people in gyms. Today there was a strange guy that was much bigger than me but had his weights infinitely smaller than I did. And he looked at me as if to say; that all you got? He had a blue shirt on; possibly a sports shirt as it had three stripes on the side; geeky glasses and long hair. Quite tall as well. But if that’s all he can lift then why’s he there in the first place? Perhaps this means that I can be more aggressive; be more challenging to these so-called jocks and put them in their place. So come on if you think you’re hard enough.

A Bearded Boot-start...

So was today a bearded boot start or not? It’s a difficult one. I had a late start in the morning as I only set

one wake-up call instead of two. So as I got up late, it meant I couldn't complete a complete toilette and ended up driving to work instead of walking as planned. But without any effort at all I managed to increase the team goal sales target despite a lack of personal confidence or a hazy fuzziness. My evening task was to present a pub award for the best pub in the local CAMRA area; but I also had several networking tasks to complete as well; which I managed to perform in fair time. So is this down to the new beard start or not? It did feel a bit grubby in the morning; especially when I didn't have time to trim it down in time for work. But in the evening, a lot of people liked it and I'm kind of growing warm to the fuzzy chin feeling as well. Maybe in the summer I’ll axe it; but it’s quite cosy for now…

A very British Bank Holiday

So on Monday I took part in a very British bank holiday. Despite being hungover from the night before (thanks to an open mic night at a local taphouse, or a local Mick night and my friend so calls it); I actually managed to wake at an early time of 10am. We then have to await the decision as to whether we’re actually going to do the usual bank holiday thing. All through April I moaned and protested, as we do the same thing year upon year upon year, and I wanted to give it a miss to knuckled down and clear my workload in order to complete some personal objectives. But as I lay there not stirring and re-watching the previous night’s Dr. Who, I began to think; actually we can make this a little bit different. We visited a town I’d never set foot in before and two pubs; as well as the usual routine visit to the village fete which had a few surprises of its own this year. It just goes to show that the boring old usual can be different too…

Art n that

I'm not a big fan of art. Don't get me wrong; I appreciate the skill that someone's put into creating a painting; it's the gallery side of things that put me off. Portraits of wealthy people in pompous clothes looking important in a golden frame to illustrate their wealth. And art galleries always focus on the artist. It's always so hard to find what the painting is actually of; they're more concerned with the series of works that the artist achieves. Perhaps that's why there's always a subdued hush in the gallery; that people are actually thinking over what they are actually looking at. However, I do enjoy the landscape paintings as there tends to be a lot more details in those. But it's a shame when someone has worked hard on a beautiful landscape painting and you can't find out whether the subject is fictional or is an actual place that you can enjoy for yourself.

The Drunk

He’s not one of the modern role models of societies. Staggering home after the pub, he’s weaving left and right across the pavement trying to make progress home. A stagger here, a wobble there; then a rest; but you have to hope that he’s on his way to somewhere. Sometimes you brave a chance to look at the face and it makes you think. What is he trying to forget? What has happened to make him act in this manner? A doomed relationship? An outcast? Maybe you should feel responsible; and at least stop by to show a sense of human compassion by asking if he’s OK. But there’s one reaction that makes you forget all this; by just looking at his runny face or hearing that retching noise. That then says it all; he just can’t handle it. And that he’s abandoned by everyone for the exact same reason; to save your shoes.

Trials and Trivualations

Today has been a very hard day of trials and trivualations. The awakening all went very wrong and I couldn't seem to stir for about fifteen minutes. After I had achieved breakfast and a cup of tea it was time to prepare for the gym. Got changed and packed my kit; then forgot socks. Arrived at gym; opened kit bag; no flask. Apparently I'd put it into my work bag by mistake. Had to run downstairs into car park to rescue flask. Gym session was good; I even skipped a rest on the chest press. Dived into shower as I was very short on time... only to find that I had no work shirt. This meant that I had to call work and explain then drive home and change which made me half an hour for work. Luckily I didn't make any false promises; but the server decided to crash which resulted in a delay for customers. Being late also meant I had to leave late, which meant there was not much time for a rest between dinner and a pub meeting; which led to me being grilled about life, universe and everything. The after meeting was a lot more relaxing; however I didn't get to eat my crisps as I had to lead the way home for someone else. I then left my satchel in the pub. Not as serious as it sounds when you know the pub landlord but there were some important items inside so this meant a crazy journey back to retrieve it. Ho hum. I'm still alive, and I'm due to get up again in three hours too. Yay.