Arse Four Nal Zero

Last night was an evening of hopes and dreams in the Midlands. There are many different football teams across our nation but millions of football fans stood united in the hope that the underdogs would manage to defeat what a German businessman had lying around in his pocket. Prince William also had a tough gig last night. Not only did he have to hand out the losing medals to his favourite football club; he also had to hand out the winning medals to the team that beat them. Obviously he is a public figure and has a responsibility to accept defeat with good grace; but you could tell in his expression that he wasn't in the best of moods. He also had to stand next to a load of football executives; all of whom looked like they were trying to sit as far away from him as possible. Never mind; it’ll be business as usual next week walking around village fetes and kissing grannies. 

The Ploughman's Plague

Last night in the pub I felt a bit peckish. After dismissing the filled rolls I cast my eye over to the crisps shelf and saw a Ploughman’s lunch. I sacrificed a pound to see the contents; expecting ham flavoured crackers and shaped cheese nibbles. What was actually in the bag actually astounded me. Within the packet was another packet containing two square wafers. Next to that was a triangle of processed Happy Cow cheese wrapped in foil. There then followed another little plastic packet containing four small pickled onions. Finally, the manufacturers had decided to include a tiny plastic knife to spread my cheese on my wafers. How this little merriment was meant to satisfy Farmer John after a hard morning at work in the fields is a complete mystery! It was as if Mrs John had had an argument the night before and had refused to make Farmer John’s sandwiches, so he drove to  B & M bargains and picked a pack of these up instead. Avoid like the plague!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Not my favourite book in the series; but still a very entertaining and important book. We learn more of Harry’s family history, and clues are discovered bit by bit in order for the tri-wizard trio to make their deductions about the latest events in the wizarding world. We meet the Knight Bus, which seems quite a logical method of transport at present for witches and wizards to get around. We’re also given fantastic details about witch trials; mythical creatures who the characters acknowledge as just present in their society; and more amazing spells and feats. The conclusion however, is so barmy and unexpected that even Dumbledore does not dare to interfere; for fear of his authority being questioned. Rowling’s narrative is so addictive and fast paced that the reader isn’t even given a chance to ponder the character’s actions; and instead is thrown into the next chapter as more exciting details of the magical universe are unleashed upon us.

A pre-emptive Future... Of Sorts.

Last night I had a very bizarre dream. I was at someone's house in Banbury when I realised that I didn't have my phone with me. Luckily I had an on-line tracker, but instead of being St home it was on the move around my home town. The funny thing was that I actually forgot my phone this morning, and I really could have used it today as my colleague was late and I had no other way of contacting him to find out where he was. I also had to send some documents over, and due to the limited technology the only way that I could do it was to take a picture using a phone then emailing them to my work account. I knew that I had forgotten it as soon as I left the house; but I would have been late if I had turned round and went back to collect it. Spooky!

Saturday with everyone

I had a great day out on Saturday. After washing the vans at work and finishing on time; I headed home and straight for a power nap. Then after a refreshing sleep it was time for a shower ready for Dad's birthday meal. I was in and out just in time and we were very impressed with the Mercedes with leather seats that turned up to collect us. I did tell the driver that Dad wasn't to know where we going but we still took a very long route to arrive there. However; the fare was very reasonable and the meal was absolutely brilliant. We had prawn crackers on arrival with our drinks while we waited for my brother and there was lots of choice when the starters arrived. I managed a bit of everything and even two mains but I was absolutely stuffed afterwards. Then it was a mile walk to the other end of the village for a few evening drinks with friends.

AGM Report

Paul Richards and the Missing Potter Book

Somewhere in the dark corners of the United Kingdom lies a missing book in my collection. It was last seen in Wales, where I lent it to a friend in exchange for lecture notes. Now, ten years have passed; and that book has still not found its way home to fill a gap in my collection. The title: Harry Potter. The subject: The Chamber of Secrets. This was one of the scariest books of the series considering Harry’s age at this time; being haunted by Tom Riddle’s diary and accumulating in a gigantic snake roaming the corridors of our beloved school. We discover Harry’s dark powers and also that of Voldemort’s past. I don’t remember too much and I also dozed off when the film came out; so I really need the book back to refresh my memory of Potter’s early days. That said, there is still plenty of academic charm and scholastic rivalry to keep us entertained.

Creeping Up...

The gay factor is creeping up on me once again. Last week I instantly homed into two  chaos having a conversation and instantly noted that they were friends of Dorothy. At work I am often frustrated by the lack of enthusiasm by my fellow team mates and their lack of interest in me. I often wonder if I overact as they often look bewildered after me suggesting s simple course of action to them. Then towards the end of a festival I literally had to tear myself away from someone as they passively attempted to come onto me. What is up? It's very worrying. I have little contact with females apart from a working relationship which would be inappropriate. I also suffer from a constant fear of rejection and embarrassment. I need to pull myself together and give myself some proper time to sort things out. Otherwise my frustration will just get worse.

Delayed

You would think that following the delay of the machines; there would be a slim chance for recovery. But no. Following a five minute delay on my second train; my final train proceeded regardless despite me buying a ticket indicating that I was to be present on my journey. I did suspect a photo finish; and even guarded the door in an effort to cross the platform as soon as possible; but alas I failed to picture the station I was heading into and thus ended up at the wrong end of the train. Even my final train was four minutes late; it still decided to proceed without me; thus giving me an extra half hour delay. I am kept on the the move by a third train; but it terminates too early; giving me an extra half hour wait. I hope that London Midland will see the error of their ways and cough up. However; their too inadequate ticket checks prevents them from actually helping any customers.

Night time at the Gazebo

Bit of an odd day today. After running out of time on my previous project; I began to check off the boxes that finally arrived in preparation for the weekend show. Various tasks materialised that I hadn’t considered such as sorting out lighting for the gazebo. A quick call to a friend affirmed that there was nothing available to be lent but a suggestion of a lamp connected to an extension lead was offered. We hadn’t previously requested any electric feed so finding a source could be quite difficult; not to mention the PACT testing required and the health and safety nightmare of ensuring the cable was not to be a hazard. In the end I settled for a lantern which was to be cable-tied to the roof of the gazebo. But it was not required in the end; when it came to the evening we were the only stall on site and no-one ventured out in the dark to see us.  

40th Anniversary Brewery History

www.pinttaken.org.uk Autumn 2015

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

If you’ve watched the film before reading this book, prepare to be amazed as there’s an actual plotline rather than an overpaid director filming scenes from a script. If you done it vice versa; prepare to be disappointed. Harry’s childlike innocence is portrayed perfectly as we are introduced to the world of Hogwarts and its characters. The classroom banter is fantastic and the narrative eases us gently into the wizarding world; helping the reader to discover Hogwarts without overloading us with facts and historical accounts of the world before. We learn at the same rate as Harry as he attends his first classes; though whether you can remember the rules of Quidditch is a different matter entirely. It’s a fantastic first adventure and no detail is left unturned, of which Warner Brothers ignored to their cost as the franchise continued. It’s a tale that you will want to read again and again.    

Work Stress out

I am absolutely furious at the moment. I have been working my ass off at work because some cunt forgot to top up their car with petrol and I have to cover for them. That means that I have to cover their shift before they even start and then the shop gets even busier. So I'm dashing around trying to keep up a fast level of service and often I'm the only one in the stockroom. I have to remind the others that they need to focus on people rather than patching boxes back up which they can do later. Then when it gets even busier I spot two of my colleagues giggling over a mobile phone. I have to tell them to move their ass as I haven't had a break in six hours and I have to drive the next batch of stuff to the other store. I am then told not to get stressed. Bastards. 

RBCAMRA POTY

www.pinttaken.org.uk summer 2015

RBCAMRA POTY

See www.pinttaken.org.uk

Charlotte Street

This was an enjoyable and entertaining novel but it lacked the usual humour behind Danny Wallace’s other exciting works. The blurb on the back cover promises an exciting adventure, which vanishes as soon as you jump into the first chapter. Gone is the positivity and the childish ponderings; instead we are left with an imprint of a hollow character faced with depression. Yes, there’s still the mission of finding the one girl in London to follow through with, but along the way we experience an antagonising journey of Mr. Priestley’s past and his downfall; and his slow but inspiring recovery. The dialogue is entertaining, and there’s still plenty of narrative soliloquy ‘between you and me’ moments shared between reader and writer. And the characters that surround him are all inspiring; eager to spur him onto the next life-changing moment; all while each hiding away their own problems and challenges. It’s all about making things happen.

Awkward Situations for Men

This book was absolutely full of laugh-out-loud moments. It’s all about the little things that you never think about until they are encountered. The pastries that need hiding because of someone who made the effort to get them. Being the first to arrive at a distant friend’s party. Accidentally pulling the panic cord in the vapour room in an attempt to get rid of the steam. And it’s all in the name of attempting to avoid an awkward situation and not cause a scene.  Wallace covers a fantastic range of topics in his simple approach of a series of columns about his experiences throughout the year rather than a simple narrative of a regular novel. Whatever the outcome in this charming commentary of Wallace’s life, it’s always hilarious as Danny struggles to cope with the unexpected characters that he meets upon his travels. He is certainly someone that I would very much enjoy having a pint with.