Brexercise #devilsdaughter9

Amazingly, the cleavage was only going to get bigger. As Lucinda ate, her dressed began to get more and more strained.

‘I don’t think that dress can keep up with those pancakes’ said Luke. I have an idea’. He quickly popped downstairs to the basement, where he found a rather underused and deserted gym. Spying two shiny blue gym balls in the corner, he got to work deflating them with a pen, then used the nib to tear a large hole in each one. Then he popped back upstairs to the breakfast room.

‘Here’ he said, handing Lucinda the deflated remains of the gym balls. ‘You can use these to make a quick makeshift bra. They’re even designer’.

‘But I can’t be seen like this.’

‘Think of it as a sports bra. We’ll have to take you shopping to find something that fits if you ever finish your breakfast.

‘Thank you sweetie’.

Secret Santa

Usually I struggle with the seasonal gift in the workplace. I’ve had some very unusual gifts too. But this year I knew exactly what my recipient wanted. Upon my return from volunteering at the local beer festival, I’ve managed to score a few free samples of chilli chocolate which I’ve handed out at work. My good lady especially liked these; but it’s got hotter over the last two years and he hasn’t been able to attend because he’s afraid of his chocolate melting. I set out for the last beer festival of the year in the West Midlands; but I was disappointed as he wasn’t there. The only thing that I could to was try his mail order service. Luckily, he had a special offer on because of the Black Friday weekend; so I snapped up five packs for £10. They arrived within the week. All I had to do was put them in an old box of Christmas cards and wrap them up for a lovely kiss on the cheek when she saw me next.

Any Chance of a Lift? #dreamdiary82

I’m trying to get to the airport. It’s all done by tram nowadays. The trouble is that there’s so many trams that you can’t get near the entrance. I’ve been dropped off by car and I must walk in amongst the tracks. Suddenly, a great purple tram approaches me. The driver sees me, cuts right straight over the adjacent track and onto the grass verge to avoid hitting me. Miffed, I carry on down the track to the airport entrance, pulling my suitcase alongside me. I now need to check in. I find out where I need to go and follow the signs to the escalator upstairs. Just as I’m about to board the escalator, an attendant pulls a queue cord across the entrance to stop me boarding. I glance up the escalator to see other people coming down. I back away and look at the adjacent stairs. All I can see is a shiny white marble slope raised up alongside the escalator with a thick purple pink line down the centre. I turn to the attendant (who still hasn’t removed the barrier to allow the people coming down the escalator to get off) and say, ‘Any chance of a lift?’

Caught on Camera

Once again, another of our civil liberties has been breached in the workplace. It’s odd since the public aren’t allowed to record on the premises without our permission. Yet our rights seem to be misplaced when we have our images photographed in the workplace of us in action. I seem to recall that there’s no prominent notice stating that our image will be recorded when on the premises either. We seem to be approaching a free-for-all situation. All it will take is one independent customer to create that spark; because if we’re recording customers then customers will want to either record us or have the right to a copy of their recording. But at the end of the day; we only get our rights when we stand up for them, and if we must make up a ruckus to get them then so be it. Otherwise the system will try to crush us as much as possible.

Home time on the Turn

At first glance you might think that oil has washed over some unsuspecting creature. As you approach, the creature remains still. Is it in shock? Is it fear? Or is it the animal instinct to keep still in the hope that you don’t notice it; to blend in with the background and to flee or attack at the last possible moment to keep the element of surprise? Or is it even alive? But once you’ve crossed the ten-foot line; your eyes take over from your imagination and you realise it’s a humble rock. It’s the different colours and a trick of the light that throws you; as the sun reflects of its wetter parts; humbly suggesting that it’s a glossy coat. Then there’s the water that ripples around the rocks which enticingly suggests that it is moving rather than the liquid around it. Never mind, there’s another one further ahead in the distance…

Agonising Annie

I love this old gal. She’s a rollercoaster. On the one side; she’s a lovely old dear who’s loud; mainly because she’s hard of hearing. She supports the work that you do and is prepared to support it; simply with the notion of making you a cup of tea as soon as she walks through the doors. But on the other side she’s as thick as thieves. She really struggles with any type of technology; which is amazing since she works in a shop where half its products involve tech. She’s also one of the gossipers. She’ll stay routed to the spot unless she’s told otherwise while others dash around to do their duty. She’s also got a daughter who occasionally brings her daughter into the shop and everything must stop while they become the centre of attention. That means that other people must cover these roles as well as their own.

As an American visiting Europe, can I bring my gun along?

Are you serious? In this day and age where even a mobile power pack must be scrutinised; why did you ever think you’d be allowed to take a weapon on a plane? There are scanners; there’s X-Ray machines and haven’t you heard of plane hijacking? Even if you have the right paperwork; what’s to stop some other trigger-happy person to discover your weapon and attempt to use it? And if you’re lucky enough to own a plane or boat; you’d be very unwelcome should you happen to be spotted with it. The rest of us must forego some rights when travelling; so why should you be the exception? Why do you feel that you need one in a society where most people can cope without one? If you can’t sacrifice one little liberty to experience other cultures and trust in other people then my advice to you is to stay in that little cocoon of yours.