Watching the Woodland Cottage

We are the watchers of pubs. We are concerned for their welfare. We check when they’re closed, and again when they’re open. In general, we update the pub database to let people know where they can go to get a pint. We also check opening ideas to keep the current licensees happy, as they get a free web presence. But it’s all run by a team of volunteers. When we make a mistake, we don’t mean any harm. All the licensee has to do is to contact us with the correct information. At the end of the day it’s their business that we’re promoting for free. But it’s when they pipe up and moan that causes the problems. Why should I have to do it? And there’s other ways for them to promote their business. They may even be serving members without knowing it. The only true way to know who your members are is to get them to show a membership card at the bar. And if you want to get to know us, you’ll have to give us a reason to do so.

Christmas Shopping in June

I’ve started my Christmas shopping centre since I’ve thought up ideas for people. The first thing I got hold of was a foot spa for Mum as it was on sale at work and I had a few vouchers to spend to make it even cheaper. I’ve managed to conceal it at the back of the garage behind a lot of camping equipment. Then she’s come back from holiday with a mug and announced that she wishes that she’s collected a mug from every interesting place that she’s visited. Luckily the internet is here to help so I det off in search of a mug from our US trip. I thought I might have to pay a huge overseas shipping fee but luckily there’s a few in the UK that people have brought back and want to get rid of. Although I don’t get an absolute bargain I do find something that hasn’t been used often and has photos of the sight that we’ve seen.

Pride & Prejudice & Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Yawn. I thought that this was going to be a very comedic parody. What I actually read was an American trying to be too English and focusing on Austen’s plot and style with too much gusto. The zombies and slayings were just a side-line in between scenes. The only part that made me laugh was the fictional sermon at the end of the book and it’s a shame that this wasn’t included somewhere in the main story. Presumably the Bennets must have attended church at some time in their lives as English village life dictates that they must; if only to seek out gossip or exhibit themselves. Or perhaps society has condemned god-fearing folk to remain indoors for their own protection. There’s no context of how the zombies suddenly came to be; the book assumes that they were always ever there. There certainly weren’t enough action chapters for this reader, and it seems that we’ve been conned into re-reading an English classic.

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I spot a rat

There’s something rotten in the state of the warehouse. It’s setting off the alarm. At first we thought it might have been a small bird who got in while the backdoor was open and hasn’t managed to escape yet. Then on one callout I found a bag of rubbish left by the back door that had been chewed through. That made us believe that we’ve got rats. A ratcatcher got called in and set up these gigantic comedic traps that make me worry since they’re very close to where we park our delivery cages. He’s also blocked up a hole in the wall with metal foil that he believes that they’ve chewed through. Ever since then, there’s been no alarm callouts. We think the rat got stuck in one of the outside traps, but the ratcatcher still comes in regularly to have a poke around. I just wish he’d get rid of these giant mouse traps before someone has an accident.

Rat Brewery Cinnamon Ratte at the Post Office Vaults, Birmingham

When it comes to coffee, cinnamon seems to be hard to get in this country. I first got treated in New York at the youth hostel, where a coffee and bagel for breakfast cost just under $5. Amazing. My next experience was in an Italian café which is generally considered to be the home of the cappuccino. A gorgeous young woman named Maria would serve me her coffee alongside a ham and cheese croissant; though she was the admiration of many of the locals as well. But getting this apple-flavoured topping in the UK has been quite the kerfuffle; not to mention that the syrups have been hidden away as well. Has the sugar police reached our coffee shops? Or have we yet to keep up with our European friends? But putting all these ingredients into a beer has just been amazing. You get your caffeine fix, booze fix and one of your five a day all in one glass.

The Interview

Good morning Sir, please note that I’ve requested this time to allow you to get some work done in the morning so that we can settle down to focus on having a nice chat without distractions of lunch or preparing to go home. I’ve had a nice casual chat with you on our walk to the interview room. I’ve worn a suit and tie and my shoes are polished, so you can see that this interview is important to me, and I am of a smart appearance. I’ve prepared some key phases for you. Teamwork. Key Performance Indicators.  Increasing sales. Please note that my body has good posture and I’ve made slow but not too exaggerated hand gestures. I’ve remained pleasant and I’ve maintained good eye contact at all times. I’ve spoken clearly in an enthusiastic manner that is easy understand. I’ve shaken your hand as I left and made some more small talk after the questions that I’ve prepared. So why won’t you give me the fucking job?

Framework Ekuanot Simcoe at the Old Crown, Birmingham

The Old Crown is one of the oldest pubs in Birmingham. With its merchant house look on the outside and its timbered beams, it would be hard to argue otherwise. The bar is divided into two sections by a supporting beam which makes it difficult for the bar staff to see who’s waiting. There’s a large lounge to the side which offers views of the street corner; while to the right are some private dining rooms. Skirt through these and you arrive at one of the biggest beer gardens in the city. To be fair there is a lot of junk here which the Landlord supposedly stashes for his mates, but surrounding the chicken wire fencing are gazebos with benches underneath for those who like their beer in open air. It doesn’t necessarily serve the best beer in the city, but it does go out of its way to offer a beer that’s different from the norm.