Small World Spring Barrel at the Tap 'n' Barrel, Wigan

From the outside, this is a very interesting building. There’s a modern-style rotunda tower that you can actually climb up to have a pint in. Its wooden tables gives it a bit of a classroom look though so perhaps it’s better off using it as a private meeting room. The small bar spans just enough room to sport four handpumps with a breakfast bar which sports seats opposite. There’s very little room to prop oneself up here. I’m not a fan of the green wall though. The outside space is very inventive with its Astroturf, greenery and wooden fencing. You might be mistaken for hanging out in someone’s garden. The locals are friendly enough to chat to but the barman was a bit of a miser on my visit. Maybe he’d had enough of people passing through for a quick one to fill up his pub without stopping for a session.

 

Lost Lines #dreamdiary 117

I used to dabble in a spot of acting. There would be six of us that met once a week and do improvised exercises and occasionally we’d do a low-key show in a community hall. One year we decided to do a production like Miss Saigon and I’d be cast as a narrative character. I got given a script and we began read-through rehearsals. Then the pandemic came along and everything had to stop for the lockdown but it was agreed that we’d all commit to learning our lines. Then before I knew it, the lockdown had lifted and a performance date had been agreed without any further rehearsals, or at least I hadn’t been invited to any. I hadn’t learnt my lines and wondered if I’d been replaced. Then came opening night. I decided to attend anyway and expected a very small audience and that everyone would be carrying their scripts around on stage. In the confusion, I left mine at home. When I arrived, I discovered that it was to be a fully billed cast and my name was in the programme. I went backstage and discovered that although the cast wasn’t in period dress, they were wearing a mixture of brightly coloured T-shirts and blue jeans. There was no way that I could perform without help and began to look around for a familiar face but I couldn’t find anyone. Then the bell rang for curtain-up. Panicking, I ran into the audience and took a vacant seat as the lights dimmed. Perhaps I could feign sickness or a lost voice. The show began and some of the players were holding scripts as they trooped out onto the stage. The first opening lines were read then the cast went quiet as my cue approached. All around, expectant heads began to turn as they awaited my lines. All I could do was slink as low as I could in my seat. 

From Left to Right

This used to be a fantastic pub before it got discovered and got crowded every time I visited. On my friend’s birthday we once spent a whole afternoon working our way across the bar from one handpump to the other. The only time we left was at the halfway mark when we decided to pop out to get some grub then we were back to it. I was on first name terms with the manager and knew most of the staff. I used to know the cellarman well and once had a visit down to the cellar to see the barrels on their stillaging. Nowadays I don’t recognise the staff and it’s hard to get a conversation out of them. Instead, they spend their time on patrol at the bar awaiting the next order. But if I’m lucky I’ll bump into one of the regulars who’ll at least give me a glancing nod that they’ve seen me there before.

 

Twats Twitting

Thank God it’s not the other way around. But you have to wonder who these people are. We’re given a name which is meaningless and that he’s a brewer at a place that I’ve vaguely heard of. The name itself sounds like its part of a marketing tactic and that he’s just been let loose somewhere because of his supposed status. The opening shot is interesting enough but then the camera just pans to a bunch of mystery bags on shelves. He may as well have been at the sorting office. After that we see grain being stirred and our narrator holding a giant pen-like substance to his eye. It’s possibly some magnifying glass to inspect the grain, but do we learn why? Do we learn why he can’t use an ordinary magnifying glass? No. All we’re told is to buy his book. It’s hardly the grain to glass that was promised in his video. Fail.

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Parkway Giggle and Titter at the Wellington, Birmingham

This gem of a pub is a temple to beer, and if you’re lucky enough to find a seat, you’re in for a real treat. Sixteen beers occupy the bar’s ground floor which are displayed on a TV screen and you order by number. There’s window seating overlooking the high street and towards the rear of the pub is an open plan room containing more tables. The walls are lined with shelves and bar stools to get as many people seated as possible. There’s even a few seats at the bar, although these aren’t too comfortable in busy times as everyone’s leaning over you to try and place an order. Upstairs is a quieter room containing a smaller bar with eleven beers which are more local and regular to the pub. There’s even an outside upper terrace containing a smoking area. With all this choice there’s just no room for food unless there’s an event on, but you’re welcome to bring your own.

 

Deal or No Deal

It’s quite difficult to play a game that you can’t see. I decided to go for the full version and hoped that Noel didn’t take too long trying to get to know me or the other contestants. He didn’t. As expected, his responses were mechanically dull and hardly reflected a true situation. He just told it like it is with no hints or tips whatsoever. He even crashed on me twice, but luckily Alexa remembered my game. You’ve got no idea which monetary boxes are in play on the bored, or which numbered boxes have already been opened. If I hadn’t seen the TV show, I wouldn’t have a clue how to play. I did start the game quite unfortunate with my first box being the big one, but I got to round 4 and got an offer of £16,000 which I accepted and discovered that my original box was just 10p. I don’t think I’ll play again unless I’m going to build myself my own scoreboard and recruit twenty-one other people to play with me.  

Did it Get There?

With all these extra packages whizzing around at the moment, it’s a wonder that they’ll all get to their correct destination. From personal experience, there’s been very few that I’ve had to chase up, and most of them arrived on time or even a little earlier than expected which was a nice surprise. Once an order went back as I forgot I ordered it and one order got refunded even though I received the physical item. Another time the courier hadn’t received it and the tracking information was in limbo but the seller knew straight away where the error was and how to fix it. But this is the address that the delivery men hate; the property with no number. If it’s being delivered by a postman then it’s fine because they know the local area. But if it’s not, the driver can’t even guesstimate and ends up doing a drive-by of the whole road. And if you’re the sender, you can’t assume that they have received it when they complain unless they ask for proof of delivery.