We’re out on holiday. It’s the last day of the trip. Usually, we’d take our time checking out and stop off at some interesting places on the way back home. But the royals are doing a tour. They’re visiting a town and taking a drive into the country afterwards in a green customised Land Rover to visit a specific tree in a national park. And we’ve figured out which one it is. We wonder how close we can get without security or road closures hindering us. We make a picnic and spend the day camping out at the spot for a while before boredom sets in. We tune in to local news channels to listen to the hysteria to try and figure out when they’re leaving without any luck. We give up and decide to head for home. We pass a café where Prince William is sitting outside with his family accompanied by his mother’s handbag. He draws out two ping pong balls that were once kept in his mother’s cleavage.
Monday, 24 February 2025
Sunday, 16 February 2025
Newcastle United end 70-year wait for omestic trophy after beating Liverpool in Carabo Cup final
They’ve been waiting a long time. So long that everyone’s forgotten the tournament that the headline’s referring to. What was a Carabo? Was it a car made in the north? Perhaps it’s been renamed since then. The sponsor is a Thai energy drink. I doubt that people have been waiting seventy years for one of those, though if you look at the madness when Prime became an energy drink as well as a TV and delivery service, you can kind of see their logic. It sounds like one of those invented flavours that you’d hear about on a sitcom. We’ve certainly sold out. It’s a shame that we couldn’t get hold of an English sponsor. Perhaps there’s an ownership issue that makes sense to a billionaire somewhere or a foreigner that wants to be a part of our great pastime. But it’s good to see traditional football returning without all these foreign teams that no-one’s entirely sure where they’re from.
Saturday, 15 February 2025
The Monkey Roll #habberleytrail 7
Onto the next challenge: crossing the barrels. They’re a
mixture of foam and plastic but the plastic ones rotate. You’ve got the option
to crawl across the top of the pipe, or stand up and walk or run along if you’re
feeling brave enough. Although the barrels aren’t high up, the landscape that
they’re placed on is a ridge of the former golf course which creates a bit of
height. There’s a school gym-style crash mat placed below to help cushion the
blow of any accidents. I was also worried that the youngest niece was too small
to do some of these activities but she gave it a good go. The oldest one was
just tall enough to land a foot on the floor to prevent herself from toppling
over. There’s also an impressive view. Look south on the right day and you just
might see a steam railway in the distance.
Friday, 14 February 2025
Picking a Priest #empress 23
The monks started to increase their chanting. Faster and faster they chanted, while standing and kneeling repeatedly with their hands reaching from the air into the ground. The empress watched in fascination until the repetitiveness of it started to give her a headache.
‘All right, that’s enough of that’ she said. With a pinch of
two fingers, she lifted one of them up into the air. The chanting ceased
instantly. ‘Ah, that’s got your attention. Oh, you poor gentlemen. You’ve probably
spent your entire lives dedicated to this temple. It’s a shame that you haven’t
been able to do anything useful with your lives. Here, let me show you a real
woman'.
With that, she placed the priest directly into her cleavage.
Each one of her oversized breasts was plumper than the temple at this point. It
was amazing how she could anything of that size around. You had to admire the
royal seamstress’s work.
Thursday, 13 February 2025
Roll Over #habberleytrail 6
Wednesday, 12 February 2025
Why do British Pubs have such perculiar names? Is there a rule to naming them?
There’s no rule to naming them, though profanity must be avoided so as not to remain controversial. People generally like to refer to them as something of the history of the area. The pub itself is a landmark and helps as a reference for locals describing their area to others. Even the most modern ones like to refer to what was in the area originally. The most traditional names like to declare their alliance to the throne. I doubt that a lot of towns had red lions roaming around. A lot of other animal names are used. Occasionally, a name will be changed simply because the people who ran it previously gave it a bad reputation, or the new owners want a fresh start. Each pub may also have something characteristic inside to set itself from others like a well. Otherwise it would just be known as the pub. If I were to name a pub, I’d call it The Naughty Vicar.
Tuesday, 11 February 2025
Take a bow #habberleytrail 5
Monday, 10 February 2025
Bad Teacher
Where you when I needed you? Why weren’t you doing your job? Every time you were absent, I was getting upset and humiliated. I needed help and I couldn’t cope by myself. There was no-one there to help me. I even went looking for you. No-one tells me to conform or do what everyone else does. I just want the same respect and opportunities as everyone else. For some reason, everyone wants me to be different and unique. But I don’t expect special treatment. I wonder if everyone gets jealous of this. It’s a shame that I have to fight for my rights otherwise I’m going to get trodden on. I find it hard to seek out someone who will trust me and help me. When I am being given advice, I’m trying to decide whether I’m being told off and I should ignore what’s being put in front of me.
Sunday, 9 February 2025
Cowgirls #habberleytrail 4
The bull has been tamed. We didn’t need to grab it by the
horns. It just stayed where it was supposed to. Getting the girls to stay on
the buffalo and look at the camera at the same time was a completely different story.
They were too focused on holding on or falling off. I couldn’t stop laughing as
every time we placed them on one side, they slid off the other. This was still
at the tee-off stage of the trail, and we had a long of exploring still to do. I
wonder how long the lad on the left had been waiting and whether he had anyone
else with him to pull the rope for him. He probably feels as deflated as the
bull in the evenings. Sorry fella, I’ve got my hands full. I can’t have a pop
at you, but someone who turns up in high heels probably would.
Saturday, 8 February 2025
Credit Catastrophe #dreamdiary 194
I’ve just processed a credit application at work. It’s all gone a bit wrong. I’ve put the sale through without taking any of the customer’s details and I haven’t printed off any of the paperwork either. I’ve just cashed the sale out and the customer has just walked away. They are now expecting the goods to be delivered and they haven’t made any arrangements to pay for them. My boss is expecting the store to be one step closer to completing our weekly target and will be looking for the paperwork for it at the end of the week. And I’m wondering if the customer was a test and that I haven’t answered the questions correctly for an audit. I can reverse the sale and tell my boss that it was a home delivery rather than an application. But I’m still left with a feeling of dread that these questions will come back to haunt me.
Thursday, 6 February 2025
Do you like my Christmas Tree?
I wonder if this is going to be a similar response as the ‘Christmas Jumper’ question. Should I get ready for an onslaught of insults? Or will it do the opposite and recognise my hard work of untangling strings of lights and knot-tying skills? The first response sounds as if I’ve only put it together and haven’t added anything to it at all. Maybe you can never have a tree that’s too decorated. I’ve got to add some more tinsel. I wonder how many of these phrases does she have before it get repetitive? They are a bit boring though, and it does feel strange asking this in March when there’s no tree to be seen. And I could be referring to something completely different as well. It’s enough to turn you on. The response is different every time. She tries to please but she’s never satisfied herself. I wonder what I’m being compared to?
Wednesday, 5 February 2025
Rodeo Time #habberley 3
Tuesday, 4 February 2025
“If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it - then I can achieve it.”
It’s a good motto to live by. If you can think of an idea or action that you want to do, then you should go ahead and seek out a way to achieve it. Think, believe, do. It’s so simple. It might not be a path of righteousness, but at least you’ll achieve what you desire, even though others might want to stop you if they think that your actions are unjust. Hopefully you can conceive them stopping you and still find a way to reach your goal. Unfortunately, your heart is a physical animated object. It has no mind of its own, so getting it to believe in something is going to be difficult. You’ve got to learn and love the process of getting what you want and put the effort in to do it. You’ve got to make sure that no one is going to throw hurdles to stop you.
Monday, 3 February 2025
Basketball Bounce #habberley 2
Sunday, 2 February 2025
Dial a Bus
Who ya gonna call? Well, when you’re a bit confused about the timetables or you think your bus is cancelled then you can ring these guys for help, especially if you can’t get online. But if you can get online, then they’ll probably tell you the same thing that you can read off the screen. You might think that they’ll be able to give you some extra information like the bus has broken down, or you’ll have to wait for the next one while they replace the driver. But you’ll be lucky if you can get through someone who can pronounce the town’s name correctly. And if you ring at night, you may as well ask them for a taxi firm number. It might not be the result that you want, and you might not even get through to anyone, but you still have to pay them for using the line.