Chasing Royalty #dreamdiary 195

We’re out on holiday. It’s the last day of the trip. Usually, we’d take our time checking out and stop off at some interesting places on the way back home. But the royals are doing a tour. They’re visiting a town and taking a drive into the country afterwards in a green customised Land Rover to visit a specific tree in a national park. And we’ve figured out which one it is. We wonder how close we can get without security or road closures hindering us. We make a picnic and spend the day camping out at the spot for a while before boredom sets in. We tune in to local news channels to listen to the hysteria to try and figure out when they’re leaving without any luck. We give up and decide to head for home. We pass a café where Prince William is sitting outside with his family accompanied by his mother’s handbag. He draws out two ping pong balls that were once kept in his mother’s cleavage.

Newcastle United end 70-year wait for omestic trophy after beating Liverpool in Carabo Cup final

They’ve been waiting a long time. So long that everyone’s forgotten the tournament that the headline’s referring to. What was a Carabo? Was it a car made in the north? Perhaps it’s been renamed since then. The sponsor is a Thai energy drink. I doubt that people have been waiting seventy years for one of those, though if you look at the madness when Prime became an energy drink as well as a TV and delivery service, you can kind of see their logic. It sounds like one of those invented flavours that you’d hear about on a sitcom. We’ve certainly sold out. It’s a shame that we couldn’t get hold of an English sponsor. Perhaps there’s an ownership issue that makes sense to a billionaire somewhere or a foreigner that wants to be a part of our great pastime. But it’s good to see traditional football returning without all these foreign teams that no-one’s entirely sure where they’re from.

The Monkey Roll #habberleytrail 7

Onto the next challenge: crossing the barrels. They’re a mixture of foam and plastic but the plastic ones rotate. You’ve got the option to crawl across the top of the pipe, or stand up and walk or run along if you’re feeling brave enough. Although the barrels aren’t high up, the landscape that they’re placed on is a ridge of the former golf course which creates a bit of height. There’s a school gym-style crash mat placed below to help cushion the blow of any accidents. I was also worried that the youngest niece was too small to do some of these activities but she gave it a good go. The oldest one was just tall enough to land a foot on the floor to prevent herself from toppling over. There’s also an impressive view. Look south on the right day and you just might see a steam railway in the distance.

 

Picking a Priest #empress 23

The monks started to increase their chanting. Faster and faster they chanted, while standing and kneeling repeatedly with their hands reaching from the air into the ground. The empress watched in fascination until the repetitiveness of it started to give her a headache.

‘All right, that’s enough of that’ she said. With a pinch of two fingers, she lifted one of them up into the air. The chanting ceased instantly. ‘Ah, that’s got your attention. Oh, you poor gentlemen. You’ve probably spent your entire lives dedicated to this temple. It’s a shame that you haven’t been able to do anything useful with your lives. Here, let me show you a real woman'.

With that, she placed the priest directly into her cleavage. Each one of her oversized breasts was plumper than the temple at this point. It was amazing how she could anything of that size around. You had to admire the royal seamstress’s work.

Roll Over #habberleytrail 6

It’s amazing how many people cheer you on to complete a task. It’s mostly for their own reasons so that you can stop being a barrier to their progression. It usually means that they can have a go or that they don’t have to be polite and listen to you anymore. They don’t like to be kept waiting, especially if they’re waiting for someone to go and fetch more drinks. But they do like to be entertained. If you can keep a crowd, they’ll be happy to listen to anything you say. It’s easier for them to just watch you. They might even do your bidding as well They’ll certainly think and discuss it. The sky will turn blue and everything will seem more attractive as you process this new wisdom. Or you could just be appreciating the world and the fact that you don’t have to listen to that voice anymore.

Why do British Pubs have such perculiar names? Is there a rule to naming them?

There’s no rule to naming them, though profanity must be avoided so as not to remain controversial. People generally like to refer to them as something of the history of the area. The pub itself is a landmark and helps as a reference for locals describing their area to others. Even the most modern ones like to refer to what was in the area originally. The most traditional names like to declare their alliance to the throne. I doubt that a lot of towns had red lions roaming around. A lot of other animal names are used. Occasionally, a name will be changed simply because the people who ran it previously gave it a bad reputation, or the new owners want a fresh start. Each pub may also have something characteristic inside to set itself from others like a well. Otherwise it would just be known as the pub. If I were to name a pub, I’d call it The Naughty Vicar.

Take a bow #habberleytrail 5

You’ve worked very hard to entertain all these children. No doubt a few grown-ups decided to have a go when no-one thought they were watching as well. I love your moustache. It just gives you so much attitude. You’ve had to submit many a time for a pose when all you really want to do is vault everyone over and gallop off into the distance. You could float away if you weren’t tied down. You’d probably knock over little ones and send pushchairs wheeling off down the hill in the process. You could even have someone’s eye out with your horns. Oh, the chaos. I wonder how detachable you are from your mount? At least if you charge towards any buildings, you’re not going to do any damage because you’re too big to fit through the door. But if you were to hit any power lines, that could make things very interesting.

Bad Teacher

Where you when I needed you? Why weren’t you doing your job? Every time you were absent, I was getting upset and humiliated. I needed help and I couldn’t cope by myself. There was no-one there to help me. I even went looking for you. No-one tells me to conform or do what everyone else does. I just want the same respect and opportunities as everyone else. For some reason, everyone wants me to be different and unique. But I don’t expect special treatment. I wonder if everyone gets jealous of this. It’s a shame that I have to fight for my rights otherwise I’m going to get trodden on. I find it hard to seek out someone who will trust me and help me. When I am being given advice, I’m trying to decide whether I’m being told off and I should ignore what’s being put in front of me.

Cowgirls #habberleytrail 4

The bull has been tamed. We didn’t need to grab it by the horns. It just stayed where it was supposed to. Getting the girls to stay on the buffalo and look at the camera at the same time was a completely different story. They were too focused on holding on or falling off. I couldn’t stop laughing as every time we placed them on one side, they slid off the other. This was still at the tee-off stage of the trail, and we had a long of exploring still to do. I wonder how long the lad on the left had been waiting and whether he had anyone else with him to pull the rope for him. He probably feels as deflated as the bull in the evenings. Sorry fella, I’ve got my hands full. I can’t have a pop at you, but someone who turns up in high heels probably would.

Credit Catastrophe #dreamdiary 194

I’ve just processed a credit application at work. It’s all gone a bit wrong. I’ve put the sale through without taking any of the customer’s details and I haven’t printed off any of the paperwork either. I’ve just cashed the sale out and the customer has just walked away. They are now expecting the goods to be delivered and they haven’t made any arrangements to pay for them. My boss is expecting the store to be one step closer to completing our weekly target and will be looking for the paperwork for it at the end of the week. And I’m wondering if the customer was a test and that I haven’t answered the questions correctly for an audit. I can reverse the sale and tell my boss that it was a home delivery rather than an application. But I’m still left with a feeling of dread that these questions will come back to haunt me.

Do you like my Christmas Tree?

I wonder if this is going to be a similar response as the ‘Christmas Jumper’ question. Should I get ready for an onslaught of insults? Or will it do the opposite and recognise my hard work of untangling strings of lights and knot-tying skills? The first response sounds as if I’ve only put it together and haven’t added anything to it at all. Maybe you can never have a tree that’s too decorated. I’ve got to add some more tinsel. I wonder how many of these phrases does she have before it get repetitive? They are a bit boring though, and it does feel strange asking this in March when there’s no tree to be seen. And I could be referring to something completely different as well. It’s enough to turn you on. The response is different every time. She tries to please but she’s never satisfied herself. I wonder what I’m being compared to?

Rodeo Time #habberley 3

This was great to fun to play with the girls once they were on. A bit of lifting and placing was required after some very determined bouncing and jumping. Rather than have a complete stranger operate a joystick, family members can take the reins and pull the buffalo as little or as hard as they like to either give the rider a pleasant journey or a buckaroo! Little ones can also return the favour once they’ve been shaken off. You could really do with somewhere to take your shoes off that doesn’t leave your feet wet and won’t get in the way of other people’s bouncing. It could also be very slippery when wet, or even sweaty if it’s not wet. I suppose to just have to grab it by the horn and take your chances. Hopefully no one’s going to get injured, though I think there’s a disclaimer on admission.

“If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it - then I can achieve it.”

It’s a good motto to live by. If you can think of an idea or action that you want to do, then you should go ahead and seek out a way to achieve it. Think, believe, do. It’s so simple. It might not be a path of righteousness, but at least you’ll achieve what you desire, even though others might want to stop you if they think that your actions are unjust. Hopefully you can conceive them stopping you and still find a way to reach your goal. Unfortunately, your heart is a physical animated object. It has no mind of its own, so getting it to believe in something is going to be difficult. You’ve got to learn and love the process of getting what you want and put the effort in to do it. You’ve got to make sure that no one is going to throw hurdles to stop you.

Basketball Bounce #habberley 2

This top section which hosts the café is also where the power is, but there’s so much to play with that’s electric-free! As we’d booked a slot before the busy rush, we were able to get on the fun things quite quickly before queues started to form. The first thing that we climbed onto was a giant netted trampoline. After pressing a button, balls shot out in all directions and we had to throw them back into a net at the centre. The balls rolled into a tube underneath the trampoline ready to be fired out again. The engineering of it was simple yet majestic as it worked. We had a good minute on this, then there was a debate as to whether to have another go or let the next group take part. As it wasn’t marshalled, I wonder if complaints ever broke out? I don’t think we were spotted.

Dial a Bus

Who ya gonna call? Well, when you’re a bit confused about the timetables or you think your bus is cancelled then you can ring these guys for help, especially if you can’t get online. But if you can get online, then they’ll probably tell you the same thing that you can read off the screen. You might think that they’ll be able to give you some extra information like the bus has broken down, or you’ll have to wait for the next one while they replace the driver. But you’ll be lucky if you can get through someone who can pronounce the town’s name correctly. And if you ring at night, you may as well ask them for a taxi firm number. It might not be the result that you want, and you might not even get through to anyone, but you still have to pay them for using the line.

On the Trail #habberley 1

My boss recommended that we take the girls here on the basis that she hears loads of kids running about having fun from her house, and it didn’t disappoint. It used to be a golf course, and you can tell by the landscape which still has the occasional flat area where the holes used to be. Now it’s an activity trail for families to explore, with games and obstacles scattered around the course. On arrival, you park on a steep hill then climb the top to the gate where your entrance ticket is scanned. You’re then in the park with just you and your party and whoever’s out there. In this first activity, we have to use the two rails to get the ball into the cup by controlling the distance between them. We can control both the horizontal and vertical axis. It’s a balancing act that requires patience and concentration.