When I'm 64

…I hope I don’t end up under the bridge. It’s cold and it doesn’t offer much shelter apart from when it rains. Some of it could do with retiling. Perhaps that’s our job. Or maybe the tiled part that’s under the right-hand side opens to reveal a door that stretches into the ground and lets us live in the walls. We’re just locked out at the moment. It’s quite narrow underneath and there’s not much room to let others pass through. It’ll also let in a lot of wind. So we’ve just popped out for a bit of sunshine. We also might be defending our territory. Right below our feet are the beginnings of a hole. Perhaps this is where our bathroom is that you’ve just stepped into. Even the dog on the narrowboat has had to turn his head away in shame. Perhaps the coxswain has come to deliver us some supplies or throw us a few rolls.

Mitchell and Web Are Not Helping

This was just drivel. This comedic duo have certainly aged, and not for the better. They’re joined by an actor who’s got recognition from starring in another sitcom, and an annoying American who certainly doesn’t help the ensemble. There were some great environments which could have created some great characters, but following these was an insight into their writer's room where the jokes had to be explained and who they wanted to mock while constantly arguing if they were too unpolitical. I just could not see the point of the Australian farm sketch. It was as if someone challenged them to see how many times they could swear in a segment. Some situations were just too realistic for anyone to see the funny side of it like the airport screening team or the company trying to withdraw its sales because they don’t want their products to be associated with a certain type of person. In the words of a previous sketch, it’s miss, miss, miss, miss, miss.

Bridge over the Grand Union

This is a bit of a crap bridge shot pose. These people are lost without me. I’m usually posed as if I’m firing off a weapon for my bridge shot but these people just don’t have a clue. They’re usually amazed when I plan a circular route when we arrive back where we’ve started. It’s very rare that they recognise an area that we’ve passed through before either on a figure-of-eight route or through somewhere that we’ve passed through previously. They male have worked out which canal that they’re on but they have no idea how it links up to the rest of the walk. They’ll blindly follow me anywhere and trust that I know where I’m going without doing any research themselves. Either that or they’ve convinced themselves that they’re the Village People and they’re on their way to get themselves clean and have a good meal, but they are in some manner.

"Don't wait. The time will never be just right."

-Napolean Hill.

There’s the perfect moment, the most opportune moment to take advantage of something , and there’s the moment that you’ve missed and you know that you’re not going to get a better one. If you wait, you’re just being too polite. You need to make your presence known, even if you have to interrupt someone. You have to make them see that spending time with you is more beneficial. It’s hard to know when that perfect moment is, so sometimes you just have to go for it and hope for the best. The other person might think that you’re a bit rude for intruding though. You might not get what you want after all. How are you going to know? What works for one person may not work for another, not matter how far away they are. You will never have our unique moment when all the attention is on you.

Getting a Good Deal

One thing that we always want to be sure of is if we’re getting the best deal. But it’s better if we seek it out rather than be put on the spot via the phone. It’s often that you’re unsure if the person that’s calling you is genuine anyway. You don’t want to  hand over your details to a scammer. I’m told that Carl is calling. He doesn’t sound like he’s a Carl. Maybe he’s renamed himself to make things easier. If you call him back, no-one’s going to know who you’ve dealt with. And your money’s gone with no trace. At least a real caller would already have all your details on file. They’d probably have to confirm all your details first to make sure that they’re dealing with the right person. But then a scammer could ask for those details then run off with them and open a line of credit in your name. Sigh…

Enter the Shadows

They’re creeping in. It must be the time of the year when the sun isn’t as high as it usually is, and shadows tend to  be longer. Tall objects like houses and trees have more power to create the dark. It could also come from the railings on the bridge, or someone standing on the bridge itself. There might even be a high vehicle passing by. Then there’s something creeping up the wall in the corner. Could that be the shadow of the fingers? Could it be an animal on the other side of the road who’s stuck its head over the fence to check out the townies arriving at the pub? Or could it be a mouse-like creature that’s been trapped within the walls of the pub and it gets stronger as the light begins to fade? Is that a connection to an outdoor outlet or is its tail beginning to form on the next wall?

Do people actually get on the wrong flight when travelling?

I don’t think it can be done. The amount of checks that are carried out nowadays together with electronic boarding passes means that people should be denied entry to the flight at the gate. I suppose that if the electronic check should fail there might be a possibility of the wrong person being let through, but that would be quite rare. There’s probably exceptions for people with missed connections and they have to take a transfer on a different flight, but they’d probably follow the same boarding process. There’s also the possibility of human error where the scanner is too sensitive and what should have been flagged as an error doesn’t record a boarding. I did make a dash for a gate once as I heard it was the final boarding call, only to realise upon reaching the queue that it was the same destination but a different flight. But that was the closest I’ve been to boarding the wrong plane.